Feminine Gay Men: Yay or Nay?

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    Nov 23, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    timshel saidI am someone who people have said "I thought you were gay but I wasn't sure" when they first meet me. I'm not a bro or frat dude (imo they are so obnoxious and unattractive). I'm not feminine eother, but, I have my feminine qualities. I sometimes lean on one leg when standing. Sometimes I sit with one leg crossed over the other. I have lots of girlfeinds. My wrists can be a little loose but not velocoraptor style. And sometimes I just really like a hot dick up my ass from a dominant top.

    I also know how to fight, I get along with straight men fine, I was never bullied or called a fag in school, I am very real, so I am more of a yin yang when it comes to masc and fem. I think too many people focus on one aspect and they become very lost and blocked up by it.


    Kinda describing me a little icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 23, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    timshel saidI am someone who people have said "I thought you were gay but I wasn't sure" when they first meet me. I'm not a bro or frat dude (imo they are so obnoxious and unattractive). I'm not feminine eother, but, I have my feminine qualities. I sometimes lean on one leg when standing. Sometimes I sit with one leg crossed over the other. I have lots of girlfeinds. My wrists can be a little loose but not velocoraptor style. And sometimes I just really like a hot dick up my ass from a dominant top.

    I also know how to fight, I get along with straight men fine, I was never bullied or called a fag in school, I am very real, so I am more of a yin yang when it comes to masc and fem. I think too many people focus on one aspect and they become very lost and blocked up by it.


    To me you're more of a masculine man then someone who isn't willing to accept their feminine qualities (given if they are present in the first place) and tries to aggressively pursue an image of masculinity.

    It's very refreshing to hear someone say that. So, more power to you and all the best =)
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    Nov 23, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    I believe I could, yes.

    I tend to be drawn towards men who have more masculine qualities, but I definitely could like a more effeminate man as well.
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    Nov 23, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    IslamicBottom said
    lilTanker saidit's always the "masc guys" who are whining about the fem guys..


    I think they need to toughen up!

    Stop being little girls!

    Stop whining!


    No its not.
    Its fem guys making it bad for the rest of us.
    We didnt chose to be turned off and repulsed by them.
    They did.


    Actually, you are choosing to be repulsed. You don't know why you don't like them, you just don't like them. Find the reason for such, I'm sure it's not that great.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Nov 23, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    IslamicBottom said
    Medjai said
    IslamicBottom said
    Medjai said
    bedtimestories saidYay....any time of the day for the feminine men who are being themselves and are proud of it and refuse to cave into stereotypical pressures of our patriarchal society.

    There's nothing more alluring and attractive than a human being who isnt afraid of showing their inner selves. Continue to be yourselves my amazing role models and lead the way to equality, diversity and acceptance.

    Let me reverse this now....

    Nay... any time of the day for the "pretending to be manly" and "str8 acting bro" men who are scared of accepting their feminine qualities and put up a superficial and often cartoonish front of hyper masculinity to compensate for their lack of self acceptance and the desire to fit in. I hope that these men will eventually work through their issues and find happiness and inner peace. It's hard to be able to genuinely love anyone if you don't love yourself.

    -Alex


    Is it not also possible that the effeminate ones are faking it for some gain too? Maybe the attention, maybe because it lets you get away with things no one else would, and maybe a lot of other reasons.

    Not saying its true, just saying you need to consider the possibility.


    Feminine Guys get away with very little.
    There is nothing to gain being fem.
    Just reality.


    Really? I see them getting away with things that would be inappropriate for anyone else to say...


    I have a hard time believing this.
    I think people in reality are scared of the homophobic bullhorn being called rather than respecting feminine men.


    That's probably exactly what it is. But an advantage is an advantage.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1858

    Nov 23, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    luvmuscles said
    Dusk_Moonlight saidDating wise, I don't think I could date a feminine guy. I mean, with the few feminine guys I have talked to in my life, I had nothing in common with them except the fact that I like to take time in creating my outfits. Yeah I'll admit that I have fun coming up with new wardrobe ideas but as far as that goes, I really don't have anything in common with them to base a relationship on.

    However, I also don't think I could date the most masculine guy in the world neither. Guys who try so hard to "act straight" to fit in with normal society are just as much a turn off to me as the overly stereotypical flamboyant acting guys. I think a balance of both masc and fem is the perfect balance to me. Like they like to get down and dirty but aren't afraid to show that they have feelings as well. That's the perfect kind of guy to me.

    But yeah, I think that you should be yourself. If you do have fem qualities and aren't afraid to show them, then continuing being the guy you are. Because even if you meet a guy who doesn't like who you are, there will be another guy who will.


    It partly depends on what you define as "fem." Are you fem because you are sensitive or submissive (another word with various meanings or connotations) or bottom? It seems to me there can be many variations. BTW, after looking at how you dress in your photos I would probably conclude that you have a strong fem side. I think it looks great too and I would have no problem with that. Maybe if somebody else dressed the same it wouldn't connect with me. It's complicated and that's fine.


