To jerk or not to jerk...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    3 Claps for Greg icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 12, 2012 2:36 AM GMT
    David4985 said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Pretty epic post here. Quoted for truth. Very well put.


    I'm glad that you and others have enjoyed my post! To be honest I was kind of expecting to get slammed for it. Maybe that's yet to come...
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 12, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    ^^^^
    I like it too. Well written and insightful. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 2:50 AM GMT
    OP - Yer asking the wrong people.

    Ask Your BF how He feels about You occassionally jacking with another Dude. If YOU ARE ALL cool with it - that's all that matters.

    If You are afraid to ask, or feel it would be too uncomfortable or embarrassing for any of You to discuss -- then You already have Your answer.

    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • Bull777333

    Posts: 85

    Sep 12, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    Now...30 minutes is not far at all. and if you see your boyfriend a couple times a week I see no reason why you would not be able to wait it out for him instead of jerking with some random guy.

    Basically you're asking if cheating is okay. It's not.
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    Sep 12, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Sep 12, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    uoft23 saidHow does this fall in the grey area of cheating? You intend to lie to your boyfriend while you jerk off another guy. It is cheating. It's lying. You're old enough to know better.

    edit: And your profile says single and looking for hook ups. Break up with your boyfriend. He deserves not to have his time wasted by dishonest cheaters.


    #OHSNAP

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    Sep 12, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...
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    Sep 12, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    No, I didn't infer it. I implied it. Let me be more straightforward. When you have more actual experience in something, you might be better suited to give advice. Even then a mature person realizes that what is right for him may not be right for everyone in every circumstance.

    Also, speaking out against someone who is unjustifiably judgmental is not, in and of itself, judgmental. As an analogy, that's like saying we should tolerate bigots or else we're being intolerant.
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    Sep 12, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    Your points are valid - but a bit self-righteous and a tad ego-driven.

    Sex is NOT something to be harnessed and controlled. It is a natural urge and a pleasure to be ETHICALLY shared with another like-minded individual.

    Monogomy is GREAT. I have a coupla decades of experience with it so I know first-hand (no pun intended) how well it can work and just how fulfilling it can be.

    I have also swung from the chandeliers and had more "good times" over the course of a long weekend than many will have in a lifetime.

    Both have their merits.

    And downsides.

    It takes time to experience Life. And understand what needs to be included or eliminated.

    You need to taste chocolate before You decide that vanilla is the way to go for YOU. Otherwise it is pure conjecture.

    A single, lifetime partner is a lovely concept. And theoretically could work.

    But it is a theory based in idealistic fairy-tale romance rooted in social custom rather than actual Human interaction.

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    Sep 12, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    Koaa2 saidDidn't let those that judge get to you. It is up to you and your bf how to handle it. It often seems that those that talk of cheating etc, are often of the clingy, dependent, insecure type, who have difficulty finding and keeping relationships. Sounds like you are a thoughtful open individual who is trying to resolve some self conflicts and those that come with a solid relationship.

    How did you miss the part where he said he's not going to tell his boyfriend?
    So, yeah, sexual activity with someone without any sort of agreement with the boyfriend = cheating.
    Shady behavior and keeping secrets from his boyfriend is not a "thoughtful open individual."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    Anyone for a circle jerk? Takers?icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 12, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    Cash said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    Your points are valid - but a bit self-righteous and a tad ego-driven.

    Sex is NOT something to be harnessed and controlled. It is a natural urge and a pleasure to be ETHICALLY shared with another like-minded individual.

    Monogomy is GREAT. I have a coupla decades of experience with it so I know first-hand (no pun intended) how well it can work and just how fulfilling it can be.

    I have also swung from the chandeliers and had more "good times" over the course of a long weekend than many will have in a lifetime.

    Both have their merits.

    And downsides.

    It takes time to experience Life. And understand what needs to be included or eliminated.

    You need to taste chocolate before You decide that vanilla is the way to go for YOU. Otherwise it is pure conjecture.

