Thought Question: If you tested positive, what would you do?

  • Karl

    Posts: 5793

    Aug 09, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    continue living and prove that 'hey, Im HIV positive and I still can do what other people can do'.
    I might be upset at first but I wont lose this easily.
    I know some HIV+ members on this forum and I admire what they've done since they knew they were positive.
    It's not the end , it's a new day and we can see the value of every single day, we'll love the life more and more icon_smile.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 09, 2012 7:17 PM GMT
    showme said
    tuffguyndc saiddude, it might as well be a death sentence.


    That is just a ridiculous statement in this day and age.
    its ridiculous to you but very true and i enough hiv positive guys who have said the same thing
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    showme said
    tuffguyndc saiddude, it might as well be a death sentence.


    That is just a ridiculous statement in this day and age.
    its ridiculous to you but very true and i enough hiv positive guys who have said the same thing


    It is most certainly not true. 20 years ago, it was. I watched it kill friends and lovers. But with modern medications, it is most certainly not. Anyone who has said that to you is either misinformed or could use some therapy to help come to terms with things.

    I have one friend in particular who was diagnosed early in the epidemic and managed somehow to hold on - he had been on disability for years and had just about given up when the new drug cocktails came out. Bam, undetectable. It finally dawned on him that he wasn't going to die and he had to get a whole new career and life. He and his long term partner are just bubbling happily along now.

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    Aug 09, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    kill myself tbh
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    Aug 09, 2012 8:35 PM GMT
    i can tell you what i thought BEFORE i tested HIV+

    i thought i would never be one of those guys because i use condoms all the time, i'm not promiscuous, and i test regularly. then one day a condom i was wearing broke. i felt the rubber give way, like the pressure on my dick just went. i pulled out almost immediately... like 1 or 2 strokes. we finished by jerking off. a few months later, i had a bad flu and a rash on my chest, and we did an HIV antibody test. it came back "weakly positive" (i had a low viral load count of 250, but still HIV+). the world came crashing down. i thought that the shame would kill me. i thought that the medications would disfigure me. i thought i would never have sex again. i thought i would never find love. i thought that i would commit suicide.

    AFTER i tested positive in 2001 this is what i did:

    - i told my boyfriend immediately. we cried.
    - i didn't sleep for days.
    - i told my best friends. we also cried. i needed to talk it out.
    - my doctor and i made a plan for regular lab testing to monitor the early stages of the infection.
    - i didn't have sex for a long time. i read a lot about HIV.
    - i went for counselling in a support group for newly-diagnosed HIV+ guys at a local AIDS service organisation, upon the suggestion of my boyfriend. i was reluctant but it really helped. i realised that i wasn't alone in my fears, concerns and confusion.
    - i started talking with other HIV+ guys to figure out how/what they do to manage their HIV lives.

    after I got some counselling and great care from my awesome doctor, i learned:

    - HIV is more manageable than most chronic diseases - e.g. diabetes.
    - HIV+ people in the western world live more-or-less full life spans.
    - medical treatment (1 pill a day) has improved vastly in the last 10yrs
    - treatment side effects are often minimal. you can't tell a person is HIV+ just by looking at them.
    - there are a lot more HIV+ people around than you think. its a hidden disease.
    - stigma and fear of HIV stops people from talking openly about HIV.
    - if you're HIV+, you have a responsibility to NOT be an asshole: you must inform your intimate partners before things get physically intimate. yes, you risk rejection. deal with it. if you had been given a choice before you were infected, what would you have chosen?
    - if you're HIV-, you have a responsibility to also NOT be an asshole: you must protect yourself and not just expect the other person to do everything for you. you must be open to discussion, and if you're scared or not interested, just say so. you have to take seriously the trust the other person has shown by disclosing his status to you. don't go gossiping about it.
    - some people are ok with HIV, have educated themselves, are smart about their sex lives, and won't let a few precautions prevent them from connecting with other great people.
    - others are dead scared, ignorant, don't want to know more, and don't want anyone to come close to them with any sort of disease - these are the people at greatest risk of infection, because the bubble they live in is very fragile.
    - there's no room for blame in HIV. anyone can get it. sometimes bad things happen to good people. the true test of character is how you deal with it.
    - if life deals you a bad hand, you don't just fold. you play your cards as best you can. this is true for all other problems that life throws at you.
    - ignorance is not bliss. its better to know sooner than later.
    - you can either actively manage your own health, or you can ignore your health, until a point where it manages you.
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    Aug 09, 2012 8:37 PM GMT
    ^Well that doesn't make me feel much safer topping. icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 09, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    p.s. you can be HIV+ for 11 yrs and have a rockin body at 43 icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 09, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    kingmo saidi can tell you what i thought BEFORE i tested HIV+

    i thought i would never be one of those guys because i use condoms all the time, i'm not promiscuous, and i test regularly. then one day a condom i was wearing broke. i felt the rubber give way, like the pressure on my dick just went. i pulled out almost immediately... like 1 or 2 strokes. we finished by jerking off. a few months later, i had a bad flu and a rash on my chest, and we did an HIV antibody test. it came back "weakly positive" (i had a low viral load count of 250, but still HIV+). the world came crashing down. i thought that the shame would kill me. i thought that the medications would disfigure me. i thought i would never have sex again. i thought i would never find love. i thought that i would commit suicide.

