My parents OFFICIALLY know now. Kinda long. Sorry. =/

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    Jun 30, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    Hey Champ! Your heart may be hurting now, but believe me when I say that everything will be alright. Give your parents whatever time they need to adjust to the "shock". They are still going to love you. It sounds like your dad already had his answers and needed to hear from you. I applaud your courage.

    Going back to the everything will be alright statement, the only two things that really matter in this life are that you came to be and that you are one day leaving it. In the meantime, how you do what you must do is more important than anything else. And you did it well.
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    Jul 01, 2008 1:04 PM GMT
    Well my sympathies to you, it is not easy for gay and bisexual men who have very religious parents. Your father is correct in only one respect. Acting on one's same sex attractions is a choice, but having those attractions to begin with is not.

    Religious texts were written by men thousands of years ago when there was no understanding on the roots of sexual orientation. Unfortunately people today still think those texts are the words of some supernatural being known as "GOD". How do they know this? Because the religious texts say so. Talk about tautological reasoning.

    My only advice to you is to hold firm in your beliefs, and not condemn yourself for your same-sex attractions based on negative feedback from your family. Trust me they cannot be prayed away, wished away or suppressed. Hopefully you will meet a great guy that will make your parents realize that gay and bisexual men can have healthy, happy lives.
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    Jul 02, 2008 5:55 PM GMT
    I think we have some things in common...we should talk sometime...or e-mail.
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    Jul 02, 2008 6:01 PM GMT
    *hugs*

    I had a conversation with my father that was pretty similar to that. He wanted to know why I was gay, what he and my mother had done to make me gay. I said, "it's nothing you or mom did/didn't do. You both gave me love and strength through my childhood. This is who I am and who I will always be. I am your son."

    It took a while for him to get use to the idea of a gay son, and to this day still is. My suport system from other family members is astounding! And my loving support from my BF is as well.

    It won't be an easy road, but you will find those who love and support you along the way. Take their hand and grab tight whenever needed.
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    Jul 02, 2008 7:00 PM GMT
    Religious people are just one of the many reasons why people will never be able to live a happy life. My quick advice is to just agree to everything he says. Just shake your head and say yes, and live your life as you see fit for the time being. Just act that way until your able to stand on your two feet in life.
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    Jul 02, 2008 7:07 PM GMT
    how the hell did he get a hold of your paper? did you sign a release when you started college so that your parents can have access to your records? or did you just have that paper laying around?
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    Jul 02, 2008 7:35 PM GMT
    Have you ever wondered if your dad may have engaged in homosexual acts as a younger man?
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    Jul 02, 2008 9:20 PM GMT
    txguy1605how the hell did he get a hold of your paper? did you sign a release when you started college so that your parents can have access to your records? or did you just have that paper laying around?


    Yeah. I forgot to tell you guys how he got a hold of my paper. It was a homework assignment for my Psychology of Human Sexuality class. It was an online class, so I had all of my assignments on the computer. When I got my laptop, I stopped using the house computer and didn't think twice about it.



    orthojockHave you ever wondered if your dad may have engaged in homosexual acts as a younger man?



    I used to think that because whenever my uncle (my mom's brother) would come over, they'd rough house and joke around, and to me, it looked like flirting. I could have just be that my uncle is pretty much just like my dad so they bond well.
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    Jul 04, 2008 8:41 PM GMT
    Alright, I feel the need to throw this out there. It may not be specific advice for you Awemazing, but I think it is worthwhile anyways.

    For those of you who don't believe religion and homosexuality can work together, you're flat out wrong. It works just as well having no religion and being gay, as long as you have your head screwed on straight. Honestly, if it wasn't for my faith and Catholic upbringing, I don't think I would be out of the closet yet. I know, ironic right?

    On top of that, it made coming out to my parents EASIER. They also like to stick to church doctrine, and luckily, the Catholic church's doctrine does NOT believe that being homosexual is a choice. For this reason, my parents have never tried to change me, ever. They accept me for who I am, and are doing their best to understand my side of things.

