should I be pissed?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 04, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    I just feel like giving up
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    Oct 04, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidI actaully do commit, I just rather spend my day with someone I had a great time with than an online profile which could be fake. Think about it.


    Did you explain that to the fellow?

    intrigued,

    -Doug

    PS in all honesty, if someone had said they had a date the next day, but would cancel if they had a better offer. I would wonder how long I'd last before an even better offer came up without details being added. icon_wink.gif

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    Oct 04, 2012 10:10 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidI just feel like giving up
    I feel your pain. Even after you've been with someone, sometimes it seems to all change. Hang in there!
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    Oct 04, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidI just feel like giving up


    EEP! Don't! If I had I wouldn't have met Bill.
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    Oct 04, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidI just feel like giving up


    NEVER give up.
    Just don't dwell on nonsense and flakes. You have stuff going on to distract yourself anyway.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1352

    Oct 05, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    Never make someone a priority if you are only an option.
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    Oct 05, 2012 12:29 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidNever make someone a priority if you are only an HIS option.


    Absolutely.
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    Oct 05, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Look at the positive side of this, he did not lead you on for weeks or months or longer. You could have invested a lot more time and instead, he probably did not find enough in you, for whatever reason he had, to keep him interested, which is fine, but he was also not enough of a mature man to just call you or meet you and say that.
    A word to flakes in general; man up just a little and tell people you are not interested. Most other mature men will thank you and be done. No drama nor bullshit. The drama comes when people feel played and betrayed, but if more men just spoke the truth, then other men would respond with compassion and maturity. It is when immature assholes stop returning calls or texts, or just disappear that other men who are not jaded and cynical, start to feel like all these damaged men are just flakes and dickwads.
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    Oct 05, 2012 2:53 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    cookingitsweet saidI actaully do commit, I just rather spend my day with someone I had a great time with than an online profile which could be fake. Think about it.


    Did you explain that to the fellow?

    intrigued,

    -Doug

    PS in all honesty, if someone had said they had a date the next day, but would cancel if they had a better offer. I would wonder how long I'd last before an even better offer came up without details being added. icon_wink.gif



    He told me he was very impressed and I told him the date was arranged online and I ould rather go out with someone who I all ready felt connected to than someone I never met. I politely cancelled the other date the next day early and we are still friends.
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    Oct 05, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    UPDATE:

    A few hours ago I got a call from Andrew telling me that he spent the day in the hospital due to an alergic reation to novicaine at the desntists office. I knew of the dentist appointment when we first met and apologized, he apologized many times for making me feel hurt. He wants to go out again. I accepted, but will not hold my breath in case it does not happen.
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    ...yeah this is sounding exactly like me a month ago. It doesn't end well.

    Even though he was saying that this and this happened and he did mention something about it before, turns out it was just an excuse. He also called and apologized for xyz. Said he wanted to see me - yatta yatta ya. Yeah - I"m calling bullshit on the matter. I'm still pretty pissed off about the entire thing.

    Anyone got a dead rat I could send to his house as a symbol of who he is and where he'll eventually end up?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16517

    Oct 05, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    I have to admit, I wasn't impressed when you mentioned you cancelled another date because in your perception you are getting a "better offer".
    I feel the treatment you give others comes around to bite you eventually... if it doesn't show consideration for others.

    As far as being "pissed".. I ask "why"? I wish you luck with it, but
    I would be prepared if he cops out on you... and don't get all pissed, thats a part of the process when you date other men. What ever happened to the first guy (the one you cancelled)? Just curious.
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI have to admit, I wasn't impressed when you mentioned you cancelled another date because in your perception you are getting a "better offer".
    I feel the treatment you give others comes around to bite you eventually... if it doesn't show consideration for others.


    As far as being "pissed".. I ask "why"? I wish you luck with it, but
    I would be prepared if he cops out on you... and don't get all pissed, thats a part of the process when you date other men. What ever happened to the first guy (the one you cancelled)? Just curious.

    It will - I forgot to mention this but in actually telling him that you're canceling that date, you put all the power in his hands. He knows now that you're time isn't valuable and whatever you have is not as important as he is. It comes off very clingy. A little mystery and uncertainty is unfortunately, attractive at this stage.
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI have to admit, I wasn't impressed when you mentioned you cancelled another date because in your perception you are getting a "better offer".
    I feel the treatment you give others comes around to bite you eventually... if it doesn't show consideration for others.

