What to do...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 6:18 PM GMT
    I posted months ago about boyfriend and I. I had a feeling he was cheating blah blah blah.

    Well I found out he was in fact cheating on me about threes months ago. We've been together 9 years. For that fact I decided to stick around and see if we can repair things.

    Not going so well.

    It's been three months and i feel he has done everything the wrong way. He hasn't showed me he's sorry, he hasn't gone out of his way really to do anything for me, I basically feel worse than before I knew.

    I've had to be the one to initiate everything, sex, cuddling etc...again no effort on his part.

    When we fight and I bring up my needs or what I need from him, he always turns the conversation back to me and what I'm doing wrong and never acknowledges my question. He's stubborn and refuses to take responsibility for any of our problems. He blamed me for his cheating, for the lack of sex, I've been at the blame for all the problems.

    I insisted he get tested for HIV before any sex happened between us. Took him 2 months to go get tested. That right there tells me im not high on his priority list. I thought I could trust him so we never used condoms. Dumb on my part I know. We both tested negative so that's good. However I told him we will never have sex again without a condom. That is a massive issue with him. He's said "if we use a condom, we won't be having sex very often". Who says something like that?

    He's been acting like the victim in this whole problem. It pisses me off, a lot! So I've been really bitchy, moody, and kind of a dick for awhile. I've forgiven him and am ready to move on but he is making it really difficult. Nothing about him has changed. I'm still "alone" extremely horny, and ready to crack.

    Does this sound like someone that wants to be with me? I'm thinking not.

    I want to leave but I can't. I'm broke with no car at the moment. I'm self employed, I don't make a lot but I make almost enough to live on my own. I have a job interview Friday but don't have high hopes.

    To make things even worse. We bought a fixer-upper house that we are living in and working on at the same time. Only one bedroom and no kitchen at the moment. If we do break up, I'm not planning on leaving the house.

    God! The shit I get myself into...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    It sounds like a similar relationship I had years ago.

    I was self-seeking, codependent, self-righteous, and my cozy blanket of denial was so thick I'm surprised I made it out.

    ...But I did, and the real mess didn't happen until I was out of the relationship.

    When we are in enough pain we will change.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    My advice, tell governor Romney you can't deal with his locked up personality and hateful distance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 9:13 PM GMT
    Sounds like he is done with the relationship and you are clinging on because of mostly financial reasons and he knows that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 27, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    Could it be that he actually want's you to go??
    ..Could it be that you are kicking a dead horse??

    ..Your boyfriend has been combative every step of the way which means he needs a break or he really doesn't care..!!

    ..I wonder what he would have to say?

    Let's see.. You are self employed..limited resources..no transportation..
    Your business cannot sustain you financially..Which means he has been supporting you..

    ..You are in the middle of a renovation...which sould have been funded by the both of you...but your business is not generating sufficient income to finish this project...Which means he is paying the mortgage..supporting himself..and supporting you??

    ..Wouldn't this mean that the renovation is delayed ...with no completion date in site...Is boyfriend is extremely frustrated with the condition of the home ?..Is he blaming the slow renovation on your lack of income???

    ..How could you possibly keep the house with no / little income?

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    How far off am i ??
    ..If i were your boyfriend i definately wouldn't cheat on you..
    but..look at the mountain of issues between you two..?