Questions for Bi guys, Gays who had girlfriends and Married guys!

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    Jul 20, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    doddy87 said
    eb925guy said
    doddy87 said

    One question I have for you eb925guy is around this emotional element. I'm not quite sure I understand how you loved and lusted for your wife at one point but still had an emotional void only a man could fulfill. Or was it that you eventually grew an emotional void and it so happened that you found a man that could fulfill it? Were you always aware of this desire to have a real connection, bond and romance with a man? Your story is very interesting and I'd be curious to hear how exactly this worked as I'm not sure I fully understood.

    I think you'll find that my generation and before falls more into this category. Not being sexually active probably did not help me understand what it was that I truly desired. I followed what I had been taught, told, seen and looked for a woman to be in a relationship with. I did have an attraction for guys and loved seeing guys while growing up (both clothed and not). I also thought that my desires for a guy would go away once I became sexually active with a woman so when I married I figured that was it.

    When I married, it was all new and exciting. It didn't take much to get me aroused since I was sexually deprived. I did enjoy sex with my wife but my enjoyment wasn't for her, it was for me. It was a very selfish enjoyment. I never really understood what I did for her or how to really please her other than just 'do it'. Clearly with kids, the 'doing it' worked.

    I was connected to my wife emotionally from the point of understanding and enjoying her. I don't believe that I ever really was emotionally in love with her now that I've experienced love with someone I really have a connection with. As the years went by I started to better understand and desire that love I wasn't experiencing. I began to realize that I wasn't fulfilled and the physical side was really just one sided for me, selfishly my fulfillment.
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    Jul 20, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    wcubrad23 said
    eb925guy

    Bisexual = sexually/physically aroused by both genders. The desire to have sex with both genders. It's as simple as that regardless of age. What you have described above is bisexuality. You are bisexual with an emotional preference towards men. Straight men do not desire sex with other men and Gay men do not desire sex with women. They can technically have sex with someone outside their orientation under certain circumstances (e.g. fantasizing about their preferred gender).
    No, I'm not bisexual. This is the most common comment and mis-statement I hear from people trying to embrace bisexuality. Just because you are aroused and have sex with a woman, does not make you bisexual. Yes, I had sex a lot with my wife and yes I was hard each time. Yes, I was aroused but it was not arousal for her as it was by her. Her touching and my anticipation of what I (NOT HER) would feel and enjoy was what kept me arouse. Being young was a big benefit since achieving and maintaining while younger is much easier. By the end I could not maintain any time of erection with her however solo or now with a man, not an issue. Nope, your definition may be the literal definition but it does not carry over to every man having sex with a woman must be bisexual. I don't buy that.
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    Jul 20, 2012 10:19 PM GMT
    All of my life I tried to find myself attracted to girls, but I am not sure I ever was. Still to this day I find it hard to accept that I am not. I think it is psychological. Slowly, but surely, I will accept the fact that I am not interested in girls to myself and hopefully be able to live a normal life the way I am.

    I am 28 now, I just wish that I accepted I didn't care for girls years ago. Always found them to give me a headache, and never was really sexually attracted to them... and I always thought something was wrong with me icon_smile.gif
  • Lanter

    Posts: 160

    Jul 21, 2012 12:24 PM GMT
    I have been very attracted mentally to a few girls and for me, mental attraction can be enough at times. I know I don't enjoy a female body the way a traditional straight guy would, but its not all bad. I actually can get a little rough which is hard to imagine cause of the way I am normally. I am also not opposed to the idea of white marriages or having kids that way. But that's another story.
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    Jul 21, 2012 12:42 PM GMT
    my close friends are girls
    my libidos is for hunks
    i love to have a baby icon_wink.gif

    i am
    bisexual-color-gay-human-lesbian-Favim.c
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    Jul 21, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    In college, I was in a relationship with a girl for 4.5 years. The sex, although not perfect (or ideal), was still really good.

