Sometimes I envy straight people

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    Dec 02, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said

    And I am happy for you but that does not invalidate what I and many if the other men of color here are saying. Obviously we aren't just making this all up. There have been numerous articles written on the matter. I'm not saying you are wrong in saying there are many accepting gay men but there are just as many who are not.
    Please read the rest. I dont understand why half my thread was posted...

    Yes articles have been written about it...and I dont agree with them...but when it comes to discussions of race...everyone is biased, and you cant have a clear rational discussion
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1343

    Dec 02, 2012 11:03 PM GMT
    Are there guys seriously trying to pretend that white gays don't have an advantage in the dating world right now? Really? I'm white and I can admit this.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    whytehot saidAre there guys seriously trying to pretend that white gays don't have an advantage in the dating world right now? Really? I'm white and I can admit this.
    No one can tell
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    RadRTT said
    MashogaNubianPrince said

    And I am happy for you but that does not invalidate what I and many if the other men of color here are saying. Obviously we aren't just making this all up. There have been numerous articles written on the matter. I'm not saying you are wrong in saying there are many accepting gay men but there are just as many who are not.
    Please read the rest. I dont understand why half my thread was posted...

    Yes articles have been written about it...and I dont agree with them...but when it comes to discussions of race...everyone is biased, and you cant have a clear rational discussion


    The hell you can't. That's just avoiding the issue.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:07 PM GMT
    RadRTT saidWow I am gone for 4 hours and this thread as gotten out of control!

    MNP- First this is not the first time you have called someone old. Please refrain from that, most of the "older" guys on here actually put many of us 20 years old to shame. Some say its not offense but I for one believe age is not a number but how you act and live.

    Now you claim that the gay community wants a certain type of guy, the perfect package and straight women are accepting of all guys. That is 100% false. It's been my experience that its the other way around. I have huge body issues now that I have a gigantic scar running down my chest as well as 4 little scars on my upper stomach area from the tubes draining the fluid...When I first took off my shirt a STRAIGHT FEMALE FRIEND SCREAMED AND THREW UP! How that make me feel. She has asked me never to take my shirt off in front of her. I, no longer speak to her. When I went to the beach for the first time since my surgery my friends encouraged me to take my shirt off. I did, and another straight girl, who I did not know just stared at me horrified and actually asked my friends to tell me to put my shirt on cause I was making her FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE! Now when I joined this site I was still in the closet and stopped showing people my scar. It was the AMAZING PEOPLE IN THE GAY CULTURE WHO GOT ME TO COME OUT TO MY FRIENDS AND HELPED ME POST THAT PICTURE OF ME AND MY SCAR! MEN THAT I HAVE NEVER TALKED TO SENT ME EMAILS SAYING I SHOULD BE PROUD AND THAT IT WAS A TURN ON!!! For the first TIME since my surgery my scar has not bothered me, because the gay community has been there for me!!!! Not the straight females you claim care nothing of looks.

    Now your going on to say white is the hot topic of the gay culture...Im sorry I can't control who I am born to and what my skin tone is, just the same as you. I personally do not see color and probably never will!

    Also people on this thread have attacked Cash? Why? You posted a thread and he addressed it, you and a couple others didn't like what he said and have attacked him personally (at least in my opinion)...thats not right! What makes cash so attractive is not just his looks, but his personality and his humor!

    You claim you hate being judged by the gay community, you have judged so much in this thread. You called 2 actors ugly and have refereed to seeing other people ugly. You are doing the same thing you are claiming to have a problem...

    Now some life lessons- This world is as ugly as it is beautiful, mean as it is merciful! You are going to get what you put in this world! You need to stop complaining about every little thing around you and make a difference in your life. From what I see by what you post, you are not happy with the gay community and want it to change. I personally see nothing wrong with it, its not perfect but it is what it is.


