Feminine Gay Men: Yay or Nay?

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    Nov 27, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    Capn_A said I also think there are masculine and feminine sides to all of us and if you pretend their aren't, you're just kidding yourself.


    I completely agree with this. It has been psychologically proven that there is no absolute sex of the human brain, that there is merely a dominant sex. This means that someone who is female can have a brain that is predominantly male and a male can have a brain that is predominantly female. In my senior lab course we had to take a test that determined what percentage of our brain is "male" and "female" and personally I got basically straight down the middle with a slight leaning towards "male." Basically no matter how "masculine" you are, you still have a feminine side to you. This also translates to personality psychology, but I will not go into all of that. icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 27, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    Capn_A said
    Honestly, check out "The Way of Men" by Jack Donavon. It has some really interesting theories as to why gay men -- and I think it's more effeminate gay men -- are cast out by the group. It has to do with showing signs of weakness and being a liability to the group, rather than being a team member and contributing. No one wants to pull anyone else's weight. In my opinion, men should be leaders. I understand that dichotomy -- Nobody wants to respect the queen who complains, plays the victim and demands other people respect them. If you want respect you have to earn it -- you can't demand that people accept you. If you act like a fag, you will be treated like one.

    I also think there are masculine and feminine sides to all of us and if you pretend their aren't, you're just kidding yourself.


    Uh who is to say feminine men can't be and aren't leaders? Why do I get the feeling that if you were straight you'd be saying the same about women?

    Like it or not some of the leaders of the community have been feminine and hopefully three will always be some out front. It takes a diversity of viewpoints and lifestyles and mindsets to truly move forward a movement.
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    Nov 27, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    bottomasianboy20 saidYay~

    Masculine = no feelings.

    Ask the straight guy?



    So masculinity is a turn off for you? That's interesting.




    I noticed that my straight friends with their girlfriends show 'less feelings' to none. They are less affectionate.

    you can ask thousands of people their opinions and they will give you a different one.
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    Nov 28, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    Well, the last guy I had an encounter with was so hot I didn't even care he was feminine. So, "yay"? icon_biggrin.gif

    P.S. I really, really liked him. I would have dated him.
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    Nov 28, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    They're either funny or bitchy. It's hit and miss with them.
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    Nov 28, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    Larkin saidA lot of silly anger in this thread.

    - Some of you need to quit being willfully stupid by squawking "Y u hav 2 Act Str8!?" We all know what "Str8 Acting" means. It's not "pretending to be heterosexual". Let's not act like we just learned English, ok?

    - Having a sexual preference for masculine or feminine does not indicate some deep insecurity any more than being gay indicates some deep psychological problem.

    - People need to stop taking sexual preferences as an attack. If a guy isn't into you - for any reason - it isn't automatically an attack on you. Lots of guys don't think I'm attractive. Lots of guys do. If I'm not someone's type, it doesn't translate into an attack on me personally. I have my own tastes as well.

    - It isn't "self hating" to be irritated by some behaviors. If I'm irritated by "total bro just chillin with my bros" behavior, it isn't because I hate myself for being a man. If I'm irritated by "Oooo gurll, you bettah WERQ" behavior, it isn't because I hate myself for being gay.



    blah blah blah, let them fight and stop preachingicon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 28, 2012 6:00 AM GMT
    For me it is nay on feminine gay men usually. Just a preference and it is not at all a rule.

    Though, the problem i do have is gay men that are in the closet, like a buddy in college, and then once they come out they act with 'feminine mannerisms' and they speak always with a lisp. You come out of the closet...not become a someone else. To me that just seems forced and that someone is trying to conform to the gay community. Which to me seems ironic...switching from being in the closet conforming to the 'straight' stereotype to trying to fit/conform to the 'gay' stereotype.

    Just my two cents.
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    Nov 28, 2012 6:12 AM GMT
    Im not proactivly seeking either
    I dont feel myself to be either but just that Im a person with intrests and I dont want to be identified with just a behavoural gender anymore then my sexuality. I dont exspect to find someone who is that way either.

    If someone is super hot and they are a little flamboyent that wont make me think they are any less hot.
    If they are an extreme of either it becomes a turn off though

    when a guy is super feminine I tend to find that not that their personalty but values of whats importnat are too different and tend to be high drama which I cant deal with
    that being said a guy that is all masculine and trying to make that the pivital element to their personal abstract... well I just find that to be either trying waaaay to hard for my tastes and usually are looking for someone else who is trying WAYY to hard to be "masculine" also which I cant do ( Im not going to listen to rap and heavy metal to fake a testosterone spike or labour under a false idol in believing Im anything but on the fence)

    end of the day though Id take either extreme in a trade off for someone who is sain, compitiant and compasionate with a true affection for me then worrying about how someone whos with me is perceived would affect how other perceive myself

    in short, I dont care as long as they are hot and we get along with each other
    not saying I want an extreme but if they click they click... shouldnt be important.


    and might I just say I hate gay men that say "straight acting" I mean
    you're a gay man... you are not straight nor will you ever truly be... straight acting is a load of effing shit.
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    Nov 28, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    A_X91 said
    account_92 saidnah not my type though I have one fem gay friend he considers himself "straight acting"


    Eeeeveryone thinks they're "straight acting", but we don't look so straight acting with a dick in our mouth/hands/asses, do we?. So let's cut the crap, you can't decide who you fall in love with, it just happens.


