Lack of racial diversity in my local gay community really bringing me down

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    Aug 28, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    ^^ This is what i am talking about.

    It's my plea to persons like the OP, who have valid viewpoints and motives for approaching these conversations HERE, to "get over it" and realize that these threads are rather counter-productive.. if any type of productive at all.

    It's true, Race relations in the gay community can be atrocious. But thats race relations period. And i think people confuse racism and preferences TOO much.. and Black men who prefer to date white men (there is nothing wrong with it- but lets just come out and say what it is so there is no confusion) often will be disheartened when they DO run into a guy who has no preference to date outside of his race. Which is HIS THING.. i use to be irritated by this until i realized, why do i care if some white guy doesn't find me attractive.. why should i care if anyone of any race decides to not friend or bed me because they don't find black guys attractive? It makes no since.. when there are thousands of other guys who i know who want me.

    But I would imagine if your preference strongly leads itself to white men.. then you would really care what they say or think about you,right?

    It is my suggestion that minorities stop giving a fuck about what non-minorities think of you..and care moreso about what you guys think of yourselves. It's fine to date outside of your race. It's fine to not.. because it is your freedom.

    Racism is something completely different. I will say that guys who do not date outside of their race to me personally a turn off and signal other disturbances.

    But i really think there's a bit of "self fooling" going on... You can't force someone to be something their not.
  • MadeinMich

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    Aug 28, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    kingmo saidi think you can apply your disillusionment and frustration to any Asian guy in any city... including Toronto.


    Really? Thats sad. I feel for you. I see some pretty cute Asians. lol
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    Aug 28, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    TropicalMark saidMichigan is a heavy GOP state.icon_wink.gif
    They're all fat?
  • MadeinMich

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    Aug 28, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    kapow saidI grew up in the Metro Detroit area of Michigan and I totally agree. It is pretty racially segregated. Just attend the high school basketball playoffs and you'll see it. White school from the suburbs against black school from the city. I used to be the same as what you are complaining about, only into white guys. Then I moved to nyc a few years ago and discovered latinos which was amazing, like up until that point nobody had told me about the greatest flavor of ice cream ever invented. So anyways latinos were like my gateway gays, after that I became way more diverse and I'm open to all races of guys.


    This is true for me as well Kapow. When I was in my all black high school I was mostly attracted to black guys (who were mostly straight) but I went to a very ethnically diverse, multicultural and international school in a larger city and my taste changed and became more open to Indian, Spanish, German etc. guys. I think geography really changes perception.

    Also I work in a field where I am typically one of the few blacks in the office so I'm still immersed in different cultures.
  • MadeinMich

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    Aug 28, 2012 10:50 PM GMT
    Myol saidI think if you're honest, you'll see that you have somewhat of a preference for guys not of your race, which is totally fine. I am speculating based off of your hotlist and some of the language in your post. I think it's important to identify who you're attracted to so that you know what your odds are and can find areas that favor your odds. For your preferences and interests, you'll do better off on the East Coast (DC, FL, NY, etc) areas that have a ton of diversity and higher populations of gay guys. It's a numbers game. That's how I see it.

    I will say that Michigan has some of the hottest guys on RJ.

    I understand your point and slightly agree. I do have an issue with my preferences sometime. And perhaps it is an obsticle I need to get over.
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    Aug 29, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidI find it hard to believe the OP doesn't have sexual preferences in regards to race. Especially since all of his mutual buddies are White and 99% of his hotlist is also White. Appearing politically correct on RealJock gets you a lot of applause and I have a feeling this is the motive behind this thread.


    The first thing I would advise you, is to recognize that some of the people gving you their opinions are disingenuous racists.

    I will offer you the following piece of information in unequivocal terms: ScruffyPup is a racist piece of shit. I can site specific examples if need be, but just know that the intent of his posts is to diminish the experiences of gay men who are not white. This is especially comical given his propensity to lament the discrimination older men face in the gay community since his hotlist is almost exclusively comprised of men who are quite a bit younger than he is.

    You will encounter a fair amount of "othering" when you discuss this topic with white men. I think the first step is calling people on their bullshit and challenging them to empathize with a situation that doesn't seem to directly affect them. It is no secret that the "Gay Movement" is almost exclusively tailored for the interests of Caucasian, upper middle class, cisgendered, white gay males.

