When A Stranger Hurls Homophobic Slurs At You In Public

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 7:42 AM GMT

    Tofustud -

    Yes there are always two sides, but that is no excuse for apathy or cowardice.

    Civil courage is defined by many different standards, but the term is usually referred to when civilians stand up against something that is deemed unjust or evil, knowing that the consequences of their action might lead to their death, injury, or any other negative effect.

    In many countries, such as France and Germany, civil courage is enforced by law; this means that if a crime is committed in public, the public is obliged to act, either by alerting the authorities, or by intervening in the conflict. If the crime is committed in a private environment, those that witness the crime are obligated to report it, or try to stop it.

    Far too many people are silent in the face of wrondoing out of simple fear of confrontation.

    If we create a citizenry who are afraid to stand up to the small injustices and crimes of this world, who will stand up to the great?

    Rob

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 9:14 AM GMT
    aero, you are defenitely my "man of the day"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 9:21 AM GMT
    I think you should have put the smack-down on them. They were old and feeble, so you probably could have taken them. Not enough old people are violently assaulted these days. When I was a lad, one could hardly stroll the boulevard without tripping over the maimed bodies of beaten old people. Nowadays, there's all this PC chicanery. What a world, what a world...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 10:07 AM GMT
    Colm

    You come from Ireland. They're all laying out in the streets there, no matter what age (usually drunk).

    Besides I cannot condone the hitting of old folk - especially when there are children out there who need it more.

    Loz
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 11:30 AM GMT
    I think you should carry a video camera with you during your walks. I find the story funnier than anything else. You've got a drunk old man and his wife trying to burglarize a parking meter to buy another drink. You've got the heroic gay boy with his fluffy dogs. You've got the gathering crowd whose sudden civic pride exceeds any homophobia they might feel.

    A few months ago a friend and I were walking to a restaurant downtown and we passed a homeless man sitting on the curb. He asked us for money. We ignored him and he sprang to his feet, following us a couple blocks, screaming, "YOU MUST BE HOMOSEXUALS!" We nearly died laughing. I can't see any other response when someone down-and-out increases his self-esteem through homophobic rants.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Aug 24, 2007 11:49 AM GMT
    Laurence said, "You come from Ireland. They're all laying out in the streets there, no matter what age (usually drunk)."

    Couldn't agree more.

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 12:14 PM GMT
    Boo hiss! Internalised Hibernophobia? Et tu, MikePhil?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 1:03 PM GMT


    You guys are just jealous because that is where all the good whiskey comes from.

    ;->R
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Aug 24, 2007 1:41 PM GMT
    I'm not jealous at all. I am Irish and I live here.

    Sorry Colm, but the Irish drink way too much. I must point out that I do not drink and never have, and never will.

    When I go out at the weekend and see all the madness on the streets, it is a great incentive not to drink.

    When the Irish drink they drink to get drunk. It is not to socialise.

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 1:42 PM GMT
    Stuff and nonsense. The majority of the vile drunkards I've had to daintily step over were English stag parties. None of my friends drink to excess. I think perhaps it's a Claremorris thing, but here in sexy, glamorous Dublin, we drink to be seen drinking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 1:53 PM GMT
    I have to say, MikePhil, your descendants here in the US (mainly New England/Boston which is what I know) are carrying on the proud heritage. I don't even try to keep up!
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Aug 24, 2007 2:14 PM GMT
    Colm, I can not speak for Dublin and I have only been out there a few times, but yes I have seen alot of drunk men and women doing silly stuf.

    You should try Galway city at 3am on Saturday night Sunday morning. Supermacks in eyre square. Its like a mad house.

    I know there are people in Ireland that drink senably. You and your friends for example, and my friends.

    I agree the English are no angles. Probabley just as bad.

    The other thing I found, in my younger days at least, is that with a lot of guys here, if you don't drink, your not cool.

    Mike
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Aug 24, 2007 2:15 PM GMT
    Colm, I can not speak for Dublin and I have only been out there a few times, but yes I have seen alot of drunk men and women doing silly stuf.

