Could everything really be just a phase?

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  Jun 26, 2008 8:33 AM GMT

  Hi, i was wondering if there is such a thing where a guy would try being with another guy for awhile or to just try sexual experimentation and just come out of it back to being straight and never looks back?
  
  bec right now, to make the story short. me and my bestfriend just started trying things out, we've tried everything but any butt play. just grabbing it lol and we've only done stuff with a guy with one another. were both still into girls but were also both confused with how we feel. we do like each other in a deeper level and we do tell each other that we love one another. but is this relationship healthy? he still talks about getting a girlfriend and i sometimes think bout it too. im confused bec we really like eachother and were bestfriend too. advice?
  

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• Timbales
  
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  Jun 26, 2008 10:36 AM GMT

  I do think someone can experiment and find that it's just not for them.
  
  I think it's our society, not our biology, that has issues with people not picking one sexual preference and sticking to it. Mechanically, all the same parts are being stimulated.

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• GQjock
  
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  Jun 26, 2008 10:42 AM GMT

  Depends.....
  
  on if you REALLY never LOOK back
  Once?... experimentation
  
  Twice?... Bi
  
  Three times?... Gay!

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  Jun 26, 2008 11:21 AM GMT

  Many heteros when they are younger "experiment" with other males but that is between the ages of 12 and 16. When you are in your late teens and early 20's and are experimenting with your best friend and you are both enjoying the sex, and you have strong emotions for each other, then you could be at the very least bi-sexual.
  
  My question is do you have strong emotions for women? Do you develop crushes on women, where you think every day about them, what they are doing, what interests them, etc.. To me sexual orientation is as much about the emotions as it is about the sexual activity. Many guys can have sex with another guy (getting a blowjob for instance). But to have an all-consuming crush on a guy where you think about him and him only is a sure sign you are gay.

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  Jun 26, 2008 2:01 PM GMT

  yep, in your 20s i'm afraid you're most defo a big pair of bum bandits.
  
  so why hold back? go for it.

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  Jun 26, 2008 3:32 PM GMT

  It doesn't really matter whether you're gay or straight. If you found someone you love who loves you back, then hold on to it and see where it goes.

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  Jun 26, 2008 3:42 PM GMT

  Sounds like regardless of how you guys want to label yourselves, you aren't yet comfortable with being together. Or at least, you haven't set the boundaries of your relationship. I'd ignore the labels and what it all means for now, and get comfortable with each other.
  
  What do you think about him seeing a girl right now? Would you be jealous? Would you be ok with it? Do you want to be best friends with benefits? Does he want that? Are you both talking about girls with each other because you're scared that the other one is getting too attached? Or thinking that the other one wants to make this a relationship, but you don't know if you're ready for it?
  
  Something that could really be throwing you for a loop is thinking about all of the other complications that might come up. Like how are your friends going to react? Do you have to come out to each of them individually, and then come clean about a relationship? That's stuff I've worried about in the past.
  
  At the end of the day, you guys have to decide what you want to be for each other, and if the other person can give you what you want/need. Thinking about labels, and whether or not it's a phase, isn't where it's at right now for you guys, in my opinion.

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  Jun 26, 2008 3:46 PM GMT

  Viajero saidIt doesn't really matter whether you're gay or straight. If you found someone you love who loves you back, then hold on to it and see where it goes.

  
  
  I agree with this statement whole heartedly. See where things lead the two of you. Love comes in different forms.

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  Jun 26, 2008 3:48 PM GMT

  If something makes your dick hard, you're generally into it. Whatever it is.

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• EricLA
  
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  Jun 26, 2008 8:08 PM GMT

  You guys could be bi. Nothing wrong with that!
  
  But, even if you're not, sure I can understand that you guys might be just into each other and trying things our for a while.

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  Jun 26, 2008 9:41 PM GMT

  thank you guys for your feedback it helps.. well regarding girls, i still get a crush on girls and so does he. actually just last night we talked bout girlfriends and how we both feel if one of gets one or if we both end up having one.. he asked me if i would be sad or jealous if he has one.. i said a little bit, and asked him the same thing, he replied the same way. we both talked about too that if we both still feel sexually attracted to each other while we have girlfriends, that he would still want to do things if the moment is there..
  
  we are both confused on why we ended up getting attracted to each other this way and why we feel so strongly with one another. i dont know how it happened in the first place.. im not sure if bec we both lift weights, surf and pretty much do alot of things together. being bestfriends you do alot stuff together, but how come not all bestfriends feel the way we do with one another? no one knows bout us and not only are we sexually active together, but he treats me really nice too. very sweet guy. we've been sexual with each other for almost 2months and were actually going on a weekend trip this week on another island. we want to get away.. so are we both bi-sexual? is it just phase? i love the guy and he loves me, but are we both feeling that way just bec its a strong friendship love? or love in a romantic way?
  
  im sorry for bugging you guys, i have no one to talk to about this and if i did it would be my bestfriend. i need guys who are basically on the same boat and since its a secret, all i have is this forum.
  thanks again for help

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  Jun 26, 2008 9:50 PM GMT

  Same happened to me and my best friend. We somehow fell in love with each other, but he was 100% straight and that was pretty much the end of it. We tried, but it wouldn't work. He went back to being straight and I moved to Guatemala. (Not because it didn't work)

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  Jun 26, 2008 9:52 PM GMT

  Take each day, one at a time. Today you dig him and he you. Tomorrow may change. Just enjoy it for now.
  
