Thought Question: If you tested positive, what would you do?

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    Aug 10, 2012 8:47 PM GMT
    I would try bareback (obviously with another +), never have and never will otherwise.

    its hard to ignore the obvious emotional devastation of being hiv+ though. but thats my best shot at an ignorant answer
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    Aug 10, 2012 9:24 PM GMT
    I would continue living my life. What happened happened and unfortunately there's not much I can do. I'm not gonna feel pity for myself but at the same time I'd be kicking myself in the ass for letting it happen in the first place.

    I would just have to alter and adapt to the new changes that are going to be apparent in my life and I'd certainly become more aware of myself and others. As for sex, well....? It wouldn't be a priority in my life at that point since sex is what probably got me in this situation. to begin with. Should I want to date or have fun I wouldn't hide my status and I would be upfront about it. From there, if people wished to engage me then cool and if not then I would completely understand and I wouldn't hold it against them. I honestly couldn't blame them.

    I figure as long as I still had my family and friends then I'd be just fine. From what I understand, you can live quite comfortably even if inflicted with such a status. I suppose it depends on quite a few things but it's possible.

    I would go with another posters approach (Bluey22223) and assume everyone is positive until given a reason a reason to think otherwise or just not have sex. Unless you're in the room and watching someone get tested and have them under surveillance 24/7 afterwards then you'll never truly know. Every time you have sex you are putting a huge amount of trust into someone elses hands. Heck, for that matter can you even trust yourself? Lots of people never get tested and are unaware that they are carriers of whatever STD until the last minute.

    I love questions like this, OP, and I would love to hang out with and your friends just for conversational purposes. Questions like these really do open up your eyes and as hypothetical as they are they are a reality just waiting to happen tot he unsuspecting.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Aug 10, 2012 10:29 PM GMT
    Where I live, I think I run into more hot eligible single HIV+ men than I do HIV- men. So I don't think it's ruins your chances for love.

    For me, if I turned HIV+, I think the hardest thing would be whether to tell my family or not, and I might very well decide not to tell them. Which would be difficult since I share so much of my life with them now.
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    Aug 17, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said

    As I explained to my friends at the dinner, I'd be:

    1. Very disappointed with myself - but I would seek counseling from my doctor (who has worked very closely in the community advocating for HIV related issues)

    2. Speak to and receive whatever support my HIV+ friends had to offer

    3. Pay it forward by becoming as knowledgeable as possible about my new circumstances and overcoming it by helping out others who are newly infected.

    4. Take my meds regularly and inform those whom I would seek to be intimate with of my serostatus - I expect that my sex life would become markedly less interesting and much more infrequent - but I would seek to do what is right by others.


    This is a mature, realistic, and upbeat response - well done! I think I would do something the same, certainly experiencing (1) and (4) immediately, but hopefully moving quickly to (3). I certainly wouldn't kill myself; I'm aghast that so many people are posting this. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 17, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    I once thought I would commit suicide if I tested positive because I was still living in the 70's when once you tested positive it meant a nasty death. Now I'm not sure what I would do because people are living long and healthy lives after being tested positive.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    I would probably try to find someone who has it as well or and open minded kind hearted guy who isnt and try to have a life long relationship for however long that life would be. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    Also I wouldnt have a problem having a relationship with an Hiv+ guy either it would be difficult and I know I would be heart broken once they passed away but a disease shouldnt keep someone from being loved.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    I will change my major to become a scientist and determine myself to be part of the research team to find the cure.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    daviddoublebay said
    Smakkyoface said
    AlphaTrigger saidNo troll/serious discussion... this came up as a discussion item at a dinner I had with friends last night:

    If you tested HIV+ ...

    ... what or WHO would you do that you wouldn't (or haven't) done yet?

    Specifically, the discussion was tracking more along the lines of behaviours and how (figurative "you") might conduct yourself sexually rather than the more obvious lifestyle changes (courses of medical treatment and etc.)

    Because this is potentially a sensitive subject for some, please feel free to private mail me here if you wish to discuss this anonymously: I'll repost your response under a pseudonym along with any reply I make.



    I made I promise to myself that IF I get any kind of viral STD that's stuck forever, I will become celibate. I was celibate for 19 years so I don't think it'd be difficult to do it again. Plus I'm practically celibate now lol.


    My first great love was celibate when I first met him and had written off any ideas of entering into a loving relationship after having learned he had contracted HIV.