    A single, lifetime partner is a lovely concept. And theoretically could work.

    But it is a theory based in idealistic fairy-tale romance rooted in social custom rather than actual Human interaction.



    Sex is not something to be controlled and harnessed, you're right. I was speaking of sexuality...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2012 4:35 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    Cash said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    Your points are valid - but a bit self-righteous and a tad ego-driven.

    Sex is NOT something to be harnessed and controlled. It is a natural urge and a pleasure to be ETHICALLY shared with another like-minded individual.

    Monogomy is GREAT. I have a coupla decades of experience with it so I know first-hand (no pun intended) how well it can work and just how fulfilling it can be.

    I have also swung from the chandeliers and had more "good times" over the course of a long weekend than many will have in a lifetime.

    Both have their merits.

    And downsides.

    It takes time to experience Life. And understand what needs to be included or eliminated.

    You need to taste chocolate before You decide that vanilla is the way to go for YOU. Otherwise it is pure conjecture.

    A single, lifetime partner is a lovely concept. And theoretically could work.

    But it is a theory based in idealistic fairy-tale romance rooted in social custom rather than actual Human interaction.



    Sex is not something to be controlled and harnessed, you're right. I was speaking of sexuality...


    You seem incredibly smart and genuinely earnest and have clearly thought out Your stance...so perhaps I am missing a distinctincion You are making???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2012 4:35 AM GMT
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    No, I didn't infer it. I implied it. Let me be more straightforward. When you have more actual experience in something, you might be better suited to give advice. Even then a mature person realizes that what is right for him may not be right for everyone in every circumstance.

    Also, speaking out against someone who is unjustifiably judgmental is not, in and of itself, judgmental. As an analogy, that's like saying we should tolerate bigots or else we're being intolerant.


    In fact, you don't know me. You do not know what life experience I have. Therefore, you are judging me.

    If you want to discuss the topic at hand versus me and my life experience, please respond. Otherwise I think your time is best used elsewhere.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2012 4:36 AM GMT
    uoft23 saidHow does this fall in the grey area of cheating? You intend to lie to your boyfriend while you jerk off another guy. It is cheating. It's lying. You're old enough to know better.

    edit: And your profile says single and looking for hook ups. Break up with your boyfriend. He deserves not to have his time wasted by dishonest cheaters.


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    No, I didn't infer it. I implied it. Let me be more straightforward. When you have more actual experience in something, you might be better suited to give advice. Even then a mature person realizes that what is right for him may not be right for everyone in every circumstance.

    Also, speaking out against someone who is unjustifiably judgmental is not, in and of itself, judgmental. As an analogy, that's like saying we should tolerate bigots or else we're being intolerant.


    In fact, you don't know me. You do not know what life experience I have. Therefore, you are judging me.

    If you want to discuss the topic at hand versus me and my life experience, please respond. Otherwise I think your time is best used elsewhere.


    You DON'T have the kind of Life experience He does. Period.

    It it impossible.

    You haven't had the time.

    I don't have the Life experence He does either - although I am MUCH closer than You.

    There is no shame in not having the wisdom of someone that has had significantly more expereience than You. There is actually an OBLIGATION of one generation to pass down the lessons to the next.

    It's a two-way street Dude. There are lessons to be learned on both sides.

    He is pointing out the irony of someone just embarking on Life's journey yet attempting to portray a roadmap for what he has yet to see.

    And guess what.. there is NOTHING wrong with being judged.

    It will happen every day of Your life if You are actively participating in the world.

    As long as You are not SENTENCED...no bfd.

    Your words have power - - and they will be judged.

    If You don't like it, remain silent.

    And silence = death
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 12, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    There is a lot of wisdom on this thread, and Showme is one the smartest guys on RJ.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it would be pretty dishonest if would try to hide it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.


