Better Looking = Fewer Long Term Relationships?

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    Jul 30, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    huhwhat said
    TheLetterD said
    huhwhat said
    TheLetterD saidI've already told myself that I want my next boyfriend to be average looking. icon_lol.gif


    Gee, that's going to make him feel special.


    He won't know that I think he's average looking. If he has the right personality, I'm sure that a 7 will look like a 10 to me. icon_wink.gif

    Besides, with an average looking guy, I won't have to worry about people hitting on him when he goes out with friends or having to worry about trusting him. The more attractive your boyfriend, the less trust you have.
    icon_lol.gif


    Dude, I just hope he never reads this post LOL. Awkward..


    Not like I'll meet him on RJ. My lack of muscles means I'll NEVER meet him on RJ. icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    I went out earlier tonight to one of the Dore Alley events, and the men were handsome, but out of shape, which for me means "no erection".

    I work hard at keeping myself fit. I seek out other fit people to hang with whether or not they are "my type".
  • kencarson

    Posts: 224

    Jul 30, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    themachine saidI do know several outlandishly good-looking men (and women) that are in long-term same-sex relationships. They key seems to be that they chose (or accepted) their partner without much regard for looks. They know they can have anyone, so they use their "purchasing power" to find the best person to live with. Often that's not the hottest guy, but the best provider, the funniest person, the most stable, or whatever else they feel they need.


    I guess that's my question then. Is it wrong to wait for the holy grail of someone who I find attractive and who is a good/funny guy as well?
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    kencarson saidI guess that's my question then. Is it wrong to wait for the holy grail of someone who I find attractive and who is a good/funny guy as well?



    By all means wait for it. icon_biggrin.gif But don't be too blinded in attaining the perfect ideology..A diamond is always in the rough at first icon_biggrin.gif

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    Jul 30, 2012 4:37 AM GMT
    It's complicated. We are drawn close to folks with similar interests. We share a common experiences, and, often views. Physical attraction, and, as a consequence, state of health; lifestyle, are also big things. Like it or not, most folks don't go after folks unlike them, for a long list of reasons, and they're not necessarily physical. They are often times cultural. The are many times economical.

    I concur that a good relationship (friendship) can be very much about a partnership, but, a romance..is...well...magic. Everything comes together in a way that makes both parties happy to be there. No outsider; no open relationship; just compatibility; a mutual partnership with attraction, similar interests, often, like cultures, and so on.

    It may seem unfair to the young of heart, of the lonely, but, it's a very real thing. Am I interested in a fat, hairy, out of shape, couch potato? No. Why? Not because I'm an asshole, but we don't share a common experience that we can enjoy together, and we have hugely different life priorities.

    It's easy to be idealistic, but reality is a 'nuther matter.

    If you are exceptional in some way, e.g., brains, braun, money, that puts you in a different place than someone who isn't. It's just how things are.

    I went to a meetup the other night where a 60 year old guy was talking about his 25 year old partner. Hey, man, if they're happy, o.k., but, it's likely a bit of a stretch some days.
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:39 AM GMT
    kencarson said
    themachine saidI do know several outlandishly good-looking men (and women) that are in long-term same-sex relationships. They key seems to be that they chose (or accepted) their partner without much regard for looks. They know they can have anyone, so they use their "purchasing power" to find the best person to live with. Often that's not the hottest guy, but the best provider, the funniest person, the most stable, or whatever else they feel they need.


    I guess that's my question then. Is it wrong to wait for the holy grail of someone who I find attractive and who is a good/funny guy as well?


    That's a difficult question for anyone to seriously answer... it resides in what matter the most to you.. what matters to you.. whats your REAL check list?

    and then match that against where you are? You are in Vegas right? Does that environment even support your "mating goal"?
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:42 AM GMT
    i've been single my whole life. i'm 22 but came out at 20. i definitely know how you feel. I've gotten so many compliments on my look and i can never seem to find anyone to be my first BF (not necessarily my life partner). I sometimes get so down about it and think that relationships in gay men 20-29 is just not possible and doesn't exist for a good 50% of us. I've pretty much given up on trying to find someone to be with because it's so not worth all of the pain and rejection. I'm trying to focus on myself. Trust me, that itch for someone to love you is sooooooo hard to get rid of (i wish they had a pill for it). But I'm just hoping that my first real love will find me one day. let's all hang in there.
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:43 AM GMT
    kencarson said
    themachine saidI do know several outlandishly good-looking men (and women) that are in long-term same-sex relationships. They key seems to be that they chose (or accepted) their partner without much regard for looks. They know they can have anyone, so they use their "purchasing power" to find the best person to live with. Often that's not the hottest guy, but the best provider, the funniest person, the most stable, or whatever else they feel they need.


