25 years old, never had a boyfriend. Normal or not in the gay world?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    So by looking at the whole 100% posts I saw it isnt nor normal to not be in a relationship and 25 years old. Suddenly I feel better as I wasn't sure what the other gay people are experimenting.

    I think it sucks though that it doesnt happen like other straight people in high school and stuff. Hopefully, things are changing for the next generation!
  • corianton

    Posts: 36

    Jul 16, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    Like most guys here have stated...there is no "normal" A lot of the posters here are very young ( by my standards .I'm 55 lol). I only began to come out about 3 years ago.
    I have gone thru the usual flurry of hookups that quite often accompanies a lifetime of denial and repression. Eventually that finally wears thin, and the thought that "I'm ready now for something different" resonates more deeply. Also, I live in a very small city distant enough from major centres to make developing a relationship more difficult.
    However, through different avenues (including dating sites, by the way) I have met quite a number of guys who are acquaintances, friends, and good friends. It has taken some time, but it has been worth it. A network of support (of varying kinds) has really helped me. I plan to move to a major city this year at last. I will simply continue to follow my current strategy. It will be easier as I will be closer to other guys, and the opportunities for meeting them in mutually enjoyable group activities. I just hope to continue developing and deepening my friendship network. Many people describe their partner as their "best friend". At some point, you (and I) will find that person among our friends who will be that special guy. And it may happen in the most unexpected way.

    Like another poster said: be good to yourself, and become Mr Right for yourself, don't try to find Mr Right. You will then be able to bring to a relationship the qualities, the pillars of strength that enable it to endure and flourish....in all the ways you dream of. Hugs icon_smile.gif)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    I agree with others who have said, there is no normal or right age to have a boyfriend by.
    I do think though, that you need to be more open and perhaps not limit yourself if your goal is to eventually meet someone and develop a relationship. It really doesn't matter where or how you meet someone, just be open to the process. You definitely can meet quality guys even on the internet dating sights that you mention, though it may take more effort on your part to weed out the ones you feel aren't right for you.
    Join some gay social or sports groups in your city, where you'll meet a lot of people and have fun doing it at the same time. At the very least, you can make some new friends and people who share common interests with you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 4:22 AM GMT
    They say it's better to be alone than in poor company, but I feel your frustration...I'm in the same situation.

    Still, I'd say no worries. You're a good looking cat, you've got it going for you, and you're gonna find him.

    I've been told they come when you least expect them.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    It's hard to meet people on profile sites because you don't know anything about them. You just see whatever picture they choose to display and read whatever they choose to write about themselves. It's easy to think you know a lot about somebody else when you haven't even met them. Not everyone is photogenic or a good writer and this has disastrous effects online. Whereas, it is not that big of a deal in person. It's A LOT easier to meet people in real life.

    Go to a bar. Sure, there was probably a time when bars were used for sexual hookups, but that is not nearly as true these days. Why would somebody spend the time/money to go out for the night when they can just hop on grindr and get it done? All the hookup people do stuff online now. I can't believe I'm writing this, but the bars can actually be pretty social.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    Daas said...I got paired with this cute asian guy and I seriously thought he had Aspergers because he kept quoting lines from movies...


    so...how would you have reacted if he HAD had asperger's?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 5:29 AM GMT
    I'm in my 20's too bud and I've never even been on an actual date let alone a bf. I've met a bunch of guys but they usually want to just meet me for sex. One even told me you're a great guy but no I don't want to be seen in public with another guy; so can I come by your house round 3am for sex. I even told him we didn't have to hold hands or anything but just go on a date and he said no. icon_rolleyes.gif
    but when you've got no one else you've got yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    FloridaT23 saidI'm also 23 and have never been in a relationship. Part of me thinks something about me is undesirable that I don't know about but the other part is also proud for not settling. The right person is out there and God will send him your way when the time is right.