    He told me the first night we met, but not until after hours of talking while holding his hand and looking into his eyes. I did a double-take the first time I first saw him and was immediately struck. The connection seemed almost magnetic, as if we had found our natural alignment in the world... with each other.

    He later told me that I made him able to love again. Something that he had completely set aside from his life after learning his diagnosis.

    My point is... NO ONE should go through life without love. I believe that celibacy (that basically means no love relationship) would not only cheat YOU... but also the one who falls in love with you.

    I generally believe that there is more than one "right guy" for everyone. But I also believe there are rare instances of where two specific people are meant to be with one another.

    Making a rash decision about celibacy under such circumstances doesn't necessarily make someone seem saintly or make the world a better place.

    Love does that.


    My brother's first love was HIV+ My brother was with him for 15 years and did not contract the virus. I never knew this until recently. It completely changed my mind about falling for a pos guy. Before learning this my attitude was that I would never knowingly have sex with a pos guy. I've reconsidered this position.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 17, 2012 2:58 PM GMT
    JustStarted92 saidAlso I wouldnt have a problem having a relationship with an Hiv+ guy either it would be difficult and I know I would be heart broken once they passed away but a disease shouldnt keep someone from being loved.


    Macabre but important and relevant reminder in response to this post:

    Everybody dies.

    Never assume that you won't have to deal with the passing of a boyfriend just because he's HIV-negative. Never assume, given the current state of medical progress, that an HIV-positive boyfriend will die of AIDS. And never assume that love isn't worth the effort, because real love is always worth the agony it puts you through.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:12 PM GMT
    if i tested positive, sex with my boyfriend would be a thing of the past eventually straining the relationship to a breaking point. i would then spend the next couple of years in a constant state of drunkenness, never missing a dose of meds. oh wait, that already happened.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    jim_stl said
    JustStarted92 saidAlso I wouldnt have a problem having a relationship with an Hiv+ guy either it would be difficult and I know I would be heart broken once they passed away but a disease shouldnt keep someone from being loved.


    Macabre but important and relevant reminder in response to this post:

    Everybody dies.

    Never assume that you won't have to deal with the passing of a boyfriend just because he's HIV-negative. Never assume, given the current state of medical progress, that an HIV-positive boyfriend will die of AIDS. And never assume that love isn't worth the effort, because real love is always worth the agony it puts you through.


    AGREE

    Tangent: I have a pet peeve about some of the language around HIV. Even the thread topic suggests "positive" could only mean one virus. There are many things you can test positive for. The common language calls people "poz" once they test, which leads to treatment...but it's maybe more correct to say they "have" hiv...and in quantitative terms, the "neg" guy who hasn't been tested because he's a pussy and a liar has alot more virus than the guy labeled "poz".

    I always imagine people standing on the sidelines of life...smoking, drinking....saying how bad they feel for "those poz guys" who are gonna die.... while they ingest their toxins as if a single virus or lack thereof meant they were somehow less mortal than anyone else.

    End rant.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 17, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    Egro_Nadley said
    jim_stl said
    JustStarted92 saidAlso I wouldnt have a problem having a relationship with an Hiv+ guy either it would be difficult and I know I would be heart broken once they passed away but a disease shouldnt keep someone from being loved.


    Macabre but important and relevant reminder in response to this post:

    Everybody dies.

    Never assume that you won't have to deal with the passing of a boyfriend just because he's HIV-negative. Never assume, given the current state of medical progress, that an HIV-positive boyfriend will die of AIDS. And never assume that love isn't worth the effort, because real love is always worth the agony it puts you through.


    AGREE

    Tangent: I have a pet peeve about some of the language around HIV. Even the thread topic suggests "positive" could only mean one virus. There are many things you can test positive for. The common language calls people "poz" once they test, which leads to treatment...but it's maybe more correct to say they "have" hiv...and in quantitative terms, the "neg" guy who hasn't been tested because he's a pussy and a liar has alot more virus than the guy labeled "poz".

    I always imagine people standing on the sidelines of life...smoking, drinking....saying how bad they feel for "those poz guys" who are gonna die.... while they ingest their toxins as if a single virus or lack thereof meant they were somehow less mortal than anyone else.

    End rant.


    But people "have" HIV whether or not they've had it confirmed by a test.

