The sadness in gay men's eyes

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    Sep 14, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    When you hear how the world isn't supporting us, it's pretty bleak. It would make ones eye sad.
    Its a quiet protest to how 'we' as a group are treated.
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidOh hell. :/ Now I gotta do a serious post but I doubt anyone will really read it.

    I think everyone longs to be understood. Gay men may come across various planes of difficulty when it acceptance-- both inside their community and outside of it. The world is still vastly intolerant with respect to gay/bi men. They have trouble fitting in if they come from small towns, from super/orthodox/conservative families backed by an equally repressive Abrahamic faith, and also have difficulty fitting in. There's been this "loss of identity" crisis in America for a while now and many still have yet to find a place they can truly fit and be unconditionally accepted and supported by individuals.

    If that wasn't bad enough, gays/bis often suffer from rejection within their own community too, as Principal alluded to. The stereotypes and demand of a certain appearance is an crucifying element in today's culture. "Swimming in the river of darkness, beneath the neon lights" some gay/bi men have become part of no one and nothing, immersing themselves in mainstream superficiality and nihilism.There are no structures of support, there are no beacons of light, no shoulders in which gay/bi men can stand upon except in their immediate environment. In my experience, they have no legacy except Stonewall and historical events which helped carve out a new century of acceptance in the 20th century.

    But who is our mentor? Where are our guiding posts? There really aren't any, at least, not for many gay/bi men. Without a moral high ground or support from their society, gay men often become lost and confused souls travelling between the worlds. Neither here, neither there. They become absorbed into the superficial reality constructed by gay/bi men, being young, looking good, and feeling good. My guess is there seems to be a correlation between appearance and confidence within the culture mostly because people rely on affirmation from their surroundings.

    Gay and Bi men are often the victims of rape, rejection, and broken families too.


    icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    I was told the other day I look like I needed to laugh more as there was sadness in my eyes.icon_evil.gif

    That pissed me off. Heard the same crap growing up as though I wasn't allowed to have an off day or feel blue. Do you know how much work it takes to keep appearing happy?

    Now I when I feel down or sad, I embrace those feelings. It makes the good times even better.
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    I usually play this song to help me sort through emotions

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    Sep 14, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    Upper_Cdn saidAre you sure you are looking into others' eyes and not just looking at a mirror?


    Your question is based on what YOU interpret in somone's "eyes" Mine are hazel. Not text. Do I squint because I am suspicious or nervous? Whichever one you chose - wrong - I squint because the light is too bright.

    But it may not be for you, because my anti seizure medication makes me photosensitive.

    Perhaps the observer is observing himself.

    icon_smile.gif


    Um, if it's my interpretation alone then I should see it in all people, but like in the first post in this thread, I don't see it in all gay men.
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidJesus, you people love to wallow, don't ya. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I'm sorry God didn't hand you heaven on a silver platter....yeah, it's real heartbreaking. But here's an idea: get off you ass and go make this world what you want it to be....and when someone tells you "you can't do that", tell 'em to fuck off. Grow a pair then go get what's yours....and never let another human being ever treat you as second class....never stand at the back of the class and hope your name doesn't get called....take charge, take no prisoners, and conquer this fuckin' world.


    Hahaha this post was brilliant. A tad harsh, but still awesome, especially the last sentence. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    When I was in high school long ago a lot of friends used to say "what's wrong". It was so hard because I really didn't know why I was feeling sad but I discovered later I was going through a realization like you all have gone through that I was different sexually. It really sucks that society doesn't really know what we go through in life. Life get's better.... for those who are still going through this.
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:46 PM GMT


    C'mon folks wipe the tears from your sad dead eyes and smile.

    Oh brother.

    OP.. what you're seeing is a penchant for the melodramatic, or too much eye liner.

    Why read so much into it, people have sad eyes because they're tired, bored, sick, hungry, all of the above and more..

    It doesnt have to be an emotional tidal wave.

    Maybe you're just a lot perkier than the guys you run into, maybe its the company they keep that gives them the sad eyes.
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    Sep 14, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidJesus, you people love to wallow, don't ya. icon_rolleyes.gif

    This whole thread: load of crap. OP: when you meet every gay man and conduct a survey, feel free to generalize like you're doing. Otherwise you're just projecting your own bullshit self-loathing on the rest of us. Ooo....life is hard, whaaa.....I'm sad, so I guess everyone is, too. Fuck this bullshit, navel gazing, myopic, self-absorbed crap. Go fuckin' help out a homeless shelter....quit whining about your crap life "Oh, it took an extra 30 sec for my itunes to download....life's hard." "Gosh, no one at work commented on my new haircut...I guess they hate me." "Oh, the guy that makes googly eyes at me in the cafe already has a boyfriend...no one will ever love me, ever, forever...and I'm gonna die alone, boo hoo."

