Does curiousity kill the cat?

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    May 14, 2008 7:57 PM GMT
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    May 14, 2008 8:31 PM GMT
    I can relate...i went through the same thing b4 i had my first sexual encounter wiht a guy. Always fantasized about it, was curious about it, but was in a relationship so i couldn't do much about it either. Also was freaked out about the whole experience because it did seem out of my comfort zone. The relationship ended and the opportunity presented itself and i decided to try it and see what happens. The first time was wierd to say the least...i felt like i wasn't in control and i didn't feel in my comfort zone (mostly because i had ABSOLUTELY no idea what i was doing or what to expenct)....then i decided to try again...but this time i set a few groundrules for myself and decided to be more in control of the situation (sexually at least) and try things slowly. It worked and i'm actually VERY greatful that i acted on my curiosity else i'd have missed out on MANY great and interesting experiences.

    My adivice is to know your limitations, communicat the, wiht the other party and MAKE SURE NO ONE'S GETTING HURT/CHEATED ON
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    May 15, 2008 1:11 AM GMT
    In my opinion, it's perfectly natural for anyone to have fantasies about their "non-preferred" sex. Kudos to you for being a straight male and actually admiting it.

    Now on to your question, I myself went through kind of the mirror situation...always knew I was gay, but curious about women, lol. I did eventually scratch that itch, and it was...nice. Not enough to make me switch teams, but it was nice.

    What makes your situation tricky is obviously that you're in a relationship. A relationship that is as great as you say is definitely not worth sacrificing over a fantasy. I'd concentrate more on keeping your relationship, but if it becomes more and more of a burden, this fantasy I mean, you may want to consider talking with your girl about it...could just be you need to get the feelings out in the open, and not online.

    Just my advice, hope this helps and that I didn't confuse you, lol.
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    May 15, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    I can't exactly relate in terms of feeling that way about women or men. I was pretty sure I was into men. The thing I can relate to is being out of your comfort zone. I was over 20 before I went on my first date, and I was really nervous during the date, and even more nervous when I ended up on a coach with my date and thought we were going to make out. I was so nervous that I wasn't turned on in the least, and it had zero to do with the guy. It took a few dates of just making out before I felt comfortable enough for my body to react appropriately.

    In terms of if you end up in a situation with a guy, I would recommend what everyone else said. Basically just communicate and make yourself comfortable.

    In terms of your current relationship, it might be worth talking to your girl about it. It probably depends on how you bring it up. I feel reasonably confident with my partner, enough to share some of my fantasies with him, even if I know that I will never act on them. So if you tell her about it, but make it clear that you'd never act on anything unless she was comfortable with it, she might not feel threatened. You know her better than us though, so I'm sure you can guess how she'd feel.

    I guess you have the following options:
    1) talk to her about it and take it from there.
    2) cheat on her with a guy.
    3) leave her.
    4) never act on it.

    I'd say that if you're going to leave her, then you might as well talk to her first; nothing to lose then. I'd also say that if you're going to cheat on her, it would be better to talk to her about it, but that's just how I would do it.

    Another way to explore this that may make you feel more in control would to hire a prostitute. If you're not going to talk to your girl about it, I would actually say that's the safest way to go (although I would advise only exploring std free activities, if there are any).

    Anyways, sorry for the novel. Hope this has helped.
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    May 15, 2008 4:30 AM GMT
    I think every peson at some point and time in there life wonders what certain things would be like. That is perfectly natural and it doens't make you a bad person or whatever.

    i can say that as a gay man I have found myself somewhat turned on by certain women just because they were smoking hot. I can certainly appreciate a hot body for all that it is worth. it doesn't mean that I'd sleep with a woman but merely being tunred or attracted to them isn't a crime.

    In your case it's the same thing I imagine. I'm sure you have probably pondered on whether or not guys do certain things better then ladies. Again perfectly natural since it's just a thought and as long as that thought doesn't bear fruit then you can be safe in your straighthood.

    Kudos for manning up and keep it real.
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    May 15, 2008 4:39 AM GMT
    HTA49 said..... Not all fantasies have to become reality.

    This quote, and the question you ask in your header, suggest a concern of opening a Pandora's box, or crossing a thresh hold, from which you may be unable to return.
    I think this conflict is normal, and happens to many males.

    Perhaps you should consider yourself fortunate for being able to enjoy an intimate relationship with a woman. I've never been with one.

    The fact that you have a good relationship with a woman, that you don't want to mess up, may be a good thing, rather than a hindrance.
    However, your life may intersect with a man who you develope a powerful attraction to. You may not have too much of a choice then.

    HTA49 said: My attraction level seems to wane when opportunity gets too close.
    Perhaps that is stark reality, bitch-slapping the fantasy away.