    I actually kind of enjoy some of the comments suggesting that, since I'm HIV-positive, the only way I can die is AIDS. If that were true, I'd be a fucking superhero. "Why, yes, I can save those puppies and orphans from the burning building. No fires can harm me while I have HIV!"
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:31 PM GMT
    SuperJim!

    I'm not sure I made my point. People can "have" any number of viruses or conditions and they don't get instantly turned into an identity. Human beings are not the sum of their bodies or conditions. Every human is mortal.

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    Aug 17, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    Cry. Rant. Sleep off the trauma. Doctor. Meds. Tell friends. Find support group. Take even better care of self diet/body than now. Be honest with others.

    I admit, I have a lot of baggage (in the form of regret/fear/heartache) around HIV after watching my uncle (and his long term partner) die as a result of his HIV progressing into AIDS/cancer/etc. I was 14 when he was diagnosed, 18 when he died. (He was only 28; this was 1992. But I'd been aware of HIV before it was even called that, as my uncle came out at a very early age. It was quite a scandal.) It tore one part of my family to shreds. (My uncle never again saw several of his nephews after his diagnosis was revealed.) I would likely not reveal my status to my family.

    But life would nonetheless go on. As with any medical diagnosis/challenge. As Jim points out above, you don't know what will do you in at your end! It could be a careening city bus, poisonous spider, jealous lover with a gun, etc etc.
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    Aug 17, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    daviddoublebay said
    Smakkyoface said
    AlphaTrigger saidNo troll/serious discussion... this came up as a discussion item at a dinner I had with friends last night:

    If you tested HIV+ ...

    ... what or WHO would you do that you wouldn't (or haven't) done yet?

    Specifically, the discussion was tracking more along the lines of behaviours and how (figurative "you") might conduct yourself sexually rather than the more obvious lifestyle changes (courses of medical treatment and etc.)

    Because this is potentially a sensitive subject for some, please feel free to private mail me here if you wish to discuss this anonymously: I'll repost your response under a pseudonym along with any reply I make.



    I made I promise to myself that IF I get any kind of viral STD that's stuck forever, I will become celibate. I was celibate for 19 years so I don't think it'd be difficult to do it again. Plus I'm practically celibate now lol.


    My first great love was celibate when I first met him and had written off any ideas of entering into a loving relationship after having learned he had contracted HIV.

    He told me the first night we met, but not until after hours of talking while holding his hand and looking into his eyes. I did a double-take the first time I first saw him and was immediately struck. The connection seemed almost magnetic, as if we had found our natural alignment in the world... with each other.

    He later told me that I made him able to love again. Something that he had completely set aside from his life after learning his diagnosis.

    My point is... NO ONE should go through life without love. I believe that celibacy (that basically means no love relationship) would not only cheat YOU... but also the one who falls in love with you.

    I generally believe that there is more than one "right guy" for everyone. But I also believe there are rare instances of where two specific people are meant to be with one another.

    Making a rash decision about celibacy under such circumstances doesn't necessarily make someone seem saintly or make the world a better place.

    Love does that.


    What a nice story about love. It gives me hope that I'll find someone.

    As for the topic at hand, I have no idea what I'd do if I was HIV+. I'd imagine I'd get depressed.
  • booboolv

    Posts: 203

    Aug 18, 2012 9:02 AM GMT
    I would end my life.
  • metta

    Posts: 54503

    Aug 18, 2012 9:05 AM GMT
    - I would wonder how it happened
    - I would get tested again
    - I would be disappointed in myself and I would be depressed about it at first.
    - I would go visit a doc to see what I would need to do next.
    - I would probably tell a friend.
    - I would consider downsizing so that I could spend more time taking care of my health and not so much taking care of my stuff.

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    Aug 19, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    I tested positive in January this year so my reaction is still fresh in my mind.

    I definitely did not expect a positive result and I was having a really shitty week already because of work. First thing I did was text my best mate with what I just went through and that the doctor said to have another test to confirm the diagnosis though if the first test showed a sign of the virus it's likely I have HIV regardless of the next result. Didn't expect her to call me so I repeat what the doctor said to her and I end up crying at a bus stop. Then I bought a notepad and pen and went to a pub for a double white Russian.
    Wrote down a list of people I knew and the reason why I would tell them if I were to and what their reaction might be. Also wrote what I thought the virus was and meant so I had topics to ask my doctor and look up on the net. Went to work in a numb disbelieving state of mind.

