I have given up... I can't find a place for me in the gay community....

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    Aug 24, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    So... how's the hangover? icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:32 PM GMT
    come on man..it's going to be a hard lifestyle

    and think about this..not every straight man is the same either..personally it seems like they're all just fucking pricks..but not every single one

    the guys you are looking for don't go out looking for it because of that same reason

    and a lot of times you will be alone..like you don't fit in..a minority in a minority...but you're not alone

    have a little faith..and be positive..what needs to happen for you will happen for you when the right time comes..just concentrate on yourself for now..what you want..who you want to be and what you want to do with your own life

    and that's where you'll find the person that is like you my friend..

    it's okay to be bitter..and it's okay to lower your expectations..because when you see the person you want to be with..your face will lighten up with surprise..and it'll be refreshing....trust me..it happened to me very recently..and its difficult..but i know it will be until everything just comes together
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:35 PM GMT
    dowal saidCaslon, you forgot to include the part when you found your true passion and love: the lolcat.

    funny pictures
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:41 PM GMT
    ItsMyLife saidWow so I didn't even think I would get all these responses from a rant I had last night. Also on my profile I should reiterate it was kind of a joke I would just like to date someone who is an athlete and into sports the MMA is a Joke with my friends but I guess I didn't make that clear.


    n00b!
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:42 PM GMT
    ItsMyLife saidI have been out of the closet for over two years now and I have spent the whole time trying to find my place. Everywhere I went I felt like I didn't really fit in anywhere that was for the gay community, the clubs, the bars, even the hollywood LGBT center had nothing to offer me even when I tried to do things with it I was the only person under 35, and I still was like an outcast looking in. I always look online and other places just for a place you know? It makes me feel like shit and makes what my parents say to me hurt even more when they say that you can't be gay because your not like any other gay man.... well after two years well I fucking feel that way! I mean I have meet one person who is a masculine gay guy who is really competitive in sports, and is like me.... One fucking guy! what the hell! And the first place I have ever felt like I truly fit in for the first time in my life and that I feel like I am with people who are like me is at my Mixed Martial Arts Gym but I no one knows I am gay there so its like I am not being my true self...... So yeah thats my fucking rant Fuck the gay community I have yet to see one person in the public eye I can relate to and more than one person I have met in my life! So I hate this and I hate who I am! Being gay has been nothing but a curse in my life


    If a 20 year-old, 5'8 muscleboy with an almost perfectly defined V-shaped torso and nipples that made me wish I had skipped breakfast can't find his place in the gay community maybe I should just crawl into a hole and die.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Aug 24, 2008 6:45 PM GMT
    Best advice I can give is to not wait for someone to come along and make you a part of the community, just go out there and become part of the community.
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:50 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidBest advice I can give is to not wait for someone to come along and make you a part of the community, just go out there and become part of the community.


    Or lacking a viable community to plug into make your own scene.
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:50 PM GMT
    SO I am going to try to respond to most of you through msgs I dont like conversations through posts talk to all soon.... well most of you
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Aug 24, 2008 6:51 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    CuriousJockAZ saidBest advice I can give is to not wait for someone to come along and make you a part of the community, just go out there and become part of the community.


    Or lacking a viable community to plug into make your own scene.



    Whatever works!
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:57 PM GMT
    I say screw it.... If there is not something there than make it happen! If we all waited around for it to find us we would not have what we do today.

    Per example. I love sport bikes and crotch rockets and been riding them for some time. In Dallas you always see them running in packs, and usually straight. They even had a weekly bike night at a drive in restaurant that was massive. I thought to myself why cant the gay community have one. There has to be gay men in this city that have same interest in sport bikes as i do.

    Sure enough, I helped to organize a gay sport bike club. It later evolved to a range of bikes and some lesbians as well as some way coool straight people. We had a bike night every week on the gay strip at a coffee shop. sometimes up to 23 bikes there. We'd do organized rides around the region.... you get the point.

    Basically Find your passion/interest/hobby, and create something around it.
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    Aug 24, 2008 7:03 PM GMT
    I dont know man, I took some MMA classes and while nobody else was gay, they had no problem rubbing their junk on me during submition lessons... and theres one Im still convinced is hiding it. They all knew I was gay and nobody gave a shit. Besides, a lot of guys in that style of life tend not to be out, much like yourself, at the gym.

    I thought it worked out better. People would underestimate me because Im thin, and because I'm gay. I took out some pretty tough dudes just because they took me too lightly.

