How honest should I be?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2008 9:53 AM GMT
    Hi there I'm worried about 2 things:

    1. I have a friend "Dean" and I really appreciate him, he has 3 really good friends: me, "Mike" and "Al", recently (2 days ago) I found out that "Al" is flirting with Dean's Ex-boyfriend, "Dean" really suffered a lot when they broke up and still has feelings for him, my friend has no idea about it. Al tried to have a relationship with Dean after the breakup, but Dean said "NO" so Al got upset and I think now he's taking revenge on Dean. icon_mad.gif

    2."Ed" is one of my closest friends and he's really excited about this guy "Austin", because after a long time this guy really caught his attention and is really charming, this weekend "Ed" showed me a photo of this guy, and when I saw it I realized that "Austin" was chatting with me 2 days ago!!! he sent me a message on and I added him on Messenger, and he was flirting with me but I didn't feel attracted to "Austin" at all, so I told my friend that I think I chatted with him but he told me "that's not possible" and I said to my friend "I will check my messenger" I did it and the same guy, so I don't know what to do...icon_neutral.gif

    Do I have to confess Al's betrayal?

    If I tell "Ed" that the guy he's dating with chatted and flirted with me 2 days ago...that would be the end of their relationship?

    As a friend I have to be honest but I definitely will hurt them so, what can I do?
    PS: Sorry if my english is not that accurate, I did my best haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2008 1:28 PM GMT
    My advice is to keep out of it, maybe if you feel you can't then have a word with the guys involved, but not your friend, who might get hurt.

    The person with the bad news rarely comes out of this unscathed, though I feel sorry for you in your predictament.

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    Aug 31, 2008 1:31 PM GMT
    Yes keep out of that dude, your little triangle there is a drama bomb just waiting to explode.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1558

    Aug 31, 2008 1:41 PM GMT
    I think as you age, you will find that it is best not to get to entangled in other peoples love lifes. You just never know the turns they things will take,.

    I would stay out of it
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    Aug 31, 2008 4:09 PM GMT
    On question 1, stay out of it. There's no good that can come out of telling "Dean" that his ex and a friend are flirting, and harm that can. It's also, really, none of your business.

    On question 2, things are different. You aren't reporting hearsay; you're telling your friend what you directly experienced--which means it no longer qualifies as gossip or sticking your nose in other people's business Tell "Ed" that you checked your messenger and that someone with "Austin's" picture was flirting with you on Tell him you have the screen name if he'd like to see it. Tell him you thought he should know, because you'd want to know if you were in his position. Then drop the matter and don't bring it up again. You'll have given him the information, but it's up to him to figure out what, if anything, to do with it.
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    Aug 31, 2008 4:35 PM GMT
    There's no need to bring this stuff up with somebody unless it can cause direct harm (i.e. current boyfriend and another may be fooling around, etc...). BUT, when it comes to stuff your friend should deal with anyways, like getting over an ex, it's really not your place. You already told "Ed" you were checking so you might as well come forward with it.

    For future situations, I have a rule: When being put in an awkward situation in being privy to information that could affect someone else' emotion, I never just run and blab. If someone asks, I'm ALWAYS truthful.

    But, it's their life and they need to resolve this on their own. Be aware that these situations never go in YOUR favor. No matter what you do, hold it and be truthful when it comes up or just run and tell, you look inadvertently bad. It's just something you'll have to face.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2008 4:48 PM GMT

    Wow, you should write a screenplay about this stuff!

    Here's my advice, the first situation, think about butting in. This is why I justify it: FRIENDS are like accessories, if you've got on a great pair of earrings, an elegant choker, and suddenly, your bracelet doesn't match, then your whole outfit is fucked. Your friend Al is an ugly bracelet and having him there corrupts your choker and earrings. Take him off and you and your remaining accessories can sparkle like never before.

    ...OMG! I loved using metaphor that way. What I mean, is that If Al knows Dean still has feelings for his ex, Al should NOT be talking to the ex. It's not a friendly thing to do. I know there is no gay bible or commandments, but this comes back to a matter of empathy and tact. "Al should be asking himself, "yeah, I really like ex, but if Dean found out, would Dean be hurt?" In some cases the answer would be "no", I have exes I don't care who dates them, but a select 2 or 3, everyone knows I still carry a torch for them (I love you, Bill!).

    SO, Al is not being a good friend, he should be punished.

    The second situation, butt out. I mean, I don't know, but Ed probably met Austin on the internet and both probably still send messages here and there to others. They aren't particularly an item yet and unlike the above situation, no delicate feelings have formed yet. Plus, I suspect Al has intimate designs on Dean's ex that Austin doesn't have on you.

    Wow, your friends sure have interesting love lives. So, give it up, what's your drama, snow white? icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2008 11:24 PM GMT

    What if the proper permission has been given?

    .....................................FOR YOUR INFORMATION
    to any one planning to become my friend or if any of my real life friends are reading this post. You are my friend, you know me, and you know what I'd want to know; in the instance that something is going down that I don't know that you know I'd want to know, clue me in, huh. Or you shall be punished as well as the initial offenders - thank you. This has been a Guilty Public Service Announcement.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2008 11:52 PM GMT

    If my partner is found on, manhunt, men4sex, etc. someone better start spilling - 'cause he's about to feel a wrath he's never felt before. icon_evil.gif

    There is only one reason for those sites... and since he claims to be quite satisfied in that department, there's no reason to sign on.