Boyfriend help? Sense of Entitlement.

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    Jun 03, 2012 6:02 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 3 months or so. Things are going pretty good. The only problem I have is that when we first met he told me "I'm a conservative. I was raised conservatively." So i'm like "Ok.icon_confused.gif I'm a liberal. " Time went on. I began to understand what he meant by conservative. I noticed he doesn't give out money to the homeless or poor unless they LOOK sick, ill, bad, or down & out. We were out at the grocery store and saw a homeless man and he asked for a quarter. My bf refused politely. When I asked why, he replied that he "Doesn't know their story and doesn't really want to know." and he "sees they have Nikes on so they can't be doing that bad." I tried to explain that those could be and probably are donated and/or his only pair of shoes..That obviously if he's asking for a quarter, he's in a worse position than either of us. He understood, but disagreed. So we let it be.
    My boyfriend feels this sense of entitlement to his parents money. He lives on his own and so do I; however, I only ask my parents for help when it is needed. He only asks his parents for "extra" money or other things he wants, or sometimes needs. I recognized my jealousy of this and am learning to overcome it. My parents aren't as helpful, but I know what things I can ask for and not ask for.
    Anyway, last night, my boyfriend and I discussed raising a child. I'm a full-time private nanny and so the topic just kinda came up. I'm only 20 so not anytime soon. Just talking. I explained to him that I want to have money saved for 1) child's college tuition 2) a safe car, and 3) First apartment. Those are the things I have struggled with the most living on my own since age 19, without credit history or help from parents. I did it, but I struggled. HARD. And everything else is pretty manageable around those 3 things. He said he didn't want to do that. He wants to spoil the child each day like he was. icon_rolleyes.gif He went on to explain that he will always have his parents for anything and they'll never let him just fall down and crash and burn (safety net). I told him the money his parents make is theirs and he has to make his own just like we both do now. We may inherit money, but we don't want to rely on our parents for anything. Help maybe every now and then, but that's about it. He made it seem like he doesn't REALLY have to succeed because of this "escape plan money" in case what he chooses to do doesn't work out. We ended the conversation on an, "It is what it is." kind of note, but I'm not sure I can date someone with this view on finances and life. Has anyone experienced this sense of entitlement with their boyfriend/partner and moved past it?

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    Jun 03, 2012 6:40 PM GMT

    You should live in the present and allow each other to have their own freedom to think/feel what they want. Seriously, if this is already causing an issue, I think your relationship is doomed to fail. Just reading your post was suffocating, I can't imagine what It must actually be like. (No offense btw)
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Jun 03, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
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    Jun 03, 2012 11:15 PM GMT
    you should tell him that his idea of entitlement is soooooo 19th century libertarianism and that our society has overcome this already.

    He will have to pay for taxes and he should make the most of his own talents to be a productive part of society or else everyone will hate him. Ok byeeee
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    Jun 04, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    Well, we are a product of our parents and the two of you are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

    This guy has been spoiled. You already know what you have to do.
  • YJacket

    Posts: 146

    Jun 04, 2012 2:52 AM GMT
    Dude, nothing you wrote suggests a sense of entitlement.

    You said the guy works for his own money, but believes he can fall back on his folks if necessary, and they won't let him crash and burn. What's wrong with that?

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    Jun 04, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    yea I think hes just fortunate and maybe doesnt realize how tough youve had it. But sense of entitlement is more like someone who thinks that theyre always allowed to do whatever they want without consequences. Or that they SHOULD get special treatment becase THEY deserve it