The Odds?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 3:04 AM GMT
    Hi, I've been a member for a bit, just now using the forum, but anyway, wanted to share my story.

    My boyfriend and I were consistently barebacking for 4-5 months and then we got tested and he turned up +. This was in late March. After more tests and starting meds, turns out he had it for awhile, but his blood count wasn't too low and viral load not high.

    Six weeks or so before we got tested, I bottomed for him once and he came in me. Apparently I didn't absorb his semen because a puddle was in my boxers the next morning. Lucky me.

    Since then, we went back to condoms but I did bareback him a few times here and there- my doing, totally irresponsible but it did happen.

    I was tested again 3 months ago and I was still negative. So either I lucked out or my window period is taking awhile.

    At the moment, we aren't together, but a few times, I have topped other guys bare. Again, irresponsible, but for better or worse, I know why I did it and why I shouldn't.

    My point is: I know tops are at a lower risk and its not the easiest thing to catch, but is it normal to not get anything after repeated exposure?

    Anyone else get lucky and not catch anything when theoretically, they should have?
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    Nov 30, 2012 1:26 PM GMT
    What we know about viruses in general is small compared to what we don't know.

    Two stories:
    1) A beautiful man I've known for 13 years was diagnosed in NYC ~1982. He started medication ~1994 and got a little healthier. He always told me, "HIV is about attitude. I've watched everyone die around me, and I will not succumb to this virus." Today HIV is undetectable in his system-- he's healthy and happy living a normal life.

    2) Another dear friend of mine moved to NYC with his partner in 1986. He was in the forefront of establishing HIV antibody testing. Well, the warning signs were there, and he diagnosed his partner somewhere in the early 90s. Before the diagnosis none of their behaviors changed, just the regular everyday open relationship. After the diagnosis, sex became strictly oral. His partner passed ~1995. He himself has never tested positive for HIV and lives on today with the fondest memories of 19 years he had with his partner.

    Both men are thriving and beautiful! Their stories are nothing short of a miracle. There's no explanation for why they were perhaps 'chosen' to never contract the virus.

    Does that mean we are safe to bareback and carry on irresponsibly? -No.
    I've had plenty of unprotected sex, and I'm sure I've came in contact with more HIV than I even know about. I'm still negative today, and I'm not the same person I used to be.

    Does that mean there's life after HIV? -Absolutely!
    I don't fear HIV. Maybe that's my defense-- probably not.
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    Nov 30, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    A doctor I know has mentioned to me that HIV is actually reasonably difficult to catch, as it is blood borne, there needs to be an entry into the body for it.

    All unprotected sex carries a risk of catching something, whether it be HIV or other STI's - the actual risk will depend on a number of things, like a open sore, cut or lesion where you can come into contact with fluids that contain a virus or bacteria, and the vector by which the infection spreads (ie Bloodborne, able to cross membranes etc)

    You sound like you've lucked out so far, but I guess the game of russian roulette is all about odds.
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    Nov 30, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    every action, sexual or not, involves risk.

    some people drive drunk for years and are never in accidents

    some people are killed in accidents while taking drivers ed

    if you are getting a high off the risk, you may want to balance if you have a game plan for managing things like insurance, etc if/when your luck changes (some people would insist on WHEN but you could be killed by a car tomorrow and still be neg, no one can predict the future).

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    Dec 01, 2012 6:38 AM GMT
    There is a distinct possibility that the virus has not entered your bloodstream, hence the reason why your results are showing negative. BUT, there is a small chance that the results are showing a false negative. This is rare but it has happened.

    Here's my suggestion: wait another three months and then get retested since the incubation for HIV is up to 6 months. Ask your doctor to perform a test called PCR HIV. This test isolates the DNA to look for the virus and it is the most conclusive test to determine if someone is a carrier of the virus. You need to know though that this test is expensive and not many insurance companies will cover it.

    In the meantime, you NEED to practice safe sex. You are right that bottoms are more at risk than tops but in my opinion, HIV does not care about statistics and chance. All it cares about is finding the next host!