I don't know what happened to me

  • jayatl56

    Posts: 482

    Aug 11, 2012 6:11 PM GMT
    It's hard to explain but I've worked hard all of my life. I had great jobs which I really loved and I even got to live in Europe for 16 years living and loving life. But a few years ago life just got sucked out of me. I was in a dysfunctional relationship I think - my then BF controlled every aspect of my life. Not really in a bad way but in a way that I think sucked the masculinity out of me. He took care of the books, took care of things at work, arranged housekeeping, interacted with my accountant, paid the bills, washed clothes, cooked meals, arranged for holidays etc. It morphed into anything I attempted was wrong in his book. I didn't fold clothes properly so he did it. I didn't pay the phone bill the way he did it, so he did it. This went on for 4 years. By the end, I was a no body. He's gone for two years and I'm still a nobody. I moved back to the US thinking I would start over but here I'm having starting over anxiety. I'm the little fish in the big pond and at 55 years old, my back ground and experience isn't appreciated so getting back into what I did before moving to Prague seems impossible. More on this later.

    So I reactivated my real estate license in order to move about. I'm working for a company that provides lead and I have been busy but busy with $30,000 homes which equals low commissions. I won't even make $30,000 this year.

    Ok, I did do some positive things, I think. I bought two rental properties in Atlanta recently. They're projected to throw off about a 15% net annual return. I also bought my condo (a foreclosure in the heart of Buckhead at a GREAT price) and could get a room mate if I needed the extra money. I also own a building in New Orleans which also cash flows very well. All told, I could live off just the rental income if I wanted to but that's not what I'm looking for.

    First, I feel rejected because of my age. Seems that everyone is looking for the 20-30 somethings. The excuse I hear is "over qualified" but I'm sure it's age and nothing more.

    Second, I feel rejected (and self rejection) because I didn't finish university. The job I had before Prague (in Atlanta) didn't require a degree. Nowadays it's required but honestly, it's a job that requires only some basic training and the ability to see issues and understand how to resolve them. It's institutional asset management. I worked for years for the FDIC and RTC and an insurance company managing both foreclosed (REO) and investment portfolios. I know this particular business up one side and down the other and WANT to do this again. I have tried going to Bank of America, Suntrust, Wells Fargo, etc and everything is on line applications. The last interview was with Wells Fargo and I got a call back but they selected someone else. I think the two interviews went very well but I missed something, somewhere. I'm afraid this BS residential stuff I'm doing will mark me in a bad way. So I'm thinking of getting another real estate designation for commercial real estate and if asset management doesn't work out, then going to a commercial agency to work.

    Guys, I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and any ideas, recommendations etc that might help me progress. Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    Sounds like you already have a solid plan to pull out of your rut, and simly looking for validation to go forward with it.

    Newsflash: You don't need validation. Just go for it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2012 4:42 AM GMT

    Every so often a tsunami comes by to take it all away; and, as if that wasn't cruel enough, it leaves you as the sole survivor, living with all that pain.

    So don't tell the children; we wouldn't want to frighten them; but life keeps getting more difficult with age, not easier like we fooled ourselves into believing when we were young and thought we had it rough and thought our parents had it made. Surprise!

    I'm also 55 and looking to start a new career which requires a new degree so it's back to school for me. I'm not always the oldest guy in class, though not that our presence brings up the average age at all. I just need two years of classes for a masters and then 6 months of internship so I'll be about 58 or 59 before the new career kicks in. What's the rush? I'm also rehabbing two torn up houses, one to live in and rent out a room and one for rents outright.

    I've got a bunch of relatives who lived healthy lives into their 80s & 90s so I could be looking at another 35 to 45 years. What am I supposed to do, play golf? I don't even like golf. I tried retirement for the last few years. I hate it. Because here's the kicker: if life hasn't already beat the crap out of you by now, everyone you've known starts to die. What the fuck is up with this shit?

    I'm also having a tough time transitioning and also from a bunch of catastrophes. So I try to move forward but I take on more than I can handle and make a ton of new mistakes and I fall down and I pick myself up again and you just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you've created for yourself a new life out of this chaos.

    And if you think this is tough? Just wait until we're in our 80s or 90s. Oh, that's gonna be fun! Just getting yourself to the store for groceries will be a challenge. And you're going to look back to your youth, you know, when you were 55, and think to yourself, holy crap, that's when I had it made.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 482

    Aug 12, 2012 11:53 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. I went to a therapist Saturday and she did a full interview of various questions to determine what might be the problem. We covered life from grade school through today and according to her, I am anxious and maybe ADD hence the fear of going back to class and not testing well. I get the material but when it comes time to take the test my palms sweat and the muscles practically cause my hands to curl inward - seriously. She said that's anxiety for sure and prescribed a low dose anti anxiety/anti depression med for only 90 days to see how that affects me.

    I really want to improve and part of that is my desire to get a certain commercial real estate designation that's really tough to get. I've been holding off because I'm so damn scared of failing the exam. I've already taken three of the 5 courses and they just get tougher then there's the final exam which is like doing a MBA level thesis. If I can do this, I can get a job in commercial real estate and get out of these low end house sales.

    Thanks again for the comments and support.