The Myth of the Masculine Gay Man

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    Sep 08, 2012 6:43 AM GMT
    reminds me of the times I have gone to go into a gay club, and I've been stoped to be asked and warned about what kind of club/pub it was, for fear I did not know, and I'm like yep thats why I'm here. Ot guys who think they have found balls to come over and talk with me, think I have a wife at home, or a new out of the closet, because I don't fit the mould. I just simply live out in the real world, out in the burbs. I don't act straight, I just appear that way; to most.
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    Sep 08, 2012 12:33 PM GMT
    Perhaps the real unsettling truth is that you don't have to be a thin, weak, "girly" homo in the drama/fashion club to be gay.

    You just have to like men.




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    Sep 08, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    The fact of the matter is that the majority of "masculine" gay men generally are proud that they're not "stereotypically" gay, and the majority of less "masculine" gay men generally wish they were more masculine. Let's face it: naturally "masculine" (by that I mean not contrived or manufactured masculinity) gay men are perceived to be rare commodities and, accordingly, are more sought after.
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    Sep 08, 2012 2:09 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidThe fact of the matter is that the majority of "masculine" gay men generally are proud that they're not "stereotypically" gay, and the majority of less "masculine" gay men generally wish they were more masculine. Let's face it: naturally "masculine" (by that I mean not contrived or manufactured masculinity) gay men are perceived to be rare commodities and, accordingly, are more sought after.


    This, X1000.

    The idea that we have it harder is rediculous. Naturally masculine, regular guys, are in much higher demand than the ultra masculine or the feminine gay men.
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    Sep 08, 2012 5:51 PM GMT
    Cranky_No_More said
    jmusmc85 said
    It's like a Monet. Looks good from afar, but it's a big ol mess when you really get a good look at it.....

    Oooh, just when you thought he's only an idiot, turns out he's an art critic too.


    I laughed out loud at this. icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 08, 2012 6:02 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi said
    Cranky_No_More said
    jmusmc85 said
    It's like a Monet. Looks good from afar, but it's a big ol mess when you really get a good look at it.....

    Oooh, just when you thought he's only an idiot, turns out he's an art critic too.


    I laughed out loud at this. icon_lol.gif


    Im also a hand model...
  • AllAmericanJo...

    Posts: 4271

    Sep 08, 2012 6:12 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidScruffy got served

    sci-fi-fantasy-harry-potter-snape-got-se


    Laughed out loud.

    Mixed feelings about thearticle. Has kernels of truth, but it's also over generalized.

    Gay men are not a monolith. Neither are feminine gay men and masculine gay men. Some feminine guys have a tough time with social support, some find it easier. Some masculine gay guys have an easy time with social support, some find it tough.

    Not only that, it can be easy sometimes and tough other times. I'm masculine relative to most gay guys. This makes it easier with some people, and harder with others. Some of my straight friends didn't care, others now keep me at arms length. Some gay guys find my manner intimidating, others find it comforting. It just depends. And other factors (body type, race, age, environment, socioeconomic status) also affect one's overall social well-being, negatively sometimes and positively other times.

    The article doesn't capture that complexity, but I get the overall point.
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    Sep 08, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    Mixed feelings about thearticle. Has kernels of truth, but it's also over generalized. Gay men are not a monolith. Neither are feminine gay men and masculine gay men. Some feminine guys have a tough time with social support, some find it easier. Some masculine gay guys have an easy time with social support, some find it tough. Not only that, it can be easy sometimes and tough other times.



    I agree 100%, which is why I posted it for discussion, which I stated clearly. People post a lot of things they're not in total agreement of, but post them to get other people's points of view. But personally attacking someone for posting an article is about as immature as you can get.
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    Sep 08, 2012 7:10 PM GMT
    JustStartin said
    From the article/blog/whatevah
    The typically masculine gay man has no category. He has no home. For him to come out of the closet is to take off a mask that no one knew was there. This kind of personal/sexual revelation makes people uncomfortable because they are forced to ask, Who else?

    As others have stated, this piece would benefit from the efforts of a good copy editor. I don't necessarily buy the whole thing, but I do believe that there is some validity to the above-quoted statement. For some straight people, the obviously, stereotypically effeminate gay man feels "safer" because he is identifiable. Said straight people can find it most unsettling to discover that someone they assumed to be "one of us" turns out to be "one of them." It's as if their world has been infiltrated by a spy from "the other side." If their bro Butch is gay, then geez -- anybody could be gay! And, as the author goes on to suggest, if said staight people have any ambiguity re own sexuality, this discovery can be doubly troubling..


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    Sep 09, 2012 12:22 AM GMT
    Yeah, to take your point a little further, I think some of the straight people who are unsettled by assumed straight guys turning out to be gay are unsettled by the deception. Especially if a guy was anti-gay or exhibited a really strong "heterosexual" ethic. It becomes "what else don't I know about you?"

    JustStartin said
    From the article/blog/whatevah
    The typically masculine gay man has no category. He has no home. For him to come out of the closet is to take off a mask that no one knew was there. This kind of personal/sexual revelation makes people uncomfortable because they are forced to ask, Who else?

    As others have stated, this piece would benefit from the efforts of a good copy editor. I don't necessarily buy the whole thing, but I do believe that there is some validity to the above-quoted statement. For some straight people, the obviously, stereotypically effeminate gay man feels "safer" because he is identifiable. Said straight people can find it most unsettling to discover that someone they assumed to be "one of us" turns out to be "one of them." It's as if their world has been infiltrated by a spy from "the other side." If their bro Butch is gay, then geez -- anybody could be gay! And, as the author goes on to suggest, if said staight people have any ambiguity re own sexuality, this discovery can be doubly troubling..
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    Sep 09, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    Soulasphyxi said
    Cranky_No_More said
    jmusmc85 said
    It's like a Monet. Looks good from afar, but it's a big ol mess when you really get a good look at it.....

    Oooh, just when you thought he's only an idiot, turns out he's an art critic too.


    I laughed out loud at this. icon_lol.gif


    Im also a hand model...


    self-fluffer doesn't count as a hand modeling career
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    Sep 09, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    Chainers said
    The idea that we have it harder...


    lololol
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    Sep 09, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    I kind of come at this from another point of view. I was interested in a lot of what was considered stereotypically gay stuff when I came out, was only into a couple of sports, yet didn't really have a "gay" or fem persona.

    When I went into the gay world in college, at 18, I found I was kind of expected to take on the camp sensibility, and even enjoyed it in its more clever moments. I think this came from (and I'm talking ancient history here - during the early 80s) other gay men wanting me to seem safe for them to pursue; that I wouldn't turn out to be some serial killer or something. They trusted me more when I was able to play along with the gay theme. It was also a helluva lot of fun, I have to admit. It felt great to kind of have our own "secret code".

    Some of that time stuck with me and some of it didn't. Masculinity is attractive to me. That's why I like men. I've partnered with men who read on the fem side, and several who read more on the masculine side. The essential person is who I tend to decide upon, aside from initial attraction.