    AFTER i tested positive in 2001 this is what i did:

    - i told my boyfriend immediately. we cried.
    - i didn't sleep for days.
    - i told my best friends. we also cried. i needed to talk it out.
    - my doctor and i made a plan for regular lab testing to monitor the early stages of the infection.
    - i didn't have sex for a long time. i read a lot about HIV.
    - i went for counselling in a support group for newly-diagnosed HIV+ guys at a local AIDS service organisation, upon the suggestion of my boyfriend. i was reluctant but it really helped. i realised that i wasn't alone in my fears, concerns and confusion.
    - i started talking with other HIV+ guys to figure out how/what they do to manage their HIV lives.

    after I got some counselling and great care from my awesome doctor, i learned:

    - HIV is more manageable than most chronic diseases - e.g. diabetes.
    - HIV+ people in the western world live more-or-less full life spans.
    - medical treatment (1 pill a day) has improved vastly in the last 10yrs
    - treatment side effects are often minimal. you can't tell a person is HIV+ just by looking at them.
    - there are a lot more HIV+ people around than you think. its a hidden disease.
    - stigma and fear of HIV stops people from talking openly about HIV.
    - if you're HIV+, you have a responsibility to NOT be an asshole: you must inform your intimate partners before things get physically intimate. yes, you risk rejection. deal with it. if you had been given a choice before you were infected, what would you have chosen?
    - if you're HIV-, you have a responsibility to also NOT be an asshole: you must protect yourself and not just expect the other person to do everything for you. you must be open to discussion, and if you're scared or not interested, just say so. you have to take seriously the trust the other person has shown by disclosing his status to you. don't go gossiping about it.
    - some people are ok with HIV, have educated themselves, are smart about their sex lives, and won't let a few precautions prevent them from connecting with other great people.
    - others are dead scared, ignorant, don't want to know more, and don't want anyone to come close to them with any sort of disease - these are the people at greatest risk of infection, because the bubble they live in is very fragile.
    - there's no room for blame in HIV. anyone can get it. sometimes bad things happen to good people. the true test of character is how you deal with it.
    - if life deals you a bad hand, you don't just fold. you play your cards as best you can. this is true for all other problems that life throws at you.
    - ignorance is not bliss. its better to know sooner than later.
    - you can either actively manage your own health, or you can ignore your health, until a point where it manages you.


    Thanks for the detailed info, I'm paranoid to he point where I barely hook up. Btw what happened to the bf?
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    Aug 09, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    kingmo saidp.s. you can be HIV+ for 11 yrs and have a rockin body at 43 icon_wink.gif

    True dat!

    audience.gif

    I've seen so many neg guys that barely take care of themselves and look a lot worse for wear!

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    Aug 09, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    It breaks my heart to see so many guys saying they would kill them selves or resort to celibacy if they tested positive. Poz guys don't cease to be human beings capable of love and pleasure. If I were to test positive I would probably be emotionally broken for a while, but I would pick myself up. I'd still keep trying to find love, have sex (selectively -- which I already do) and stay active and healthy.

    In terms of what I would do differently, not much. I like my life's trajectory and I'd keep pursuing the things that make me happy.
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    Aug 09, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    1) Cry
    2) Wonder how the heck it happened as I always wear condoms
    3) Cry some more
    4) Get help from an HIV awareness/support association
    5) Come to terms with it
    6) Get on with it.


    And I sure as hell wouldn't let it rule my life as I'd probably be the same person I always was (bar a few off-days due to side-effects of the meds).
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 09, 2012 9:21 PM GMT
    I'm still floored by the number of people who claim here that they'd kill themselves if they ever got a positive test result.

    Really?

    I mean, yeah, it's scary, and it's something to avoid, but come on. This isn't 1986; you won't wither away and die. Just eat well, exercise, take your meds, and tell your partners, and you'll be in great health for decades to come (longer if medicine keeps moving the way it does).
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    Aug 09, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    7Famark said^Well that doesn't make me feel much safer topping. icon_eek.gif


    Very unusual result. Thanks to Kingmo for posting it. Most sex just isn't completely risk free. They also say that the risk of oral transmission is almost neglible, but I know of two people who say they've gotten HIV from oral sex - one was an early poz political leader, the other is an older gent and long-time friend. Neither has much of an incentive to fib bout it.

