Possessive guy's?

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    Jun 12, 2008 10:32 PM GMT
    Where does possessiveness slide into (or out of) not wanting your boyfriend to have sex with other guys?

    A very possessive man would not be my cup of tea because our approach to relationships would be so different.

    At the same time, if I met someone and really got into him, I would tend to not want to be with anyone else, and, if he wanted to be with others, I would get the feeling we were not feeling the same thing.

    Is that possessiveness?
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    Jun 13, 2008 11:09 AM GMT
    I can not think of possession in a relationship as a matter of ownership or mastership. Possession, to me, is the desire to be with the other person and a willingness to know what is taking place in their life. In that sense though - it is not so much possessiveness as it as awareness.

    I could never be with someone who thinks it is fine for me to see others or for him to see others (at least not with a mutual agreement before hand) I could never be with someone who thinks it is fine to just disappear for a while (leaving me in the dark and worried as hell). It is not that they need (or that I want them to ever want or ever need my permission - or for them to even feel it is a thought in my head)... I just would like to know.

    I realize I have to recognize the freedom of my partner, but is it so wrong that I at least would like to know what is going on?
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    Jun 13, 2008 12:28 PM GMT
    Squarejaw saidNot to be the punctuation police or anything, but doesn't anyone see the accidental irony in the phrase possessive guy's?


    Possessive guys should be written simply as guy's icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 13, 2008 12:39 PM GMT
    My last boyfriend was extremely possessive, I was just too dumb to figure it out quickly. His argument was that I should be possessive, too. I said I trusted him, so there was no need for it. He said the fact that I never got jealous made him angry because he took that to mean I didn't care.

    For future reference, if you're ever with a guy who doesn't like it when you go to the bathroom at a bar, that's a red flag... a BIG one.
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    Jun 13, 2008 2:51 PM GMT
    love_jocks123 saidWhat do you do when you find out when your guy is slightly or more than you like possessive?
    I personally, kind of like it. Something about it haha, weird.... But what are your opinions?


    I have always stayed away from possessive guys because often times it would escalate and sometimes even lead to violence.

    I dont mind roleplay of master slave or even have anything against the life style as it is based on respect. I do however have problems when someone is possessive of another. Where they start dating and then Guy A starts making claims like I dont want you hanging out with friends a b and c and moves up to telling their date what to wear, cook, etc. If Guy B or girl B, dont stand up early one and break the reins it continues to escalate and even turns to violence.
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    Jun 14, 2008 7:30 AM GMT
    I agree with u, to me is a turn on when a guy is a bit possessived, I like a guy whose not affraid to take control but then again if it's over the top is a turn off, there has to be a balanced.
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    Jun 17, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    novembermike saidMy last boyfriend was extremely possessive, I was just too dumb to figure it out quickly. His argument was that I should be possessive, too. I said I trusted him, so there was no need for it. He said the fact that I never got jealous made him angry because he took that to mean I didn't care.

    For future reference, if you're ever with a guy who doesn't like it when you go to the bathroom at a bar, that's a red flag... a BIG one.



    HAHAHAHAHA - "You're gonna hold it the whole night, and you're gonna LIKE it!!" lol omg
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    Jun 17, 2008 4:04 PM GMT
    I can not and will not be controlled!
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    Jun 17, 2008 4:16 PM GMT
    Seriously are you Kidding!

    At what point did I become your property...hmmmmn!
    No thanks! 8-) Some guys get off on it but not me!

    I'm way to independent and I do not like being TOLD WHAT TO DO!
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    Jun 17, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    Ducky44 saidSeriously are you Kidding!

    At what point did I become your property...hmmmmn!
    No thanks! 8-) Some guys get off on it but not me!

    I'm way to independent and I do not like being TOLD WHAT TO DO!


    It may be comforting and secure and flattering that a guy is possessive about you. Anyone who is in love is protective about that love....

    But...be careful about what you are giving up in exchange for that possessiveness. You may find yourself at a big imbalance a few years down the road when you may not need to be "possessed" as much. If your guy can grow with you, that's great....if he can't, then you got a problem.

    I've learned from experience. Never...never give someone control of your life....never.
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    Jun 17, 2008 4:51 PM GMT
    novembermike saidMy last boyfriend was extremely possessive, I was just too dumb to figure it out quickly. His argument was that I should be possessive, too. I said I trusted him, so there was no need for it. He said the fact that I never got jealous made him angry because he took that to mean I didn't care.

    For future reference, if you're ever with a guy who doesn't like it when you go to the bathroom at a bar, that's a red flag... a BIG one.


    Sounds like your last bf had serious self-esteem issues. I have always had a very straight forward rule with my bfs. I tell them I will trust them until they give me a reason not to. If they cheat on me I'm gone, no ifs, ands, or buts. I think it is always healthy to start off a relationship with the ground rules clearly understood. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 17, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    Everyone shut up right now! No you can't go out tonight, no you can't eat fatty foods, and NO you can't have any friends!icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 17, 2008 5:28 PM GMT
    whatever Chizzad says. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 18, 2008 9:08 AM GMT
    Chizzad saidEveryone shut up right now! No you can't go out tonight, no you can't eat fatty foods, and NO you can't have any friends!icon_twisted.gif


    icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 20, 2008 7:02 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]novembermike said[/cite]My last boyfriend was extremely possessive, I was just too dumb to figure it out quickly. His argument was that I should be possessive, too. I said I trusted him, so there was no need for it. He said the fact that I never got jealous made him angry because he took that to mean I didn't care.

    For future reference, if you're ever with a guy who doesn't like it when you go to the bathroom at a bar, that's a red flag... a BIG one.[/quote]

    Yes, you hit the nail on the head. I am currently doing some soul-searching cause the man I'm dating/living with at the moment may soon find himself very single very soon.
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    Jun 20, 2008 7:18 AM GMT
    Chizzad saidEveryone shut up right now! No you can't go out tonight, no you can't eat fatty foods, and NO you can't have any friends!icon_twisted.gif



    OK Komutan whatever you say!!!!!!!!!
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    Jun 22, 2008 3:53 AM GMT
    Possessiveness and control may be flattering initially, but they are symptoms of insecurity and fear.
    These types of relationships foster an inherent lack of trust and sacrifice growth.
    If you don't believe me now, you will after running away from one or two.
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    Jun 22, 2008 6:59 AM GMT
    Possessiveness and jealousy are a red flag to me. I can understand it if two people are new in a relationship and trying to figure each other out. But with time should come trust. I don't think I could be with someone who distrusted me without tangible reasons and it would make me question what exactly they were doing. It's often the one who's doing the deed who is paranoid about having it done to them.
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    Jun 22, 2008 7:10 AM GMT
    Chizzad saidEveryone shut up right now! No you can't go out tonight, no you can't eat fatty foods, and NO you can't have any friends!icon_twisted.gif
    OMG am I in trouble, as I am not very good at doing what I'm told, unless I agree with it.