Bareback and Drug Parties...the new craze? (revisited even after the AIDS epidemic?)

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    Oct 31, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    Medjai said
    RomanticRebel saidNext time you see Sharon Stone campaign for AmFar, show her this. Don't mess with the butt, I say. And if you must step into the gutter, wear rubber (boots). For a virus to usurp life's ease is atrocious. For dangerous practices to be perpetuated despite awareness of consequence should be illegal. It adds more stigma to our brothers who didn't know that one time's fling's status.


    It adds a larger burden to the already taxed medical system too. Like lung cancer and obesity, voluntarily contracted diseases need to be cracked down on.
    If the guy wants to contract it, it reflects his mental health. Anybody willing to contract something is likely to want to pass it on.

    Just sad.
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    Oct 31, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    Claystation saidProbably. I guess it depends on who takes you to their hotel room.

    Oh there had better be pizza!

    I'm classy like that!
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    Oct 31, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    KansasColt09 said
    I was with a friend- we wanted to meet this guy on grindr and he invited us to his hotel room. Judgment aside, you can actually stumble upon a bareback party.

    Sorry, I'll change the thread to, "would you do the guy who posted above you?"



    SURPRISED to read so much skepticism of this post. Checkout Craigslist "casual encounters" section to see that bareback orgies are going on.

    Maybe NOT in Sioux Falls or Podunk but if you're in a clusterfuck of a metropolis----and you occasionally follow your sexual curiosity via Grindr et al......Yes, you could stumble into a sex party with barebacking involved.

    ARE YOU GOING TO GET SO EXCITED THAT YOU WANT TO PLAY?

    I HOPE NOT.

    VALUE YOUR LIFE.
  • KansasColt09

    Posts: 179

    Oct 31, 2012 1:36 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]JockTheVote said

    Maybe NOT in Sioux Falls or Podunk but if you're in a clusterfuck of a metropolis----and you occasionally follow your sexual curiosity via Grindr et al......Yes, you could stumble into a sex party with barebacking involved.

    ARE YOU GOING TO GET SO EXCITED THAT YOU WANT TO PLAY?

    I HOPE NOT.

    VALUE YOUR LIFE.[/quote]


    Didn't partake. Brought up the discussion because I found it disturbing and uncomfortable and wanted to see what others thought of the situation- if gay men are truly no longer worried about STIs. I've had more than one guy want to fuck without a condom, and I doubt I'm the only one who has experienced that.
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    Oct 31, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    KansasColt09 saidStumbled into a a sex party by accident with a friend, first one I've ever been to and it was obvious that something was different. Bareback- one bottom, and lots of drugs. Granted, I know that this is something that the gay community has had recurring throughout it's history, however...is no one afraid of HIV anymore? There was no question when we walked in the door...I kept to myself, but was amazed at how laid back and relaxed everyone was about it. It made me uncomfortable which is why I kept to myself.

    Thoughts? With HIV as a major concern in our community and the world, why are people so lax about it? Just because it's not a death sentence anymore does not mean it isn't a life-long malady and a life-changing circumstance.

    How may I ask did you stumble into a sex party by accident?
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3762

    Oct 31, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Yeah no condoms mixed with drugs sounds stupid. Did you leave quickly?
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    Oct 31, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    twinkletwinkle.jpg
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Oct 31, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    Social Darwinism?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Oct 31, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    No thank you, two things I dread the most - sex and social gatherings - combined? Just shoot me.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    I've never been to a sex party and still contracted HIV because I thought a guy meant it when he said he loved me. What a fool I was. I allowed him to top me bareback because I do not like boundaries between myself and my partner. Physical or emotional. I've only done it in relationships that went to a certain level and only with three guys. Just so happens that I didn't insist on testing with the last guy because it never crossed my mind that he would betray me.

    Some people just don't think.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    A previously unknown and universally fatal STD so terrified gay men that there was a - brief, by any historical measure - condom craze. That STD is no longer universally fatal, so rigorous condom use is on the decline. People can preach and object all they want, but sheer horror is the only thing that drove gays, en masse, to condoms, and the only thing that will drive us back. This is not to diminish the seriousness of the disease even with modern medicines. It's just economics.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    Sorry, I don't party and play; and when I did party, I wasn't playing. When I was hooking up, well... you'll never know. icon_cool.gif

    Condoms are never OVERRATED* icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    Import saidWhat really had an impact on me....and this may sound lame, but was the Real World, especially the season with Pedro.....

