23 and never really had a relationship. normal or not?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    Whats worse:

    Not knowing whats out there and whose out there or living in a glass container look outwards at the life you want but can't have?

    Former generations the former. Current is the latter. icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 17, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    I am 26 and never been in a serious relationship. Partly because I have moved 7 or 8 times since I was 21, but the other part being I have been in different stages of my life when I met the guys I liked. I think it's normal. Don't sweat. I think the biggest lesson I learned is that it's better to wait than to jump into something that will fizzle out pretty quickly.
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    Nov 17, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    World24 said
    Caslon21000 saidHA! You kids should be ecstactic with the life you have now. You have no idea of the isolation older gays grew in. NONE! But I hope you find a bf.


    This makes me sad. There are times when I feel lonely, I can only imagine what the older generation went through.

    I didn't know another gay person growing up. And there was no private way like the Internet to find out about being gay.* And there was nothing positive being said. Somehow I knew about being homosexual. I knew I was ok and the world was wrong. I knew to keep it hidden. Back then it wasn't ok to be gay. No one in society would stand up for you....this was even before Stonewall realize. It was still listed as an illness.

    *it has occured to me that younger people probably have never even thought about, never mind realize, how when one was at home, how cut off from everyone you were. Only the telephone to contact each other. No computers with emails, Internet, and Facebook. Or smartphones with dings and beeps when messages came in. No researching stuff on the interment. And news was on 3 networks between 6 and 7 PM. "And that's the way it is." ...go google who used to say that.
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    Nov 17, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    Caslon21000 said
    World24 said
    Caslon21000 saidHA! You kids should be ecstactic with the life you have now. You have no idea of the isolation older gays grew in. NONE! But I hope you find a bf.


    This makes me sad. There are times when I feel lonely, I can only imagine what the older generation went through.

    I didn't know another gay person growing up. And there was no private way like the Internet to find out about being gay.* And there was nothing positive being said. Somehow I knew about being homosexual. I knew I was ok and the world was wrong. I knew to keep it hidden. Back then it wasn't ok to be gay. No one in society would stand up for you....this was even before Stonewall realize. It was still listed as an illness.

    *it has occured to me that younger people probably have never even thought about, never mind realize, how when one was at home, how cut off from everyone you were. Only the telephone to contact each other. No computers with emails, Internet, and Facebook. Or smartphones with dings and beeps when messages came in. No researching stuff on the interment. And news was on 3 networks between 6 and 7 PM. "And that's the way it is." ...go google who used to say that.


    Never in those days would you think that even one other person felt EXACTLY about it as you did, as if you yourself wrote that.

    The only gay people that stood out were the stereotypical kind that you knew you weren't. You knew you were gay but you definitely weren't at all like 'them.' You were like a drop floating in a stormy sea, keeping float but without a satisfactory destination (sexually).

    Don't worry about never having a relationship yet. Enjoy life, do your thing, and the pieces will eventually set in their proper place. Also remember 'trial and error' always plays its' part in life. Be accepting of that and use it as an extremely important learning opportunity.
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    Nov 17, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    CollegeDude27 saidI just can't seem to find the right guy. Even finding just a date seems to be a challenge. I think the area I live in is just very crappy and may not gay friendly


    are you me? lol. i'm almost 25 and never had a relationship... with a dude at least.
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    Nov 17, 2012 9:49 PM GMT
    NORMAL. Don't worry about it man.
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    Nov 17, 2012 9:52 PM GMT
    Caslon21000 saidHA! You kids should be ecstactic with the life you have now. You have no idea of the isolation older gays grew in. NONE! But I hope you find a bf.


    I can imagine...
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    Nov 17, 2012 9:57 PM GMT
    Sooner or later it will happen. HMU....
  • LJay

    Posts: 11643

    Nov 17, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    Didn't even ahve to google to know who said it, Caslon. "And that's the way it is..." is an implant here. One of the most magnificent voices of the century!

    True, no one knew about other gay people, or even themselves often. Let's hope the progress continues.
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    Nov 17, 2012 10:00 PM GMT
    I will drink to that....
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    Jan 14, 2013 4:57 AM GMT
    Daelin saidJoin the club. Same here. icon_sad.gif

    Forever alone icon_cry.gif


    22 and feel the same icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 14, 2013 4:59 AM GMT
    Winkler said
    Daelin saidJoin the club. Same here. icon_sad.gif

    Forever alone icon_cry.gif


    22 and feel the same icon_sad.gif


    Yeah, I'm in the same boat
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:00 AM GMT
    Chill dude, it's completely normal.