    Yeah I understand what you are saying and now that I think about it, I think I might have more fem traits then masculine traits. I just don't act like the stereotypical fem guy with the "hey girl!" mentality. I'm just a bit more sensitive I suppose. My dress style, it is somewhat androgynous. But I also don't mind getting dirty or sweaty when I'm exercising or standing up for myself when it is appropriate.

    But eh whatever, if a guy thinks I am too fem for him (and I'm sure people have made that assumption about me) then I'm just indifferent about it. I mean it sucks but what can you do you know? And I suggest the same for other fem guys who feel they are being put down.
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    Nov 23, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 said
    IslamicBottom said
    redsoxfan791 saidFriends? absolutely. Dating wise? No. Certain mannerisms are a turn off for me. There's nothing I can do about it. Just the way I'm wired. I don't think it's wrong to be feminine by any means, but we all like what we like. Right?


    I guess it is wrong after all.
    But at least fems are your best friends icon_smile.gif


    It's not wrong. People like what they like. I can be friends with anyone. I don't care if you're feminine, Republican, etc. As long as you're a good person and we have something in common, I can be friends with someone.

    Sexual relationships are different. We all have certain things us as humans, and everyone is different. For me, one of the biggest things that attract me to a guy are genuinely masculine characteristics. I don't care if someone I'm with has a few less than masculine qualities. Everyone has them. That said, if they're not predominantly masculine, it's tough for me to make that sexual or deep emotional connection with a guy.

    We all have our types. While there are some characteristics where we can make concessions, there are others where it's very tough. This happens to be one of them for me.

    Well-said. Of course, a turn-on for me is a guy who's more masculine than me, haha.
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    Nov 24, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    I'm all for everyone being themselves, but I only like masculine men. I can't really help it it's a preference and the way I was wired. I'm attracted to men by their masculinity. A few feminine traits is not usually a turn-off, and it's generally better if the guy is more even(that is he possesses feminine and masculine strengths), but if we're talking the guy being more like a girl or cross-dressing, it does nothing to turn me on. As for befriending them, I can befriend them so long as they aren't bitchy or uptight or too out there. If, however, you feel comfortable being more like a woman and cross-dressing and stuff like that, there's no shame in being that way. It's your life and you get to decide how you want to be. While not all guys will be accepting, you will find someone who will accept you for who you are.
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    Nov 24, 2012 6:33 AM GMT
    Medjai said
    IslamicBottom said
    Medjai said
    IslamicBottom said
    Medjai said
    bedtimestories saidYay....any time of the day for the feminine men who are being themselves and are proud of it and refuse to cave into stereotypical pressures of our patriarchal society.

    There's nothing more alluring and attractive than a human being who isnt afraid of showing their inner selves. Continue to be yourselves my amazing role models and lead the way to equality, diversity and acceptance.

    Let me reverse this now....

    Nay... any time of the day for the "pretending to be manly" and "str8 acting bro" men who are scared of accepting their feminine qualities and put up a superficial and often cartoonish front of hyper masculinity to compensate for their lack of self acceptance and the desire to fit in. I hope that these men will eventually work through their issues and find happiness and inner peace. It's hard to be able to genuinely love anyone if you don't love yourself.

    -Alex


    Is it not also possible that the effeminate ones are faking it for some gain too? Maybe the attention, maybe because it lets you get away with things no one else would, and maybe a lot of other reasons.

    Not saying its true, just saying you need to consider the possibility.


    Feminine Guys get away with very little.
    There is nothing to gain being fem.
    Just reality.


    Really? I see them getting away with things that would be inappropriate for anyone else to say...


    I have a hard time believing this.
    I think people in reality are scared of the homophobic bullhorn being called rather than respecting feminine men.


    That's probably exactly what it is. But an advantage is an advantage.


    Actually, I've witnessed both scenarios. I've met guys who act like girls for the attention as well or even to just fit in. Imo, that's just as bad as being straight-acting because it still involves someone acting to be someone they're not. Everyone should just be themselves and be who they feel comfortable as, not as someone they're pressured to be or to act a certain way to grab attention. This goes both ways.
  • Amira

    Posts: 356

    Nov 25, 2012 7:15 AM GMT
    The whole issue of mannerisms never bothered me at all. I honestly don't care about it since a persons mannerisms does not define who that person is. And it's funny how so many people in general are stuck on these qualities and run to society's definition of normal. I don't believe in crap as in women are suppose to be this way and men can't do this. I'm sorry but that is complete crap. "Normal" is a term that contradicts itself each time since what is norm is completely subjective to culture, communities, and environments. It is constantly changing and never stays constant. History is proof of this always and always.

