online dating... is this the only way to meet decent guys anymore?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 13, 2007 3:43 PM GMT
    i like going out and meeting new poeple but the same crowds tend to frequen the being out'n about scene whether its gay or straight. i have had better luck online but feel there is no "real" connection considering we dont even know each other. is there a chance to meet great guys w/o being online?
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    Jul 13, 2007 10:20 PM GMT
    Most of the people I have dated, I met online. Had a really great 2 1/2 year relationship with one, and I'm only 23. Have some really good friends I met online as well.

    I worked at a gay bar in Dallas for a couple of months, and in that scene, I met no one I would date. However, I think it is more the city than anything, plus, I had a boyfriend at the time, which probably skewed my perspective.

    I live in Austin now, and the gay scene isn't defined by bars, as there are like 2 that are consistantly busy, but even on big Saturday nights they are rarely packed like a Dallas bar. However, this is a crazy queer energized city, it's just the fags would rather go camping or hang out at the lake or go kayaking. I haven't been here long, or single for very long to really put myself out there, but I'm sure I could meet my type of guy by just going out and doing things that I like here: Hangin out at the springs, walkin to the bookstore, the gym I go to is more friendly than cruisy, or just goin out to eat.

    Also, when I meet people online, I tend to not chat or email much. I like to meet them right away and get to know them in person, rather than already knowing everything about them. Getting to know each other is an experience that is important to share with another person, not to be text messaged and then have nothing to talk about or experience to attach with who they are.

    It's a good question, and in conclusion, I think it's possible to meet good guys doing whatever you want. Where you are is important, but not a death sentence if you are in a regressive part of the world. Online is just a quality control filter, and is aided by the fact that it is 24/7.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2613

    Jul 14, 2007 12:00 AM GMT
    I live in a pretty rural county where there`s not many people,never mind gay guys,on the ground;no gay bars or clubs close by,so it`s either private word-of-mouth,or online.Either way,I`ve met good and bad,no real differencs.The "connection" factor can be a problem sometimes,but it`s up to you to build up the relationship.The internet is ultimate convienence meeting place,always open,no end of choices,etc.As long as you get it`s drawbacks,you can find a good guy(as I`ve done!)
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    Jul 14, 2007 4:00 PM GMT
    I like this forum and was thinking of asking others the same question. I've made half hearted attempts to meet guys on line for over ten years now. My conclusion is that it is more pathetic then the bars and believe me I'm not into bars. I find chatting to be dull. I'd rather exchange philosophical ideas in an email. I find guys lie about the age among other things, I can’t blame them, after a certain age a large majority wrights them off before they have met them. I have fallen off that cliff but absolutely refuse to lie about my age.

    Photos don't help much. I suppose I could tell in some cases if I'm not interested in someone by their photos but I can't tell if I'm attracted to someone until I've met them in person not matter how great they look in a photo.

    I have a lot of luck meeting guys when I travel. The bars and internet are nearly impossible but I can meet guys almost anywhere else. My age is helps me because I have become more confident with experience both at what I like and knowing if someone likes me. On the internet I feel timid because I have no idea what the person on the other end is like. In the real world I'm very assertive and can read people easily. I meet a lot of straight guys this way but every now and then I find one of those guys is not so straight.

    Locally it is a challenge for me. I only seem to meet straight guys. The gym seems to be my only option but most guys don’t go to the gym looking for a date. I did make a good straight friend at the gym who I hang with regularly. I’ve also talk to a few friendly gay men now and then but none that I’ve met outside the gym.

    The truth is the internet should be a means of bringing people with similar interests together. The problem is everyone is search for the ultimate sexual fantasy and not someone with whom they could have something in common.
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    Jul 15, 2007 12:33 AM GMT
    It's not the only way- just one of a multitude of ways. My last relationship was freakin' amazing and we met online, so it is possible. The only issue I have with online dating is the creation of expectations. An online personality is not the same as flesh and blood, and it's easier for someone to edit themselves to fit their idea of what you want.

    If you do meet someone online, then take it to a physical meeting if you're actually interested in pursuing a dating connection. That will prevent a lot of character crafting and miscommunication.

    As for myself, I'm open to all ways of meeting people. I'm new in town, so it's been a fun challenge trying to rack up some activity partners. Hence my profile here.


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    Jul 15, 2007 3:38 PM GMT
    friendormate> The problem is everyone is search for the ultimate sexual fantasy and not someone with whom they could have something in common.

    I think that problem permeates not just on-line forums but also the bar scene.

    An old story from the wise men of Chelm: a man was walking home when he saw a friend looking for something. The friend explained he had lost a valuable gold coin. So the guy starts helping to look for it. After some time without any luck, he inquires where the friend last saw it. The friend explains: "I think I dropped it half a block back, but the light here is better".