    I guess that's my question then. Is it wrong to wait for the holy grail of someone who I find attractive and who is a good/funny guy as well?


    Don't think so. I think we all want someone we are sexually attracted to in some way that also stimulates us on an intellectual/emotional level. Is there a standard that is impossible? Yes, but I don't think that what you're asking falls into that area.

    My problem is finding someone who also finds me attractive and funny back icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    great thread,

    I want to add, that most guys who are good looking and have high expectations of their potential dates also get less sex than the average looking gay man.

    True story.

    (Sometimes it does really feel like sacrifice made in vain, though health is often a good byproduct)
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    I think a lot of gay men are validation driven (also in the Velvet Rage). Most of what we do is geared towards getting validation, so, often times, we choose partners who validate us. If we feel that we must use our body to secure that validation then we will expect whomever we date to offer that.

    So when dating becomes more about validation and less about connection and compatibility, we often have a tough time finding a match. I think most gay men, especially those who are body conscious because they need the validation care more about how someone looks and what their friends will think about the person than they do about how well they get along with a person.

    I have so many friends who are in amazing shape and can't hold down a relationship, they are just as single as I am. Relationships are successful when two things are present:

    1. Open, honest, communication. Your relationship needs to be the place where you can say anything and know you'll be accepted.
    2. Expansion - both parties feel the other person enhances their life.

    The rest is entirely negotiable and unnecessary. Yet, when we look for a lover I don't think we put these things at the top of our list. And if we did, well that person is probably already in our lives, but because they don't have the body we think we deserve for validation purposes we've just made them our friend.
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    oceanboy11 saidgreat thread,

    I want to add, that most guys who are good looking and have high expectations of their potential dates also get less sex than the average looking gay man.

    True story.

    (Sometimes it does really feel like sacrifice made in vain, though health is often a good byproduct)


    I'll cosign this. I've seen this happen. A lot.

    bearpster saidI think a lot of gay men are validation driven (also in the Velvet Rage). Most of what we do is geared towards getting validation, so, often times, we choose partners who validate us. If we feel that we must use our body to secure that validation then we will expect whomever we date to offer that.

    So when dating becomes more about validation and less about connection and compatibility, we often have a tough time finding a match. I think most gay men, especially those who are body conscious because they need the validation care more about how someone looks and what their friends will think about the person than they do about how well they get along with a person.

    I have so many friends who are in amazing shape and can't hold down a relationship, they are just as single as I am. Relationships are successful when two things are present:

    1. Open, honest, communication. Your relationship needs to be the place where you can say anything and know you'll be accepted.
    2. Expansion - both parties feel the other person enhances their life.

    The rest is entirely negotiable and unnecessary. Yet, when we look for a lover I don't think we put these things at the top of our list. And if we did, well that person is probably already in our lives, but because they don't have the body we think we deserve for validation purposes we've just made them our friend.


    I cosign on this as well.

    Currently happily single.. the successful relationships i see.. exceedingly good looking or not contain those two factors.
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    Jul 30, 2012 4:57 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidIt's complicated. We are drawn close to folks with similar interests. We share a common experiences, and, often views. Physical attraction, and, as a consequence, state of health; lifestyle, are also big things. Like it or not, most folks don't go after folks unlike them, for a long list of reasons, and they're not necessarily physical. They are often times cultural. The are many times economical.

    I concur that a good relationship (friendship) can be very much about a partnership, but, a romance..is...well...magic. Everything comes together in a way that makes both parties happy to be there. No outsider; no open relationship; just compatibility; a mutual partnership with attraction, similar interests, often, like cultures, and so on.

    It may seem unfair to the young of heart, of the lonely, but, it's a very real thing. Am I interested in a fat, hairy, out of shape, couch potato? No. Why? Not because I'm an asshole, but we don't share a common experience that we can enjoy together, and we have hugely different life priorities.