    What I am saying is that if you don't like something that is fine. But to not like something only because you go off the perception of how things should be from the presentation of society reflects a lot more on yourself.

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    Nov 25, 2012 7:40 AM GMT
    This thread accomplishes nothing but segregation of an already small community. Jeez, some sexual preferences should remain private to you and ur circle of friends. This goes beyond expressing sexual orientation, you are directly targeting groups that already deal with this type of rejection, no need to further emphasize it through a public forum. Maybe I'm just getting old, but come on there's gotta be better things to talk.
  • Beastmode

    Posts: 213

    Nov 25, 2012 7:45 AM GMT
    Each to their own. I like the rough and tumble sort.
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    Nov 25, 2012 7:55 AM GMT
    charlitos saidThis thread accomplishes nothing but segregation of an already small community. Jeez, some sexual preferences should remain private to you and ur circle of friends. This goes beyond expressing sexual orientation, you are directly targeting groups that already deal with this type of rejection, no need to further emphasize it through a public forum. Maybe I'm just getting old, but come on there's gotta be better things to talk.


    The best answer thus far...
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    Nov 25, 2012 9:22 AM GMT
    Femme men do nothing for me. So it's another 'nay' for dating them. Sorry--Just an opinion. I wouldn't have a problem being friends with one.
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    Nov 25, 2012 9:54 AM GMT
    nay icon_mad.gif
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    Nov 25, 2012 10:28 AM GMT
    Although I do agree that many feminine gay men I know tend to be really catty and drama filled and I'm not sexually attracted to them, I have nothing personal against them as people or friends and they are free to act how they please.
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    Nov 25, 2012 11:10 AM GMT
    In my experience, feminine gay men are some of the best tops. Its great the that the insecure fags can't handle them - leaves the rest of us more choice.
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Nov 25, 2012 11:28 AM GMT
    I love feminine guys... love em
  • Trauts

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    Nov 25, 2012 11:32 AM GMT
    Feminine guys just don't turn me on. I always thought masculinity was perceived as sexy in the gay world, but after reading some of the comments, it made me think twice about that notion.

    I wouldn't mind making friends with them, but it could probably never go further than that. Then again, who knows...
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    Nov 25, 2012 12:19 PM GMT
    uoft23 saidIn my experience, feminine gay men are some of the best tops. Its great the that the insecure fags can't handle them - leaves the rest of us more choice.


    How dos preference = insecurity? This may be true in some cases, but certainly not all or even most. Preferring masculine guys is no different than those who prefer muscles or bears, tall guys or short guys, or white or black guys. People like what they like. It's funny that we all accept that being gay is inate, yet we seem to understand that everyone is attracted to different types of people.

    I will say that I may have misinterpreted your statement. If I have, I apologize. I just find this view amusing. we, as gays, want acceptance and equality, yet you'd be hard pressed to find a more segregated subculture that is defined by groupthink mentality in America . Hell, we seem to find its acceptable to defi.e ourselves into high school typed cliques: bears, cubs, otters, leatger, twinks, jocks. Amd each group seems to have attitudes toward each kther. This masc vs. fem wars are a function of this line of thinking. Its kinda sad.
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    Nov 25, 2012 12:24 PM GMT
    Sorry for the over the top rant guys. It just bothers me that people can't accept people for who they are.
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    Nov 25, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    What is funny to me is that most of the guys I meet that are "masculine" I can tell almost immediately they are gay, and I can tell because they have feminine qualities.

    It's as if these guys think because they have muscles and look like body builders/in shape whatever it excludes them from being effeminate. I think that's cute, too.
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Nov 25, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    No never not in a mil. years.
    Pass next whatever.
    no thank you.
    Move it along.
    gagas to the back of the line, better yet dont even stand in line.
    Not even if they were the last "men" on earth.
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    Nov 25, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidWhat is funny to me is that most of the guys I meet that are "masculine" I can tell almost immediately they are gay, and I can tell because they have feminine qualities.

    It's as if these guys think because they have muscles and look like body builders/in shape whatever it excludes them from being effeminate. I think that's cute, too.


    Lol yes that is so true!

    It almost makes me wonder if all the muscles, clothes from JCrew and other 'straight' things they do is all in attempt so people don't realize they are gay.

    At least fems have enough balls to not really care.

    At my college there's a guy who looks like Tina Fey. I have zero sexual attraction to him but I must admit that I admire the fact he's not hiding who he is. Unlike some masculine men who are so far into the closet it would take Lara Croft or Indiana Jones to find them and bring them out.

    I used to worry about people realizing or sensing I'm gay. I don't anymore unless I know I'm around a not so accepting sorta crowd.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    Sincityfan saidNo never not in a mil. years.
    Pass next whatever.
    no thank you.
    Move it along.
    gagas to the back of the line, better yet dont even stand in line.
    Not even if they were the last "men" on earth.


    Yet all of your photos are private.

    What are you trying to hide princess?