    As far as being "pissed".. I ask "why"? I wish you luck with it, but
    I would be prepared if he cops out on you... and don't get all pissed, thats a part of the process when you date other men. What ever happened to the first guy (the one you cancelled)? Just curious.


    I explained to him that I liked him and never met the other guy.

    Me and the other guy are friends.
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    IceBucket said
    HndsmKansan saidI have to admit, I wasn't impressed when you mentioned you cancelled another date because in your perception you are getting a "better offer".
    I feel the treatment you give others comes around to bite you eventually... if it doesn't show consideration for others.


    As far as being "pissed".. I ask "why"? I wish you luck with it, but
    I would be prepared if he cops out on you... and don't get all pissed, thats a part of the process when you date other men. What ever happened to the first guy (the one you cancelled)? Just curious.

    It will - I forgot to mention this but in actually telling him that you're canceling that date, you put all the power in his hands. He knows now that you're time isn't valuable and whatever you have is not as important as he is. It comes off very clingy. A little mystery and uncertainty is unfortunately, attractive at this stage.


    So I should act disinterested?
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    cookingitsweet said
    IceBucket said
    HndsmKansan saidI have to admit, I wasn't impressed when you mentioned you cancelled another date because in your perception you are getting a "better offer".
    I feel the treatment you give others comes around to bite you eventually... if it doesn't show consideration for others.


    As far as being "pissed".. I ask "why"? I wish you luck with it, but
    I would be prepared if he cops out on you... and don't get all pissed, thats a part of the process when you date other men. What ever happened to the first guy (the one you cancelled)? Just curious.

    It will - I forgot to mention this but in actually telling him that you're canceling that date, you put all the power in his hands. He knows now that you're time isn't valuable and whatever you have is not as important as he is. It comes off very clingy. A little mystery and uncertainty is unfortunately, attractive at this stage.


    So I should act disinterested?

    Not disinterested. Just don't jump when he says he wants to see you. I'm the last person though to tell you how to act interested...but at the same act uninterested to keep him interested.

    I go on one date and act like I've got a ring on my finger. icon_neutral.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16517

    Oct 05, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    IceBucket said
    cookingitsweet said
    IceBucket said
    HndsmKansan saidI have to admit, I wasn't impressed when you mentioned you cancelled another date because in your perception you are getting a "better offer".
    I feel the treatment you give others comes around to bite you eventually... if it doesn't show consideration for others.


    As far as being "pissed".. I ask "why"? I wish you luck with it, but
    I would be prepared if he cops out on you... and don't get all pissed, thats a part of the process when you date other men. What ever happened to the first guy (the one you cancelled)? Just curious.

    It will - I forgot to mention this but in actually telling him that you're canceling that date, you put all the power in his hands. He knows now that you're time isn't valuable and whatever you have is not as important as he is. It comes off very clingy. A little mystery and uncertainty is unfortunately, attractive at this stage.


    So I should act disinterested?

    Not disinterested. Just don't jump when he says he wants to see you. I'm the last person though to tell you how to act interested...but at the same act uninterested to keep him interested.

    I go on one date and act like I've got a ring on my finger. icon_neutral.gif


    I think Icebucket has something with this. I would agree. Never give a guy too much emotion (your heart) unless it is deserved. Be a little cautious.
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    ok, I just thought he really liked me.

    When talking about musicals

    Me: Maybe one day we can go to new york and see a braodway show.

    Him: know what would be nice? A honeymoon in London.
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidok, I just thought he really liked me.

    When talking about musicals

    Me: Maybe one day we can go to new york and see a braodway show.

    Him: know what would be nice? A honeymoon in London.

    Yeah. That means nothing. I had a first date who was talking about how he'd like to get married. Didn't mean shit to him after our second date and he stopped talking to me.

    Deserving doesn't mean him saying things like that or him texting you wishing you a good morning or telling you how cute you are. I don't know what deserving is but isn't those things. Don't EVER delude yourself into thinking someone likes you - you'll just end up hurt. You get your hopes up and they come crashing down and then you break out crying on your way home from work for no good reason.

