Thirty Is Not The New Twenty: Why Your 20s Matter

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    Aug 29, 2012 5:12 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidbullshit - I'm closing in on 30 and I am *just* figuring out what I finally wanna do with my life as far as a career goes (I think anyways). The new career I got in March is gold! As for meeting my future spouse - highly unlikely to happen before I'm 30. I hate this article lol

    Although I will say I have met the man of my dreams... now it's just a matter of sweeping him off his feet and making him mine icon_twisted.gif


    I'm sure you'll have no problem at all sweeping him off his feet.. *Fans self* icon_redface.gif

    [QUOTE]Didn't relate to much of that article. Never got a job through anyone but for in my teens and 20s when I worked for neighbors or in the family biz. Since then it's been a matter of scratching at doors until they opened.

    As to one stage of life preparing for another, most of what brought on changes in my life had nothing to do with planning and preparation but with sudden tragedies and having the rug pulled out from under me. Where did I get my survival skills, from my cushy childhood?

    The deaths of my partners? Didn't plan on that. A construction accident that put me into traction? Didn't plan on that either. The betrayal of long-held, close friends? Somehow, I failed to plan for that.

    My life has been more a series of missteps and course corrections and path-finding while running through life's haphazardly placed obstacles than any sort of predetermination from an earlier age. For me life is more about thinking on your feet at the moment, not what development might have occurred at any particular age.

    What I did relate to in the article, though not the way it was relayed, is how it is more difficult to "reinvent"--a word I eschew as it strikes me more as being indicative of inconsistency and thereby lacking integrity then it does maturing though it might be--the self later in life as it seemed easier for me to switch careers in my 30s then now in my 50s. But that has less to do with my character and more to do with what life threw at me during the past few years. If it wasn't so damned depressing, I'd probably be less depressed which would make changing careers easier. But then, weren't it for life's little tragedies, I'd be sailing the world with my bud, not unfurling again into a new career.

    Life always seems to have its own plans. Predetermination not included.[/QUOTE]

    Has anyone told you what an amazing person you are good sir? You've been through a lot and it is admirable what tenacity and determination you have to keep on moving on forward in your life. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    Numbers... nice.

    They don't do much in the way of swaying how I Feel about myself, or how others see me, unless they're really conformed to an aged based biased. Meh, to each their own.

    Wonder what it feels like to have a news article give you ten years of your life back and another take them back, plus 10 more aside? Kinda shitty I imagine? icon_confused.gif
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 612

    Aug 29, 2012 5:58 PM GMT
    My 20's I was a disaster
    My 30's were spent cleaning up the mess
    My 40's are trying to make up for lost time

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    Aug 29, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    Madame_Pele saidBlah blah blah.

    Blah blah blah blah blah

    Blah blah blah

    Blah



    is that how you feel about your 20's?
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    Aug 29, 2012 6:14 PM GMT
    I just read this comment to that article by "dc" and I thought it was beautiful:

    "As a very old man who has lived a very long life, I would
    like to impart my (perhaps dated) perspective on this matter for anyone
    interested.

    Now that I have lived a lifetime’s worth of days, I have finally
    come to see the folly of my ways. So listen when I speak of the temptations of this world: nice things, status, success and pretty women.

    Since I’m nearing 80, I can confidently say that I’m standing on the precipice of death, and I can for sure tell you that my perspective is enormous. When I wake up each morning and go outside, I can see the connected nature and wonder of every leaf and every cloud and I marvel the forces which have formed us.

    However, ever since the passing of my wife, some days all I’ve
    got is a lone nighttime walk. But then when I whistle some sweet melody, and it sparks some very beautiful memories; and once you are my age those great memories bring unspeakable contentment to you.

    So young people, try your best to ignore what you think matters, instead bring true joy to yourself and others. If you like singing, hell, then sing in to your hands! Don’t ever let them get you down J Because when all is
    said and done, when your youth is spent and burned, you’ll see that it’s all
    about the simple things you take for granted: music, flowers, babies, sharing
    the good times, traveling not just for business, excepting your mortality. This
    is finally what I’ve learned.