    You should try Galway city at 3am on Saturday night Sunday morning. Supermacks in Eyre square. Its like a mad house.

    I know there are people in Ireland that drink sensibly. You and your friends for example, and my friends.

    I agree the English are no angles. Probably just as bad.

    The other thing I found, in my younger days at least, is that with a lot of guys here, if you don't drink, your not cool.

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 2:23 PM GMT
    It's hard to get too upset by the rants and insults of idiots, whether they be straight, gay, homophobic or otherwise.

    And most of the time I think that "homophobic slurs" are not really homophobic at all-- they are just meant to be plain old offensive and have nothing to do with one's attitude toward homosexuality.

    When a straight woman gets called a "dirty whore" or a "slut" is that an attack on her heterosexuality? How about when a straight guy gets called a "dumb fuck" or a "limp dick"? These epithets get easily hurled with little basis of fact or intellectual analysis just to be mean (usually by people who are either ignorant, insecure or impaired by some chemical substance).

    Human beings are unfortunately very good at verbally tearing each other up...homophobia is not about words -- it's about actions.

    When Ann Coulter called a married US presidential candidate a "fag", I did not interpret the remark as homophobic -- it was a pathetic, schoolyard taunt that was just as moronic and offensive as when she called the widows of some of the 9/11 victims "harpies".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 2:57 PM GMT
    I think you were dignified, and definitely kept the high road. Nicely done, IMHO :)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 4:06 PM GMT
    Hey Aero, the story does read like something out of David Lynch's Mullholland Drive. Did you guys see that? Remember the maniacal older couple who always had that bizarre shit-eating grin on their faces?

    Two senior citizens ripping off a parking meter?

    I don't know what to say...it's such an out-of-kilter concept.

    I don't see how you're walking two dogs gave them evidence enough that you were gay. Maybe the epithets were just generic insults they toss out to anyone that get in their way.

    But, congrats, dude, you handled it very well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 4:25 PM GMT
    You know, it's funny being called a "cocksucker" or some such term because it implies that the receiver of the slander takes the terms as such. In that vain, it might not be a bad idea for gay men to reclaim the word "fag" so straight bigots won't feel it to be such a "stand-by" word (comparable to how some women are working to reclaim the word "cunt" and remove its perjorative associations).

    Theft can be looked at as an individual failing or a societal failing. While this isn't the forum for that conversation, I would say that its good you have "civic pride/responsibility" its also important to remain humble...you never know where someone else has been entirely. From your perspective, you may have been doing something good; from their perspective, you were another guy doing well who was judging their (not-so-good?) lives. Anyway...

    2 cents.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 4:50 PM GMT
    Schmuck: "Cocksucker!"
    Nice gay person: "No shit, shirlock!"

    Schmuck: "Fuck you!"
    Nice gay person: "Yeah? You and what army, douchebag?!?!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 5:51 PM GMT
    The mere fact that there are two sides to a situation doesn't mean that one of the sides isn't *wrong*. When someone is clearly committing a crime, especially one that isn't victimless, it isn't at all being a buttinsky to challenge the perpetrators on it.

    You did the right thing by not really responding to the insults. They aren't worth your time and energy to deal with. People have an amazing tendency to make all kinds of insults, regardless of whether they're appropriate to the target. I've gotten random anti-semitic commentary thrown at me by strangers, and I'm not Jewish. I've yet to respond to any of it, because I tend to think that pointing out that I'm not Jewish would in some sense indicate that the problem with the commentary was that it was inaccurate, rather than the real issue that it's hateful and stupid.