  Things between the two of you will get messed up when one of you gets a girlfriend. It'll mess up worse if one of you gets a boyfriend, I'll guess.
  
  As far as getting a girlfriend, are there girls you're meeting that you'd like to date, or are the talks he and you having focusing on the possibility of dating a girl?
  
  I had a similar talk with my BF...except about the other gender: stay with me as long as you like. If you find something better, let me know as soon as you know, and I'll make arrangements to move on.
  
  We've been together nine years, so I've had to have a lot of hot guys killed.

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• EricLA
  
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  Jun 26, 2008 10:06 PM GMT

  I wouldn't try overthinking it. I know you're confused and trying to find answers. But the best advice you've been given is above: you two found each other and enjoy being with each other. There's too little of that in the world. The world is also two effed up in categorizing things: black/white, man/woman, straight/gay, etc., etc. There's a lot of gray in the world. Why does something have to be one thing or another? Above I said you guys might be bi. Yes, you might be. But maybe you guys have something even more specific. As you say, your best friends and do everything together and enjoy spending time with each other. That's what everybody wants in a partner.
  
  It sounds like you guys have something very special. The whole package. Try not to over-analyze it. Enjoy it. Be "in" the moment.
  
  The one thing I feel the need to chime in on is if one or both of you get girlfriends. I don't expect you to be open with them about your relationship, but you are toying with someone else's emotions at that point. How would you feel if the tables were reversed and they had another boyfriend/girlfriend on the side? You'd probably feel betrayed. Things can get messy. So just be careful when bringing someone else into the equation.

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  Jun 26, 2008 10:39 PM GMT

  mickeytopogigio saidWe've been together nine years, so I've had to have a lot of hot guys killed.

  
  
  You succeeded in passing a big chunk of chicken garlic pizza thru my nose with that one!
  
  Too good.

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  Jun 26, 2008 10:47 PM GMT

  Personally, it sounds like you're truly in love with him to me and you should thank your lucky stars you've got someone who feels the same about you. I TOTALLY agree with EricLA about the whole girlfriend thing and all the other guys that said, GO FOR IT! If neither of you are involved with a girl right now and enjoy being together that much, then you owe it to yourselves to let go of any ideas you might have that your relationship is wrong and take it to the next level now before you bring other peoples feelings into the whole situation.
  
  You said you've done EVERYTHING except butt play so do either of you feel as long as there in no anal penetration you can't be gay? Have you even discussed that you really want to have anal sex with each other? It sounds like he is a very sensitive, trustworthy guy so talk about it all and don't hold back from each other. Now is the time to figure this whole thing out.
  
  The way you describe the situation it sounds like the two of you are just not willing to take the last step and admit that you're gay and that's the hardest step for us all when we come out because when we admit it to ourselves we have to let go of being able to deny it to others if we need or want to.
  
  I'm not advising you to come out if you're not ready. That is a deeply personal thing and no one should be forced into it. You two will KNOW when you're ready if that's tomorrow, next month, next year or ten years from now. All I'll say about it from personal experience is truly being who you are in every way is just about the most liberating feeling you can have and if I had had the courage to come out when I knew, I can't imagine how different my life would have been 15 and 25. For most people now, knowing someone gay is no big deal and I'll bet for your immediate families, your happiness and being who you are is the most important thing.

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  Jun 26, 2008 11:01 PM GMT

  All of what you said indicates Bisexuality to me however there is also strong indication that these feelings you are having are mainly experimental. As JBE60 said it is a bit unusal to see someone in their 20s experimenting with other guys but it is not un-heard of either especially if the guy has not had many sexual experiences during his teen years.
  
  What I also find interesting is that you have not expressed any attaraction for other men other than your bestfriend which leads me to believe that you are just curious.
  
  If you don't find yourself attracted to other men, I would think it's only a phase.

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  Jun 27, 2008 8:55 AM GMT

  thanks again guys, im very happy with the feedback and advice you've all given. i think right now, i should live in the moment and just let everything just come together. im very happy with him and i do think its more than just experimenting since we also like to just hold each other in bed or in the morning i wake up and hes on top of me hugging me.. after lifting or surfing, he wants to shower together. i guess there is a bit of romance in it that i never noticed but i guess with us, labeling or giving anything a title just complicates things.. for now. ill just go with the flow and keep the happy going. thank you again guys, you've all been a BIG help

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• TexanMan82
  
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  Jun 28, 2008 10:24 PM GMT

  I'm jealous
  
  

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  Jun 28, 2008 10:34 PM GMT

  iguanaSF said You succeeded in passing a big chunk of chicken garlic pizza thru my nose with that one!

  
  
  Chicken garlic pizza?
  
  Oh, that is SO West Coast.

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  Nov 22, 2008 2:00 AM GMT

  *UPDATE*
  
  just an update for everyone who helped me with this issue.
  were officially a couple. even though its still a secret from
  everyone, were in love and happy
  
  thank you guys so much for all your help. im the happiest
  guy in the island

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  Nov 22, 2008 3:00 AM GMT

  That's awesome. We're all really happy for you. It sounds like you've found something really special.

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  Nov 22, 2008 3:02 AM GMT

  Do what feels good
  
  x

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