First Time... Oh, and I'm the Bottom...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 5:35 AM GMT
    Hey guys, I doubt anyone remembers, but I had an account here a while back under this same name.

    Well, now I'm seeing a guy. We've known each other for about a month now online, and we've been dating for two weeks in person.

    Now let me give the disclaimer that this guy is COMPLETELY amazing: He's a total sweet-heart, AND I've met a lot of his friends and they're also very, very nice, which I think it's a great indicator.

    He and I have been totally honest and straightforward with one another, talking about how we feel and about what steps we are or are not willing to take at this point in our relationship.

    So we're seriously considering trying anal sex next time we get together (probably Tuesday). I.e. considering it to the point that he's planning to get some condoms and I'm going to run out and get some lube tomorrow afternoon after my last class ends. (I'm in college, fyi, not high school :p)

    Annnnnd. I don't know. I really want to try, but I'm also nervous. I did a little research and it looks like some REALLY BAD SHIT (no pun intended) can happen if you do things wrong with anal sex. And it sounds easy to screw up.

    So. Erm.... I guess what I'm asking is... any words of wisdom or advice?

    Side note:
    I can back out of this at any time if I want to--he's said that at any time (even during the middle of it) I can say that's enough and it will be the end of it right away, and we'll just do something else that's more comfortable. And I really trust this guy (although of course while still being safe and smart).

    He's also been very responsive so far to me saying that something is painful or too much, or to slow down or whatever, just like I've been for him. So I know he'll listen, I guess I'm just paranoid.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 6:36 AM GMT
    You know if I weren't a kind and compassionate bottom, this thread will be completely ignored as this has been discussed many times before. So here:
    If I come across another, I will re-edit this post to add the link.
    Yeah, you're welcome.
    Don't forget to post some pics! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 8:42 PM GMT
    Well here is what I have learned from the limited experience being a bottom.

    1. First of all you may want to clean yourself out with an enema. That will make the whole process more pleasant.

    2. Make sure your partner helps you relax your sphincter muscle (that is what the anus is) by inserting one or more fingers (make sure nails are neatly cut) in you and then moving them in and out. The fingers and anus should be well lubed. If your partner's penis is thick when erect (if he needs an extra large condom size then he is) then go up to 3 fingers. This can actually be very erotic so enjoy it.

    3. Make sure the anus and the condom he is wearing are well lubed. Make sure the lube is water based to ensure it does not weaken the latex. If they are not well lubed then friction could build which not only makes it more uncomfortable, but increases the chance of the condom breaking. Don't be shy about adding more lube on the condom and around your anus and inside if the sex goes on for a long time.

    3. When he starts to insert into you, try and relax as much as possible. The first time will likely hurt at least a bit even with lots of lube. If he is an understanding partner he will go very slowly initially. VERY SLOWLY! As you feel more comfortable then you can tell him to go faster. You should be directing the intercourse though, since you are the receiver.

    4. Try different positions to find out which one is the most comfortable. I won't bore you with the details about all the different positions, I am sure you can figure it out for yourself.

    5. Finally if it is really painful have him stop. You may not be relaxed enough. Some gay men really enjoy anal intercourse but just because you don't does not mean that you can't have a great sex life.

    Hope this helped a bit. Have fun and play safe. icon_cool.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Jun 16, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    Agree with JB.

    I also suggest he put a condom on his finger and 'prime' you a bit while blowing you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2008 9:07 PM GMT
    Have you been practicing?

    If you have never had anything up your butt before you will need to take your time and use plenty of lube. But if you have a collection of sex toys and sit on greased up fire hydrants for fun I wouldn't worry too much.