Finding the Right Training Buddy - Advice for pathologically shy and introverted, sexually confused guy...

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    Aug 18, 2007 9:06 PM GMT
    I debated whether to post here or under fitness. I figure it is at its heart a relationship issue and could also be titled How can an extremely shy person find some one that he can share goals and dreams with. That will help him reach those goal a label him as total loser because he isn't as social and gregarious as most people...

    To just walk up to some a gym comes close to trigering a panic attack and the fear of saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood has him searching for an escape route before his close enough to say a word...

    Please don't suggest to relax and be himself, all that has gotten him numrous verbal and physical beating already...

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    Aug 19, 2007 3:17 AM GMT
    You know... you're probably not alone when it comes to your goals and your fears.

    We're all different and what works for one of us, may not work for another, however, you have to start somewhere.

    I tend to think we're most critical of ourselves. But the best way to start believing in your own potential is to set a realistic goal for yourself and achieve it.

    If you're truly one of those types who is phobic about certain aspects of working out in a gym, then I'd say that you should go the extra mile and not only go to a gym but fork out a few bucks to hire a trainer also.


    That way it becomes business and not personal. Once you get comfortable "at work" in the gym, then you should gain the confidence to do more and build friendships with people who can relate to you.

    I know not everyone likes to work out with a trainer (I've worked out with 3 over several years), but you can gain a lot from that...

    1) A trainer can help you set realistic goals.

    2) A trainer can help you get started on a workout plan that is right for you.

    3) And this may sound kind of silly, but if you have to pay for the time... well, you're more likely to stay committed.

    4) Plus working out with a trainer that knows the gym can help you learn about the equipment (and how to use it).

    5) A trainer can also help you learn to eat better, and that's a big part of it too.

    Yes, hiring a trainer, in addition to a gym membership is not cheap, but it all depends on how bad you want to make a change.

    I work out with a trainer 2 times a week and on my own 3 times a week, and regardless of the fact that I've worked out in gyms for years, I still feel I gain better results with a trainer that if I worked out alone because of the different perspective he gives me and the improvements that he can see in me that I can't.

    Regarding that last part... Improvements he can see that I can't... I can tell a difference in myself, but someone who works out with you may see them better than you because they don't see you every day like you see yourself. It's a little thing that makes a big difference.

    That's about motivation. There have been times that I've felt like I wasn't getting no where, when my trainer would prove to me otherwise. Again, it's about motivation.

    In anycase, you just need to take that first step. Know that everyone of us has a "before" image and if we start and maintain a dedication to fitness we can achieve an "after" image.

    Besides that, you'll never have a better "foundation" to build upon than you do right now... today!

    If you increase your knowledge of what and how you need to do things in the gym, you'll increase your comfort level and you'll be able to contribute something when you do find some one to be in a "gym bunny" relationship. haha

    I hope I wasn't too far out in the left field with my thoughts in relation to your question... ;)

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    Aug 19, 2007 3:41 AM GMT
    I think it is good advice to start with a trainer... I agree, starting with a business relationship like that may help take off some of the pressure. Granted, I have never been able to justify tossing around that kind of money myself... But there are other options too...

    Hopefully you haven't heard this a thousand times also, but it's best to start slowly. If you are as shy as I used to be, a gregarious, outgoing training buddy would be the worst possible match-up. Even today, the company of excessively talkative people simply turns me into a wallflower.

    Try posting a craigslist ad. I might not mention the sexually confused part because if it is a training buddy, that won't matter, and you don't want someone's back-of-the-brain efforts to figure you out to become an active dynamic in your socialization.

    However, I would definitely mention being extremely shy, and try to find someone who is somewhat shy themselves. Post a few bits about your goals, maybe some of the easier ones or first ones you want to work toward. If you can find a person who is just slightly more outgoing than you (but not a bubbly chattermouth), they may not feel so intimidating, or as different from you, and it may be easier to spend time with them without being too self conscious. That common ground can go a long way.

