IBS and Bottoming

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 11, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    Hi guys.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. We're getting our first apartment together in a few weeks and for the most part we have a great relationship.

    However, problems are starting to show up in the bedroom. He enjoys bottoming but it's not enough. He wants to top too and it's not working.

    I have always been a top with every guy i've dated. I have never enjoyed being on bottom and I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) So I suffer from lots of bowel problems, which the idea of being on bottom even less appealing.

    Even more of a problem is even on days when my IBS isn't an issue, I just can't enjoy it. The only pleasure I get out of "Receiving" is when he's on his back, and I can sit on it and have control over it. The problem is this does NOTHING for him.

    99% of the discomfort is focused on my anus, in one spot. It's a burning sensation and it's always there. Even when I can suck it up and let him fuck me, it never lasts long before I just can't take it any more. I think the issue stems from my fiorst boyfriend when I was 18, we both got too drunk and he tried to fuck me and he had a REALLY thick dick and went way too fast.. I had a bit of tearing and to this day that's where I feel the most pain.

    Everyone talks about "getting used to it" and the pain goes away, but it's not. Pleasure never arrives and honestly the whole time i'm catching for him i'm just trying my best to think about other things and between the pain and lack of anything pleasurable happening I lose most of my interest in the sex. Then I get angry at myself for not being into it. It's a wonderfully devastating cycle.

    Help icon_sad.gif What should I do? He doesn't really understand my bowel issues, and then the fact that I just don't like it.. he's starting to think i'm either not sexually interested or only interested in being "the man".
  • tokugawa

    Posts: 945

    Jul 12, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    Talk to your boyfriend and be totally honest with him.

    If the issue cannot be resolved to the satisfaction of both you and your boyfriend, consider the possibility that maybe moving into an apartment together is not such a good idea.

    If you do break up because of this sexual incompatibility, make sure you are upfront with future potential boyfriends regarding this issue. It is no crime to say you are 100% top and will not bottom. Some estimates are that 90% of gays prefer to bottom, meaning there is always a shortage of tops.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    some guys can never understand the problem if they have never had it. personally i wish i could find a guy that only wants to top. i just never feel comfortable topping. being a total bottom for me is perfect,as with you being total top is perfect. hope you guys can resolve your problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 25, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    You could invite a third over for the nights your boyfriend wants to pitch and tag team him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    It sounds like your issues are both emotional and physical. I understand your impulse to sit on top of him so you have control over it, but to be honest that's not the the best position for your actual anus to relax. Because of your fear of what happened in your past you probably don't like the idea of doggy style, but on your knees and leaning forward on your forearms lets your hips spread wider and it makes it a lot easier, but you do give up control. However, if he is your boyfriend and make it explicitly clear that he must go extremely slow and only speed up at your request this should allow you to relax a bit.

    Also try some different types of lube, a burning sensation my be a reaction to something in the lube you're using. My boyfriend was feeling a burning sensation and actually getting red spots on his lower back for a while and we figured out it was the brand of lube, we switched and the issue hasn't returned.

    I also recommend using an anal training kit like this one


    that was you can start with a smaller one and work your way up. After a few weeks of using them by yourself (where you'd have ALL the control) have your partner start using them on you, and then when you feel ready you can use the toys first and then get loosed up before sex.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2012 1:35 PM GMT
    Jack's advice is good. I don't think that bottoming worsens IBS but if it's flaring up, then bottoming won't be the best thing for you. Sounds like the main issue is with your anus and the width of his penis. If it's very sore and you can't stand it, then you can't stand it. Speak with him.