Being out: all the time or just some of the time?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2008 5:14 PM GMT
    I'm pretty much out of the closet. Every new person I meet, I tell and figure that if I'm they can't deal with the fact that I'm gay then they're probably not friends to begin with.

    Only people I'm not out to is my parents. However, I wonder in moving forward if it's best to be out to everyone, everywhere, or to hide it from some?

    Are you out to everyone or just to some people? How do you deal with it at work?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2008 6:40 PM GMT
    Yo yo yo this is an important topic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2008 6:46 PM GMT
    I'm out to everyone, but I work in fashion retail, and my family are very liberal, so it was very easy for me.

    What makes you not come out to your family?

    I think the reasons for not coming out are generally invalid in the long run, but that's highly dependent on where you live and things. In coming out to your parents, would you face potentially disastrous loss of financial support? Is homosexuality criminal where you live? Do you work in a field with a homophobic culture? All these factors would make it understandable to stay in the closet within one or more spheres, but, generally, I think it's healthier to come out, or at least not stay in the closet (The whole don't deny but don't broadcast thing)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2008 6:54 PM GMT
    That's it be persistant! icon_evil.gif

    Personally, I think it's great if you want your social cirles to "know" that you are gay.
    But why the need to wear a T-Shirt that pontificates it?

    If you are out to all of your friends, it's likely your parents are aware, though they may not have "admitted" it to themselves. It's hard to say, we don't know anything about your parents or how they might react. But I'd go for it.

    It seems you want to be out, proud and loud about it, so better your parents hear it from you.

    With regard to work...
    What is with the question (it has appeared in mult threads)?
    Your sex life has no place in the work place.

    If you are asked then you might let people know (privately, individually). Because, I assume, you are wondering about company functions where a date is allowed (and how do you explain your "friend"). But just deciding to be out at work and make sure everyone knows is just asking for issues, not because your gay (necessarily), but because it raises questions about your professionalism and keeping your work and private life seperate.
    Speaking as a manager, I don't want your "home life" brought in to my office. I can respect what ever occurs at home (and may have to hear about it when it relates to performance), but this is not a club, it's a work place, leave it for happy hour (after hours).
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    Aug 11, 2008 7:01 PM GMT
    It's just a weird place in life where you've spent years coming to terms with your homosexuality, yet experienced homophobia from friends and family throughout your life.

    Despite positive reactions from the people you've told, it's weird knowing how to mitigate the situation and live life as a fully out of the closet gay man.

    That's what I'm asking.
  • shoelessj

    Posts: 513

    Aug 11, 2008 7:07 PM GMT
    BW4 wrote:
    "Speaking as a manager, I don't want your "home life" brought in to my office."

    agreed, and as someone who manages people at least part-time, i can see your point when people make excuses for being late or tardy or not too sharp, etc., but would you say that to the str8 guy or girl who has pictures of their spouse or other half on their desk or just regular office chit chat where the str8 folks are free to say stuff like, 'yeah, my wife and i are going -- next week' or 'my boyfriend and i saw this movie last night" etc. ?

    It seems to be a double standard -- where i work there are women who have photos of their spouses/children etc. as screensavers and framed on their desks, but gay folks? if they did the same, they be branded as 'that gay guy,' so i think that keeps alot of us from doing so. [truth be told, though, my bf has a pic of the two of us on his desk. i don't have any such stuff at my work because, well, my workplace is just that -- a workplace. but i will admit that fear of what people might think of me or say about me keeps me from talking about my other half to work people. so i'm kind of a hypocrite, i know.]

    this hasn't helped to answer the Original Poster's question, but at least i hope he realizes there are lots of us in the same boat.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2008 7:18 PM GMT
    Im out to most of my friends and no one in my family knows. I was trying to tell my brother this past weekend but it wasnt meant to be. Im trying my hardest to do it today.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2008 7:35 PM GMT
    In my case, I had to out myself in a national newspaper because it would be illogical for me not to. My family isn't exactly liberal, but they're not too conservative either.

    Ever since I was a teenager, I promised myself that I would be the best son/brother/friend I could possibly be, do good in school and not be a burden, and excel in my chosen field and fulfill my responsibilities to my family. I would make them proud, to the point that my homosexuality would not matter.

    It really helped that I didn't draw attention to my homosexuality. I only had one close gay friend back then. I didn't fit into the gay groups. Yes, I was really effeminate then, but I hung out with the straight folk. And my priority was to make people see beyond my effeminate nature.

    Not to conduct myself as a homosexual, but as a human being who can contribute to society.

    And it worked out for me.

    I hope things will work out for you, too. All the best! icon_smile.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 11, 2008 10:21 PM GMT
    Like the CIA...
    it's all on a need to know basis

    Most guys I meet .. it's a given
    Really anybody else
    let them piece it together for themselves
    I ain't havin sex with 'em so I figger what's the difference
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3462

    Aug 12, 2008 12:59 AM GMT
    I'm pretty much all the way out. The only people I never told were my paternal grandparents. I wanted to, but was advised by some key relatives to let it go. I think my grandmother had her suspicions. Other than that, I tell people when it's appropriate or when a topic comes that requires me to out myself. I could come out to a total stranger upon a first meeting and someone else a couple of months down the line. But, I really don't filter myself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2008 1:14 AM GMT
    I'm neither out or in. I don't wear my sexuality on my sleeve, for does One tell every new person One meets.

    What. Hi I'm Pattison, and I'm the only Fag in the Village, and RJ too. Oh no.

    I don't see why sexuality has too be an issue, so One does his best not too make an issue out of mine.

    But Yet One refuses too live a lie, just for the sake of others.

    if you asked of me, am I gay. One may well say no.................But I am a fag.

    most of my str8 mates work it out, as One dose not window shop, at a women walking down the street. But my eyes will follow a good looking bloke, actions speak Lauder than words.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2008 1:58 AM GMT
    A close friend used to have trouble understanding why I was selectively "out" in professional environments.

    Of course, the majority of his work-history had been in the service industry, which is fraught with queens, as we all know.

    Now that he's earning his Masters and working as a counselor, he's finally understanding that sometimes it's best to be less "out."

    I see both sides of the issue.

    It's a personal decision, as long as persons accept themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2008 2:03 AM GMT
    I don't feel the need to mention it when I am first meeting people.

    The reason for this is because you can really change someone's views this way. I had a friend last year who was homophobic, and he didn't know I was gay. When he made derogatory comments, I finally told him that I found it offensive, and then later on the same day told him I was gay.

    Instead of rejection, which I had braced myself for, I found a complete attitudinal change. And it has convinced me that I might be closing myself off to really good, lasting friendships if I let people know right away that I prefer men.

    Just how I do it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2008 2:12 AM GMT
    I live in Oklahoma so, question answered.