    Of course you see nothing wrong with it. You benefit from it.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    I think on this issue of. Enying straight ppl. Its about loaction location location, if ur in a area that's full of straight ppl, of course its gunna be hard to finda suitor,but then. Again it all about what ppl like some ppl like whites black latino its all preference and the biggest part of a relationship is what will the other person tolerate, there's no two ppl that were ment to be together, everyone everywhere has to bend and work at there relationship acceptance is a big factor in finding a mate. What will u accept to have a mate??
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    Okay heres something plain and simple and im done with this thread...

    You cannot control who you are attracted to physically. If my penis does not get hard, I am sorry but its not going to work out. In a relationship there needs to be a physical attraction as well as an emotional.

    You will find someone who does both...and in the mean time you shouldnt want to be with them if they arent going to give you what you need both physically and mentally
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    msuNtx saidStraight people do the same thing.


    Thank you.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    RadRTT saidOkay heres something plain and simple and im done with this thread...

    You cannot control who you are attracted to physically. If my penis does not get hard, I am sorry but its not going to work out. In a relationship there needs to be a physical attraction as well as an emotional.

    You will find someone who does both...and in the mean time you shouldnt want to be with them if they arent going to give you what you need both physically and mentally
    absolutely right
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:14 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Cash said
    DEKIRUMAN said
    Cash said
    DEKIRUMAN said
    Cash said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Cash said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    MadeinMich said"Like I was saying with women its more about mental and emotional attraction and also how you approach it. "


    I find this to be true.


    Its easier to connect with women mentally. Its the reason why most of my friends are women or very effeminate men.


    It is also the reason you will remain alone


    Cha' know I fins it very ironic someone who looks like you is trying to tell me about why I'm alone. No offense but you look like what many gay men want. I'm sure there was a period when you didn't but you do now. And as an older gentlemen I would think you would understand how people can be incredibly shallow and not let you pass the gate.

    You're a white middle class man telling men that the society isn
    't the problem but I'm the problem. You are the society.


    My looks are secondary. ANYbody who knows Me will agree.

    I understad shllowness...I also understand getting beyond it.

    I am not middle class.

    As an OLDER GENTLEMAN You may wanna actually listin to Me.

    I never said you are a problem.

    Get a passport. and take whatever You have. And leave wherever You are.

    You are smart - it shows.

    But You are stuck in a place that gives nothing back to You.

    And it shows.



    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif




    One thing I agree with is that international travel can really boost your self esteem because people in other parts of the world are not as narrowminded as we are here in the US.

    The fact remains though that something is wrong with things HERE! and that has to change.


    what exacty needs to change dekiruman?


    the unhealthy obsession with youth, muscles and whiteness


    I am 44.

    I am awright but HARDLY the most muscly.


    And YOU have to loose the obbsession with race.



    Dude have you seen your body? You are gorgeous! You have the body of a God! I wanna do seven or six different things to you right now.

    And its not our obssession with race. You are like those old school racists and sexists who would tell blacks and women sexism and racism is something they are imagining.

    I disagree with you intensely.


    I have the body of a Man.

    It's awright.

    So do YOU


    I have no obsession with race.

    I actively date Men of Color.

    It ain't an issue.



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    Dec 02, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    Im just going to say this, I have read this thread from the original post. OP, you will always find what you seek. If you seek out the whole race thing or some other negative aspect of the gay community you will find it. You should never be envious of anyone because you are unique to YOU!

    Dammit I sound like a PBS special!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    U said it rondan!!!
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:24 PM GMT
    This thread went from being about straight people envy to racism. Sure i've come across guys that were "white", or "white/latin" only before. If that's what they want i'm not going to waste my time trying to change them. In the same token, i've been approached by guys of different races, white, latin, black,etc that are attracted to me. It's all about working with the cards that are given to you. Make sure you are the person that you would want to date. Try looking from the outside in. Would you date you?

    Drowning yourself in the idea that white people have this superiority in the gay community is not going to help your cause. You're just driving your self-esteem down. Work with what you've got, improve it if you can, and find someone that will appreciate you for you.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    I'd like to point out that physical attraction occupied a small portion of my op and yet that seems to be the main thing most of the people on here harped on.

