I'm Afraid of Being Hurt Because I'm Gay.

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    Dec 13, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    Well this is coming from a guy a state over, haha. I live in Mississippi so I know exactly how you feel. Sadly, I can't give you some magical advice that will make your problems go away.

    Like you I found myself in a ton of bad situations as a kid because of my sexuality. But....sadly, my situation didn't improve because of a "right" decision. I fought my way out of it. I felt as if that was the ONLY way to get respect and to stop being called a "punk" or "faggot" or whatever. But....one thing happened my junior year which I regret to this day. An ex friend of mine (who dropped our friendship after I came out) called me a faggot during our break. Then he proceeded to throw paper or random little objects at me, pointing and laughing with his other friends. That set off a bomb in me and I charged after him with tears rolling down my eyes and fought him as if he was trying to kill me. From an onlookers view, it probably seemed as if I was the one bullying him. Sadly (which is the most hurtful part for me) I was so enraged that I continued to beat him without realizing that he was unconscious. I stopped after I fully realized what was going on. I looked around and it was just like a movie. Everyone giving me these horrible stares as if I had just killed someone. There was no cheering for his defeat. No cheering because a gay boy fought for his respect. Nothing but silence from the students and loud yells from the administrators. I got arrested that day and they sent him to the hospital. (Our school has a no-violence policy. If you fight, you're going to a holding cell no matter what) Sitting in the little holding cell, all I could do was cry because fighting didn't make it better at all. It only hurt worse. Violence went straight out of my head after that because that day it proved that it didn't accomplish anything in that situation. And I've never laid on hand on anyone in a violent manner since. So if anything, violence is the LAST thing you should turn to. (Even though, people did stop trying to fuck with me physically for the rest of my high school year. But that came with an extra order of "he's crazy" or "he's mentally unstable."


    After a lot of thinking and many trips to clear my mind after that incident, I found that the hate doesn't stop. And it probably won't stop anytime soon. There's always going to be someone that won't like you because you're gay, black, white, whatever. The hate is going to be there. All you can do is hold your head high and keep moving forward. Present yourself with confidence and ignore the bashers.

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    Dec 13, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    hawkeye7 said
    McQueen saidMove to Toronto or Vancouver. We don't fear gay-bashing here.
    you do realize that Americans can't really move to Canada, I tried it.
    You have to have a preset job with a certain income and you must sign off on asking for state health care.
    Our healthcare system is better than yours so...
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:39 PM GMT
    deerheart saidWell this is coming from a guy a state over, haha. I live in Mississippi so I know exactly how you feel. Sadly, I can't give you some magical advice that will make your problems go away.

    Like you I found myself in a ton of bad situations as a kid because of my sexuality. But....sadly, my situation didn't improve because of a "right" decision. I fought my way out of it. I felt as if that was the ONLY way to get respect and to stop being called a "punk" or "faggot" or whatever. But....one thing happened my junior year which I regret to this day. An ex friend of mine (who dropped our friendship after I came out) called me a faggot during our break. Then he proceeded to throw paper or random little objects at me, pointing and laughing with his other friends. That set off a bomb in me and I charged after him with tears rolling down my eyes and fought him as if he was trying to kill me. From an onlookers view, it probably seemed as if I was the one bullying him. Sadly (which is the most hurtful part for me) I was so enraged that I continued to beat him without realizing that he was unconscious. I stopped after I fully realized what was going on. I looked around and it was just like a movie. Everyone giving me these horrible stares as if I had just killed someone. There was no cheering for his defeat. No cheering because a gay boy fought for his respect. Nothing but silence from the students and loud yells from the administrators. I got arrested that day and they sent him to the hospital. (Our school has a no-violence policy. If you fight, you're going to a holding cell no matter what) Sitting in the little holding cell, all I could do was cry because fighting didn't make it better at all. It only hurt worse. Violence went straight out of my head after that because that day it proved that it didn't accomplish anything in that situation. And I've never laid on hand on anyone in a violent manner since. So if anything, violence is the LAST thing you should turn to. (Even though, people did stop trying to fuck with me physically for the rest of my high school year. But that came with an extra order of "he's crazy" or "he's mentally unstable."