    It's easy to be idealistic, but reality is a 'nuther matter.

    If you are exceptional in some way, e.g., brains, braun, money, that puts you in a different place than someone who isn't. It's just how things are.

    I went to a meetup the other night where a 60 year old guy was talking about his 25 year old partner. Hey, man, if they're happy, o.k., but, it's likely a bit of a stretch some days.


    I concur with everything you say here. It's easy to tell an attractive guy "Just date a guy who you really hit it off with regardless of looks", but that often leads to an imbalance in the relationship.

    The other person starts to question their attractiveness; they see other men ogling their partner but not them. Soon they start hounding their partner about it, even going so far as to question them "Why are you even interested in me?". For a while he can stroke his lovers ego, because in the early days its easy to keep expressing how attractive the man is that has caught his eye and his heart, but after a while the constant ego stroking becomes tiring, and it wears him down. His partner is just never satisfied with words.

    That initial period of intense romance starts to wane, and day to day life kicks in. His partner is still feeling vulnerable about his appearance and whether the love he's receiving can even be genuine, and the attractive dude is left feeling tired and heart broken that he can't seem to express enough how much his man means to him, that he's fallen for someone who is so much more than just what's in the mirror. The constant nagging, and periods of depression spoil the attraction, turning a man he once swooned over into someone who drains him of his energy and happiness. The relationship now takes the inevitable steps towards it's end.

    I think a big part of the truth is that finding our match in life will always be a struggle, regardless of how attractive a guy is. There are so many parameters and variables that need to line up, it's kind of astounding that anyone actually ends up together!

    But brothers, keep the faith. Those who look will find. We just have to all be patient, get to know ourselves better, and stay vigilant for Mr. Right.
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    Jul 30, 2012 5:08 AM GMT
    #prettypeopleproblemsicon_question.gif
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    Jul 30, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    This reeks of a self-induced overcomplication.

    Whether you're pretty or not, you have to decide: what do I want? Once you have that figured out: how do I achieve what I want?

    If you're pretty you have a built in advantage, no doubt, but how you leverage that against what you want/your expectations/the context in which you exist will largely determine your "success."

    Besides, being "attractive" is something put on someone by others/viewers - it only has as much value as you allow it. To embody that improperly (that validation stuff again) is to endanger sanity. As paulflexes wisely points out above, we will ALL get old and dumpy at some point.

    Attractive gets you in the door, but decency/wit/compassion/etc lets you stay at the love+relationship party.
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    Jul 30, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    hawk87> Holding yourself to a high standard naturally begs holding others to a high standard as well. The question I'm considering... is there a point when our [inflated?] self-perception causes us to hold others to unrealistic standards?

    Good point, and question.


    paulflexes> Why the fuck would you put all the time and effort into achieving a great body if you're looking for a relationship with only one guy? The whole idea of being ripped is to be admired by MANY...not just one.

    You mean like how straight guys let themselves go right after their honeymoon?

    I'm nowhere near ripped (and not a "bodybuilder"), but I stay in shape so I can compete with people half my age. And because I don't like myself when I'm not (mostly) in shape (there's that "high standard" hawk87 mentioned). And just as I aim to please my partner on other levels, I'd want to stay in shape for him.


    kencarson> Is it wrong to wait for the holy grail of someone who I find attractive and who is a good/funny guy as well?

    What's the alternative you are considering?
    Running off with a hot guy who isn't a good/funny guy?
    Or dating a guy who is good/funny but not so attractive?

    The first will net you a 3 week (or hours?) relationship.
    The latter could work, provided he's attractive "enough" for you.
    And that's all that really matters, right?

    The problem is to avoid those who have a different agenda. If you're looking for a LTR and they're looking for validation, to score a hot guy, a notch in their bed-post to impress their friends....
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    Jul 30, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    Good looks can get you a date, but looks usually become quickly less important as a relationship deepens. After a few days, weeks or months of dating someone, typically you've learned more about his character, interests, hopes, fears and ambitions. You've learned about how he treats other people. A mature person then looks at these more substantive attributes and decides to move on or keep dating.

    In bigger cities it seems to me there's always a great number of better looking guys. The clinically single guys are probably just enjoying being single and playing the field. Pretty common in your 20s. For some it's a lifelong way of being.

