RuninthecityWhich raises the essential question at work here: Why is manly superior to effeminate? The misogynistic presumption of the superiority of gender expression of a masculine nature is never questioned enough in these situations. Why is the effeminate 'bad'? What is the fear?
That's part of the cultural narrative at work here, but it's not so simple for parents who want to protect their kids from the brutal prejudice they are almost certainly going to encounter when they emerge from childhood. Further, it's not like being part of a racial minority, or even the gay minority, whose members can support one another. Trans kids have a much more difficult time finding support from contemporaries.
I've worked with two families with obviously trans boys, both under 10. Of course, my approach is totally the second therapist's approach. Frankly, it shocks me that people are still trying to recondition gender on what is basically the old psychoanalytical model. As JSTTennnis observed, it is obvious that the first kid is doing his best to conceal his nature just to please his parents.
It makes a huge difference in the psychological health of a kid if he feels totally accepted by his family. (I showed the families the film "Ma Vie en Rose." It's helpful in making this clear.) If a kid has that, the bigotry he encounters in the world is a lot easier to handle.
Most of the work I did with the two kids I saw was with their families, not with the kids themselves, since they had yet to encounter the cruelty likely coming their way. I have also worked with another trans kid, 12, whose mother and sister completely supported him and he's learned what he has to do to protect himself. The kid must never be held accountable for the world's disapproval but eventually he's got to learn how to deal with it.
I loved working with these kids, especially the youngest, because they were completely earnest. I took them shopping and they made a beeline for the girls' department. I might add that in one case this had nothing to do with the usual gender-based stereotypes: he played sports as well as played with dolls. Their usurpation of gender and complete innocence about it was very moving to watch.