    But, essentially, kudos to you. Live and let live doesn't extend to letting people do things which illegitimately harm others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 6:45 PM GMT
    "I believe in Karma and having said that, because you didn't stoop to their level, that is good for you. For all those bullies or just plain ignorant people out there who put people down to make themselves feel better, well in the end...Karma's a bitch"... or a guy named Bubba! the old guy calling you a faggot or whatever was already commiting a crime and there were witnesses so in the end if and when he does it again and there are pigs i mean cops around he will be on the "bitch" end of the Karma stick.
    Oh and Aero. I think you did an excellent job in ignoring this man's seemingly drunken stupor and that most likely whether on knows you are gay or not including myself see you as basically... a hero! You were great.

    From personal experience i would have retalliated in a different way. i would most likely humiliate the guy using homophobic slurs by in turn questioning there own sexuality and if they threatened to beat me up which would be awesome because i have been a blackbelt in tae-kwon-do and i can pretty much defend myself. I woul basically ask what they would get out of beating up a gay guy and ask them how humiliating it would look for "the gay guy" to kick there ass and ruin there reputation amongst the other straight men in school.

    i actually remember when i first came out my freshmen year this one guy told me to go back to Northampton and i responded "one i am from Springfield originally and two Northamton is the home of the lesbians not the gays.

    VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 9:05 PM GMT
    I love your well written story. To the point of the slurs in that or any situation, I would go with ignoring them. To do otherwise is to give weight and meaning to their words. Their likely goal is to get a response or reaction out of you so why bother. Secondly, I don't tend to reflect on thoughts and opinions directed at myself by those who don't know me well.

    Of course you can only ignore if doing so doesn't cause you peril. :)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 9:17 PM GMT
    Ah, see, your language is the problem. Multisyllabic words = "faggy." It's all covered in the documentary movie "Idiocracy."
    Sometimes it helps to get along, if you cultivate a single-wide dialect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2007 10:34 PM GMT
    "Break the wrist and walk away"
    -Rex... From Napoleon Dynamite

    haha All jokes aside, I say ignore and walk away. People who are initiating hateful slurs are looking for a response/argument/etc. IGNORE them and walk away.
    They are looking for attention from their friends... such as "wow dude, that was awesome when you called that guy a fag."
    Allowing yourself to be dragged into a confrontation like that will not accomplish anything. That person has NO interest in understanding you, or clearing up stereotypical misconceptions.

    So.. like I said.. "break the wrist and walk away".

    haha
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Aug 25, 2007 1:53 PM GMT
    Aero, I am sorry I took this thread of topic for a bit and I am sorry because I am going to do it again.

    Today I am a bit upset. The reason why:

    Yesterday Laurence said: "Colm

    You come from Ireland. They're all laying out in the streets there, no matter what age (usually drunk).

    Besides I cannot condone the hitting of old folk - especially when there are children out there who need it more."

    This was totally out of line and Laurence had no wright to say this.

    I responded without thinking and although I agree that Ireland has a drinking problem, Ireland is not the only place that has a drinking problem. The British probably are just as bad and Laurence you are British. If I were you Laurence I would look at my own back yard before I comment on someone else's. For your information we are not all laying out on the streets drunk. Most of us are sensible.

    When Colm commented on hitting old people, he was joking I believe.

    Today I realized that I have been removed from someones buddy list because of my comments. My partner has also been removed form someones hot list and that was because of me also.

    I have alot of respect for this guy, so it hurts a bit that he feels that way now.

    I am proud to be Irish and I love my country. It has its problems, but what country hasn't a problem.

    Mike

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2007 4:11 PM GMT
    My thinking was that both Colm and Laurence's comments (about hitting seniors and children) were tongue-in-cheek. And they gave me a good (and after the pet euthenazia topic, well needed) laugh.

    Back to this topic, kudos to Aero for being on the right side. As I believe MLK said:

    The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict

    OK, petty theft may not qualify as great moral conflict, but that's an issue of scale, not principle.

    As to the slurs, I agree with NickoftheNorth who called them a "diversion". Had you taken the bait, instead of being the hero before the crowd, you'd have (likely) descended to his level. Which brings to mind two other sayings:

    You can't win a pissing contest with a skunk.

    When you aruge with a fool, no one can tell you apart.


    Keep up the good work!