A Father Disowning His Son

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    Aug 07, 2012 4:13 PM GMT
    showme said
    Alpha13 saidThe Dad is just in shock and so is the Ego/ DNA. Give him time and he will cave.


    Not necessarily. Known by personal experience as stated upthread.



    Yeah, I saw that. Well this dad as-best-friend thing is pretty much a very recent '50's TV sitcom thing. Review your beliefs and you will see that is where it is comes from. Historically only the first born male had any privilege and big families had totally different dynamics where you were raised by an older sister etc. In upper class families kids went to boarding schools early and were raised by nanny's. So don't feel like you were deprived.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    More proof that just because a person is capable of breeding doesn't mean they are capable of being a a good mother or father. If your child can't depend on you during their tougher times, you've outlived your purpose as the parent...

  • MixedJock91

    Posts: 297

    Aug 07, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    There are a lot of stupid ppl in the world...but I always say "...and life goes on"
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 07, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    What I find hard to believe is that so many people here could be shocked and appalled that something like this could happen. icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:35 PM GMT
    Krankheit said
    showme saidHorrible.

    My partner's father drowned him, by email. And the old bastard stuck with it until he died. It was so cruel and hurtful.

    The love of a parent is supposed to be unconditional.

    Freudian slip there? He drowned him?


    Ha. iPad autocorrect.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    Was God testing Abraham...
    abraham_isaac.jpg
    ...or was Abraham testing God?
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    What a sad and disappointing letter to receive. But this is the sad and disappointing reality for many of us homosexuals all over the world, but as Bob Marley said, "The stone that the builder refuse, will always be the head corner stone."
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    Sometimes your immediate family is not the family you need-- sometimes you have to go out and make your own family.

    Horrible, cruel, hurtful... I hope the son is in a better place without this human garbage in his life.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:54 PM GMT
    There was no good that came from posting this. Many guys, like myself, are already struggling with even thinking about coming out to our conservative, religious fathers. Reading this has almost confirmed in me that I will NEVER tell my dad. I couldn't take a letter like this.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    themachine saidIf you ever get the chance of meeting a parent that disowned their child because of their Christian belief, this quote may come in handy:

    Matthew 7:9
    "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?"

    I didn't know that verse. Wonderful! Thanks, I will remember it.

    It also reminds me how really wonderful my own parents were. I was to learn in my 40s that they always knew I was gay. Never spoke of it, even tried to "cure" me of it when I was much younger, but neither did they harass me about it.

    They were born in 1911 & 1917, and reflected a different era. I understand that. Hell, all 4 of my grandparents were born in the 1800s! I grew up around family who knew the world before electricity, light bulbs, automobiles, telephones, radio, TV, refrigerators, airplanes, almost everything we have today. Yeah, that's how old I am, how spread-out the generations in my family are.

    But my parents were so good to me, never made an issue of the gay. They hoped it was a phase I'd grow out of, and I think my Army career and becoming a Colonel may have reassured them. I even thought the same way myself: you can't be a senior Army Officer and be gay, can you?

    There were times I fought with my parents like cats & dogs. Don't we all? But my homosexuality never entered into it, at least not on the surface. And that's one more reason I will always love my parents.

    If I ever get any wish I could have, it would be they could be with me here today. And I'd tell them I'm gay, and thank them for the wonderful life they gave me. Damn, I miss them both so much. icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    ATX21ML saidThere was no good that came from posting this. Many guys, like myself, are already struggling with even thinking about coming out to our conservative, religious fathers. Reading this has almost confirmed in me that I will NEVER tell my dad. I couldn't take a letter like this.


    Yes, you could. It would hurt like hell and completely suck, but yes, you could.

    It is better to live a life of honesty and integrity, even if those around you choose not to.

    Also, the vast majority of parents don't react like this.

    PS: I also grew up in Texas, and came out to religious parents, at a much earlier time. It was all fine.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    Willybear saidWhat I find hard to believe is that so many people here could be shocked and appalled that something like this could happen. icon_eek.gif



    Does it ever become less shocking and appalling? Knowing it happens and seeing it happen are two different things... One relies on intellect, and the other, emotions.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:58 PM GMT
    Am I the only one who has true Christian parents? My parents believe homosexuality to be a sin, but the day my mom found out I was dating someone and that I was happy...she hugged me and told me that she was happy for me.

    I feel really bad for these guys/gals who have parents that use their spiritual faith against their own kids. I'm grateful and thankful that I have parents that follow the true meaning of Christianity.

