coming out to my friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2007 4:43 PM GMT
    although i'm perfectly open about me being gay online, only a few of my friends know...i really love a guy with muscle, and am definetely attracted to some of you here, but it's like a completely different world OFFline.
    ...what should i do?
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    Feb 17, 2007 12:11 AM GMT
    id say just be yourself and stay true to it.

    but also dont let opportunities pass you by, and always be open to new experiences. you never know who youll meet.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Feb 17, 2007 1:40 AM GMT
    what should you do about what? I am not really sure what you are asking...

    Are you not attracted to the people offline you see in the "real world"? It just may be that your gay circle is small as you seem to not be very out...or maybe the places you go, the gays in your community don' you can see people log into this site from all over...I am sure there are muscle guys in your just are fishing in the wrong pond...

    If you can clarify your question, we might be able to more specifically address what you need...

    - David
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    Feb 17, 2007 2:35 AM GMT
    I am all for being yourself. Just because you come out to friends or family doesn't mean you have to change who you are.
    I think that changing is a disservice to yourself.

    I am out to some friends that it matters to be out to. I don' think that just because you are gay doesn't mean you have to go tell everyone right away. That would be idiotic.

    Take your time coming out.
    if you feel a sense of honest to goodness Fear telling someone then they aren't worth telling now are they.
    Please just dont mistake fear for uncomfort.
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    Feb 17, 2007 7:36 AM GMT
    its not as hard as it seems. At least for me it wasn't for me, when I came out, the act of saying it was but then it didnt matter, and i dont think i lost any of my best friends. Like im sure youve heard a thousand times, your true friends accpet you for you.
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    Feb 20, 2007 10:27 AM GMT
    there's got to be like little note cards that you can send out to people that say something along the lines of, "I'm gay," or ,"Closets are for Prada, not me."

    It sounds like your question is about coming out. I collect these stories, and there are all sorts.

    You can have a safety net if you want (real people who love and accept you). Sometimes the greatest fear is inside, we make it for ourselves. It might help to imagine the worst case scenario and then realize how possible it may be and if it is really that bad.

    Just an idea, but don't listen to me, I think Halloween should be a world holiday and anyone who is not Latin and gay should not be allowed to decorate.
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    Feb 20, 2007 10:30 AM GMT
    Okay I just read your profile and realized you are 21. You'll be fine (except that you live in Virginia (jk)). You'll have a great life, and figuring this shit out is part of the rich fun of it all. Kudos!!!
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    Feb 28, 2007 8:50 PM GMT
    I believe in taking advice from men with awesome pecs, and Dreamer has the most awesome pecs I know.

  • Mar 03, 2007 8:42 AM GMT
    Maddapollo, I laughed out loud when I read your first post~they should have those cards. As for coming out, I did it really late (over the past 2-3 years). After I started doing it, the supportive responses I received made me wonder why I hadn't done it so much sooner. Don't waste your time being in a closet and hiding because every day in the closet is another day that your friends and family don't have the opportunity to know the real you. I realise I should have given my family and friends more credit and to think they wouldn't love me or support me was truly an insult to them. By the way, after I came out to one or two of my friends,it becomes SOOOOO much easier and more matter-of-fact. Anyway, I hope you make the right choice for yourself
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    Mar 03, 2007 6:46 PM GMT
    My rule is, no matter how much my gaydar beeps at someone, I support them coming out in their own good time.

    That said, when people I know do come out, most are met with a chorus of voices saying, "yeah, and so?"

    Only you can determine the best time for you, but my experience and observation seem to suggest that the less time you spend hiding something fundamental to your being, the less fearful you are responding spontaneously to the world around you.

    At age 29, I was out to some few friends and no family when I moved in with a boyfriend. I decided it was kind of ridiculous at that point to be only partially out, so I did as madapollo suggested: I sent out New Years cards that listed my new address and blithely mentioned that my partner and I were doing great.
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    Apr 17, 2007 5:23 AM GMT
    musclehunk69, you're mentally ill, and need to join your real space life with your cyberspace life. From the way you tell it, cyberspace is like fantasy land to you. That's not the way it should be.

    You have to consider, in reality, whether people really give a flying rat's behind about your sexuality. Honestly, with 6.5 BILLION folks in the world, I'd venture that you're giving yourself to much credit. Most people could give even a tiny bit about your sexuality, and...whether you believe it, or not, those close to you already know your sexuality by observation. Likely, you're in denial.

    Once your become honest with yourself and come to like yourself, you'll find everything else falling into line. It's not healthly to lead a disjointed life (I've never done that, but, know so many that do.). You'll be much happier when you can lead your life with integrity and proud, instead of deceit and self-loathing.

    Finally, if someone doesn't like you because of your sexuality, get them out of your life. With 6.6 BILLION folks in the world, there's absolutely no sense in surrounding yourself with assholes. Yes, it really is that simple.

    When should you do it? Today, of course.