To jerk or not to jerk...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 10:15 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 said
    amidon7 said
    msuNtx said
    SwimBIkeRun949 saidUntil you have a chat with your bf, it's cheating.

    If you two agree that engaging in sexual activities with others is cool, then it's no longer cheating.

    For the life of me I cannot understand why people place such importance on monogamy in relationships. We are men, and we like the physical pleasure of sex.

    I am in an open relationship. I travel all the time for work. If there's another hot guy on my Grindr in a hotel, I will probably fuck him. And then I'll take what I've learned from that experience and enhance the sex life I have with my bf. And he'll do the same.

    That's how we manage our relationship, though, and we're upfront with each other. Always.


    Some of us have self control and don't have to fuck everything in site.


    .. and even more of us are tolerant to different points of view.


    Amen. Some of us are not though.


    I am plenty tolerant. He asked a rhetorical question on how any of us could be monogamous and I answered him.
  • amidon7

    Posts: 139

    Sep 11, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    msuNtx said
    redsoxfan791 said
    amidon7 said
    msuNtx said
    SwimBIkeRun949 saidUntil you have a chat with your bf, it's cheating.

    If you two agree that engaging in sexual activities with others is cool, then it's no longer cheating.

    For the life of me I cannot understand why people place such importance on monogamy in relationships. We are men, and we like the physical pleasure of sex.

    I am in an open relationship. I travel all the time for work. If there's another hot guy on my Grindr in a hotel, I will probably fuck him. And then I'll take what I've learned from that experience and enhance the sex life I have with my bf. And he'll do the same.

    That's how we manage our relationship, though, and we're upfront with each other. Always.


    Some of us have self control and don't have to fuck everything in site.


    .. and even more of us are tolerant to different points of view.


    Amen. Some of us are not though.


    I am plenty tolerant. He asked a rhetorical question on how any of us could be monogamous and I answered him.


    Ok. Sorry. It's the phrase "fuck everything in site (sic)" that may have come across as intolerant.
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    Sep 11, 2012 10:55 PM GMT
    I can't believe I just read this crap. Seriously dude, what within the realm of "grey area cheating" do you find so difficult to comprehend. And you're sad excuse on "he's your first relationship" I call bullshit. When I was in my first relationship I still knew right from wrong. YES 100% IF YOU DO ANY SEXUAL ACT WITH A MAN OTHER THAN YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, ANYYYYYYYYY, IT IS CHEATING!!!! NO GREY AREAS!
    You can tell where I stand on your dilemma. In case you're confused with any "grey areas" in my message...Don't do it!

    What ever happend to values & chivalry...icon_question.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 11, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    jomu112 saidI can't believe I just read this crap. Seriously dude, what within the realm of "grey area cheating" do you find so difficult to comprehend. And you're sad excuse on "he's your first relationship" I call bullshit. When I was in my first relationship I still knew right from wrong. YES 100% IF YOU DO ANY SEXUAL ACT WITH A MAN OTHER THAN YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, ANYYYYYYYYY, IT IS CHEATING!!!! NO GREY AREAS!
    You can tell where I stand on your dilemma. In case you're confused with any "grey areas" in my message...Don't do it!

    What ever happend to values & chivalry...icon_question.gif


    Gee, do you have an opinion on this??? Lol. But seriously, you'd be a nicer person if you had chivalry and values, minus pushing your values on someone else.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidI thought this thread was going to be about clean & jerks.....my bad. Carry on.


    I thought it was going to be about jerking off in relation to workouts. Silly me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    amidon7 said
    msuNtx said
    redsoxfan791 said
    amidon7 said
    msuNtx said
    SwimBIkeRun949 saidUntil you have a chat with your bf, it's cheating.

    If you two agree that engaging in sexual activities with others is cool, then it's no longer cheating.

    For the life of me I cannot understand why people place such importance on monogamy in relationships. We are men, and we like the physical pleasure of sex.

    I am in an open relationship. I travel all the time for work. If there's another hot guy on my Grindr in a hotel, I will probably fuck him. And then I'll take what I've learned from that experience and enhance the sex life I have with my bf. And he'll do the same.