    Romans 13:8 Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

    Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 07, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    purpledragon77 said
    Willybear saidWhat I find hard to believe is that so many people here could be shocked and appalled that something like this could happen. icon_eek.gif



    Does it ever become less shocking and appalling? Knowing it happens and seeing it happen are two different things... One relies on intellect, and the other, emotions.


    You left out: Experiencing it happening.icon_wink.gif
  • Karl

    Posts: 5793

    Aug 07, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    it's horrible.
    Now I just seen how lucky I am .
    btw I think his Dad needs time .
    Hugs for him icon_sad.gif hope he's ok.
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    showme said
    ATX21ML saidThere was no good that came from posting this. Many guys, like myself, are already struggling with even thinking about coming out to our conservative, religious fathers. Reading this has almost confirmed in me that I will NEVER tell my dad. I couldn't take a letter like this.


    Yes, you could. It would hurt like hell and completely suck, but yes, you could.

    It is better to live a life of honesty and integrity, even if those around you choose not to.

    Also, the vast majority of parents don't react like this.

    PS: I also grew up in Texas, and came out to religious parents, at a much earlier time. It was all fine.



    ∆ This! ∆
    There is never a good reason to live your life in secrecy and fear. You just have to grow some balls and do it.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Aug 07, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    ATX21ML saidThere was no good that came from posting this. Many guys, like myself, are already struggling with even thinking about coming out to our conservative, religious fathers. Reading this has almost confirmed in me that I will NEVER tell my dad. I couldn't take a letter like this.


    I respectfully disagree - there is good that comes from posting this letter. It lets those who have accepting parents know that others don't have it that easy. It lets those that have unaccepting parents know that they are not alone. It lets those, like you, that struggle with coming out to your parents that you don't really know how they will react until you tell them the truth.
    I, like others, didn't not receive the positive loving response that I would have liked, but I could not hide any longer. Only you know when is the right time to come out to your parents, but it really has to happen at some point in time.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9528

    Aug 07, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    It was written at Chick-fil-a.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 07, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    showme said
    ATX21ML saidThere was no good that came from posting this. Many guys, like myself, are already struggling with even thinking about coming out to our conservative, religious fathers. Reading this has almost confirmed in me that I will NEVER tell my dad. I couldn't take a letter like this.


    Yes, you could. It would hurt like hell and completely suck, but yes, you could.

    It is better to live a life of honesty and integrity, even if those around you choose not to.

    Also, the vast majority of parents don't react like this.

    PS: I also grew up in Texas, and came out to religious parents, at a much earlier time. It was all fine.



    ∆ This! ∆
    There is never a good reason to live your life in secrecy and fear. You just have to grow some balls and do it.


    Not everyone has the inner strength to take this step. Especially those whose spirit was broken at an early age with constant emotional, mental and physical abuse. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    Willybear said
    Not everyone has the inner strength to take this step. Especially those whose spirit was broken at an early age with constant emotional, mental and physical abuse. icon_wink.gif


    Weirdest smiley use ever.

    Perhaps, but I would argue that a person who suffered constant emotional, mental and physical abuse at the hands of his parents doesn't have much left to lose in that regard.
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    This is heartbreaking, but not surprising at all. A lot of parents still feel this way. It's no wonder why so many people still stay in the closet.
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    I find the worst part is where he said about his funeral:

    "my friends and family...."

    Keyword: MY. As if the family wasn't his either. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    Willybear said

    ( Maybe now you understand the use of the "wink" smiley. )


    Oh, now I get it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    showme saidPerhaps, but I would argue that a person who suffered constant emotional, mental and physical abuse at the hands of his parents doesn't have much left to lose in that regard.


    I would say it's likely that people who suffered that kind of abuse didn't have the type of upbringing that would allow them to cope in the real world and find the kind of love and support they need. They are in a bad situation, but they don't know how to get out of it.
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidThis is heartbreaking, but not surprising at all. A lot of parents still feel this way. It's no wonder why so many people still stay in the closet.


    The more I read these types of letters, the less heartbreaking I find them. I dont take the POV that the son has lost a father. I take the POV that this is a father who lost his son. Clearly, his son is not a priority and I think its better the son know that and move forward with his life rather than living two lies. The first that his father loves him unconditionally and the second that he lie about who he is. In the end, although sad, I think everyone is better off. You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your family and sometimes biology doesnt mean much.

    At the very least, both are being honest with each other. Its sad a relationship cant be salvaged, but in the end, I think everyone is better off.