    Like many things, I think it's often about matching dynamics... This is hard to do, but when it finally works, it can work really well.
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    Aug 19, 2007 5:27 AM GMT
    I agree with italmusclbtm that a trainer is a good way to go.

    I was TOTALLY initimidated by the gym when I first started in 2000. OK, maybe not the gym, but the worked out guys who were there. I didn't know how to start, how not to look like a dork.

    Yet, I had years and years of competitive, successful running. But, I was completely cowed by the possible judgments of the sorts of guys who are on this very web space.

    Anyway, yes, it was expensive, but at least paying a trainer got me going in the right direction. I got confidence, started to build muscle, met my life partner, made $12 million dollars and the rest is history.... :-)

    OK, maybe not anything but the first....
  • GQjock

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    Aug 19, 2007 12:35 PM GMT
    I'm a little confused...
    is this YOU we're talking about or someone else
    you explained it by using the third person so that threw me off
    ...but in each case becoming socially phobic in a gym setting is understandable
    ... a trainer like the guys have said is the easiest and probably the most effective way to go
    This will at least get you over the mental hurdle of becoming familiar with the equipment and what a good workout is all about
    ...a training partner can be difficult to cultivate for even a seasoned athlete
    there are personality issues and time constraints to make your training a personal travel and use a trainer every-once-in-a-while as needed
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    Aug 19, 2007 1:48 PM GMT
    I was very nervous and insecure about going to the gym when I first started 2 years ago (before that, I worked out at home).

    Luckily I had found someone to join with me at the time, which made it a little easier. After the first two months though, my gym partner flaked out and stopped going (he decided he liked being drunk better than working out). However, I realized in those two months that there was nothing to be scared about in the first place. My gyms full of people from all walks of life; all different shapes, colors, and sizes; and all with the same goal of trying to be healthy.

    After the first month of working out alone, I realized I like it better. The gym (even when it was packed) was my time to be introspective. I did my best thinking at the gym - I would sort out whatever problems I was having while I worked out.

    I tried having a workout partner again this spring, into summer (we were dating - we broke up, but are still great friends). I just fired him though - all he does is complain the whole time (about the exercises, how he doesn't think he's getting results, he doesn't write anything down...etc...).

    My only advice is that, when you find someone to train with you, make sure you each encourage EACH OTHER. Tell each other how great you are doing; make each other doing one more rep even when you think you can't...that kind of stuff.

    Start with a trainer too so they can help you figure out the beginenr's best routine for you to accomplish your goals.

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    Aug 20, 2007 1:37 AM GMT
    My training partners are not gay, but oddly enough they have some sort of a gay connection. One thing I ALWAYS go for is a hot, muscular, trainer. They tend to have a good idea of what works. Eventually, I turn them into training partners. None of them are gay. This works better for me because it keeps it more competitive for me, and not driven by sexual tension which tends to shut my workouts down. One of my trainers just appeared on my computer screen in the form of a Sean Cody appearance. Yeoooow! Another, turned out to have done magazine covers on a VERY popular gay magazine. Both are uncomfortable with things gay, and only one knows for sure that I am. He did not know that when we were training together. If you're not really a "gym rate" then start with a trainer for sure. A buffed, good looking man will keep you motivated, and that's good. Use that energy from within. After you really get things down, then covert that guy to a training partner. When you can out lift your trainers, as I came to, they may want to lift with you just because you make them look good to other prospective clients. Now there was this one hot gay trainer I worked out with...
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    Aug 20, 2007 11:26 PM GMT
    Thanks for your thoughts but most of all thanks for taking me seriously... If I could have found some one to take me seriously as a short pudgy nerdy teen. It would have saved me many years of heartache in several areas...