    Often we look for things not where they are, but where the light is better. We figure the odds are better where the quantity is higher (e.g. bars) while ignoring quality issues. (I'm not being judgemental. Just pointing out that if you are seeking a relationship but you in an environment where most people are just looking for instant gratification... it's an uphill battle.)

    Seek alternatives. If they aren't there, make them.
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    Jul 16, 2007 8:26 AM GMT
    We are so lucky now have a multitude of ways to meet guys. In bars, on-line, social and interest groups, even out shopping. It is much better for us than it has been for any generation before us.

    But every method has draw-backs and we have to accept them, and use the ways we feel most comfortable with.

    I met my partner through an online internet dating site. I showed interest in his advert and dropped him a short email. We emailed for a month, eventually phoned and then after another two weeks met. And we've been together nearly 5 years now.

    I think on-line dating is precarious, and it pays not to jump straight in there, and try to get to know a person first before meeting, I already knew my partner by the time we met.

    Good luck.
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    Jul 16, 2007 2:11 PM GMT
    I met my spouse online in 1999 and we're still together :)

    But, I have to admit that I had my share of disappointments and it was almost as bad in bars.
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    Jul 16, 2007 3:34 PM GMT
    yep, I think so , since you got a better grasp of the guy by their profiles,blogs, (if they are real) and it really saves time to do so. Then, you guys can hang out and know each other more, and best thing is that at least you know you like then you will be interested in learning him.

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 29, 2007 12:57 PM GMT
    I've met my share of guys online and its a great way to meet men
    ...bars suck...who just meet barflys there
    but the last two LTR's I've had both started out as meetings thru mutual friends
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    Aug 19, 2007 2:01 PM GMT
    I have absolutely no luck with meeting guys from online services, but it could just be the city I live in. The guys that seem interesting to me never reply to my messages. I mean, I know I'm not the best looking guy, and I don't have the perfect body or anything, but c'mon. It's also confusing because the only messages I get from guys are those looking for just sex (I don't do hook-ups). I think I've got more to offer than that, LOL!

    As for the bars...I rarely go to them since I don't drink anymore, and all the smoke is annoying (though that's about to change starting Jan 1st!). Plus, it's hard to strike up a conversation loud bar when you can't hardly hear anything over the music. Man, I sound like a grumpy old fart (my hearing isn't all that great from going to way too many shows/concerts for many years).

    The few guys I've met over the past two years (I was married for over 7 before that) have all been "friends of friends." That seems to be the only thing working for me.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Aug 19, 2007 5:24 PM GMT
    the last two guys i dated one i met online. of all places and the one before him i met at charlie's a gay country bar here in vegas. he simply came up and asked me to two step!! guys are guys no matter where u meet them. u just have to 'weed through the herd' so to speak!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2007 5:43 PM GMT

    I think part of the problem for many people is not that there aren't a multitude of guys out there looking in the right places - online, gay social groups, gay athletic teams and leagues, gay travel groups, etc that didn't even exist 30 years ago - but that many guys somehow expect that the person they dream of is going to search them out without any effort on their part.

    Too many guys I have known complain about not finding someone while they keep doing the same social behaviour over and over. They don't actively seek out new experiences, new contacts, new ways of meeting guys.

    The Inet is a great social tool for our communitty, but it is just one tool of communication that has allowed us to build the rest of the communitty forum.

    First you have to be open to the possibility of actually opening up to someone enough to have a relationship.

    Then you have to go actively seek out that relationship in many different social ways wether it be through the Inet, a local or regional gay sports team, a gay chorus or theater group, a gay cruise or trip, attending a pride event to find communitty groups, or some other way.

    But first you have to get out there, first you have to show up.

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    Aug 19, 2007 9:58 PM GMT
    I say you have to try something. I am not into meeting guys at gay bars. Since moving back to the DC area I dated a guy that I meet online and it was fine. I agree that the main thing that needs to happen is one needs to "get ourself out there". And in 2007 I guess that means online.

    I guess I see it this way, we can meeet people in the follow places / ways: (but not limited to)

    A BAR: Could be Drunk and Stupid. Or are we all James Bond in a smokey bar?
    A PARK / GREAT OUTDOORS: could be a nice healthy game of baseball or could be creeby sex in the
    The Street: Anyone's guess!
    Through Friends: Can be a great way but you really trust your buddies when it come to match making?
    Online: At best the dude has to have SOME SKILLS all be them simple to even get here! :)and oh...a picture one hopes.

    I keep an open mind to anything..who knows. If I had it figured out today would I be typing this for free?