    It annoys me mostly how with heterosexuals two people of average lives can get together and be content. Or maybe one might support the other while one tries to get their goals. However there seems to be a dearth of that in the gay community which was my main point.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    As a gay man of color I find what you are saying to be mostly hyperbole. Racism is everywhere, even gay men discriminate against transgendered and even drag queens. Not everyone wants a 6' blond, blue eyed gay man, that is what you think to be the top tier right?
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Dec 02, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    rondan saidIm just going to say this, I have read this thread from the original post. OP, you will always find what you seek. If you seek out the whole race thing or some other negative aspect of the gay community you will find it. You should never be envious of anyone because you are unique to YOU!

    Dammit I sound like a PBS special!icon_biggrin.gif



    Trust me. You don't "seek" out race based sexual discrimination man. It finds you when its the last thing on your mind. You find it in an internet message, in approaching someone at a bar or clubs.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    calibro saidcan you cut the misogynist crap? fine, you don't like vaginas. news flash, vaginas aren't the scourge of the earth. until you can learn to make a statement without disrespecting women, you should keep your pie hole shut.


    this
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    Antarktis said
    calibro saidcan you cut the misogynist crap? fine, you don't like vaginas. news flash, vaginas aren't the scourge of the earth. until you can learn to make a statement without disrespecting women, you should keep your pie hole shut.


    this


    Again it was a joke. I have a mean sense of humor.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:30 PM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    rondan saidIm just going to say this, I have read this thread from the original post. OP, you will always find what you seek. If you seek out the whole race thing or some other negative aspect of the gay community you will find it. You should never be envious of anyone because you are unique to YOU!

    Dammit I sound like a PBS special!icon_biggrin.gif



    Trust me. You don't "seek" out race based sexual discrimination man. It finds you when its the last thing on your mind. You find it in an internet message, in approaching someone at a bar or clubs.


    A fucking men.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    MadeinMich said
    rondan saidIm just going to say this, I have read this thread from the original post. OP, you will always find what you seek. If you seek out the whole race thing or some other negative aspect of the gay community you will find it. You should never be envious of anyone because you are unique to YOU!

    Dammit I sound like a PBS special!icon_biggrin.gif



    Trust me. You don't "seek" out race based sexual discrimination man. It finds you when its the last thing on your mind. You find it in an internet message, in approaching someone at a bar or clubs.


    A fucking men.


    I have been rejected because I was too short, big deal. I smile and move on.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:40 PM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    rondan saidIm just going to say this, I have read this thread from the original post. OP, you will always find what you seek. If you seek out the whole race thing or some other negative aspect of the gay community you will find it. You should never be envious of anyone because you are unique to YOU!

    Dammit I sound like a PBS special!icon_biggrin.gif



    Trust me. You don't "seek" out race based sexual discrimination man. It finds you when its the last thing on your mind. You find it in an internet message, in approaching someone at a bar or clubs.


    It finds you because you look for it. I have rejected some people because I was not attracted to them. That other person is the one that turned it into race, weight, height or whatever. Why? Because, that is what they were looking for something that they are self conscious about.

    When I get rejected, the way I see it is they did me the favor. Now I do not have to put up with what ever bullshit criteria they feel I do not meet. But do I let that bother me NO thats their business not mine. In my eyes I do not care why.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:50 PM GMT
    Cash said
    DEKIRUMAN said
    Cash said
    DEKIRUMAN said
    Cash said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Cash said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    MadeinMich said"Like I was saying with women its more about mental and emotional attraction and also how you approach it. "


    I find this to be true.


    Its easier to connect with women mentally. Its the reason why most of my friends are women or very effeminate men.


    It is also the reason you will remain alone


    Cha' know I fins it very ironic someone who looks like you is trying to tell me about why I'm alone. No offense but you look like what many gay men want. I'm sure there was a period when you didn't but you do now. And as an older gentlemen I would think you would understand how people can be incredibly shallow and not let you pass the gate.

    You're a white middle class man telling men that the society isn't the problem but I'm the problem. You are the society.


    My looks are secondary. ANYbody who knows Me will agree.