    Call me naive, but I don't believe that someone would stick with you only because you're physically better looking. People stop dating someone due to deeper issues.

    In a LTR you are not so much settling as learning how to be with another and support him. Sure, there are compromises and accommodations made in support of something greater than just yourself and your partner as two individuals.

    There's nothing wrong with being single for 6 years, or more.

    Finally, please consider meeting people in real life rather than through FB and dating sites. Then you can quickly assess if you're interested in each other for more than just the physical. Date the guys you find attractive on multiple levels.

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    Jul 30, 2012 6:33 AM GMT
    kencarson saidI've been single for about 6 years now. A lot of my friends seem baffled by this. I always get, "You're so handsome! You must be beating them off with a stick!" Or something to that affect.

    Last night I was out to a movie with my friend. We got to talking about relationships and what we're attracted to, and how hard it is to have one. He and I are both pretty good looking and have good bodies, so I brought up the question:

    "How many of your friends are good looking and have nice bodies?"

    "Quite a few."

    "How many of those friends have had or are currently in long term relationships, but aren't serial monogamists?"

    "Almost none."

    I just finished reading The Velvet Rage, and it brought up the trend that gay men who are very focused on their own looks, also tend to require that their partner be as or more good looking as they are. The author goes on to state that many times (not always) men who look for looks as one of the primary requirements for getting into a relationship with someone, often get bored when the "glitter" of the physical dulls and are left with what we all are, an imperfect person.

    I took offense to this at first. I mean, I know I have more to offer than just looks. I'm funny, smart, good at my job, etc. But the thing I present to the world the most, is how I look. It's the first thing people see, in person. It's the cute picture I put up of myself on Facebook. It's the majority of what people look at on my dating profile sites.

    So, if I'm putting it out there, it stands to reason that that's what people will see in me primarily, and possibly why I get bored of me when they find out my quirks and that I don't look so great first thing in the morning.

    I see the trend in most of my good-looking friends too. Either they're clinically single, they hop from boyfriend to boyfriend, or their long term relationship includes some sort of on the side deal (something I'm not necessarily opposed to, but certainly not something I'm seeking out.)

    I don't know what the answer is. Do people in long term relationships just settle? Or are they presenting more than just the physical that attracts people who are looking for more than that? Are all good-looking people always just looking for the next best thing? Or have they just gotten used to a pattern of in-and-out relationships that it's hard to break?

    Any thoughts?



    As with what litmop said, you are still extremely young! So long as your standards aren't unreasonable, and I'm sure they aren't, you WILL find that special one. There are over 7 billion people in the world; all you need is one. The odds are good. Yes, I'm aware that large number becomes more infinitesemal when you start factoring in gender, age, etc, but I'm just saying, there are a lot of people out there that you haven't met yet. Perhaps it's just not the right time and place!

    Also, I would like to point out that attraction is truly in the eye of the beholder. Although there is a general consensus on what beauty may be, attraction is a different story. You can easily find someone beautiful, but not be attracted to them. As such, the common misconception that someone who is gorgeous, like you, "Kencarson", and many people here (of course, in my opinion), will seek only those who are "beautiful" in that same regard (ex. perfect muscle ratio, facial features, teeth etc), is often not the case. You see many couples of which one person is of a more conventional beauty, while the other is not. Although there is that possibility where the better-looking one may have been cheated on a lot and decided to settle with something "safe", or that he is marrying rich, more often than not, it is simply because that partner he is with, is what he finds attractive. We all have an incredibly diverse conception of beauty, and it is fluid, changing from time to time. However, after we get through the initial phases of the relationships, if we find that individual who's inner beauty is what we're looking for, the relationship will continue, through thick and thin.

    It is too common to say, "he can do better", when we haven't gotten to know the individuals yet.

    Anyway, again, the summary still stands in my own entitled opinion: you are young, you will find someone, your diverse taste (which may or may not present itself in different stages of your life via different experiences) will eventually attract you to an individual who will ultimately become your soul mate.

    You are beautiful; we all are, but you are also conventionally beautiful, and you seem sincere.

    PS: lastly, people may be threatened by your beauty, and be afraid to approach you. There will, however, be those out there with the confidence to ask you out icon_smile.gif Just be patient, be active, and be yourself!
  • DCEric

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    Jul 30, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    All I can say is: Thank g-d I'm ugly.