    I've been attracted to women my whole life, but I didn't realize there was a difference between sexual attraction and emotional attraction until about 2.5 years into my relationship. Once we broke up, I decided to focus my attention on guys. It's not that I couldn't have a relationship with a woman again, but I realize it'd never be complete. With a guy, I can have everything I want and need. With a woman, something was missing.
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    Jul 21, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    Interesting subject, as I consider myself technically 'Bi'. For many years, I chased and wanted women. My sexual orientation started to change in my mind twenties, as I found myself aroused by good-looking men in straight porn. I experimented with a man once, and I liked it. Ever since, I've seen myself more attracted to men, but I still occasionally want to be with a woman. In fact, I was just with one a couple of weeks ago.

    To answer some of the OP questions: I still find the female figure quite attractive. Specially women with large breasts and great asses (I'm into voluptuous women and BBWs). I am Latin, so sometimes I get really bad 'jungle fever'; there's just something about curvier black women's bodies that drives me near insane with lust.

    I don't think I ever had an 'A-ha' moment. For me, it's been a transition to being more attracted to men. These days, I masturbate almost exclusively to gay porn, and I'm way more aroused by the male body. The shift took several years. Sexual orientation is fluid; it changes as you get older.

    Emotionally, though, I know I can't never be in a relationship with a woman again. My attraction to women now is something passing. Something I crave once in a while, but I couldn't sustain a relationship with one from this point on. Women, in general, see sex much different than gay men. For women, sex is about intimacy and commitment. Women want to get married, have children, have a house. They crave romance. They don't tolerate 'sexual adventurism'; they see it as infidelity. I see sex as adventure and pleasure. I'm capable of being with one partner, but I need one that allows occasional sex outside the relationship.. and this could never happen with a woman. Only gay men (not all.. but must) tolerate this type of attitude, so I could never seriously be with a women again. On top of that, I'm just not interested in having children.. nor supporting a woman. Must women still see relationships with men as 'providers'. They won't outright say it, but most women are programmed since young to be with men who provide, make lots of money, etc. I've never been into that as a basis for a relationship... So, ever slowly, women have slid out of my life as romantic partners, even though they occasionally turn me on.
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    Jul 21, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    k1ng said@smartmoney, living proof of disagreement, i ahve a girlfriend, who i love and care about very much


    Couldn't agree with you more man
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    Jul 28, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    PR_GMR saidInteresting subject, as I consider myself technically 'Bi'. For many years, I chased and wanted women. My sexual orientation started to change in my mind twenties, as I found myself aroused by good-looking men in straight porn. I experimented with a man once, and I liked it. Ever since, I've seen myself more attracted to men, but I still occasionally want to be with a woman. In fact, I was just with one a couple of weeks ago.

    To answer some of the OP questions: I still find the female figure quite attractive. Specially women with large breasts and great asses (I'm into voluptuous women and BBWs). I am Latin, so sometimes I get really bad 'jungle fever'; there's just something about curvier black women's bodies that drives me near insane with lust.

    I don't think I ever had an 'A-ha' moment. For me, it's been a transition to being more attracted to men. These days, I masturbate almost exclusively to gay porn, and I'm way more aroused by the male body. The shift took several years. Sexual orientation is fluid; it changes as you get older.

    Emotionally, though, I know I can't never be in a relationship with a woman again. My attraction to women now is something passing. Something I crave once in a while, but I couldn't sustain a relationship with one from this point on. Women, in general, see sex much different than gay men. For women, sex is about intimacy and commitment. Women want to get married, have children, have a house. They crave romance. They don't tolerate 'sexual adventurism'; they see it as infidelity. I see sex as adventure and pleasure. I'm capable of being with one partner, but I need one that allows occasional sex outside the relationship.. and this could never happen with a woman. Only gay men (not all.. but must) tolerate this type of attitude, so I could never seriously be with a women again. On top of that, I'm just not interested in having children.. nor supporting a woman. Must women still see relationships with men as 'providers'. They won't outright say it, but most women are programmed since young to be with men who provide, make lots of money, etc. I've never been into that as a basis for a relationship... So, ever slowly, women have slid out of my life as romantic partners, even though they occasionally turn me on.


    I like the fact you talk about the fluidity of sexuality. Cool way of looking at it. Yes women seem to see relationships as more than face value, they want a provider, a guy in charge, a leader if you like.
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    Jul 28, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    I had girlfriends in my teens but never fucked them. That makes me 100% gay.

