Getting back in circulation

  • UVaRob9

    Posts: 282

    May 25, 2008 11:28 PM GMT
    I have just had quite possibly my worst week in a long time. On Thursday the guy I've been with for 4 years (lived with for the last 3) decided to let me know that it was over between us and the old "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore" thing. I totally understood what he was feeling about that and since we still live together, we'll have to play nice until October, when the lease ends.

    Friday night I came home from the gym and he had a gentleman downstairs playing video games. I left to stay at a mutual friend's house. They fucked. Obviously. It was over in his mind for a while, but only 24 hours for me.

    Anyway, I know eventually I'll need to get back into dating and meeting people, but I don't want to handle it his way. Are there any online dating sites that aren't inherently sleazy? I've never done this stuff before, so any advice would help.
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    May 25, 2008 11:40 PM GMT
    My heart goes out to you being in a similar position at the same time.

    to be honest with you I dont think a dating site is what you need right now. It will be mental torture staying there for you and wont do your health anygood in the long term.

    Get yourself out and about and get comfortable meeting potential new dates in all the normal places. the last thing you need right now is some headf**k off the internet who only portrays the character traits they know you will want to hear or the the ones they aspire to.

    But if you feel the need for a dating site I am not sure if this site is available in the US but allows you to match up to people without seeing or sharing photos and is based on psychometric testing so its harder to lie
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    May 26, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear about this. This sounds crappy on his part. I hope that you can keep your honor about you and not lower yourself.

    Right now is time to look out for yourself. Do some things that are good for you, and (I know this is hard) try not to react too strongly to whatever he's doing in the place.

    I was in my place for one year after we broke up, but we had a much more amicable break up than you. You might want to see if you can move out or get him to move. Can one of you get a roommate?

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    May 26, 2008 3:02 AM GMT
    Gee, I'm really sorry to hear that.

    If my partner and I ever split, and he was the one that mentioned it, I would probably tell him that if he doesn't want to lose our lease money, he sure as hell better not be bringing any tricks or dates home. It's yours and his place, not just his. Just because he's already moved on doesn't mean you should have to put up with him bringing new guys home. He's only given you 24 hours to digest this. Seems like a bit of a prick to me. Sorry to be so blunt.

    I'd probably try talking to him and asking him to make other arrangements for at least the next couple of weeks if he's going to be dating or screwing around. I'd also suggest taking time to get your bearings before rushing into anything else with anyone else.

    Just my two cents.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 17024

    May 26, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    I'm really sorry to hear about that. I can imagine it is really hard for you. It would be for anyone.

    I think you should spend time with friends and not do the sex site thing right now. I think its too easy to find yourself taking actions or in actions that in the long run are not to your benefit. By spending time with friends, you can spend some quality time with people who care about you. No doubt its going to be a tense period until the lease is up.

    Also I'd suggest you encourage your now ex bf to follow certain considerations.. like no fucking in your home until the lease is up. Tell him to fuck somewhere else!

    And feel free to talk about how you feel. Very important and remember we do care on this site.
  • UVaRob9

    Posts: 282

    May 26, 2008 3:48 AM GMT
    Thank you so much, guys. I've been thinking a lot about what you've said and I'm not even in the position right now where I even want sex, really. That was part of the difference between us: when not in a relationship, he told me he sleeps around a lot. Me? I focus on friends and activities that I enjoy. I'll definitely heed all of the advice given. Thanks again, guys!
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    May 26, 2008 2:30 PM GMT
    Lease my aunt Fanny. You need to move out and stay away from the toxicity he's projecting.

    Meanwhile, it's good advice you've been given to take time for yourself and not focus on finding Mr Rebound. Join a new civic group. Call on your real friends. Go to therapy and find a therapist who doesn't mind you ranting, raving and excising your anger/hurt in his/her presence. (Yeah, that's all what worked for me when I got dumped.)

    Hang in there, man.