    You can sit in your room and never connect with anyone. Or you can take reasonable, calculated risks and live your life. You do that every time you cross the street - there's a statistical chance you'll get run over by a car.
  • MixedJock91

    Posts: 297

    Aug 09, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    Beat someones ass until they wish they were dead
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 09, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    MixedJock91 saidBeat someones ass until they wish they were dead


    ...sure, assuming a) you could pinpoint the culprit and b) they knew they had it before you slept with them.
  • MixedJock91

    Posts: 297

    Aug 09, 2012 9:38 PM GMT
    jim_stl said
    MixedJock91 saidBeat someones ass until they wish they were dead


    ...sure, assuming a) you could pinpoint the culprit and b) they knew they had it before you slept with them.


    like i said, I would a.) beat their ass and b.) torture them until they wish they were dead
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 482

    Aug 09, 2012 9:40 PM GMT
    I'm still wondering about catching while topping. I thought that was pretty low risk. My cousin barebacked a guy years ago and the left but his wallet fell out of his jeans. My cousin picked it up and looked to see where the guy lived and saw a HIV card. He found the guy and was told yes, he was poz. My cousin went for testing and is negative and has remained negative. So what could have happened that a condom breaking and a few stokes brought it on. I'd be curious to know more. Was there bleeding? Are you uncut (sorry to ask but curious to connect CDC "data")?

    On another note, I bottomed for a guy a few weeks ago who told me he was recently tested negative. He wasn't a big guy - very average actually. He wore a condom and came but continued stroking. I could swear I had cum in my bum because when I showered I saw what I thought was cum in the bath water. I saw the condom before he flushed it and it looked fine. talked to a dr friend who told me that it was probably lube and asked if there was blood. There wasn't. He said that I'd surely see if the condom was torn and in any case, he said not to worry about it especially if the guy insisted he was negative.

    I'm not worried about it. At 56 years old and knowing how manageable it is nowadays, I think I'd be fine.
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:04 PM GMT
    these are all good questions.

    1) Risk as a Top:
    what happened to me is statistically VERY RARE. not impossible, but like 1 in 100,000 or less. for this statistical rarity, my best friend (who is a medical doctor specialising in biostatistics) suggests that my infection was perhaps due to another event. but there is no other risky event that i can think of. add to that, the timing of everything, the 3-month window period. it all fits. this is probably how it happened, and why my level of infection was "weak" (a viral load of 250 is very small, compared to others who have viral loads in the 100's of 1,000's or millions). ultimately, it does't really matter how it happened. at the end of the day, i tested positive, and i needed to take care of myself.

    2) Suicidal Ideation:
    i think its normal for people to feel fatalistic about receiving devastating news of a catastrophic medical condition with such heavy stigma and scary history. afterall, this is the biggest disease of our time (35+ million). ok, HIV is not as big as the Black Plague (75+ million), Spanish Flu (100+ million) Measles (200+ million) or Small Pox (300+ million), but still.

    the light at the end of the tunnel that people need to realise is that HIV treatment is very effective. not only does it render the virus dormant, and slows its ability replicate and take over the body to nil, it also drastically reduces the patient's infectiousness to others.

    3) What happened to my boyfriend?
    we had only been together for about 6 months at that point in time, and he was very supportive, pushed me towards counseling, and seeking support. but in the end, HIV was very new to both of us and it was too much stress for a new relationship to bear.
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    Get tested a second time to make sure it wasn't a false positive?
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    I'd talk to my doctor, take my meds, tell anyone I'd slept with since my last test, and go on living my happy life.

    There are some truly lunatic comments on this thread.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 09, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    jimzdc saidThere are some truly lunatic comments on this thread.


    Amen.
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    Get tested again. After that didn't wouldn't work i would feel like shit and probably beat the fuck outta who i messed around with.
  • BuggEyedSprit...

    Posts: 936

    Aug 09, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    jump...
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    I was just thinking about this actually.

    I was watching And The Band Played On and Love, Valor, and Compassion...not the greatest of feel-good movies icon_cry.gif

    I honestly don't know what I would say, but I'd like to think it'd be something along the lines of "I'm better than this, and I will make it." icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    I would end it. It was painful enough 'ripping my family apart' with the news I was gay. Having to disclose something like that would be too much for my folks. Why don't I just keep it to myself, you ask? Well, I can't keep secrets. When something is wrong, it is written all over me.