    Anyways, like alot of previous posters have said, you can't look to far into you own social groups... because if theres nobody there, theres nobody there. Some of the greatest guys I've ever met, I met because I stepped out of my comfort zone. Best of luck
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    Aug 24, 2008 7:04 PM GMT
    Oh and dont worry about not fitting in the gay community. No one does.
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    Aug 24, 2008 7:24 PM GMT
    thanks for the advice everyone. I wanted to send a msg to Caslon6000 but I cant so I was going to say thanks but msg me so I can say it better lol. Also I know what my biggest problem is that I dont love myself I am working on all of that..... But last night was a breaking point and had no alcohol involved either. lol
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    Aug 24, 2008 7:31 PM GMT
    ItsMyLifethe clubs, the bars, even the hollywood LGBT center


    I doubt you are going to find the type of people you're looking for in those places. Believe me, I know. Most of the people I do my activities with are straight.
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    Aug 24, 2008 7:31 PM GMT
    ItsMyLife saidBut last night was a breaking point and had no alcohol involved either. lol
    Were you rejected by someone?
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    Aug 24, 2008 7:34 PM GMT
    I'm over 40 and still can't find my place in the "gay" world. Stopped trying a long time ago and I feel a lot better. Basically there are gay people and gay venues that are more appropriate for me and a lot that I don't relate to at all. Same thing with the world at large. You make you own little space where you're comfortable, with people you like who enjoy similar stuff. Most of what is considered part of the gay culture is totally wasted on me. Not against it, it just do anything for me. (I'll never understand what,s funny about drag queens and I find plucked eyebrowns laughable...but that's just me). Basically, you can't please everyone and not everyone will please you.
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    Aug 24, 2008 8:36 PM GMT
    ItsMyLife saidAlso I know what my biggest problem is that I dont love myself I am working on all of that..... But last night was a breaking point and had no alcohol involved either. lol


    sometimes, a breaking point is what you need to start fresh, you know? i'm glad you recognize yourself and have that ability to introspect.

    RJ has a lot of helpful folks, i'm pleased you're sharing this with us.

    i think instead of fitting in, maybe your way of being a part of the community is to share what you have and share what makes you YOU. cuz i know when you mentioned that you're interested in MMA, it definitely made me go, "oh neat! i should ask him about that, that's awesome"


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    Aug 24, 2008 11:03 PM GMT
    Kids say the darndest things. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 25, 2008 1:50 PM GMT
    One of the big mistakes people make is looking for someone to complement them - they evaluate whether or not the person is good enough to be a partner.

    One day I started looking at myself and asking if I were good enough for anybody else. It was hard for me to accept the fact that I wasn't good enough for the type of man I wanted as a partner. I needed to make some major changes on the inside, rather than the outside. I'm still working on it and I'm still making dumb mistakes, but I'm happier than I've ever been.

    Another thing that helped me is I quit going to gay bars for the most part. I also avoid hanging out with judgmental or negative people. Many of the people I hang out with now are much smarter and much more talented than I am, and they encourage me to better myself (plus I learn a lot). For example, I started college as an artist and completely gave up art after one semester. Last night I sat down and sketched something I liked - partly because I've been hanging out with very creative people.

    One other thing is that it's easier to think that everyone else handles life much better than we do - because we generally just see the surface. You'd be surprised at how many people feel the way you do - and you've already been given a glimpse at it from this forum. People's insides rarely match the image they are presenting on the outside. The more you talk about how you feel the more you will find others feel the same way.

    For example, I developed stage fright about five or six years ago. I had to do a lot of public speaking and presentations for my job and I used to get terrified. I started having panic attacks and I couldn't sleep the night before a presentation. I didn't tell anyone and I felt so isolated. When I finally started talking about it I realized many other people had the same problem - people I admired who always seemed so calm and professional when the spoke to an audience. I realized that I had two choices - stop any public speaking or learn how to deal with it.

    You'd be amazed at some of the things people are dealing with when you scratch the surface.
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    Aug 25, 2008 2:00 PM GMT
    just don't give up... u'll find dudes like u.... maybe not mma fighters but those of us that enjoy watchin it every chance...

    ps when did ed silva get beaten... had to be in last 5 weeks rite!
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    Aug 25, 2008 2:16 PM GMT
    Unfortunately, welcome to life.

    Even if you're straight, finding your place is hard, unless you're a carbon copy of everyone else. In the "gay world" it's harder, purely for statistical reasons. There are not very many of us, and the majority of us don't stick out, no matter what the media and pop culture would have us believe.

    You're not out at your gym, so why would you presume anyone else in your situation would be? How would this non-out competetive guy *find* you? How would you find *him?*
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    Aug 25, 2008 2:24 PM GMT
    I wish this thread would give up.
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    Aug 25, 2008 3:01 PM GMT
    I understand what you're saying, and from the sounds of it several of us have gone through this as well, if not still go through it! Hell I still encounter that from time to time. Here's a question for you, why are you looking for someone or people LIKE you? The beauty of human beings is that we're all different and enjoy different things. What you should be looking for are people who are open to learning what you can teach them and vice-versa; as long as they're open to the idea or to the fact that YOU enjoy different stuff then it shouldn't matter! Plus, you're ONLY 20 and you still have SO much to see/learn/experience, just keep doing what you're doing and it'll ALL work out!

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    Aug 25, 2008 5:23 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 25, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    Don't stop until you're happy! No matter what!!!

    RAWR! icon_razz.gif