    Ditto.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    daviddoublebay said
    WestCoastGuy saidI'm in my 20's too bud and I've never even been on an actual date let alone a bf. I've met a bunch of guys but they usually want to just meet me for sex. One even told me you're a great guy but no I don't want to be seen in public with another guy; so can I come by your house round 3am for sex. I even told him we didn't have to hold hands or anything but just go on a date and he said no. icon_rolleyes.gif
    but when you've got no one else you've got yourself.


    HIS loss icon_exclaim.gif

    You would think he'd be proud to find someone like you.


    Thanks icon_smile.gif
    Is that an offer to take me on my first date I hear icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 12:03 PM GMT
    lol seems like my post made a match!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 1:06 PM GMT
    Phoenyx saidwho wants to be normal? icon_razz.gif


    p.s. youre gay, its not like youre following the rules anyway. Find whatever makes you happy even if its not the norm


    ^has atleast 1 point, and... the ammount of whining early 20's on here should be a good indication that you at 25 without a significant other isn't a "bad thing".

    "don't worry be happy" and if you really feel this is important, swallow your pride and make a profile or 2, and spend an hour or five a week networking
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    I will be your friend ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    youarewhatyouare saidso the question is : normal or not that Ive always been single in this (crazy) gay world?


    Depends on who you are. I have never been single. I have always made time to have a special someone in my life. It's a conscious decision and something you have to work for.

    So many times I've read people write things like I'm focusing on myself and school or I'm career oriented and then they wonder why there is no one special in their life. It's because they haven't made the investment of time or emotion and are expecting instant relationship with someone as soon as they pick their heads up out of the books or pile of papers on their desks.

    I find it laughable when I read all the profiles on this and many other sites where everyone wants a special someone in their life. If all these people truly want someone special in there life it would seem there are more than enough guys out there you could find to build a relationship with. I suspect all are not honest with themselves or others or just aren't willing to invest the time and attention a relationship requires..

    One last thing. To all the guys out there focing on career (working 60, 70 or 80 hours a week), walk through a cemetery and count the number of tombs which have Loyal Employee of XXX Corp. on it. I doubt you will find one.




    THIS! Very well stated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 1:26 PM GMT
    At 25 you should enjoy yourself. Your only young once and life is short. On some occasions though you find someone when you least expect it and everyone else just looks different. When your 25 though a bf can make you question if there is anyone else out there but just remember personality should coincide with looks. I mean you shouldn't be with someone because you only find them very attractive. In essence all you have is a human trophy which you can look at and show to everyone. Then when it is all done that trophy eventually gets old and gets left behind.
  • melloyello

    Posts: 149

    Jul 17, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    Like an earlier poster, I am amazed at all these posters who want to find that "special someone." If all the "special someone" people got together, why can't they match up from that pool and create a whole lot of couples. I think most guys want the "10", the one that all their friends would be jealous of. Smart, funny, ripped, rich, hung and like a pornstar in bed. These people rarely (if ever) exist. I think we spend our 20's looking for this and in our 30's start to relax the standards into something more realistic.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    Bambino_Rex said
    UndercoverMan said
    youarewhatyouare saidso the question is : normal or not that Ive always been single in this (crazy) gay world?


    Depends on who you are. I have never been single. I have always made time to have a special someone in my life. It's a conscious decision and something you have to work for.

    So many times I've read people write things like I'm focusing on myself and school or I'm career oriented and then they wonder why there is no one special in their life. It's because they haven't made the investment of time or emotion and are expecting instant relationship with someone as soon as they pick their heads up out of the books or pile of papers on their desks.

    I find it laughable when I read all the profiles on this and many other sites where everyone wants a special someone in their life. If all these people truly want someone special in there life it would seem there are more than enough guys out there you could find to build a relationship with. I suspect all are not honest with themselves or others or just aren't willing to invest the time and attention a relationship requires..

    One last thing. To all the guys out there focing on career (working 60, 70 or 80 hours a week), walk through a cemetery and count the number of tombs which have Loyal Employee of XXX Corp. on it. I doubt you will find one.




