how do i get my bf to dominate me a bit more.

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    Aug 06, 2012 9:39 PM GMT
    hi RJers. i thought some of you could maybe help me out here. the title is pretty self explanitory so heres a bit of detail if you want it.

    i am a bottom, and pretty submissive at times. i love to power fuck my bf sometimes, but generally i feel good when i am making him feel good. if that means being more of a 'power bottom" then i will enjoy that he is enjoying it.

    i also LOVE our long, slow, passionate love making, which is the most common thing we do icon_biggrin.gif

    but sometimes i really do like a man to take control, pin me down and just go mad, give me a proper good seein to, and get rough. like push my head down or grab me etc

    BUT.. i tried kind of hinting to this end, with my bf, and he just says that because i am/was a fighter and am strong etc, he feels like im just faking it, because he knows i could just get out, or dominate him if i wanted.

    this kind of worried me because i could also just say "stop" pressumably, or ask him to change it up. and anyway why does he need to feel like i wouldnt have a choice? surely its about mutual co-operation anyway.

    in all honesty i could have beat the shit out of any of the men i have slept with when it got rough, but i think it would have killed the mood somewhat...icon_redface.gif

    anyway if you read this essay then thanks, and what do you think?/would you do?


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    Aug 06, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    I think you just need to be very direct and specific about it. There's really no other way to get it done, you have to say the specific acts or positions you want....or find a new partner.

    I have in the past found it to be a huge turn off when you have to tell a guy to be dominant. Because if you get turned on by being submissive and then you're actually the one giving the order "spank me" "harder" "hold my hands back" you are in effect controlling him and he is bending to your will and that ruins the fantasy.
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    Aug 06, 2012 11:50 PM GMT
    Luke..Baby I hear ya..!
    No other way around this have to wait for the right time and place to tell your hubby..!
    ...Me and my x would usualy start play fighting..a little bit of wrestling..and i would end up tossing him ..
    Well you get the point..!
    Work it out..and post pics here!!
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    Aug 07, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    No, no, no. I have had the same problem with subs who want to meet, and when I arrive, they're way bigger and stronger than me. Now, you love your boyfriend, so you wouldn't beat him up presumably. But the men I dominate do not love me, they barely know me, especially at first meet. It would be dangerous for me, and weak fantasy for them, if they were able to attack. The solution is simple- Let him put you into inescapable restraint, handcuffs, strong rope, chain. Sexy for you, you will feel helpless because you will be helpless. And once he realizes you really can't get loose, he will feel much more able to dominate you. Maybe too able for your liking, but, hey, that's the game.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Aug 07, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    I was getting it on with this guy, and he looked up at me and very meekly asked "could you be more dominate?"
    Fuck yeah, I said, and I was -it ended up being really good sex.
    Sometimes you just have to ask, and don't be condesending about it, make it sound like a compliment.
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    Aug 08, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    If I were you I would either directly tell him you like being dominated, or show him that you want to be dominated. I can see how some people don't understand how being so rough and forceful can make their partner anything but uncomfortable. If he doesn't like the thought of you faking it then try handcuffs or other things to show him you won't/can't fight back.
    In my opinion domination is all about confidence. If you feel confident enough to be in control and you know your partner likes it, you will use it.
    Personally though, I would never try dominating someone else unless I was 100% sure that they were okay with it. Even then I don't know if I could. (I see myself more as the dominated than the dominator) Some people just prefer passionate loving sex over forceful sex. Though being dominated by a muscle top is one of my biggest fantasies, I would never do it unless I knew the person well enough to feel comfortable with it.
    I'd just like to point out I am a virgin with no relationship experience so I don't know much about these topics, as much as I like them icon_biggrin.gif