    And then in the end it’s family and friends! Loving yourself,
    but not only yourself, it’s about the good walk, and the long hard walk and the relationships and connections you’ve had. It’s about making a little music everyday til you die; it’s a beautiful ride."
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    Aug 29, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    I understand that one cant plan for unforeseen events. But I feel it is important to plan or have a plan. Will things always go 100% according to plan? No they wont. This is where course corrections are required and plans to be reevaluated. If things aren't mostly going according to plan then the plan needs to be reevaluated (e.g. the plan consists of unrealistic deadlines) and/or the approach to executing (being too lax in following through) it needs to be re-evaluated .

    If one doesn't plan then one leaves things to chance. Thats is another way of approaching things but when things don't work out you cant find fault with anyone/anything else but yourself.

    It takes time and effort to gain an eduction and acquire skills. As mentioned above, a lot of guys take their 20's as an extended adolescence. Before you know it your 20's are gone and you will be competing for jobs with those that have taken things seriously, have gained more experience/skills and are ahead of you.

    While one person may follow a planned approach others will follow a go-with-the-flow approach. This is personality based. But in the end you reap the rewards of what you sowed.
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    Aug 29, 2012 6:31 PM GMT
    I worked my brains off in my twenties so I could retire young and travelicon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 6:52 PM GMT
    osakarob saidThe only other addition to Dr. Jay's counsel that I would offer is the wonderful little nugget that I heard many years ago:

    You will rise or fall to the level of the 5 people that you spend the most time with.

    If I had fully understood that in my twenties, I might have better embraced the other point in the article:

    Yes, half of 20somethings are un- or underemployed. But half aren't, so my first piece of advice is to figure out how to get yourself into that group. Most often, the way to do this is through what is called "the strength of weak ties." The strength of weak ties is from sociologist Mark Granovetter's work on social networks. What he found was that new information and opportunities usually come from outside of our inner circle. That foot-in-the-door at the company where you want to work isn't going to come from your best friends--your strong ties--or you would already be working there. That job lead is going to come from weak ties, or from people you hardly know.

    Not sure how you were (or are), but when I was in my twenties, I could have really used a better understanding of just how limited my immediate circle was. Could have really helped me better prepare for my 30s and 40s. How about you?


    I totally agree with this. I'm 43, and looking back at my early 20s, I was really going through the motions of shedding my outer butt head, and rising to the challenge of my colleagues/friends in university.

    All of my job leads were from people who were acquaintences - people who i knew from school but were not my best friends, we never hung out, never called/emailed or even really talked much to each other. But the info about a new government internship program, the recommendation for to do a gap-fill job which later lead to steady employment, the link to a job ad which became my 10year employer... all these came from people who were weak ties. i knew their name and they knew mine, but we were not close by any stretch of the imagination. those jobs were all flukes... or were they?

    the idea is that your closest friends and family are your rock, your foundation, your inner circle... but they are also your insulation from newness. and you have to make attempts to meet new people, think about new ideas, recognise new opportunities -- all of which are not part of your normal every day life. this is the only way to grow.

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    Aug 29, 2012 6:55 PM GMT
    Boland92 saidI don't want to age past 24. Forever youngicon_cry.gif


    this. can i be 23 forever. omg getting old is scary
  • HottJoe

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    Aug 29, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    nicodegallo saidFrankly, I'm looking forward to my 30s. I feel like the 20s are just an extended phase of adolescence; you're still weird and trying to figure shit out.


    Yeah, on your 30th birthday you automatically stop being weird and all your shit is suddenly so easy to figure out.icon_rolleyes.gif

    Funny how people think they will figure things out by only waiting for time to pass.
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:11 PM GMT
    Justim said
    Madame_Pele saidBlah blah blah.

    Blah blah blah blah blah

    Blah blah blah

    Blah



    is that how you feel about your 20's?


    Ay sdeel haz a few ears 2 go n ma 20z
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 29, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    running11 said
    Boland92 saidI don't want to age past 24. Forever youngicon_cry.gif


    this. can i be 23 forever. omg getting old is scary


    SUNSCREEN!!!!
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    I never thought the phrase "30 is the new 20" had anything to do with things like waiting on marriage or putting off career accomplishments, but was mostly something about age appearance and energy levels. If you look at pictures taken 50 or 100 years ago of people 30, 40, or 50 years old, people today do generally look younger at those ages. We also live an active life much later in life than what people once did.
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:49 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    running11 said
    Boland92 saidI don't want to age past 24. Forever youngicon_cry.gif


    this. can i be 23 forever. omg getting old is scary


    SUNSCREEN!!!!


    so much sunscreen
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:54 PM GMT

    I shall make the best of my 20s before that 30 comes...icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:59 PM GMT
    nicodegallo saidFrankly, I'm looking forward to my 30s. I feel like the 20s are just an extended phase of adolescence; you're still weird and trying to figure shit out.