    HAHAHAHA,
    YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Nov 28, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    I don't care if a man is butch or fem - if he has a good heart and is a decent human being - that's all that matters to me.
    As gay men we should go out of our way to be more accepting.
    If we want our culture to change and be accepting it has to start with us.
    I know some gay men that are more on the feminine side, that are extremely talented loving men. It would be a real loss to not have had the chance to know them just because I thought they weren't "man" enough.
  • VSG1290

    Posts: 190

    Nov 28, 2012 6:31 PM GMT
    This is a stupid thing to be hung up on, especially for gay guys. I'm attracted to all kinds of different guys, but you know what's a big turnoff for me? Guys who talk about how "masculine" they are. I especially hate the term "straight-acting." I'm not saying it necessarily means you have issues regarding your masculinity, but... I mean, it comes across that way. To me anyway.

    Anyway, obviously people are attracted to what they're attracted to, and just like being attracted to a particular ethnicity doesn't make you racist, being attracted to hypermasculine guys doesn't make you insecure, necessarily.

    It's just... don't talk about it all the time. Because then you DO seem insecure.
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    Nov 28, 2012 6:59 PM GMT
    VSG1290 saidThis is a stupid thing to be hung up on, especially for gay guys. I'm attracted to all kinds of different guys, but you know what's a big turnoff for me? Guys who talk about how "masculine" they are. I especially hate the term "straight-acting." I'm not saying it necessarily means you have issues regarding your masculinity, but... I mean, it comes across that way. To me anyway.

    Anyway, obviously people are attracted to what they're attracted to, and just like being attracted to a particular ethnicity doesn't make you racist, being attracted to hypermasculine guys doesn't make you insecure, necessarily.

    It's just... don't talk about it all the time. Because then you DO seem insecure.


    ^This

    The dichotomized definitions that are usually given to try to elucidate what's masculine v. feminine tell me everything that I need to know about these nebulous, largely useless categorizations. I just don't see the point -- maybe because I don't identify with either - so instead I'll just be a jock and go workout now.
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    Nov 28, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    I'm down with feminine guys. As long as the guy has a good personality, is fun, is into me as much as I am him, I see no issues icon_smile.gif. Muscle, feminine, skinny whatever- I like em all
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    Nov 28, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    friends yes but turn off for relationship or sex
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Nov 28, 2012 8:02 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidI suddenly don't give a shit about femininity anymore. Had the best threesome with two really hot dudes over the weekend. They had a bit of feminine flair, but the sex was so good. So if they have beards I really don't give two shits.


    Hah. I've meet some bearded women...
    I think I've seen a thread on this topic once or twice...
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    Nov 28, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Nay for me. Appreciate them though icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 29, 2012 12:26 AM GMT
    Will0083 saidFor me it is nay on feminine gay men usually. Just a preference and it is not at all a rule.

    Though, the problem i do have is gay men that are in the closet, like a buddy in college, and then once they come out they act with 'feminine mannerisms' and they speak always with a lisp. You come out of the closet...not become a someone else. To me that just seems forced and that someone is trying to conform to the gay community. Which to me seems ironic...switching from being in the closet conforming to the 'straight' stereotype to trying to fit/conform to the 'gay' stereotype.

    Just my two cents.


    OMG I've had the same experience. I used to know this kid in middle school who I thought was straight. Then when we got to high school I had a class with him and he was talking with a lisp, showing mannerisms, and listening to Britney. I was like "who is this person and what did he do with the kid I knew in middle school." I think that they see how gays are generally portrayed and feel they have to conform to the stereotype.
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    Nov 29, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    I'm gonna say nay.

    Sometimes I find them kind of over the top and obnoxious but I'm nice to them anyway. If you can't change a tire, jump on a chair at the sight of a rat, and talk about how much you like Britney and Rihanna you have turned me off. I like a manly man, IDK why, I guess it's because I'm a bottom and I wanna be grabbed and dominated. Whenever my straight guy friends wrestled with me, grabbed me from behind and wouldn't let go it got me all hot and bothered lol!

    I'm masculine but not overtly so. I was picked on in school for having a few effeminate quarks when I didn't even realize I was gay so I tried to act as masculine as I could so they would stop teasing me. I guess maybe that's why I am masculine, but honestly I like being masculine.
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    Nov 29, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    Not again.
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    Nov 29, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    nay. cant stand em.
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    Nov 29, 2012 1:07 AM GMT
    Nay Ms Jay
    tumblr_m7uhvsWPWJ1r60yz6o1_500.gif

    Yay Mr Jay

    tumblr_m4wcluMJR11qja3x0o1_500.gif
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    Nov 30, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    as my personal preference, i dont mind fem friends, but for relationships or sex,,,nay.