    In the end, whether or not you take a bite out of the apple is up to you.

  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    May 15, 2008 6:54 AM GMT

    I don't know if curiosity kills the cat...but it sure did a number on this here squirrel! icon_eek.gif


    - David

    [OK...OK...kinda poor taste, but I'm feeling feisty]
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    May 15, 2008 7:20 AM GMT
    Maybe its just the curiosity and allure of forbidden fruit.

    You say you are in a relationship (though you don't say for how long). I think it would be immoral of you to pursue a MM relationship while you are in a committed monogamous relationship with someone else, but...

    If you do have questions, and are not legally or religiously married yet; the I submit that you should probably seek counseling to help you resolve those issues before entering into a permanent relationship with someone.
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    May 16, 2008 3:37 AM GMT
    Hey HTA,

    I think it's cool that you're on this site. Sex and gender are such a gradient. Heck, you look fit and you're into men - yeah, I'd say, Welcome to RJ!

    You're in a relationship with a woman and you want to continue it for a long time (your words).

    You also want to play outside the relationship.

    That's probably the FIRST thing to resolve with her.

    If she's cool with that, then the fact that it's a man or a woman should be irrelevant. Now, I'm not saying that SHE'LL think it's irrelevant, just that you've already "opened" the relationship. Now the question is, "what are you opening it up TO?" Men, women, couples?

    My girlfriend and I talked about my feelings towards men and she was very understanding. She also asked me to "break up with me before you come home with a man." We broke up about two weeks later and it has been 11 years since I've been with a woman.

    I still like them, I just prefer men more often.

    I have seen all kinds of relationships that work. I know guys that are happily married to wives but who have gay male playmates. And (bi) couples who play together. It's a lot more brutal when you find guys who can't be honest with their wife about playing outside the relationship. To me, that's an integrity issue.

    You have a couple of things to think about. What's your stance on integrity? Would you cheat on your woman with another woman? If not, then a man is no different.

    Would she let you sleep with another woman? A man should be no different.

    Just don't fall into the trap of "if it's with a guy, it doesn't count as cheating." That's just self-delusional bullshit that will hurt all parties involved.

    I hope you figure your answers out. Good luck! Let us know how it goes. And hope to see you around.

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    May 16, 2008 3:42 AM GMT
    I would have to see a pic of you in a pair of tight briefs to advise on this first.

    Ok...ok...this reply isnt serious. I never had this problem ....and who knows, maybe he will fall for it ...and he looks like that would be a fine pic! ... icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 16, 2008 7:34 AM GMT
    When I came out to some online friends, we got into discussion about the Kinsey scale. When asked, almost all of my straight friends admitted to fantasizing about other men sexually at least once. So yeah, it perfectly natural. I've always fantasized about men since as far back as I can remember though it took me until twelve to start suspecting that that meant I was gay, and most of my teens to accept that fact. Though I'm 99.9% homosexual, there are certain women that can still turn me on, though I don't really fantasize about them alone. LOL But yeah, bisexual fantasies sometimes come up. Heh

    I'm not really in a position to advise about your relationship since I'm still a virgin. LOL But here are my thoughts anyway:

    I have to agree with nysexy. Make sure no one gets hurt/cheated on.

    If you really HAVE to do it, then... I dunno. You need to be honest with your girlfriend about it. But again that depends on her personality as well. You must be willing to risk the chance that telling her MIGHT mean the end of the relationship.

    So yeah, you're situation's a bit tangled. There's no easy way out of it that I can see. Either you're simply straight bicurious or you might probably be really bisexual leaning female. There's NOTHING wrong with both. Sexual attraction can't be neatly pigeonholed anyway. You just got to understand that unless you and your gf are open to polyamory (the fabled menage a trois), you CAN'T HAVE BOTH AT THE SAME TIME without hurting anyone.

    If you can control it, keep it at a fantasy level and treat it like a fetish that you j/o to but would never act on in real life.

    If you can't, start thinking about what you really want and what you have now and if you're willing to risk that.
  • 2thTEE

    Posts: 637

    May 16, 2008 8:16 AM GMT
    dfrourke said
    I don't know if curiosity kills the cat...but it sure did a number on this here squirrel! icon_eek.gif


    - David

    [OK...OK...kinda poor taste, but I'm feeling feisty]


    About 5 years ago, I had accidently driven over a ground squirrel. This brings back memories.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 16, 2008 10:48 AM GMT
    Normally I'd say

    what the hell you waiting for?
    but you're in a relationship
    If you want to experiment you need first to get out of the relationship with her
    It's not only not fair to her that you'd be having sex behind her back but it's not fair to you because if this turns out to be something you'd like to pursue where does that leave you?