    /sarcasm, but not in a mean way.
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    Jul 30, 2012 3:35 PM GMT
    kencarson said
    themachine saidI do know several outlandishly good-looking men (and women) that are in long-term same-sex relationships. They key seems to be that they chose (or accepted) their partner without much regard for looks. They know they can have anyone, so they use their "purchasing power" to find the best person to live with. Often that's not the hottest guy, but the best provider, the funniest person, the most stable, or whatever else they feel they need.


    I guess that's my question then. Is it wrong to wait for the holy grail of someone who I find attractive and who is a good/funny guy as well?

    First of all, if this is your question, I don't think it matters how good looking you are. Even guys that aren't considered attractive have this issue. It may even be more complicated for them since they feel more pressure to settle since it isn't as easy to find someone who'll date them. (note: I'm not subtly calling myself in either group. Some people like me, some don't.)

    Anyway, it all depends on how much you're comfortable compromising. Relationships are all about compromise and hard work. You're dealing with another person who gets to have their own ideas about how things should be. You're never going to be 100 percent with someone.

    You're welcome to wait for "the perfect guy" and he might show up but you should remember that things don't always work out the way they do in the movies. Life is messier.

    That being said, looking for someone you find attractive, funny and good isn't asking for all that much. If those are your goals, I think they sound pretty reasonable.
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    Aug 02, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    Matt_TO said
    chuckystud saidIt's complicated. We are drawn close to folks with similar interests. We share a common experiences, and, often views. Physical attraction, and, as a consequence, state of health; lifestyle, are also big things. Like it or not, most folks don't go after folks unlike them, for a long list of reasons, and they're not necessarily physical. They are often times cultural. The are many times economical.

    I concur that a good relationship (friendship) can be very much about a partnership, but, a romance..is...well...magic. Everything comes together in a way that makes both parties happy to be there. No outsider; no open relationship; just compatibility; a mutual partnership with attraction, similar interests, often, like cultures, and so on.

    It may seem unfair to the young of heart, of the lonely, but, it's a very real thing. Am I interested in a fat, hairy, out of shape, couch potato? No. Why? Not because I'm an asshole, but we don't share a common experience that we can enjoy together, and we have hugely different life priorities.

    It's easy to be idealistic, but reality is a 'nuther matter.

    If you are exceptional in some way, e.g., brains, braun, money, that puts you in a different place than someone who isn't. It's just how things are.

    I went to a meetup the other night where a 60 year old guy was talking about his 25 year old partner. Hey, man, if they're happy, o.k., but, it's likely a bit of a stretch some days.


    I concur with everything you say here. It's easy to tell an attractive guy "Just date a guy who you really hit it off with regardless of looks", but that often leads to an imbalance in the relationship.

    The other person starts to question their attractiveness; they see other men ogling their partner but not them. Soon they start hounding their partner about it, even going so far as to question them "Why are you even interested in me?". For a while he can stroke his lovers ego, because in the early days its easy to keep expressing how attractive the man is that has caught his eye and his heart, but after a while the constant ego stroking becomes tiring, and it wears him down. His partner is just never satisfied with words.

    That initial period of intense romance starts to wane, and day to day life kicks in. His partner is still feeling vulnerable about his appearance and whether the love he's receiving can even be genuine, and the attractive dude is left feeling tired and heart broken that he can't seem to express enough how much his man means to him, that he's fallen for someone who is so much more than just what's in the mirror. The constant nagging, and periods of depression spoil the attraction, turning a man he once swooned over into someone who drains him of his energy and happiness. The relationship now takes the inevitable steps towards it's end.

    I think a big part of the truth is that finding our match in life will always be a struggle, regardless of how attractive a guy is. There are so many parameters and variables that need to line up, it's kind of astounding that anyone actually ends up together!

    But brothers, keep the faith. Those who look will find. We just have to all be patient, get to know ourselves better, and stay vigilant for Mr. Right.


    You're right. However, the problem is not engaging in other ways (other than looks). No matter the imbalance, if they find other attractive and connect beyond that, then the looks will just be one more element in the whole package, not strong enough to make them question their union.