    As someone alluded earlier, I do think it's important for you to acknowledge whether or not you are looking for friendships with white men or more intimate relationships. Not that either is wrong, but I honestly have had no problems making friends with heterosexual white men who know I am gay. Gay white men? Totally different buck of crawdads. A lot of gay dudes like to say they're looking for friends when they're really just looking for ass and won't say it forthright for fear of being labeled a whore. I've never sought out friends on the basis of their sexual orientation. I'm just interested in associating with people with whom I have a certain number of things in common. Men who advertise that they have no interest in being friends with or dating gay black men probably have a warped understanding of what a meaningful relationship is anyway. You'll find (if you haven't already) that superficiality is king on Planet Gay.
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    Aug 29, 2012 1:07 AM GMT
    MadeinMich saidSo I'm back in Michigan, which has a very divisive racial history and am down about the prospect to meet guys of every race in this area. In terms of dating I consider myself like a united nations with no main prejudices in my attraction to guys. But since I've been back here from Toronto the racial disparity amoung gay guys here has been amplified in my consciousness. I have been called a nigger (unprovoked, honestly) online and when my white friends asks other guys (who ARE in my league with no dilusional expectation of mine, hefty, balding)why the lack of interest they say "I'm not into black guys".

    Cut to a month ago when I was in Toronto men from all different cultures were into me and I was into them. Muscular, handsome, guys from different races who would have shunned me here at home were suprisingly interested and they were suprised at my situation back home. Due to the lack of employment prospects in my field it is very difficult to move to a more culturall diverse town and its killing me.

    Don't get me wrong I am attracted to AA men as well but I'm not exclusive to one race. But here it seems like black fro black and white for white. A saturday night at a gay bar or club looks like a high school cafeteria where all the races have segregated themselves. This is especially sad to me because the out gay population is relatively small.

    Does anyone notice the same thing where they live? How does it make you feel? Not looking for a pity party just some discourse on the subject.



    OP you are also discriminating against guys that are not muscular like you. The point is that you should treat everyone the same right?
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    Aug 29, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    MadeinMich saidSo I'm back in Michigan, which has a very divisive racial history and am down about the prospect to meet guys of every race in this area. In terms of dating I consider myself like a united nations with no main prejudices in my attraction to guys. But since I've been back here from Toronto the racial disparity amoung gay guys here has been amplified in my consciousness. I have been called a nigger (unprovoked, honestly) online and when my white friends asks other guys (who ARE in my league with no dilusional expectation of mine, hefty, balding)why the lack of interest they say "I'm not into black guys".

    Cut to a month ago when I was in Toronto men from all different cultures were into me and I was into them. Muscular, handsome, guys from different races who would have shunned me here at home were suprisingly interested and they were suprised at my situation back home. Due to the lack of employment prospects in my field it is very difficult to move to a more culturall diverse town and its killing me.

    Don't get me wrong I am attracted to AA men as well but I'm not exclusive to one race. But here it seems like black fro black and white for white. A saturday night at a gay bar or club looks like a high school cafeteria where all the races have segregated themselves. This is especially sad to me because the out gay population is relatively small.

    Does anyone notice the same thing where they live? How does it make you feel? Not looking for a pity party just some discourse on the subject.



    OP you are also discriminating against guys that are not muscular like you. The point is that you should treat everyone the same right?


    Excellent comparison. Not being attracted to black men is just like not being attracted to "out of shape" men.

    Kinda like when religious fanatics say use their opposition to adultery to explain that they are not prejudiced against homosexuals.
  • MadeinMich

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    Aug 29, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    Another_Jeremy said
    Aggieboy said
    MadeinMich saidSo I'm back in Michigan, which has a very divisive racial history and am down about the prospect to meet guys of every race in this area. In terms of dating I consider myself like a united nations with no main prejudices in my attraction to guys. But since I've been back here from Toronto the racial disparity amoung gay guys here has been amplified in my consciousness. I have been called a nigger (unprovoked, honestly) online and when my white friends asks other guys (who ARE in my league with no dilusional expectation of mine, hefty, balding)why the lack of interest they say "I'm not into black guys".

    Cut to a month ago when I was in Toronto men from all different cultures were into me and I was into them. Muscular, handsome, guys from different races who would have shunned me here at home were suprisingly interested and they were suprised at my situation back home. Due to the lack of employment prospects in my field it is very difficult to move to a more culturall diverse town and its killing me.

    Don't get me wrong I am attracted to AA men as well but I'm not exclusive to one race. But here it seems like black fro black and white for white. A saturday night at a gay bar or club looks like a high school cafeteria where all the races have segregated themselves. This is especially sad to me because the out gay population is relatively small.