    Stop in the name of looooove! >:O

    But in all seriousness, don't do it! Be with someone who is single and that you know isn't committed. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 12, 2012 5:23 AM GMT
    Cash said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    No, I didn't infer it. I implied it. Let me be more straightforward. When you have more actual experience in something, you might be better suited to give advice. Even then a mature person realizes that what is right for him may not be right for everyone in every circumstance.

    Also, speaking out against someone who is unjustifiably judgmental is not, in and of itself, judgmental. As an analogy, that's like saying we should tolerate bigots or else we're being intolerant.


    In fact, you don't know me. You do not know what life experience I have. Therefore, you are judging me.

    If you want to discuss the topic at hand versus me and my life experience, please respond. Otherwise I think your time is best used elsewhere.


    You DON'T have the kind of Life experience He does. Period.

    It it impossible.

    You haven't had the time.

    I don't have the Life experence He does either - although I am MUCH closer than You.

    There is no shame in not having the wisdom of someone that has had significantly more expereience than You. There is actually an OBLIGATION of one generation to pass down the lessons to the next.

    It's a two-way street Dude. There are lessons to be learned on both sides.

    He is pointing out the irony of someone just embarking on Life's journey yet attempting to portray a roadmap for what he has yet to see.

    And guess what.. there is NOTHING wrong with being judged.

    It will happen every day of Your life if You are actively participating in the world.

    As long as You are not SENTENCED...no bfd.

    Your words have power - - and they will be judged.

    If You don't like it, remain silent.

    And silence = death


    Okay great! Hopefully all the guys on here complaining that I sound judgmental will read your post and accept the fact that they will always be judged icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    DONT do it
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    Sep 12, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    UglyAmerican saidI think it's fine and I also would have no problem if you exchanged semen in your mouths or rectums. As long as your bf doesn't find out, it's all good...


    Because I feel the value of my post has been drowned out by all these ridiculously long responses, I felt it was in everybody's interest to simply re-post.

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    Sep 12, 2012 5:58 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    Cash said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    showme said
    k3l3k0 said
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it's kind of dishonest by hiding it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.



    Well aren't you just full of excuses? Read this below - it's gonna tell you what you (and other pro-open relationship types) don't want to hear.

    Every man is a universe unto himself, and is meant to be a king in his own realm. Each man's realm is different. The "narrow gate" or rite of passage that gains him ownership of his realm is gaining ownership of his sexuality.

    Most men never accomplish this. They believe themselves to be powerless over sexual urges, and they believe themselves to be the reactors to the stimulus of sexual opportunity. If someone is open and willing to have sex with them, they feel unable to resist. Also, they perceive orgasm, or the pleasurable sensation, as the primary sexual experience, so anything or any person who will provide that seems equal in value.

    The result of this assumption is that the man will never own his own selfhood. He will be sabotaged in his dearest goals, because he will feel powerless to resist any sexual opportunity, and thus is continually vulnerable. Thus, even very rich and powerful men lose everything because they are vulnerable to any sexual advance.

    The choice of holding one's sexual expression for a single lifetime partner is the ultimate path to full freedom, and to full sexual power. A man who is not temptable is not able to be manipulated. He is in charge, and his sexuality becomes his strength, not his weakness. Ironically, the man who holds himself apart is the one who all will respect: men and women.

    Rather than being frustrated sexually as a result of monogamy, such men are fulfilled sexually, having more frequent and more satisfying sexual lives, and at the same time receiving immense support in their financial, personal, professional and emotional lives. This is the result of studies, not just conjecture. As a result, they live longer, feel happier, have better health, reap financial stability, and enjoy the trust of others.

    It is ironic that sexual laxity results in limitations of growth, relationships, and life options, while sexual integrity results in expanstion of the same areas.

    Perhaps monogamy seems difficult, from one perspective. However, it is similar to any important habit...when cultivated, it brings manifold benefits.


    Great, for you. I think monogamy can be fantastic.

