Dealing with an EX

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    Ok, so just looking for some opinions here..

    Background info can be found here:

    The past few months since the break up I have been keeping my distance because I am not really comfortable with just jumping into a 'just friend' thing.

    However we have seen each other out twice at a bar, and he has come over to me, and we have talked and had drinks together. So, we both are trying to be friends.

    Here's my issue- since we broke up, he has been hanging out with several people of whom I introduced him to, and I will say they are really just casual acquaintances, and not true real friends. However, I do have a couple true real friends that I have know for years before he and I were ever together that he knows and we have occasionally hung out.

    Just this weekend, my ex texted one of my closest friends and asked him to go out to the bar with him bc he didnt want to go alone. He even offerered to by him drinks if he would go.

    Now, my ex has a friend that he and I used to hang with ever so often, and I would never even think of contacting him to hang out, because that is HIS close friend, so I wouldnt do that out of respect, and I think it's just weird.

    But my ex apparently doesnt think the same way. I want to know from you you think this is vindictive type of behavior. He knows that it makes things awkward for me. We actually had a talk this past weekend after seeing each other out at the bars. I was out with some of my closest friends, and he comes to join us, buys drinks and shots and then when my friends said they were ready to go to another bar and were going to take a cab, my ex said...'i' wanna go...I'll just go with them' I thought it was fucked up that he would take off with my close friends, friends that he had only met, I was like 'well I"m can ride with me...'

    So we talked a little more that nite, and he even made the comment...'i could be making my own friends....' because we were talking about the mutual acquainances that had befriended him, but not really reached out to me since we broke up.

    Mutual acquaintances to me, is one thing, but his going out of his way to contact one of my closest best friends and get him to hang out- that to me is messed up, and I wonder what you guys think about it. Do you think he's just being vindictive because he knows it makes things awkward for me and since I broke up with him, this is his way of getting back at me?

    my friend did not take him up on the offer..FYI.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    Dude, I kinda get where you are coming from but, really think you're putting way too much thought in it.... Don't waste your time and energy on on "ex" move on and focus on your future (you can't control his or your "friends") anyway so....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    So stop being 'friends' with your ex and let your friends know that. Keep things to a minimum. No drinks or discussing issues. Just acknowledge each other when in public and move on.
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    Aug 09, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    Sometimes the best way to deal with an ex, especially one that seems to be costing you so much mental and emotional energy, is NOT to deal with him. Otherwise it becomes toxic and will prevent you from finding happiness in the future.

    Letting go in all respects will give you peace of mind and will allow you to move forward.
  • Sportsfan1

    Posts: 479

    Aug 09, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    You have been given some excellent advice. I am also dealing with an ex. I have kept my contact with him at a minimum. This has worked well for me. My ex even asked me out on a "date" about six weeks ago. I agreed only because I felt we needed to clear the air. I went out with him and really told him everything I had been holding back. Now I can move on and get on with my life. I cannot control my ex anymore than you can control yours. Your true friends will be your friends regardless of what your ex tries to do. You are wasting too much energy on your ex. It seems that he is the one that cannot let go. That is his problem not yours. Do not let yourself get sucked into his drama. All the best!
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    Aug 09, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    I think you are the problem. Listen to yourself. You want to contol
    your ex 's behavior and you want to control whom your friends want to hang out with. That is truly fucked up.
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    Aug 09, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    Thanks all or the replies. And to that last response- I don't want to control anyone. I just wish my ex would have te same amount I respect for me as I do him. I would never try to hang out with his best friend.

    And as far as my friends... I'm learning which ones really do respect me and our friendship and those that dont.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 482

    Aug 09, 2012 5:51 PM GMT
    Break up, no contact until it's really over and let your mutual friends know it. If you see him out, avoid him. Move on with your life.

    I know it's easier said than done because I was in a similar position but you have to do it for you.

    Good luck.