I've been using of men online as a workout motivation for a while, but now it's not as effective anymore.

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    Jun 22, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    Hey RJ community!
    I wanted to share with you guys a story on how I developed my motivation to work out at the gym and would like to have your suggestions for better motivations. But first, here's a back story of my life on why I started working out.

    Throughout 23 years of my life, I kept foolishly thinking that I could one day find someone who looks for what's in the inside rather than outside. But the reality is is that image does play a very important role in whether someone can attract the 'fishes in the sea', especially in the gay dating world. Having to be rejected so many times online, I started to develop the thought that I was unattractive and unfit. Often, I would come across profiles of average guys but would not dare to message them because I automatically knew that they would reject me for what they see on the outside. Because I was also uncomfortable in my own skin, I never develop the confidence to ask out guys I find attractive in real life or even dared to make eye contact with one.
    Well since mid-May, I started working out with the hopes that maybe I can transform my body so someone online would notice me. I was extremely desperate in the beginning; desperate to think one of these guys will change their minds one day. Also, I have never had a boyfriend, so that added to the motivation and driving force for getting myself to workout.
    But you have to know, I'm an ectomorph so it was really hard for me to gain weight and size. Each day, I had to gorge myself each meal, so much that I almost wanted to throw up. My workout session wasn't easy either because I increased the weight increments by 5lbs for each workout(Rippetoe SS). For the whole month, I felt like nearly dying because I pushed myself too hard, all because of my naive and hopeless desire to find a never-before-experienced love.
    Sure, I made progress from 140->150lbs but now, when I think about it…about doing all that for these guys who rejected me online…it felt like a waste. I wonder why I did all that for guys who have no desire, no interest in me to begin with. Will they know how much I have suffered? How much I had to go through to get to where I am now? Is this really worth it to work out for them? With that in mind, that drive I began with is starting to fade and has been affecting my workout lately.

    What I would like to ask from the RJ community is for advice on how I can change my motivation to workout. Please help?

    Edit: Fixed misleading title, and how did my post turned into a desperate for sex topic? I am a virgin and would never give myself out that easily
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    Jun 22, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    Throwawayacc saidI've been using men as a workout motivation for a while, but now it's not as effective anymore.
    Start having sex with them. Its effectiveness with rejuvenate overnight.
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    Jun 22, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    Take it from me... sex as part of how you view yourself can kill you. It can make you into somebody you don't even know anymore. Sex can be worse than drugs or alcohol. I learned this the hard way and now I see through all the fake emotions people display for eachother when they are looking for sex. Do yourself a favor... Don't respond to it emotionally and the way to do that is jerk off if you have to. Eventually you will not be a slave to it anymore. I could care less what people think of me when they are merely judging me by sex appeal; believe me, I know when it is being done. Take the upper hand in your life and respect yourself for who you are and the greater being that you have to offer to others. You will NEVER find this using sex as an attractive device; it doesn't work. I nolonger suffer like I did. First there was not enough sex; then there was too much sex. The guilt and pain never leaves until you realize you are not someone elses dog when they want you to be. Maybe someday you will find sex through love, maybe not. Don't wait around for it!!! And don't look for others based on the things you would not want others to come look for you for. Trust me, do these things I say and you will find a sense of freedom from all the people searching for that high. They can argue sex is physically healthy but in today's society it is NOT emotionally healthy at all. Heed my advice, let it go.