    The next few weeks I went to the doctor frequently (like a hypochondriac), read a lot on the net, signed up to BBRT (deleted account later), told two more friends (one I regret telling), got pissed off at all the bookshops I went to (the health section only had diet books), bought books on Amazon and most importantly for me I messaged the three people I had (bareback) sex with last year and let them know to get tested/retested. Two got back to me, got tested again and were negative, and the one I met on a dating site never replied. He didn't log into his profile ever again which made me think it was him.

    So I guess I took control as much as I could and focused on a plan to handle the situation and something that I have to live with. I don't feel anger towards the person who infected me, in all likelihood he doesn't know he is positive too and the onus is on me. I took risks and it might have not even been that guy I thought gave it to me. I still hope it's all a crazy joke on me every time I go the doctor. I haven't gone to a a support group yet but will. But I NEVER considered killing myself. I considered leaving everything I had and everyone I knew behind but you can't run away from yourself.

    It's not a death sentence; in the medication sense (I don't need meds yet) diabetics have it harder monitoring their health and taking daily, even up to three in a day, insulin injections. My worst dread is that I could give this virus to someone.
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    Aug 20, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    metta8 said
    - I would consider downsizing so that I could spend more time taking care of my health and not so much taking care of my stuff.

    But why does it have to take HIV to make that happen?

    With HIV only the meds help in keeping one healthy. But taking better care of oneself has nothing to do with HIV and wont improve your HIV condition. This is where most go downhill. They think so long as they are neg they are perfectly healthy and dont bother much to take care of themselves until it is too late. They smoke, drink excessively, eat crap and lead sedentary lives until the doc says something. POZ or NEG one can always benefit from better care of oneself. This isn't targeted to metta8 I'm speaking generally.
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    Aug 21, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar said
    metta8 said
    - I would consider downsizing so that I could spend more time taking care of my health and not so much taking care of my stuff.

    But why does it have to take HIV to make that happen?

    With HIV only the meds help in keeping one healthy. But taking better care of oneself has nothing to do with HIV and wont improve your HIV condition. This is where most go downhill. They think so long as they are neg they are perfectly healthy and dont bother much to take care of themselves until it is too late. They smoke, drink excessively, eat crap and lead sedentary lives until the doc says something. POZ or NEG one can always benefit from better care of oneself. This isn't targeted to metta8 I'm speaking generally.


    Absolutely agree.

    Don't wait to get ill to realise you need to look after yourself.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 21, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar saidWith HIV only the meds help in keeping one healthy. But taking better care of oneself has nothing to do with HIV and wont improve your HIV condition. This is where most go downhill. They think so long as they are neg they are perfectly healthy and dont bother much to take care of themselves until it is too late. They smoke, drink excessively, eat crap and lead sedentary lives until the doc says something. POZ or NEG one can always benefit from better care of oneself. This isn't targeted to metta8 I'm speaking generally.


    Agreed, to an extent. It shouldn't take bad medical news to trigger a change to a healthier lifestyle, but it often does. (That's independent of the exact nature of the bad news: HIV, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, et al.) Healthier people have stronger immune systems, though, so eating well and exercising et al. can have a positive effect on HIV treatments.
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    Aug 21, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    Start behaving like those kids on "Skins" or "Misfits."
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    Aug 21, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    jim_stl saidHealthier people have stronger immune systems, though, so eating well and exercising et al. can have a positive effect on HIV treatments.

    True. But what I was getting at is that making a change to live healthy wont dramatically improve a cd4 count and/or reduce VL.
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    Dec 18, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    When you have sex with gay men, this HIV question should always be in the back of your mind.
    In the end life is incredibly short no matter what you do. You may have a disease, you may smoke or you may run into a deranged gun nut. It would be wise to live the life you want to live because in the end the big clock keeps ticking no matter what.
    When my doctor walked into the room he was crying, so I knew what the results were then. To be honest, it was not that big of a deal. I am in fine physical shape, very solid mental shape and medical advances have made this a treatable chronic disease. I knew that I could push myself to stay in the best shape possible and live a healthy life while fighting this disease.
    For the people who say they would commit suicide, I doubt it. If that were the case then most of you drama queens would have already been pushed over the edge already. It's a disease, if you are healthy, you do what you can to fight it, you don't grow a vagina and call it a day.