    I remember I was only in the 7th grade when it was out and I didn't even identify as gay that early on, yet I watched Real World religiously. And watched as Pedro's health deteriorated throughout the season. It was scary to see. Sad too.

    I think that really made me very cautuious of barerback sex in general...for fear of ending up like Pedro.... Dying a some-what slow, drawn-out painful death. It was so weird to see. And I didn't quite understand it, yet I knew HIV was nothing to fuck around with. I knew it was transmitted sexually through unprotected sex....that's all I knew. Seeing Pedro struggle and die like that was beyond weird to me.

    Even to this day, when I find out someone is HIV positive I feel sad. Sad that they have to live like that. Though I would never admit it to them, but I think to myself
    -"how can they go on living life like that? Aren't they afraid?"
    -"is it not something that they have to wake up with every single day, for the rest of their life.... doesn't that depress them?"
    -"who would wanna be with them?"
    -"I wonder if they think about dying? I wonder if they think about the affects of the medication?"
    -"I wonder is he goes to sleep at night thinking about his health"


    Not trying to sound mean, but I honestly think those things. Tho, I would NEVER say it around someone who I knew was poz. I would never want them to feel uncomfortable, yet I can't help but feel a bit sad for them. for some reason... I guess cuz their life is that much more precarious... I know we could all die at any moment, but having 1 more added thing to that list seriously makes me think twice about barebacking. I just couldn't fathom hearing a doctor say "you tested positive for HIV". . . it would emotionally fuck me up for good.


    Don't be such a fucking drama queen. Like any blow that one is dealt, we adjust to being HIV positive. It's called being resilient and making the most of the situation. When you've got lemons you make lemonade. Keep your pity, mother fucker. And don't fucking assume you know anything about the disease, because from the comments you made, you clearly don't.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    Caslon21000 saidtwinkletwinkle.jpg
    This* cause it may be new to you; but haven't you heard of the 60's, Madonna, or Ancient Rome?
  • mikeylovesit

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    Oct 31, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    I can't seem to remember the last time I "stumbled into a gay sex party." Maybe the concept of a sex party alone is indicative of the devolution of mankind.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    mikeylovesit saidI can't seem to remember the last time I "stumbled into a gay sex party." Maybe the concept of a sex party alone is indicative of the devolution of mankind.
    Sex parties have been around since Adam And Steve.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    KansasColt09 said
    noviceprime saidim a voyeur so id watch with pure enthusiasm. Hmm people are no long afraid of hiv...With these modern medicines....its like some people actually go out their way to get it..just like how you went out your way to go to the party. As you dont stumble upon hiv and you sure as hell don't stumble upon a bareback party. tsk.


    All the jokes are hilarious, minus that fact that I'm serious about all of this and those of you joking about it are sad. I was with a friend- we wanted to meet this guy on grindr and he invited us to his hotel room. Judgment aside, you can actually stumble upon a bareback party.

    I thought this might be a good topic to discuss on this forum, instead of act like idiots and never take anything seriously. Sorry, I'll change the thread to, "would you do the guy who posted above you?"

    This is RJ. Every thread gets derailed eventually.

    Here's your problem: you wanted a discussion when there's nothing to discuss. You're right. The disease is still here, manageable or not, and no one should take the kind of risks these people were taking.

    But what kind of discussion do you think you can have? We all just say 'you're right', because you are, and then----what---?

    More jokes. It's the RJ way.
    Damn right! So it is, so it should be! I want things the right way!

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    Oct 31, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    FlexandJack said

    Don't be such a fucking drama queen. Like any blow that one is dealt, we adjust to being HIV positive. It's called being resilient and making the most of the situation. When you've got lemons you make lemonade. Keep your pity, mother fucker. And don't fucking assume you know anything about the disease, because from the comments you made, you clearly don't.