    Does anyone notice the same thing where they live? How does it make you feel? Not looking for a pity party just some discourse on the subject.



    OP you are also discriminating against guys that are not muscular like you. The point is that you should treat everyone the same right?


    Excellent comparison. Not being attracted to black men is just like not being attracted to "out of shape" men.

    Kinda like when religious fanatics say use their opposition to adultery to explain that they are not prejudiced against homosexuals.


    Actually I am not discriminating against non muscular guys. Let me clarify

    Quote:
    when my white friends asks other guys (who ARE in my league with no dilusional expectation of mine, hefty, balding)why the lack of interest they say "I'm not into black guys".QUOTE GOES HERE


    When I say this I mean I am open to out of shape guys or average guys with flaws as well. When I talk about musclar guys being into me in Toronto I was just proving a point of how the tables sort of turn when I go to a more multicultural city.

    @Another Jeremy. I am not that muscular myself. Why would I discriminate against non muscular guys?
  • MadeinMich

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    Aug 29, 2012 7:19 AM GMT
    @ Another _Jeremy.


    Thanks for the insight man
  • metta

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    Aug 29, 2012 7:20 AM GMT
    I don't think that Los Angeles has that issue. Everything is so mixed it does not matter. I'm sure that San Francisco, and New York are probably the same as well.
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:45 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidI find it hard to believe the OP doesn't have sexual preferences in regards to race. Especially since all of his mutual buddies are White and 99% of his hotlist is also White. Appearing politically correct on RealJock gets you a lot of applause and I have a feeling this is the motive behind this thread.


    I'm not going to even bother checking to see whether the OP's hotlist or buddies are White. This sounds like another "Why don't White guys want to fuck me" thread.

    All I can say is get over it. I stopped caring almost a year ago and it's very liberating.

    There is a racial hierarchy in the gay world with White men on top and Asians at the bottom. Truth is that so many of us Asians look like some kind of mutated women. No wonder usually only rice queens who are usually fat and old pursue us.

    Anyway, in the gay racial hierarchy, black men come close to the bottom just a little bit higher than Asians. Factor in the centuries of history of very "lovely" race relations between Whites and Blacks in terms of White people looking down on if not enslaving and/or killing Blacks with impunity; this is why a lot of gay White men don't want anything to do with you and why men of other races may not want to have anything to do with you either, because they all want to be with a White man or at least emulate White attitudes.

    All I can say is stop caring about all of this....it's a gift of freedom you can give yourself. Although it can also mean that you won't get laid. (It's been a long time for me.....)

  • MadeinMich

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    Aug 29, 2012 8:02 AM GMT
    Smegmatron said
    Scruffypup saidI find it hard to believe the OP doesn't have sexual preferences in regards to race. Especially since all of his mutual buddies are White and 99% of his hotlist is also White. Appearing politically correct on RealJock gets you a lot of applause and I have a feeling this is the motive behind this thread.


    I'm not going to even bother checking to see whether the OP's hotlist or buddies are White. This sounds like another "Why don't White guys want to fuck me" thread.

    All I can say is get over it. I stopped caring almost a year ago and it's very liberating.

    There is a racial hierarchy in the gay world with White men on top and Asians at the bottom. Truth is that so many of us Asians look like some kind of mutated women. No wonder usually only rice queens who are usually fat and old pursue us.

    Anyway, in the gay racial hierarchy, black men come close to the bottom just a little bit higher than Asians. Factor in the centuries of history of very "lovely" race relations between Whites and Blacks in terms of White people looking down on if not enslaving and/or killing Blacks with impunity; this is why a lot of gay White men don't want anything to do with you and why men of other races may not want to have anything to do with you either, because they all want to be with a White man or at least emulate White attitudes.

    All I can say is stop caring about all of this....it's a gift of freedom you can give yourself. Although it can also mean that you won't get laid. (It's been a long time for me.....)



    I would lay you smegmatron...icon_smile.gif

    I see your point and I'm beginning to give less of a shit. I agree with what you said regarding white attitude with blacks in popular culture.
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    Aug 29, 2012 8:05 AM GMT
    I like to believe you sexual preference is molded through your surroundings. People who grow up in a homogenous area tend to stick with what's considered "beautiful" amongst their micro-society.

    What's considered beautiful to can grow any which way, and it varies greatly person by person, through time and interaction. I grew up diverse urban areas, so I really lost sight of being white- in the stereotypical sense. I like all the different flavors.
  • Buddha

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    Aug 29, 2012 10:24 AM GMT
    Well me too. I understand that people have different sexual preferences, I do too, and I naturally think it's wrong that people should enforce others to be attracted to everyone because that simply isn't possible.