    It also takes a bit of commitment, good will and not getting overwhelmed by the sense of availability that impregnates the gay world. It's so easy to move on and find someone "better".
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    Aug 02, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    I like Nicki Minaj.
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    Aug 02, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    kencarson saidI've been single for about 6 years now. A lot of my friends seem baffled by this. I always get, "You're so handsome! You must be beating them off with a stick!" Or something to that affect.

    Last night I was out to a movie with my friend. We got to talking about relationships and what we're attracted to, and how hard it is to have one. He and I are both pretty good looking and have good bodies, so I brought up the question:

    "How many of your friends are good looking and have nice bodies?"

    "Quite a few."

    "How many of those friends have had or are currently in long term relationships, but aren't serial monogamists?"

    "Almost none."

    I just finished reading The Velvet Rage, and it brought up the trend that gay men who are very focused on their own looks, also tend to require that their partner be as or more good looking as they are. The author goes on to state that many times (not always) men who look for looks as one of the primary requirements for getting into a relationship with someone, often get bored when the "glitter" of the physical dulls and are left with what we all are, an imperfect person.

    I took offense to this at first. I mean, I know I have more to offer than just looks. I'm funny, smart, good at my job, etc. But the thing I present to the world the most, is how I look. It's the first thing people see, in person. It's the cute picture I put up of myself on Facebook. It's the majority of what people look at on my dating profile sites.

    So, if I'm putting it out there, it stands to reason that that's what people will see in me primarily, and possibly why I get bored of me when they find out my quirks and that I don't look so great first thing in the morning.

    I see the trend in most of my good-looking friends too. Either they're clinically single, they hop from boyfriend to boyfriend, or their long term relationship includes some sort of on the side deal (something I'm not necessarily opposed to, but certainly not something I'm seeking out.)

    I don't know what the answer is. Do people in long term relationships just settle? Or are they presenting more than just the physical that attracts people who are looking for more than that? Are all good-looking people always just looking for the next best thing? Or have they just gotten used to a pattern of in-and-out relationships that it's hard to break?

    Any thoughts?


    Oh, I have SO many thoughts, though most aren't complimentary.

    I'm not going to say you aren't good looking. You are physically attractive, but you aren't nearly as good looking as you think you are.

    Go ahead and keep living the life of a Hoover. I hate to break it to you, but that constant sucking sound you hear comes from your lack of humility, not from the droves of admirers.

    The best thing that could ever happen to you is if you were to wake up tomorrow morning with your face melted off ... ouch, okay, that's a bit extreme. Let's say you wake up in the morning with a serious case of Bell's Palsy. I'm not talking Greta Van Susteren-esque Bell's Palsy, but total paralysis.

    Based on your post, it would take something that extreme to enlighten you, but the chances of that happening is something like 1 in 300K. Not great news, I know, but there is an upside: we all get old and ugly.

    Is that what it will take to pull your head out of your ass?
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3762

    Aug 02, 2012 11:35 PM GMT
    I have a friend who is a very attractive girl. She almost has that "scene girl" look but more attractive and sweet. She is currently in her longest relationship of 3 months. This is her 5th guy within the last 2 years. So I agree with you that the better looking someone is, the fewer long term relationships they have had. I know this is not true for everyone.
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    Aug 03, 2012 8:13 PM GMT
    most gays r insecure with their looks so they always think the better looking one will leave them for someone else so it's harder for the better looking one to be taken seriously even if they r
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Aug 03, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    Generally, when you like someone you tend to overlook many of the person's flaws. By "like" I mean lust/crush whatever. That's why, when lust, that "new" factor, starts to disappear, many people wonder: "Wait a moment, I don't like this person". It's because people tend to show their best side at the inital phase, like some have mentioned, and hide their real self. Looks alone will barely do anything long-term based.

    I guess that when you start talking with someone who seems interesting (especially on the online platform), and you're of the monogamous relationship type, it's hard not leave the "could it be?" question hanging, and so people end up skipping a step: becoming friends first.

    What I'm trying to say here, is that, in my case, the biggest crushes I had were on best friends (all straight, how wonderful), simply because we had lots in common, thus making me overlook their own looks that I didn't find that appealing in the first place. You get to see the person's flaws, how they behave naturally, without "trying to look best". That's what I end up falling for trully.