    But your post is also preachy and judgmental. I love it when single guys in their 20s have evvvreeyything all figured out, for themselves and everyone else, forever. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Well, so far my argument seems to be a lot more intelligent and factual than yours... "preachy" and "judgmental"? Did you not just infer that I'm young, naive, ignorant and that I don't have everything figured out? Sorry, sir, but it's best to not do the thing you're speaking out against...


    No, I didn't infer it. I implied it. Let me be more straightforward. When you have more actual experience in something, you might be better suited to give advice. Even then a mature person realizes that what is right for him may not be right for everyone in every circumstance.

    Also, speaking out against someone who is unjustifiably judgmental is not, in and of itself, judgmental. As an analogy, that's like saying we should tolerate bigots or else we're being intolerant.


    In fact, you don't know me. You do not know what life experience I have. Therefore, you are judging me.

    If you want to discuss the topic at hand versus me and my life experience, please respond. Otherwise I think your time is best used elsewhere.


    You DON'T have the kind of Life experience He does. Period.

    It it impossible.

    You haven't had the time.

    I don't have the Life experence He does either - although I am MUCH closer than You.

    There is no shame in not having the wisdom of someone that has had significantly more expereience than You. There is actually an OBLIGATION of one generation to pass down the lessons to the next.

    It's a two-way street Dude. There are lessons to be learned on both sides.

    He is pointing out the irony of someone just embarking on Life's journey yet attempting to portray a roadmap for what he has yet to see.

    And guess what.. there is NOTHING wrong with being judged.

    It will happen every day of Your life if You are actively participating in the world.

    As long as You are not SENTENCED...no bfd.

    Your words have power - - and they will be judged.

    If You don't like it, remain silent.

    And silence = death


    Okay great! Hopefully all the guys on here complaining that I sound judgmental will read your post and accept the fact that they will always be judged icon_smile.gif


    Do You think Yer not being "judgemental"??????

    We ALL make judgements...That's how We get thru life.

    It is the basis upon which We make those judgements that counts and is crucial.
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    Sep 12, 2012 1:56 PM GMT
    @k3l3ko, I turned off my computer last night rather than engage further in the heat of the moment. Let me say this. I completely respect the desire for a monogamous relationship. I had one for many, many years. There are folks I know who have fantastic completely monogamous very long-term relationships, many on this board. I am not here to attack monogamy, or defend nonmonogamy, as I don't think that is appropriate.

    While it's a bit off topic, you could have posted that you feel that, for you, monogamy would bring you closer to your partner and would be preferable. Instead, you posted a diatribe that, while phrased rather nicely, says basically that monogamy is the only way to fully express your life, and that nonmonogamous men are weak, unable to live completely fulfilling lives, and are "vulnerable" to any sexual advance, as if we have no free will once we fall prey to "sexual laxity."

    While I respect what you want for your life, do not expect me to respect this load of codswallop. I find it quite disrespectful to me and to my relationship of over 25 years. Just as I will correct straight people who can't fathom that two men can have a committed, fulfilling, long term relationship, you need to know that your normative argument regarding monogamy is simply not correct.

    I've said before that walking hand in hand with someone through life is one of the most romantic things I can imagine. But it is also a lot of hard work and there are many unexpected twists and turns along the way - it's not some magic land of rainbows and unicorns, where all problems disappear if you just have the moral fiber to love your one and only. That's Disney fairy princess nonsense.

    Monogamy has many, many benefits and is the more appropriate goal for many guys in many circumstances - maybe even most. But not all. And desiring monomamy does not make you morally superior to those who do not.

    Anyway, the OP should not (and has acknowledged that he should not) cheat on his bf, which is the main topic of this thread. I'm a little sick of monomamy/nonmonogamy topics as they always degenerate into attack mode but when a new one pops up (they always do) I will throw in my views.

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    Sep 12, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    I say go and jerk with him . Do it as many times and with as many guys as you want.

    Your boyfriend should be glad he has you as a boyfriend. And this has nothing to do with him. Why should you not get your rocks off and get your satisfaction when you want.