    But if you're going to talk about its effect on me, sure it has some disheartening effect. In addition to my hesitation to hit on guys because of my general insecurity with body and what-not, this issue also spices that up by making me think "nah he's probably not into my type of guys".
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:40 AM GMT
    Well, those guys who 'don't date black guys' seem to be missing out on someone really cool. I wouldn't worry about them. Why would you? It's a waste of time. You'll find someone great eventually who sees the person inside you.... or at least has a black fetish...

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    Aug 29, 2012 10:46 AM GMT
    TropicalMark saidMichigan is a heavy GOP state.icon_wink.gif


    Oh I see you're just tossing gasoline on the fire..... :-) ..... However ...... right now Obama is up 2.6 points in Michigan, the Democrat Senate candidate is up 4.8 points, and Michigan hasn't gone Republican in a Presidential race since 1988 when Dukasis barely won New York and Massachusetts.
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:58 AM GMT
    Now back to the OP and the original question; in my city I generally see a segregated (high school cafeteria) approach at the gay bars but not at the dance clubs. I am fairly confident that I see less multi-racial gay couples than I see multi-racial straight couples.

    I think one big difference between the Midwest where you and I are versus Toronto is the religious traditions of African-Americans. In my community gay black men seem far more likely to be married and living dual lives than gay white men. I have witnessed the stigma toward gay men even from very otherwise enlightened and progressive AA's in my community.

    I point to the controversy created by endorsement of Obama's position on gay marriage by the NAACP; AA Christian groups and individuals have pulled their memberships and / or decried the position and tried to change it.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/12/naacp-gay-marriage-same-sex_n_1668476.html
    So is part of the issue just a lack of AA men in the gay community?

    Lastly there is an inter-racial gay couple at my Church where there are few gay couples period but where there a lot of straight inter-racial couples. I now wonder if they are there rather than at a church with more gay couples.
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    Don't get me wrong I am attracted to AA men as well but I'm not exclusive to one race.


    What is an AA man?
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:34 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidPlus gays here in Dallas aren't very cultured, pretty snobbish, shady, whor-ish, and are legitimate jack-asses.


    Having lived in NYC for more than a decade, I can surely say there is a difference.
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:39 AM GMT
    StephenOABC said
    ParadiseLost saidPlus gays here in Dallas aren't very cultured, pretty snobbish, shady, whor-ish, and are legitimate jack-asses.

    Having lived in NYC for more than a decade, I can surely say there is a difference.

    I love walking down the street in NYC .... sexuality and skin color don't matter .... but you WILL be judged for the shoes you wear icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:41 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidThe ancient Egyptians are long gone. The current people of Egyptian are Arabs mostly and, well, I don't know of any Egyptian gay men.


    What do you know of Ancient Egyptian homosexuality? Maybe we should get together.

    I was at the Dallas gay center, called the Resource Center and there was a history display and I saw something about Ancient Egyptian homosexuality there.
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:43 AM GMT
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:51 AM GMT
    metta8 saidI don't think that Los Angeles has that issue. Everything is so mixed it does not matter. I'm sure that San Francisco, and New York are probably the same as well.


    I'm sure SF and NY is BETTER than, say, Michigan when it comes to racial blindness or however you might term it, but you're seriously deluding yourself if you actually think that people in LA or NY are "so mixed [race] it does not matter."

    Without making this a personal attack, it's sad how it's almost always only white people (or people that can pass as white) that can be ignorant enough to actually think racism (in all its forms, including this topic by the OP) is something of the past, at least in the liberal areas of the country,

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    Aug 29, 2012 12:39 PM GMT
    NOPE THANK GOD

    i used to live in a small seaside town and i was the most coloured person there. i mean literally my family were THE ONLY non-white family in the town.

    HOWEVER happily i now live in beautiful London city. its the best place. racial diversity is not a problem every person you bump into has a diffferent ethnic background to the last, its amazing as is the city itself.

    altough black men do get pretty hounded by all other races, i think its the big cock myth to be honest. still reeks of racial ignorance to me. not racism but profiling in a sense. or at least objectifying. most dont mind but i think that is out of a negative attitude hac=ving a positive effect for them/lack of attention to whats going on.

    i have had a very hard time pulling since i got some size on me. all i get is the fag hags coming on to me all night, or "i just thought you were straight". yea thats why im in a hardore gay club with my shirt off at 4 am pfft icon_rolleyes.gif