    Something that helps me in the beginning when I talk to guys is keeping other guys in the wings. Talk to other guys while you talk to this guy. It'll keep your mind off him. Once you've adopted this mindset of "this is just a guy I'm talking to - I guess he's cute. I'll give hi a chance I guess..." it'll have an unconscious effect on him to chase you.

    Really - it's all nonsense game shit but unfortunately, we guys aren't as straight up with each other as I'd like. Personally, I am but guys are flakes and girls are major bitches. Take your pick.
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    Oct 05, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    IceBucket said
    cookingitsweet saidok, I just thought he really liked me.

    When talking about musicals

    Me: Maybe one day we can go to new york and see a braodway show.

    Him: know what would be nice? A honeymoon in London.

    Yeah. That means nothing. I had a first date who was talking about how he'd like to get married. Didn't mean shit to him after our second date and he stopped talking to me.

    Deserving doesn't mean him saying things like that or him texting you wishing you a good morning or telling you how cute you are. I don't know what deserving is but isn't those things. Don't EVER delude yourself into thinking someone likes you - you'll just end up hurt. You get your hopes up and they come crashing down and then you break out crying on your way home from work for no good reason.

    Something that helps me in the beginning when I talk to guys is keeping other guys in the wings. Talk to other guys while you talk to this guy. It'll keep your mind off him. Once you've adopted this mindset of "this is just a guy I'm talking to - I guess he's cute. I'll give hi a chance I guess..." it'll have an unconscious effect on him to chase you.

    Really - it's all nonsense game shit but unfortunately, we guys aren't as straight up with each other as I'd like. Personally, I am but guys are flakes and girls are major bitches. Take your pick.


    I can;t live like that
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    Oct 05, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidok, I just thought he really liked me.

    When talking about musicals

    Me: Maybe one day we can go to new york and see a braodway show.

    Him: know what would be nice? A honeymoon in London.


    I can't see why you wouldn't think he really liked you, considering what he said. Those are declaring kind of words. icon_wink.gif

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    Oct 05, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidok, I just thought he really liked me.

    When talking about musicals

    Me: Maybe one day we can go to new york and see a braodway show.

    Him: know what would be nice? A honeymoon in London.


    Whoa, whoa, whoa!
    Already?! MUCH too soon. A harbinger of what future interactions will be like.
    RED flag.
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    Oct 05, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidHey guys, to make a long story short I was at a bar that I often go to a few weeks ago when I saw this really cute guy, sitting across the bar. He was smiling there and had amazing energy. I don't usually don't approach guys (too shy), but was drawn to him and found myself introducing myself. He was so nice and we had an amazing time. I told him I had a date the next day, but ould cancel if I had a better offer. We went on one of the best dates of my life. We went out to dinner, talked about our families and more. He both seem to be headed in the same direction, but to be honest my income is smaller.
    He took me home that night after a drink at the same bar and we cuddled till he drove me to work at 5:30AM! As stupid as it is I had that this time is different feeling.
    The next date was ok, but he spent the whole night complaining about the movie. He always said it was uncomfortable when I put my arm around him (seating wise). We planned a date for two days ago, which he cancelled, but ofered to go out and go to my place yesturday which he cancelled 30 minutes after he was supposed to pick me up. I was so sad (allready stressed from needing to move in less than a month and my job sucking). He asked me to go to lunch with him today and I hesitantly agreed. Should I be mad? If he blews me off again I'm done.


    He's just not that into you.
  • Hammer89

    Posts: 237

    Oct 05, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    He's clearly making an effort by asking you again and again. You never know what comes up on his end that makes him cancel on you. It could be completely innocent.

    Although, if he makes it a trend(which it already looks like but still too early to tell) and cancels on you again short notice then call him out and ask what the deal is.

    Don't attack him or the issue, just be cool. Just be like "hey I'm not sure what you got going on, but you've been cancelling a lot on me and I wanna know why" simple and to the point.
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    Oct 06, 2012 4:32 PM GMT
    I'd stay on good terms with this guy, while pursuing other opportunities. Don't get all dramatic. Just do your thing, have fun, and treat yourself and others with respect. The rest will work itself out over time.

    BTW, cancelling after he was supposed to pick you up, absent a compelling reason (like an accident, trip to the ER, etc.) was not exactly respectful. So don't lose too much sleep over this guy.