    Ok. Sorry. It's the phrase "fuck everything in site (sic)" that may have come across as intolerant.


    Did you even read his post. I bolded it for you. That is what I was referring too. If that makes me intolerant then so be it.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 12, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    ^^^^
    Now, now kids, there's room on RJ for prudes and sluts.icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    Many different definitions of "relationship" represented here. I don't get long distance / not living with each other relationships. Its hardly even dating. Sounds like you have more of a relationship with your jack off bud.
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    Thats not right man. It's not about what the act is but how it makes the other person (your boyfriend) feel.
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:09 AM GMT
    bri_66 saidI would discuss this with the BF first and set ground rules. But if you do it and hide it, it's cheating and being dishonest.


    How about, just don't do it? If you're serious about the BF, why would you even consider this option?
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:10 AM GMT
    hoosier_daddy said
    bri_66 saidI would discuss this with the BF first and set ground rules. But if you do it and hide it, it's cheating and being dishonest.


    How about, just don't do it? If you're serious about the BF, why would you even consider this option?


    Because sexually satisfying yourself is obviously #1 in many guys minds.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:10 AM GMT
    Ummm, I thought this was about jerk chicken recipes. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    Is there nothing but whores on this site. Why in the world would any decent guy even have to ask this question?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 12, 2012 12:16 AM GMT
    ingrove saidIs there nothing but whores on this site. Why in the world would any decent guy even have to ask this question?


    Excuse you? One guy asks a question and now everyone on the site is a whore? I think you're the one needing lessons in decency.icon_wink.gif
  • kevjo

    Posts: 38

    Sep 12, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    Yeah, sounds like you already know this isn't a good idea. Or why not talk to the boyfriend? He might be okay with it.
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:33 AM GMT
    I wouldnt go there. It can be difficult to mend the relationship if something like that is brought up? Especially to the fact that that you confirmed the quality of the relationship with your bf. i wouldnt want the possibility of something interfering. Theres definately much more value in love, than someone you may simply find attractive sexually. Focus on what you have-sounds like you do have a lot: 'someone you truely love?' my 2 c's
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    Uhhh if you dont ask him then its cheating, like you said it isnt hurting anyone if you feel that way you should just let him know .. that simple if you do it behind him *lol* it's cheating good luck
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:55 AM GMT
    Hothouse saidI would suggest turning the situation around and ask yourself how you'd feel if your BF asked you if you'd have a problem with him watching some porn and beating off with a buddy when you two can't be together.


    Literally exactly what I was going to say.

    [broken record]

    I'm not gonna hate, but you need to talk to him about this

    [/broken record]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    You know it's wrong dude. Don't do it. Lies and cheating always come to the surface eventually. I learned this the hard way.
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    Sep 12, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    jomu112 saidI can't believe I just read this crap. Seriously dude, what within the realm of "grey area cheating" do you find so difficult to comprehend. And you're sad excuse on "he's your first relationship" I call bullshit. When I was in my first relationship I still knew right from wrong. YES 100% IF YOU DO ANY SEXUAL ACT WITH A MAN OTHER THAN YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, ANYYYYYYYYY, IT IS CHEATING!!!! NO GREY AREAS!
    You can tell where I stand on your dilemma. In case you're confused with any "grey areas" in my message...Don't do it!

    What ever happend to values & chivalry...icon_question.gif


    Gee, do you have an opinion on this??? Lol. But seriously, you'd be a nicer person if you had chivalry and values, minus pushing your values on someone else.icon_wink.gif


    You have a valid point. But the man did ask for people's opinion. So therefore am I not allowed to state mine? As "rude" as I may come across, I prefer to come across as an asshole than to cheat on my boyfriend. Because that is something I would never do. If you care don't screw it up, that simple.
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    Sep 12, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.
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    Sep 12, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    That was really well thought out and intelligently said. Youll def have me pondering this for a while. Great post.
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    Sep 12, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    my vote is to not do it k
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 2:04 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Pretty epic post here. Quoted for truth. Very well put.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1919

    Sep 12, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    If I were in a monogamous relationship with somebody and they did that I would consider it to be cheating. Period.