    I'm sorry God didn't hand you heaven on a silver platter....yeah, it's real heartbreaking. But here's an idea: get off you ass and go make this world what you want it to be....and when someone tells you "you can't do that", tell 'em to fuck off. Grow a pair then go get what's yours....and never let another human being ever treat you as second class....never stand at the back of the class and hope your name doesn't get called....take charge, take no prisoners, and conquer this fuckin' world.


    Remind me to start a thread about anger in gay men's eyes.

    You feel a need to preach because you think you are better than everybody else, but that self righteousness and (overinflated) ego stems from that exact sadness that I'm saying. You are just armoring yourself up so you cannot be hurt again. I get it, you refuse to be the victim. You refuse to let other people see you as a second class citizen, etc. But have you thought about why you are so defensive and quick to preach and prove that you are above that victim mentality? You're still angry at the world and all the inequalities that you face. This is why you are very quick to make snappy judgements about other people. You want to be viewed as the exceptions among gay men. I don't know how you behave in the real world but with you chiming in and being belligerent in the forums, I wouldn't be surprised to see if you are one of those gay guys who bullies other gay guys. The truth is, you're just hiding that sadness and anger and suppressing it deeper and deeper into your soul. I think you should release it or else it will swallow you alive when you least expect it. Suppressing your negativity is a very bad thing. Releasing it (healthily, not by bullying others) and transcending above it, is the way to go.

    Also you're very quick to make the assumption that I'm not already doing stuff that I want to do in order to make the world what I want it to be. icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 14, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    i'd expand it to sadness in human eyes, just because it's so much easier to be disconnected from others. but that's a choice. i don't think life is magically better if you are straight. the world is "dog eat dog" very often, but not all the time.

    there will always be a glut of products marketed to people who will buy sadness b/c it is what they recognize the most. so this market will never die. but there are other experiences. happiness. ironically, the nature of time means that any happiness we share will also end in either our loss of it, or our depriving our loved ones of it. no one is immortal. you just have to pick someone you are willing to be hurt by to share happiness with.

    true love is a marketing gimmick, IMO. it makes it sound like bells and whistles rather than effort, patience and (no sexy) sweat. you get back what you give. life is not easy for anyone.
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    Sep 14, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    JOOU said
    yourname2000 saidJesus, you people love to wallow, don't ya. icon_rolleyes.gif

    This whole thread: load of crap. OP: when you meet every gay man and conduct a survey, feel free to generalize like you're doing. Otherwise you're just projecting your own bullshit self-loathing on the rest of us. Ooo....life is hard, whaaa.....I'm sad, so I guess everyone is, too. Fuck this bullshit, navel gazing, myopic, self-absorbed crap. Go fuckin' help out a homeless shelter....quit whining about your crap life "Oh, it took an extra 30 sec for my itunes to download....life's hard." "Gosh, no one at work commented on my new haircut...I guess they hate me." "Oh, the guy that makes googly eyes at me in the cafe already has a boyfriend...no one will ever love me, ever, forever...and I'm gonna die alone, boo hoo."

    I'm sorry God didn't hand you heaven on a silver platter....yeah, it's real heartbreaking. But here's an idea: get off you ass and go make this world what you want it to be....and when someone tells you "you can't do that", tell 'em to fuck off. Grow a pair then go get what's yours....and never let another human being ever treat you as second class....never stand at the back of the class and hope your name doesn't get called....take charge, take no prisoners, and conquer this fuckin' world.


    Remind me to start a thread about anger in gay men's eyes.

    You feel a need to preach because you think you are better than everybody else, but that self righteousness and (overinflated) ego stems from that exact sadness that I'm saying. You are just armoring yourself up so you cannot be hurt again. I get it, you refuse to be the victim. You refuse to let other people see you as a second class citizen, etc. But have you thought about why you are so defensive and quick to preach and prove that you are above that victim mentality? You're still angry at the world and all the inequalities that you face. This is why you are very quick to make snappy judgements about other people. You want to be viewed as the exceptions among gay men. I don't know how you behave in the real world but with you chiming in and being belligerent in the forums, I wouldn't be surprised to see if you are one of those gay guys who bullies other gay guys. The truth is, you're just hiding that sadness and anger and suppressing it deeper and deeper into your soul. I think you should release it or else it will swallow you alive when you least expect it. Suppressing your negativity is a very bad thing. Releasing it (healthily, not by bullying others) and transcending above it, is the way to go.