    THIS! Very well stated.


    FYI : Career-oriented doesnt mean I am doing 70 hours per week. If this being career-oriented in US? I do have a good job for my age but I do not live in the US and we dont have to do 1089876hours per week here to be a good employee

    career-oriented for me : caring about your job,ambition,wants to succeed in life (doesnt equal 70hours per week)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 17, 2012 10:04 PM GMT
    TOTALLY NORMAL! I was 29 before I had my first boyfriend, and I know a lot of other guys who have the same experience. There are just fewer guys who like guys to go around, so the chances of you happening to meet another single, available, mutually attracted, sane, productive member of society are often depressingly low.

    I would definitely suggest using dating websites that are not sex-focused. I can't say enough good things about okcupid! Manhunt and scruff definitely have their time and place, but you probably aren't going to find a boyfriend there.

    I liked dating online because I'd meet guys who were outside my (relatively) limited sphere of interaction. Don't leave love up to chance! The man of your dreams could be one town over, waiting for you to ask him out icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 18, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidThere is no normal.....the community is too big and diverse for there to be a normal. What you're doing is normal for you (presumably), and that's all that matters. If you actually want a boyfriend and you think there's something about you or something you're doing that's keeping you from that goal, that's something else though.


    Agreed....stop trying to do 'normal'. Its not what everyone else is doing thas going to be the best thing for you. Whats good for you is whats good for YOU. Conforming to what you percieve as normal makes u less unique and, imho, less desirable. We all want whats right for us on the deepest level and that is going to be different for every individual.

    It is, however, important to maintain standards and take care of yourself. Lowering yourself changes the "pheromone" that you give off and will more than likely generalize your attraction when Mr right is looking specifically for YOU! So, in that you dont want to change because it hurts your chances of bumping into him. But you dont want to loose sight of the fact that he is out there and that the search is a double edged sword.

    You have to put yourself out there. And dont be so blind as to miss the obvious : everyone is NOT for you. LOTS of people are about the bullshit but the more chances you create, the more opportunity you have at success.

    Now, if I can only learn to follow my own advice and talk to the blonde with the faux-hawk, i just might be living proof that what I just said can be applied to a real life situation. But getting over the thoughts that I'm not good enough to overcome potential competition or the assumption that he is happy being single or, the worse one, that he is taken and Im just too blinded by my own motives to see that is my own problem....You're not the only one who has questions by the way.icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    I've been wondering the same. All my straight friends around my age are in serious relationships, but none of my gay friends under 30 can even sleep with the same guy twice. I think I'd prefer the relationship stuff now...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Yeah they are. A third of my straight friends are either engaged or married. Gays sleep around, can't deny it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2012 2:28 AM GMT
    Normal... there are few norms in the gay community, as far as traditional ages for dating, sexual experience, and learning go... The fact that you see that it may be odd, is actually amongst the few normal things we have to call our own. Slowly, and I'm being hopeful here, over a generation or two, we may come to accepted and woven back into society's norms, like first dates, prom, and marriage... until then, feel normal be who you are. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. I was. I didn't have sex til I was 20; and didn't date til I was 22 years old. My one weeklong date with a girl back in high school, aside.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    Hey dude idk if this makes you feel better or not. But I think it is not a bad thing to not have had someone yet. It means that you are holding out for the right one. So I say just keep on trucking until you find the right one...a good one...you got this dude! Hakuna Matata! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2012 3:07 AM GMT
    If all of you hotties cannot find a man, I am officially fucked.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 21, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    Im going to say this, as much as people will tell you have time, get on it. dont put off waiting to live.
  • mrblue

    Posts: 27

    Oct 21, 2012 6:12 AM GMT
    I'm 24 and haven't had a boyfriend. But at the same time I'm one of those who love being single so I haven't really been trying to have a boyfriend. It's all about what you want -- that's your normal.