    I can has gold card nao plz?
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    Aug 01, 2012 12:36 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI had girlfriends in my teens but never fucked them. That makes me 100% gay.

    I can has gold card nao plz?


    The thought of having a girlfriend or boyfriend without any sex is bizarre these days but in your teens you often are still discovering more about your sexuality.
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    Aug 01, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    Ive slept with 7 women. No to all the questions your asking. I was just trying to fit in at high school.If you need more help from me about this just shoot me an emailicon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 01, 2012 12:56 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI had girlfriends in my teens but never fucked them. That makes me 100% gay.

    I can has gold card nao plz?

    Your first card is not gold. After a suitably prolonged period a secret board will review your status, for a possible upgrade to silver card status. The prerequisites for a gold card are known to only a few people on Earth.

    gaycard.jpg
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    Aug 01, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    paulflexes saidI had girlfriends in my teens but never fucked them. That makes me 100% gay.

    I can has gold card nao plz?

    Your first card is not gold. After a suitably prolonged period a secret board will review your status, for a possible upgrade to silver card status. The prerequisites for a gold card are known to only a few people on Earth.

    gaycard.jpg




    LMAO
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Aug 01, 2012 1:07 PM GMT
    Wow, no such thing as bisexual men? That's a good one. Wouldn't life be so much simpler if sexuality were black and white.

    Anyway: masturbating prior to dating a woman... Yeah, I'd say so. I generally don't persue a relationship unless I know my desire for them is going to stick. Same with men as for women. That trial period definitely includes me masturbating while thinking about them, and trying to think about other people during the act to to see if I respond the same way. If no matter who I think about the object Of my affection is what feels best, then score one point for them.

    For me it's always about who they are and less about what sex they are. So it's not like I masturbate about women more frequently when I want a girlfriend. However, if I'm dating a guy and I get the urge for feminine flesh I'll masturbate while thinking about women to get it out of my system so I don't end up hurting my relationship.

    The sex is pretty frequent in most of my relationships. I find more frequently that sex is more of a chore with another man because they want it constantly. I find myself using the, "I'm tired" or "I have a headache" excuses when I'm with a guy. Man, my cock needs air occasionally!

    I see my sexual attractions for men and for women are really hard to compare. They each bring a completely different quality into my life. I have intense sexual desire either way, but it's like a whole different feeling.

    I hope this helps your research.

    When dating a woman I would have the same experiences I did while dating men, an occasional passing craving for the other gender. Generally soothed by some fantasy and masturbation. As much as possible, I try not to let my swaying sexuality affect my relationships. I've learned to live with it, and have monogamous relationships with it, there's no reason my lover should have to worry.
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    Aug 01, 2012 1:25 PM GMT
    doddy87 saidWill be fascinating to hear your stories. Thanks in advance!

    I simply had no interest in girls or women when I was growing up. Didn't date them, didn't attend the HS prom, didn't think about them. After constant nagging by my parents, especially my mother, I finally made a deliberate effort to date when I was 26. Not surprisingly, the woman I chose was a tomboy, who rode motorcycles like I did, hiked and camped, and later joined the Army, even completing airborne (paratrooper) training.

    I had sex with her at 27, first in my life. I found it messy & smelly, but felt OK. I continued to get most of my sex from my right hand. And my fantasies, whether with her or when masturbating, were most often about men.

    I much preferred to look at a naked man than a naked woman, as of course I still do, but I never tried anything while in the Army, knowing I could be sentenced to Leavenworth for it. And I truly didn't consider myself gay, just thought I had a "kinky" interest in male bodies, since in my Army lifestyle I was far too tough to fit the stereotypical image I had of gay men. I didn't behave gay, so therefore I wasn't gay, regardless of what was going on inside my head.