    Also you're very quick to make the assumption that I'm not already doing stuff that I want to do in order to make the world what I want it to be. icon_neutral.gif


    there is much truth in your posts. so many gay men are indeed the walking wounded. what is to be expected when we ourselves treat each other with such scant disregard. where do we turn when our very micro culture does nothing but marginalizes us?
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    Sep 14, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    no sadness here, only apathy
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    Sep 14, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidI usually play this song to help me sort through emotions


    OMG So do I Love it!
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    Sep 14, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    YeahhBrah saidMy eyes are full of joy because I get to have sex with hot boys so idk icon_lol.gificon_wink.gif

    thisicon_cool.gif
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    Sep 14, 2012 4:47 PM GMT
    Surround yourself with happy people. Do things in life that make you happy (Sports, career, common interest groups, travel etc.) People, men and woman gravitate toward an upbeat person and steer clear of sad sacks.icon_idea.gif
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    Sep 14, 2012 4:50 PM GMT
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    Sep 14, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    har19 said


    <3 The Song Mad World. icon_smile.gif Especially the cover done in Donnie Darko. icon_biggrin.gif

    Okay loco yokels. Signing out.

    Peace and behave! icon_cool.gif
  • rac727

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    Sep 14, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    thats true i feel sad a lot icon_sad.gif
  • HottJoe

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    Sep 14, 2012 5:02 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidSurround yourself with happy people. Do things in life that make you happy (Sports, career, common interest groups, travel etc.) People, men and woman gravitate toward an upbeat person and steer clear of sad sacks.icon_idea.gif


    This is great advice.

    I think the OP spends too much time pitying gay people. You're describing teenager behavior. Haven't you heard, it gets better? icon_smile.gif Grown men don't want pity. We want equal rights and the right to pursue happiness.
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    Sep 14, 2012 5:04 PM GMT
    I haven't noticed a sadness in gay men's eyes but I suppose that we do have a deeper emotional experience in life in general.
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    Sep 14, 2012 5:24 PM GMT
    acpreppy saidthats true i feel sad a lot icon_sad.gif

    Oh, but remember life is beautiful.
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    Sep 14, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
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    Sep 14, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    Lots of excellent thinking in this thread. Nice job OP.

    ParadiseLost said...Because you really are. icon_smile.gif


    Apparently mom must have put you on the payroll.

    Mom didn't have a speck of sadness in her sparkling blue eyes and often she acted a little ditzy under all that blonde hair. And with that figure and those breasts she could not hide, you'd think she got around. That face lit up a room and that laughter infectious. Not long after she died, a cousin of her generation said to me "your mother beamed."

    She was funny and silly and sometimes in her elder years she would get the urge to start skipping through Mizner Park as we strolled after dinner arm in arm, dignity be damned. Other than her compassion and consistant concern for others, most of even her closest friends knew not her depths, never suspected her pain. She once told me "only let them see you smile. Keep smiling. Eventually it will get inside."

    I'm one of the only people on the planet who ever saw my mother cry. Even while suffering through Alzheimer's and putting on her happy face for her grandchildren and other visitors, she never cracked a sad face so that no one would know her suffering. But when we were alone she was free to communicate to me her pain. She knew I could take that on. I practiced for that my entire life. I am a gay man and I know pain. We are the empaths.

    empath504.jpg

    Smiles are not natural to the contours of my face. I've had grandpa's bags under my eyes since my early 30s so everyone thinks I just woke up and that I must be still a little tired. When I look at someone out of curiosity or when I am analyzing them, I'm told I look surly even if I am delighted under the skin. And sometimes during sex I giggle.

    Just because I have not engaged an expression, do not presume me empty of thought. Do not even try to read me. When need be, I'll let you know what I'm thinking. That sadness you see in my eyes? It is not mine; do not judge me by it. It is the pain that I see in the world.

    East_Village_Idiot said... "It's not about you, it's about her," which gets me out the door. The minute I focus on her needs, I become rejuvenated. I've tried applying that to other areas of my life. The more I say, "It's not about you" the better my attitude—and life—becomes....


    Good rambling, man.

    If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~~the Dalai Lama

    Justim saidno sadness here, only apathy


    I've caught some of your other posts. You have a delightful humor.

    I get a kick out of this:

    Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I Told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'

    He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"
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    Sep 14, 2012 6:59 PM GMT
    YeahhBrah saidMy eyes are full of joy because I get to have sex with hot boys so idk icon_lol.gificon_wink.gif


    LOL trolling again I see, Michael

    as for this thread - it's done a good job of making me feel sad...
  • GREEKy

    Posts: 50

    Sep 14, 2012 7:17 PM GMT
    JR_RJ saidI try hiding it as best I can. If someone sees it, they'll ask questions and usually they're not someone I know or care talk to... I've handled my sadness well enough on my own. I don't need to be lectured on it. I'll live.


    Same.