jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.
Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.
I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.
EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.
Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.
Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.
Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.
The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.
The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.
Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.
It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.
Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.