    I understad shllowness...I also understand getting beyond it.

    I am not middle class.

    As an OLDER GENTLEMAN You may wanna actually listin to Me.

    I never said you are a problem.

    Get a passport. and take whatever You have. And leave wherever You are.

    You are smart - it shows.

    But You are stuck in a place that gives nothing back to You.

    And it shows.



    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif




    One thing I agree with is that international travel can really boost your self esteem because people in other parts of the world are not as narrowminded as we are here in the US.

    The fact remains though that something is wrong with things HERE! and that has to change.


    what exacty needs to change dekiruman?


    the unhealthy obsession with youth, muscles and whiteness


    I am 44.

    I am awright but HARDLY the most muscly.


    And YOU have to loose the obbsession with race.


    I don't have an obsession with race cash, I just don't run from the realities of it. That's all.

    It doesn't bother me, exhaust me, or make me uncomfortable to talk about these things. More talking is exactly what is needed.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:54 PM GMT
    rondan said
    MadeinMich said
    rondan saidIm just going to say this, I have read this thread from the original post. OP, you will always find what you seek. If you seek out the whole race thing or some other negative aspect of the gay community you will find it. You should never be envious of anyone because you are unique to YOU!

    Dammit I sound like a PBS special!icon_biggrin.gif



    Trust me. You don't "seek" out race based sexual discrimination man. It finds you when its the last thing on your mind. You find it in an internet message, in approaching someone at a bar or clubs.


    It finds you because you look for it. I have rejected some people because I was not attracted to them. That other person is the one that turned it into race, weight, height or whatever. Why? Because, that is what they were looking for something that they are self conscious about.

    When I get rejected, the way I see it is they did me the favor. Now I do not have to put up with what ever bullshit criteria they feel I do not meet. But do I let that bother me NO thats their business not mine. In my eyes I do not care why.


    Nobody looks for that.
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    Dec 02, 2012 11:57 PM GMT
    There's a huge difference between couples who are"slumming it together" and those who are not. Big point is those who are going through the motions, and being supportive of each others ideals is that they have already been in a relationship with each other for a while. Overall it seems as if people, regardless of sexual orientation, when finding a potential mate (as opposed to just a friendship) tend to go for those who pretty much have their lives together socially, and or financially. So of course when dating, people may take that into account (not that there is anything wrong with you). In the end this has less to do with gay men being particularly nit picky as it does have to do with just people's normal mating patterns.icon_wink.gif
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Dec 02, 2012 11:58 PM GMT
    rondan said
    MadeinMich said
    rondan saidIm just going to say this, I have read this thread from the original post. OP, you will always find what you seek. If you seek out the whole race thing or some other negative aspect of the gay community you will find it. You should never be envious of anyone because you are unique to YOU!

    Dammit I sound like a PBS special!icon_biggrin.gif



    Trust me. You don't "seek" out race based sexual discrimination man. It finds you when its the last thing on your mind. You find it in an internet message, in approaching someone at a bar or clubs.


    It finds you because you look for it. I have rejected some people because I was not attracted to them. That other person is the one that turned it into race, weight, height or whatever. Why? Because, that is what they were looking for something that they are self conscious about.

    When I get rejected, the way I see it is they did me the favor. Now I do not have to put up with what ever bullshit criteria they feel I do not meet. But do I let that bother me NO thats their business not mine. In my eyes I do not care why.


    Trust me. I don't make this up in my mind. As well I'm sure others don't. Allow me to explain. I have been told point blank when I ask guys to give me an honest reason for their rejection of me...."Well, I'm not into black guys" "Not into blacks, sorry". And this has been said countless times to me.

    I ask them this so that I may be better educated on dating and mating trends so that when I make a point like I did above I know what I am talking about. So it goes well beyond them not being interested in me but their REASON for not being interested.

    Its very easy for you to dismiss this type of occurance when you are high up on the food chain...white - looking, young, and muscular. I'm sure you have been rejected (we all have). What I am not sure of is that you share the same frequency of rejections as blacks or asians.