    You'll find some answers as well next to the "Hate fems", "Not into asians" and "is he gay?" threads.
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:01 AM GMT
    Totally normal...you're still young! Go do something crazy like piss in a Walmart or try heroin. Just kidding about that last part, but don't stress...life is WAAAAY less complicated at this age if you're single.
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:02 AM GMT
    scruffygeek19 said
    Winkler said
    Daelin saidJoin the club. Same here. icon_sad.gif

    Forever alone icon_cry.gif


    22 and feel the same icon_sad.gif


    Yeah, I'm in the same boat

    maybe if I wasn't closeted it would be the opposite, right? icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:10 AM GMT
    Winkler said
    scruffygeek19 said
    Winkler said
    Daelin saidJoin the club. Same here. icon_sad.gif

    Forever alone icon_cry.gif


    22 and feel the same icon_sad.gif


    Yeah, I'm in the same boat

    maybe if I wasn't closeted it would be the opposite, right? icon_confused.gif


    Not necessarily. I've been out since 17 and haven't been in a relationship.

    My feeling is that we all have our own roads to walk and comparing our lives to those of others is the enemy to any real feeling of success. I'm now almost 26, but I've done away with feelings of inadequacy because I haven't found someone. I suggest try being your best self (I know, very Oprah of me) and your light will attract him soon (and even then, you may need to approach him first).
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:14 AM GMT
    Yessir. They're worth the wait.
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:23 AM GMT
    HottieJ said
    Winkler said
    scruffygeek19 said
    Winkler said
    Daelin saidJoin the club. Same here. icon_sad.gif

    Forever alone icon_cry.gif


    22 and feel the same icon_sad.gif


    Yeah, I'm in the same boat

    maybe if I wasn't closeted it would be the opposite, right? icon_confused.gif


    Not necessarily. I've been out since 17 and haven't been in a relationship.

    My feeling is that we all have our own roads to walk and comparing our lives to those of others is the enemy to any real feeling of success. I'm now almost 26, but I've done away with feelings of inadequacy because I haven't found someone. I suggest try being your best self (I know, very Oprah of me) and your light will attract him soon (and even then, you may need to approach him first).


    what I meant is that people have no idea I'm into men, so that's why it's more difficult....
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:27 AM GMT
    To be clear, that first line was in response to you. The speech was in response to the thread as a whole, haha. I do understand what you're saying though. I'm sure being closeted has its big challenges.
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    Jan 14, 2013 5:33 AM GMT
    I think it's better to wait for the right one then to be lonely with the wrong person. It's not a matter of being normal at any age. It more about being ready mind, body, and soul to receive the affection and love from someone else and, more importantly, that YOU are ready to give it. If haven't been in a relationship, it's probably cause you are still figuring things out or they just aren't the right person. I'd like to suggest a great book to you that's helped me out a lot with many aspects of my life. "Finding the Boyfriend Within" by Brad Gooch. I really enjoy it and find myself doing many of the exorcises in it for aspects of my life other than dating/relationships. I've learned a whole lot about myself in the process too.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 14, 2013 5:45 AM GMT
    You are young and in your prime. I know a relationship might be alluring, but looking back on my early twenties I wish I had more fun. But if a relationship is what you want you will have to be patient.

    But have fun in the mean time. :p
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    Jan 14, 2013 10:56 AM GMT
    normal.

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    Jan 14, 2013 11:44 AM GMT
    Its normal
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    Jan 14, 2013 12:17 PM GMT
    Very normal! 23 is a good age. My mate is 46 and never been in one, despite being a great guy, just hasn't met the right fella. You have your entire life ahead of you.

    Relationships are hard fucking work: just as you have to work hard to get forward in your career, its the same thing as getting a relationship going.

    If you really want one, you have to work out what different things you can do to meet men. For instance : any other social groups you can join? Try a different social activity (gay sports club etc.)?

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    Jan 14, 2013 12:23 PM GMT
    I'm 28 and haven't had anything really solid yet. 3 months max, and my last bf was 7 years ago. It'd be nice, but I would rather wait until I find someone that is worth the effort and will make the effort.