    Today I couldn't have sex with a woman if you paid me. It was essentially a social obligation when I thought I was straight, to make me look and feel normal, same as all the other men. Now that I know my true normal is gay, women have totally fallen out of my radar sexually, replaced by gaydar. I do have female friends, both straight & lesbian, but a sexual thought regarding them never crosses my mind.
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    Aug 01, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidStupid question, since everyone agrees there is no such thing as bi sexual men and the vast majority of gay men only fantasize about women when thinking how much better they could have worked that look better.
    That explains why some men like women like this:

    Nicole_Bass_7.jpg
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    Aug 02, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    FireDoor211 saidWow, no such thing as bisexual men? That's a good one. Wouldn't life be so much simpler if sexuality were black and white.

    Anyway: masturbating prior to dating a woman... Yeah, I'd say so. I generally don't persue a relationship unless I know my desire for them is going to stick. Same with men as for women. That trial period definitely includes me masturbating while thinking about them, and trying to think about other people during the act to to see if I respond the same way. If no matter who I think about the object Of my affection is what feels best, then score one point for them.

    For me it's always about who they are and less about what sex they are. So it's not like I masturbate about women more frequently when I want a girlfriend. However, if I'm dating a guy and I get the urge for feminine flesh I'll masturbate while thinking about women to get it out of my system so I don't end up hurting my relationship.

    The sex is pretty frequent in most of my relationships. I find more frequently that sex is more of a chore with another man because they want it constantly. I find myself using the, "I'm tired" or "I have a headache" excuses when I'm with a guy. Man, my cock needs air occasionally!

    I see my sexual attractions for men and for women are really hard to compare. They each bring a completely different quality into my life. I have intense sexual desire either way, but it's like a whole different feeling.

    I hope this helps your research.

    When dating a woman I would have the same experiences I did while dating men, an occasional passing craving for the other gender. Generally soothed by some fantasy and masturbation. As much as possible, I try not to let my swaying sexuality affect my relationships. I've learned to live with it, and have monogamous relationships with it, there's no reason my lover should have to worry.


    Firedoor that's really interesting and encouraging to hear. Of course you can't ignore your desire for either sex during a relationship but it's good to hear you are perfectly able to remain in a monogamous relationship. Your anecdote about sex with men is hilarious....I think as men we are naturally randy bastards so the frequency can be crazy haha. Worse than too much though is too little. Luckily never had a relationship that involved too little sex... it wouldn't work for me personally.
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    Aug 02, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    doddy87 saidWill be fascinating to hear your stories. Thanks in advance!

    I simply had no interest in girls or women when I was growing up. Didn't date them, didn't attend the HS prom, didn't think about them. After constant nagging by my parents, especially my mother, I finally made a deliberate effort to date when I was 26. Not surprisingly, the woman I chose was a tomboy, who rode motorcycles like I did, hiked and camped, and later joined the Army, even completing airborne (paratrooper) training.

    I had sex with her at 27, first in my life. I found it messy & smelly, but felt OK. I continued to get most of my sex from my right hand. And my fantasies, whether with her or when masturbating, were most often about men.

    I much preferred to look at a naked man than a naked woman, as of course I still do, but I never tried anything while in the Army, knowing I could be sentenced to Leavenworth for it. And I truly didn't consider myself gay, just thought I had a "kinky" interest in male bodies, since in my Army lifestyle I was far too tough to fit the stereotypical image I had of gay men. I didn't behave gay, so therefore I wasn't gay, regardless of what was going on inside my head.

    Today I couldn't have sex with a woman if you paid me. It was essentially a social obligation when I thought I was straight, to make me look and feel normal, same as all the other men. Now that I know my true normal is gay, women have totally fallen out of my radar sexually, replaced by gaydar. I do have female friends, both straight & lesbian, but a sexual thought regarding them never crosses my mind.


    Thanks for your contribution. We all have our "time" to discover our sexuality. For me the thought of sex with women being "a chore" is bizarre as I really enjoy it and desire it. But if women aren't part of your sexual nature it must feel pretty strange trying to include women in your life to please society. It must have been sexually frustrating to be in the army full of hot guys and not be able to do anything haha. Glad it all worked out for you in the end...
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    Aug 02, 2012 9:48 PM GMT
    I dated a girl for two years in college. I did it because I was in the closet. The sex was horrible and I dreamed about guys the whole time. What I did was selfish and unfair. I am lucky that she chose to remain a good friend.

    Some things are SIMPLE!