    Actually, when life gives you lemons you don't make lemonade. You send the lemons back! You ask to see the manager! You make life rue the day it gave you lemons because I'll burn your fuckin' house down....with the lemons!
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    LAGuy1979 saidActually, when life gives you lemons you don't make lemonade. You send the lemons back! You ask to see the manager!
    No you don't. You make golden margaritas.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    LAGuy1979 saidFlexandJack said

    Actually, when life gives you lemons you don't make lemonade. You send the lemons back! You ask to see the manager! You make life rue the day it gave you lemons because I'll burn your fuckin' house down....with the lemons!


    With HIV, you can't send it back. So ask yourself what good will it do you to hold onto the contempt regarding HIV infection? What's done is done and it's really unfortunate that you contracted it from a person whom you thought you could trust. But the point of FlexandJack's post was about moving forward. I think it's a better idea to move forward rather than to hold onto the anger. It'll just consume you eventually and find a way to manifest itself in a very uncomfortable way. Trust me, I know all about that.


    No, actually I was trying to give you a humorous metaphor to support his post.
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    Oct 31, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    LAGuy1979 said

    No, actually I was trying to give you a humorous metaphor to support his post.


    Ah, it went over my head apparently.

    Sorry for the misunderstanding. icon_wink.gif


    No worries.

    I did harbor anger and resentment over it for a long time. Every day it was, "blah blah, hopeless me, blah blah," but I realized it was as much my fault as his. I got over it and no I'm not afraid, no I'm not depressed, no I don't think about dying, no I don't go to sleep at night thinking about my health and I am thankful it isn't a mutated strain that requires harsh medication. Aside from the one pill a night I have to take which has no side effects for me I don't notice it.

    I am open about it, have dated since and people aren't as judgmental about it as most think. In fact, I find the ones that are the most judgmental about it have sexual habits considerably worse than mine ever have been and most likely are afraid it will happen to them, so they lash out at it.

    I'm not saying I wasn't irresponsible and stupid, but we do move on.
  • KansasColt09

    Posts: 179

    Oct 31, 2012 4:22 AM GMT
    To everyone to still thinks that I think this is a new craze- I'm not naive. I'm asking, why after the AIDS epidemic, would people feel it to be okay to compromise their health in such a way, especially when the men in the room had all lived through the crisis? YES, people can live a long, healthy, HIV positive life, but why would you still want to risk contracting it when it still isn't curable?

    If you want to find out how to stumble into a sex party- re-read my original post, and then please find some way to intelligently contribute to the conversation.

    I did not post this so that everyone could just say, "you're right". If you read the actual conversation that's happening below, you will see people are truly having legitimate discourse over the topic. And would I be incorrect in stating, had people continually been properly educated in safe sex and what STI's can do to your health, would they be so purposefully putting their health at risk? I still meet guys who don't know how to put on a damn condom- seems like a really easy and logical thing to do, but apparently people aren't taught anything. Knowledge is power, and as long as people sit back and believe that everyone is informed, people will continue to blindly walk into potentially unhealthy and possibly deadly situations- hence my bringing up of the topic. Have at it, gentlemen.
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    Oct 31, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidLet's never let this disease divide our community.


    Too late... WAY too late...

    You just need to read the postings here: they are ALL full of contempt, disdain, disbelief and superiority. People feeling sorry for poz guys, people saying they deserve it and so on.

    There are barely any posts that delve into the very complex issues that lead people to make the decisions that they do. Clearly not everyone makes the same decisions in life, and there are usually a whole host of reasons that most of us will never be able to understand unless we were to walk a mile in that person's shoes.

    Personally, I think that the harsh reactions elicited in this thread reveal that it has certainly hit a nerve. But citing platitudes like "let's never let this disease divide our community" is unrealistic and simplistic. Talk to more poz guys and you will hear a very very different perspective about "the community".
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    Oct 31, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    Also, there has been an increasing trend of new HIV medicines. I think about stds and I feel as if I'm one of the few people my age who actually think about it. It's scary to know how much std infections there are nowadays. I feel as if people don't care because they feel that the medicine will make them normal again even though it medically won't.

    I know this far-fetched, but for some reason I have this strange concern. I feel that due to the rising infections and different types of individuals getting infected with stds, I feel as if HIV might mutate to a new and deadly form or some other dangerous std.
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    Oct 31, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    same thing almost happened to me. but the thought of sticking my dick after 5 guys went through in a short amount of time made my skin crawl.... the whole AIDS thing,well be wise