    I guess my point is this, you and your parents will find your way eventually, and it won't be like anyone else's, but it will work. Just don't rule anything out yet, the best solutions are the hardest to work out.

    Good luck and God bless!
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    Jul 04, 2008 8:55 PM GMT
    dharman, the Catholic Church doctrine states that homosexuality is a sin that should not be practiced. Homosexuals should be loved, just asexual!

    Your parents may be practicing Catholics that are understanding, but many Catholic parents are not like that and are convinced their gay children are going to hell.
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    Jul 04, 2008 9:11 PM GMT
    Direct from the Vatican:

    http://www.vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

    Chastity and homosexuality

    2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,140 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."141 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

    2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

    2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.
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    Jul 05, 2008 5:45 AM GMT
    Congrats Awemazing! Coming out to your parents is a huge step. Haha I'm pretty much on the same boat except that I still haven't told my parents yet. Of all my easy-going liberal hippy relatives, my parents had to be more conservative and *gasp* catholic. icon_sad.gif

    Coming out to your parents is actually really courageous. Parents are often the most difficult people to come out to because they raised you to who you are now. But hey, if they truly love you, they'll eventually come around. icon_smile.gif

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    Jul 05, 2008 6:01 AM GMT
    bigbluefanindc saidI was raised in a Buddhist household. My father had a very, very hard time dealing with my brother coming out as a Christian than when I came out of the closet.

    Go figure.




    lmao thats kinda funny actually icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 06, 2008 12:10 AM GMT
    JBE60, I'm sorry for your situation. I really am lucky that I have the parents I do.

    With regards to church doctrine, I didn't say everything was perfect, but at least I'm not being condemned for just being who I am. As I've posted in another forum, I think change has to come from within, which is why I won't abandon my church. This may sound awfully American Catholic, but don't let the doctrine of your church destroy your own faith. Doctrines can change, but faith will serve you a lot longer.

    Plus, in the long run, this is about Awemazing finding his own way, not trying to defend my own! Just wanted to give a different example of how things can work out.
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    Jul 06, 2008 1:25 AM GMT
    Good stuff man. I'm not so sure your taco argument does a good job of validating your point that it's not a choice though. I absolutely love peanut butter but I'm sure there is a good enough reason out there for me to stop loving it. I think your father just wants to protect you from the shit storm that you may face by being other than totally straight. I'm sure in time your father will come to accept you completely. Even if he rejects unlike tacos deep down he can never stop loving you. You are of him.
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    Aug 07, 2009 9:40 PM GMT


    paradox saidWhen I read stories like that, I thank God I was raised by atheists.


    You're so lucky that you were raised by Atheists but then again my dad is an Atheist and still doesn't approve homosexuality. I guess I'm the unlucky one. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 07, 2009 9:43 PM GMT
    my parents are also quite conservative. Interestingly my father came around quite a bit. After a while he just realized that there is nothing wrong with being gay. My mum still has a tough time, but overall things have become much better.

    I am sure this will happen to you as well sooner or later.

  • EricLA

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    Aug 07, 2009 9:47 PM GMT
    I also suggest "The Good Book: Reading the Bible with Mind and Heart," written by Peter Gomes. He's openly gay, but MORE importantly he is the Reverend Professor Peter J. Gomes, an American Baptist minister ordained to the Christian Ministry by The First Baptist Church of Plymouth, Massachusetts. Since 1970 he has served in The Memorial Church, Harvard University; and since 1974 as Plummer Professor of Christian Morals and Pusey Minister in The Memorial Church.

    His full bio is here: http://www.memorialchurch.harvard.edu/preachers/pjg.shtml

    "The Good Book" talks about how the Bible has historically been used to excuse the subjugation women and slavery and calls into question the sections of the Bible that have been used to bash homosexuality.
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    Aug 07, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    Ha,

    I agree JP, I was just reading away until I noticed the date on one of the posts..... July 2, 2008!
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    Aug 07, 2009 10:39 PM GMT
    Seriously I want you to know that you are who you are. Don’t doubt yourself. Be happy and take care of yourself and others.
    Now, there are more important things to worry about than your sexual orientation. Life can be taken away in seconds without warning. Trust me I’ve been there. If you believe and trust in yourself then you will stand strong. Give them time, as time heals all wounds and just be there when they need you. Love and peace is a powerful weapon. We are all humans, we are no different. Be yourself as we were created to be. Life will never be easy but do what you can to keep yourself strong.
    -Irving
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    Aug 07, 2009 11:03 PM GMT
    paradox saidWhen I read stories like that, I thank God I was raised by atheists.


