A Best Friend Saga..Advice?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    So I never do this but there is not much left for me to do. This is a story of My Best Friend and I. Our tumultuous and rocky relationship. I'll give everyone the rundown of my past 5 months from hell. Sorry It's long

    I went on vacation with my best friend in March. We have been very close for a few years and actually tested the waters in dating way back in the beginning of our friendship/relationship. Well "things" happened while on vacation and feelings started to come back. We spent a whole week together wrapped up in one another, and at the end of the vacation he asked me out. I like a dumb ass turned him down because I was selfish,immature, stupid, and confused. I wasn't ready to accept someone in my life in that way. I kept making excuses why we couldn't be together. After a few weeks of not talking and him loathing my existence, we started to talk again and hang out as friends. Slowly but surely we started to get close again and get back to normalcy. He lives out of state so after school let out he would frequently come back to visit and hang out with me whenever we got the chance.

    As the summer progressed I started to question my decision everyday, and seriously wondered if I had made the biggest mistake of my life. He started to see other people and I had not moved on at all. Then I started to have feelings for a mutual friend of ours (HUGE mistake). I saw that he was moving on and I thought that I had to do the same even though I still wanted to figure my shit out and be with my best friend. Well my best friend stopped talking to me yet again after he found out I was pursuing this other guy. It was a mistake and never actually really panned out and in the end hurt me more than it did him. Again...We got past all that and moved on. We continued to work at our friendship and be there for one another.

    I really did some deep searching within myself to figure out if I truly had feelings for my best friend. I thought it was only fair if I knew exactly how I felt before jumping into something so serious, because in all honesty, this man would be "The One". I whole heartily believe that.

    Now comes this past month, I planned a huge birthday bash for him. Bought all the food,booze, planned the festivities, bought him a really sweet birthday present. I put A LOT of effort into this for him. I wanted to show him that I was ready to be with him. I had intended on asking him out at midnight on his birthday and giving him a sentimental gift to show my appreciation and gratitude in sticking with me through all the tough and difficult times we have been through together. But things took a drastic turn, The day before his birthday he came to me and sat me down and told me that he had decided to dive into a long distance relationship with his ex. This crushed me. I was legitimately a day late and a dollar short. Literally the tables have turned on us. His feelings are mine from 5 months ago and I have his feelings from 5 months ago. We both did a complete 180 on each other (if that makes sense).

    This past month has been awful, I don't feel like I'm myself anymore. I feel fucking pathetic actually. He seems so adamant with his decision but still tells me and says he sees a future with me and that he loves me. I'm torn. It took me so long to actually find these feelings for him and tell him all the things I actually feel and now it's like, it doesn't even matter. This has not only effected me but our friends as well. They are stuck in the middle of us and its not fair to them. It has been a month since he's told me all this and still appears to be going strong with his long distant relationship. He wants me to be his best friend and be there for him, but It's tough right now. There are still obvious feelings on both sides and he's torn between me and his bf...I understand his hesitance, I screwed with his emotions months ago so I can understand why he is where he's at mentally. It's just hard.

    So my question to you guys is. What can I do? There is nothing left for me to tell him, he knows how I feel and still feels the way he does. I'm just looking for any advice on how I should move forward. I don't want to lose these feelings it took me so long to find but I also don't want to cling to something that is not there.

    *If you made it all the way through this thank you for putting up with my rant lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    Well i'm probably going to come off harsh..but...

    You have no clue what you want!..

    You want it..you gotta have it..you get it..and you throw it away!!..You lost it ..now you want it...gotta have it..all over again
    (You should meet my ex)

    Jnix..you have to...GROW UP!
    This is classic narcissism mixed with immaturity!!

    LET HIM GO!!
    You probably will hurt him again!!
    If you love him..LET HIM BE !!

    And for the love of God..Keep your D*ck out of your social circles!

    You pissed me off a little..but i'll give you a big hug anyway..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    The only thing I can say is to put away your emotions and sorrows and move on. You missed your boat long ago and for now play him as the friend you use to hold him to be.
    He may one day come back for you but in the mean time live your life.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9528

    Aug 26, 2012 5:14 PM GMT
    Just support him and the decisions he makes. If things don't pan out with his ex-turned boyfriend, then the time supporting him wil let him know that you're still there. But don't try to sabotage their relationship.

    In the meantime, be single and refrain from meeting and going home with guys. You need the time to do some growing up AND you need to show your best friend that your lingering interest in a relationship with him is still there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    You let the Genie out of the bottle and now you want it back? Fortunately/Unfortunately it's too late.... it's a twist you should have thought through the first time. It's like being in a relaitonship.... wanting to "explore" with others and then going back to your partner and saying, "knaw, I don't really want that after all." Once you trample that path, you can't restore it. Move on, let the guy pursue what's right for him and learn a lesson for yourself. Actions or I guess in this case, inactions, have consequences.... you can't go back and pretend everything is the same or have what you thought you once had.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 482

    Aug 26, 2012 10:31 PM GMT
    Sounds like commitment phobia. You want it, could have had it but went in the opposite direction once it got to where it was yours. I suggest coming to grips with that aspect of your personality and getting help for it.
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    Aug 26, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    The kind thing to do is to set him free.