• Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2008 1:03 AM GMT
    Hey guys, first off sorry for the long topic and also: guess I'm just looking for a few opinions.
    Well the situation is; I'm pretty much closeted. However I can't see myself coming out to my parents or brother anytime soon as my brother is pretty mucha homophobe, and while I know it's selfish, I can't be sure my father will be accepting of the fact that his son is gay and I rely on them for financial support, so therfore I'm keeping this secret a little while longer until I can be sure I can hold my own financially.
    But I was thinking about telling two friends, while not that close I feel that they'll be most accepting of the fact that I'm gay seeing as the guy is gay himself and the girl is a very close friend of his.
    Bit of background now: both me and the guy play on the same sports team and I didnt realise he was gay until we went to a gay bar. After that first that first trip I was like: "wow", and found myself becoming VERY attracted to him to the point that I've now developed a major crush.
    Recently the three of us went to the cinema and then on to a variety of bars where I found myself quite tipsy (he has no problems buying me drinks o.0) and while we were on the dance floor i couldn't keep my hands off him (as in playful rubs etc. you know the "jokey but not jokey" type?). I then made like I was going to kiss him when a song lyric was along the lines of "kiss me" but in the nick of time (DAMN i shoulda done it) I pulled back and he said "Go on" and then 5 minutes later "you really are drunk aren't you?" to which i gave him a v. fake drunk smile (i was still kinda in the cockpit then) in order to make him think it was just a "slip" of a straight guy.
    However, he's 25, 7 years older and I doubt he's really interested and also I'm wondering if tell him I'm gay, would he stop viewing me as a challenge (if he does in the first place) and just relegate me to conquests? I know this sounds alme but he is above average hotness while im -average and I think "straightness" is all that's keeping him interested (he calls a LOT.)

    anyway over to you guys, give me your opinions and advice please.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Jul 01, 2008 1:11 AM GMT
    How well do you know him? Do you think you can trust him with this? Have you ever seen him be spiteful or vindictive?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16461

    Jul 01, 2008 1:26 AM GMT
    Hey congrats on making plans and having the conviction to tell someone, despite your fanatic brother and concerns about your Dad.

    I'm a little concerned about this guy. It might be fine, but I'd rather you tell someone that you see as a trusting friend, instead of someone who you have a thing for. He may not see you in such a "respectful" manner. Telling someone about your sexuality and keeping it secret and being accepting is VERY important in the beginning. I'm just not sure he is deserved of that honor....
  • duglyduckling

    Posts: 279

    Jul 01, 2008 1:27 AM GMT
    if he took you to a gay bar, and you were willing to go, then you know what? he knows you're gay. You don't need to pretend to be straight like you said, and blaming your actions on alcohol.

    the fact that he allowed you to touch him all over, meant that there is a certain attraction as well.

    just go for it, and enjoy yourself. if you turn out to be a conquest, at least you fucked someone a level higher than yourself, so consider that a good move on your part ;) but remember that this is all in your head, the fact that he is hotter than you. In his eyes, you're probably just as hot or else he wouldn't be calling you a lot. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2008 10:32 AM GMT
    I am almost in exactly the same situation. Not out to family because I'm still financially dependent on them, but I came out just this summer to my bestfriend of 10 years (it went great).

    I dunno about this though. Do you trust him?

    TimberooHave you ever seen him be spiteful or vindictive?

    Same fear here. Have you seen him lash out, backstab, or talk about somebody else behind their backs? You need to understand that he is romantically interested in you, and if things between you go bad, he could very well get his revenge by outing you to your parents, which you're not ready for right now.

    I'm with HndsmKansan, do you have closer friends for your first coming out? If you did decide to tell him, I think it's best to tell the girl too. Making it seem less intimate than if it was only him, thus he probably won't think of using it as a weapon in case things go sour with you.

    Then again... he might just have a very good gaydar and knows already, LOL. In that case, I think I'd enjoy myself if I were you. Just make it clear where your boundaries are. You're closeted, he's not. Though not ideal, might still work. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2008 8:21 PM GMT
    Although I'd like to tell close friends, I doubt they'd understand. *sigh*
    To be honest I doubt he knows; straight people going to bars with gay friends isn't really a big deal is it? However, you lot are right i'll keep the secret a while longer until either I'm financially stable or i feel that i can trust someone enough.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 01, 2008 8:32 PM GMT
    Fable saidstraight people going to bars with gay friends isn't really a big deal is it?

    Hmmm, I took my straight friends to a gay club. They only danced with there girlfriends. Even if i playfully danced up on them...they would feel uncomfortable...let alone rubbing up on them. Go out with him again. If he brings you to another gay club then my money is that he is gay.