    You're right, a trainer is the way to go for now... I'm pulling the pieces of my life back together after work related problem forced to quit the gym and my workout and eating programs that had transformed my body enough at that one I noticed a guy on the other side of the locker room and thought to myself he had a deceit build and the start some nice ab's coming in... Before I realize I was looking at my own reflection... that was a really good kick for my ego. I was finally going to see the tightly muscled ripped gymnast dude I've long to be looking back at me from the mirror... But the work issues made staying with the gym unaffordable and I slipped in to a very deep depression that I'm digging out of now

    I had gotten with a trainer when I had started my last workout and diet round... After killing myself with not eating and hours of cardio for 3 weeks and and the only seeing negative progress I went to a trainer. I were luck this guy had some knowledge and wasn't just a gym bunny guy that would count my reps when he wasn't busy chatting up the gym bunny gals like my earlier encounter with a trainer had been...

    I had lifted seriously before with a guy I worked... he had been a wrestler in HS and College and it was still obvious through street cloths... we were both 5'5" 128lb I was about 155... I remember his pant size it was the reverse of mine when got together 28Wx34L vs 34Wx28L... he was as close as I had seen to being the guy I wanted to be... I got him to work out with me and in the four months we worked out together I dropped to 135-140 and got my waist to 31" and was starting to close in on the weights he was lifting... After working out one evening I did a little flexing in my dresser mirror and was shocked when I got my lats to flare giving my that cobra sort of effect... Greg decided to go back to school for an MBA... kept up the workup for a while but with having some one to lift with my workaholic side got me back putting in a lot of unpaid overtime...

    Anyway Once the trainer get me to eat and eat clean, and not be so obsessed with cardio I dropped 40lb, 10%bf, 8inches off my waist... I still wouldn't take off my shirt in public but it was impressive enough to get asked to give the gym an endorsement in their local cable TV ads. That got me four month of "free" gym membership. I had gotten to the point of acting like a gymrat and was happy. Rather than gymrat it was more a labrat thing... get out of bed, go to gym, do an hour on the exercise wheel(cardio), eat some food pellets, go to work solving puzzles, eat food pellets ever 2-3 hour, go back to gym for another 2-3hours on exercise wheel(weights and more cardio), go home and go to bed and repeat... But when I had gotten into that pattern and was happy in it the trouble began and my pay checks stopped coming on time and I couldn't afford the gym or the masses of tuna, chicken and turkey breast, broccoli, etc that had gotten me to a 30 waist, <15%bf and 180lb

    When all you can effort to eat is Raman Noddles you backslide pretty fast... and with out the oulet of the gym and having to work all the work I had put into getting my body to where it was slip away I slipped into major depression episode... that took some chemistry to finally pull me out of... It was not a fun filled time and I don't want to go there again...

    At this point things getting better but until they start to pay out all the back pay they owe me money will be tight... and paying a trainer to be there to do forced and negative reps isn't practical...

    Some of the side questions and comments:

    GQjock-Yes I was talking about myself in third person sometimes it makes painfull memories easier to talk about

    Blondambiton-Every thing you said but one were on target but I've been here before and have a good handle on the process... the point you were off target is the gym bunny relationship... I intend to get back to my labrat version of being a gymrat... and the training buddy I want is a gymrat not a bunny with the idea that together we push towards goals that exceed the reasonable

    joescorpio1970-Pushing each other the exceed you think are your limits is the whole point of a training buddy

    icionicmale-I agree sexual orientation isn't really an issue in a training partner. I really don't consider myself gay but by the same reasoning I not straight either... the ideas of "inset tab a in slot b" and "swapping body fluids" with anyone, totally grosses me out. I think a well built male body is more interesting than a female but I believe that is related wanting to make my body the best it can be and is not related to thoughts of possision or domination in sexual context...

    Sorry for running my mouth for so long...

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    Aug 20, 2007 11:44 PM GMT
    I missed italmusclebtm... Sorry... your absolutly right I would never be able to work will an extreem extrovert (or even a moderate one) the relationship I had with Greg (he got married while I was lifting with him so I assume he was straight) was based on us both being IN-P in the MBTI Greg INFP and me INTP...

    I think that if someone had taken me seriously and helped me find my inner jock at 13-14yo I would have been Greg or something very close... A brainy nerd in a ripped jock body and a lot better adjusted than I am... :)