    I get it!

    ...cough
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    Aug 07, 2009 11:38 PM GMT
    Yeah, I'm dealing with the same kind of parents,

    My step-mom believes that "all gays and lesbians should stay in the closet"icon_eek.gif...and that we are all "abominations to God who actively recruit other young people to become gay," and that we will "destroy the American family" etc. Yikes! I wish Christians weren't so intollerant.

    It's funny because she is such a nice church lady who is enthusiastic about life. She bakes cookies, always smiles, volunteers, has always supported me, etc. But, you mention ANYTHING about gays and her personality drastically changes. My dad is the same way. They are definitely living in the wrong century. It sucks, because out of all of their kids, I'm seen as the one who will have the most successful career (and likely so but not trying brag). I know I'll be knocked towards the bottom of the favoritism totem-pole if they find out.icon_sad.gif

    I love my parents, but I don't know if they will ever understand. I don't even know when (or if) I should come out to themicon_sad.gif I even found someone who I really care about too and I want to tell them about him. My bf is dealing with the same senario with his folks.

    There needs to be a more positive portrayals of GLBT community in the media!

    Where is our nationally renown gay representative/spokesperson when you need him/her, like a Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton figure but only for the GLBT community?
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    Aug 08, 2009 1:08 AM GMT
    I know this response probably will not help, and I must say I really feel for you that you have such an intolerant and bigoted (or maybe fearful and brainwashed) father, no offense.

    I had a similar situation with my big brother, who is much older than me and was always more like a father than a brother. Anyway, when I was about 16 or 17, he took me to his pastor. The same now infamous "Fundamentalist Christian" preacher who was at Grace Community Church in Van Nuys, California who counseled that one young Gay man that death was preferable to being Gay, so the young man then committed suicide. Remember him?

    Well, they sequestered me in his office, and they tried to basically corner me and intimidate me with my "sinfulness" and their "righteousness."
    That's when I lost it. I didn't get really physical, although I dropped a threat that "if they didn't like it too bad and if they didn't back off, I would get violent." And then I think I picked up the chair that I was sitting on and raised it over my head and said to this motherfucker of a pastor (and that's what I called him in so many words) that if they didn't back off, shut the fuck up, and let me go home RIGHT NOW, and NEVER say a cross word to me again about being Gay, that I had every intention of hospitalizing them right then and there.

    Well, me brother was so shocked that he did indeed back off. I was taken home, and my being Gay was never an issue again. Nowadays my brother has come to be FAR more accepting of my being Gay, because he sees that it's only ONE element of my life, a life I try to lead properly by contributing good things to this world. But it took me letting him know, in no uncertain terms, that I would defend my right to be Gay with force and violence if need be before I would be shamed or ridiculed by anyone ever again. I also stopped talking to him for several years to help make my point, and it worked. I considered that to be taking initiative. Now we have a much better relationship.

    Your father is, unfortunately, very entrenched in his bigotry, and it's possible you may never gain his acceptance. But you have EVERY right to demand his respect in whatever way you can. My way was the threat of violence if I was not respected, and it worked. But that's just me.

    Unfortunately, sometimes respect must be forcibly demanded before a relationship can move forward. What I did was a stopgap measure. Eventually my brother came to learn and respect me on my own merits, but he never would have done so had I not been firm and unyielding in my demand for it and expectation of it, and that ridicule or condemnation of my being Gay was strictly verboten.

    You have the right to be respected (all things being equal and assuming you're a respectable person) and nobody has the right to judge you or intimidate you into conformance with their more narrow or unhealthy point of view.

    My best wishes that you and your father can find a place of equanimity.