Sudden loss of Intrest?

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  Sep 01, 2008 3:19 PM GMT

  Hey guys,
  
  A week ago I went to a gay bar for the first time in my life. It was fun and nice at the beginning, but every encounter i had there ended in the bathroom. Usually I don't have anything against enjoying the moment, but every time I started something with someone I suddenly lost interest and just needed to get out of there.
  
  So far that wasn't a big problem since that never happened before, but last weekend I went on a date with a guy which I consider pretty hot. Everything went fine, we watched a movie, took a drink after that and then went to his apartment. Then the same thing as before happened, we wanted to start and shortly after that I just wanted to stop it.
  
  So wtf is wrong with me? I finally accepted that looking for a Bf wont bring me anywhere and that I should just enjoy myself till I find the right one and now I am not even able to do that.

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  Sep 01, 2008 3:36 PM GMT

  Sounds to me like anxiety.
  
  I think you are worried that this is just another 'fuck' and you might be thinking... why bother? What's the point? Where is this going?
  
  When I met my current BF, we 'dated' for 3 months before I put out. That even included petting and BJ's.
  
  
  

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  Sep 01, 2008 3:52 PM GMT

  maximumrisk saidHey guys,
  
  A week ago I went to a gay bar for the first time in my life. It was fun and nice at the beginning, but every encounter i had there ended in the bathroom. Usually I don't have anything against enjoying the moment, but every time I started something with someone I suddenly lost interest and just needed to get out of there.
  
  So far that wasn't a big problem since that never happened before, but last weekend I went on a date with a guy which I consider pretty hot. Everything went fine, we watched a movie, took a drink after that and then went to his apartment. Then the same thing as before happened, we wanted to start and shortly after that I just wanted to stop it.
  
  So wtf is wrong with me? I finally accepted that looking for a Bf wont bring me anywhere and that I should just enjoy myself till I find the right one and now I am not even able to do that.

  
  "shortly after that I just wanted to stop it." ....a little more detail and explanation here would help.
  

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  Sep 01, 2008 4:14 PM GMT

  Caslon6000 said

  maximumrisk saidHey guys,
  
  A week ago I went to a gay bar for the first time in my life. It was fun and nice at the beginning, but every encounter i had there ended in the bathroom. Usually I don't have anything against enjoying the moment, but every time I started something with someone I suddenly lost interest and just needed to get out of there.
  
  So far that wasn't a big problem since that never happened before, but last weekend I went on a date with a guy which I consider pretty hot. Everything went fine, we watched a movie, took a drink after that and then went to his apartment. Then the same thing as before happened, we wanted to start and shortly after that I just wanted to stop it.
  
  So wtf is wrong with me? I finally accepted that looking for a Bf wont bring me anywhere and that I should just enjoy myself till I find the right one and now I am not even able to do that.

  
  "shortly after that I just wanted to stop it." ....a little more detail and explanation here would help.
  

  
  
  Didnt think that I needed to go further in detail there. We started at kissing, he then went down on me to give me a Bj, which actually felt very good, but I suddenly found myself rejecting it for some reason. I just tried pushing him away saying "no" and "stop it" which actually made it worse till he finally stopped.
  
  Think I don't need to mention that he wasnt very happy about that.

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  Sep 01, 2008 7:33 PM GMT

  Sounds like Alec is right.
  
  Sex is an emotionally charged event so having made that decision probably caused a lot of anxiety. It'll dissipate with time.

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  Nov 02, 2008 8:21 PM GMT

  Only you can figure out what part of you suddenly reacted so strongly. You certainly sound conflicted. Part of you was into it - and another part of you wasn't...
  
  Is it possible that although everything looked right - hot guy etc etc - that you were doing what you thought you 'should' be doing but that your heart wasn't in it? Maybe you need an emotional connection with a guy before you feel comfortable getting sexual?
  
  Talk it through with a trusted friend. And good luck.

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• GQjock
  
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  Nov 02, 2008 9:18 PM GMT

  Yes...
  It does sound like there is some sort of unresolved conflict going on
  It might be that you're in it for the chase and once you got the man
  you're no longer interested
  or it can be something else that your completely unaware of
  if this is really bothering you
  which it sounds like it is I'd talk to a professional who knows how to ferret out these things

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  Nov 12, 2008 1:30 PM GMT

  This is why one night stands are a minefield. Your Mum's probably right, they're best avoided.
  
  There's nothing wrong with you by the way.

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