    THIS!

    I was thinking about this today.. how my 20's are rehearsals.After 30 If you really haven't learned from your mistakes and found your path.. then you are really really fucked. I'm glad i floundered in my early to mid 20's.. and only now i feel like i have a firm handle on who i am and what i exactly want out of this life for me. You could not pay me to go back to 24.
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    Aug 29, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    JackKash said You could not pay me to go back to 24.


    Amen ! I feel like a much more rounded individual now than I ever did in my early 20's.

    I don't want my 30's to be the new 20's. I want them to be the next stage in my life, Not a sad retread of what I've already experienced or a desperate attempt to cling onto 'youth'
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    Aug 29, 2012 8:27 PM GMT
    Its never too late for anyone to take their lives into their own hands. This article only discourages people not to try.
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    Aug 29, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    As someone who spent most of my 20's in graduate school getting a doctorate and the graduated into this recession...

    I think I'll pass on doing it again, and I really hope there's more life defining moments than a billion late nights in lab.
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    Aug 29, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidI'm always seeking balance. I feel tremendous pressure brought on by the criticisms of the older generation, calling twentysomethings "entitled, lazy, incompetent". At the same time, I recognize that I'll never be quite as able-bodied and uncommitted as I am now, so I'm trying to live it up. So I guess the trick is to prove to the world that you're ready to shoulder the burdens of society, but also find some comfort and enlightenment for yourself. Easier said than done.


    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    I Luv this guy !!
    What state is he from..??
    And what are the kidnapping laws? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 30, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    Well, if you don't get this life right have no fear. You'll have many more tries at it.

    enlightenment is the only way forward.
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    Aug 30, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    In some ways I agree, and in others disagree.

    Ultimately, the world is not kind to people who waste time and opportunities. It is statistically likely that if you haven't taken advantage of the many opportunities presented to people in their twenties, then you are unlikely to avail yourself of any further bites at the apple. But that does not make it a certainty.

    Additionally, for many positions the development track is time-dependent because nobody wants to invest in a 40-something investment banking analyst. These structured roles require some evidence, generally, that you have been successful in a related field at a similar level of responsibility. However even these roles aren't as scripted or structured as people pretend.

    Furthermore, there are a large number of critical roles that aren't structured nicely, and rely upon the results you create. Any sort of sales/business development role fits this bill, to my mind. So does any entrepreneurial role, in which I include musicians and artists. These roles tend to actually lean a little bit on the older side, when we talk about when you achieve your greatest successes. I think older entrepreneurs are much, much better at it if you look at the entire field (not just one-off case studies like Facebook). And they have the financial base to take these risks in the first place.

    So the reality is more complex than some global descriptive statistics about 'most people'.
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    Aug 30, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    Lakeview27 saidIts never too late for anyone to take their lives into their own hands. This article only discourages people not to try.


    This times 100.

    I really did not like or agree with most (not all) of this article.

    I have seen many people who their twenties were a mess and only got a good grip on their life in their 30's and beyond.

    I will miss my twenties as far as being physically youthful but not so much the feelings of never being "good enough" or the constant need of peer aproval.

    They say youth is wasted on the young and they are right. I wish I had the youth I had five years ago but the wisdom I have today.
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    Aug 30, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost said
    [QUOTE]...Life always seems to have its own plans. Predetermination not included.


    ...what tenacity and determination you have to keep on moving forward in your life. icon_smile.gif[/quote]

    Thank you much for your kind words, Paradise. But it only looks like tenacity and determination when it's probably just sink or swim. Sometimes I fall apart and get pulled under. And then I swim again. That's life.

    I don't know if there are other lives as another poster suggested. But each time I resurface, it does seem like I'm living a different life.

    "You could not step twice into the same river, for other waters are ever flowing on to you."~~Heraclitus
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    Aug 31, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    A great read for when I feel masochistic.