    After a lot of thinking and many trips to clear my mind after that incident, I found that the hate doesn't stop. And it probably won't stop anytime soon. There's always going to be someone that won't like you because you're gay, black, white, whatever. The hate is going to be there. All you can do is hold your head high and keep moving forward. Present yourself with confidence and ignore the bashers.

    I think you let society dictate how you should feel about that situation, and I strongly disagree with them.

    If more gays fought back like that, we'd already have respect and equal rights.

    How do you think blacks and women got their rights? It certainly wasn't from peaceful and passive actions.

    And so what if they thought you were mentally unstable? Hell, you were. Own it. They made you that way with their hate. Now they should have to deal with the consequences (by being beat to a bloody pulp).
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    Dec 13, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    Get you a gun and a permit to carry a conceled wheapon you can have that in alabama. I used to work for Brinks as a driver carried a 357 mag. my gun score was a 280 out of a possible 300. You may only want to use one if you feel threatened or real danger. Or you can get some pepper spray...Val
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    Dec 13, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    It's not the same issue, my point is a fear in general.

    Like I said I can Move out of Alabama, but this issue is EVERYWHERE!

    that's what some dont seem to understand.

    My question is how to deal with the idea that someone could hurt you, for being yourself.

    Moving away doesnt solve that problem....

    I get it could be better, but my question is in a general aspect and to ask how others cope with this thought.

    I gave where I lived as an example but this is something I think about in general.
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    Dec 13, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    Take boxing lessons. Seriously
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    Dec 13, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    Jamie I have read some of your posts and have suggested this to you in the past. You really REALLY need to see a Therapist. Your not crazy or anything you just need a safe spot to talk to someone face to face and a therapist will give you that.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1352

    Dec 13, 2012 8:32 PM GMT
    I've never feared being gay bashed. Living in fear is no way to live.
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    Dec 13, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidIt's not the same issue, my point is a fear in general.

    Like I said I can Move out of Alabama, but this issue is EVERYWHERE!

    that's what some dont seem to understand.

    My question is how to deal with the idea that someone could hurt you, for being yourself.

    Moving away doesnt solve that problem....

    I get it could be better, but my question is in a general aspect and to ask how others cope with this thought.

    I gave where I lived as an example but this is something I think about in general.


    I just recently joined.. But after looking at some of your posts.. You need to sort your shit together dude.. Really.

    First of all. yes! You can get beaten up if you're gay everywhere! Not just in Alabama, some places worse than others. But seriously, the only way to deal with the idea of someone hurting you or could hurt you is just to accept it. Just the same way as I've accepted the idea of I'm not going to live on this planet anymore in 50-80+ years(hopefully) So stop worrying and enjoy your life dude! Really!

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    Dec 13, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    tallmaori saidTake boxing lessons. Seriously


    I can fight ... very well actually.

    However I don't think boxing lessons will work against 5 vs 1 ..which has happened numerous times in my younger years.

    I just sometimes think what happens if someone takes it too far. I understand you have to just live, but I just wanted to know how do people handle that thought.


    Like the Lesbian couple who were shot in Texas this past July.
    It's a justified fear... im not hiding under the covers, but it is something I wonder about.

    I often think about what happens if someone takes it too far.


    But side note... this is a real legit fear, and violence against gays is very real, so why are people acting like im weird for expressing it...

    do gays not get hurt sometimes???
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 13, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    I thought this thread was going to be about bottoming.icon_eek.gif
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    Dec 13, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    deerheart saidWell this is coming from a guy a state over, haha. I live in Mississippi so I know exactly how you feel. Sadly, I can't give you some magical advice that will make your problems go away.

    Like you I found myself in a ton of bad situations as a kid because of my sexuality. But....sadly, my situation didn't improve because of a "right" decision. I fought my way out of it. I felt as if that was the ONLY way to get respect and to stop being called a "punk" or "faggot" or whatever. But....one thing happened my junior year which I regret to this day. An ex friend of mine (who dropped our friendship after I came out) called me a faggot during our break. Then he proceeded to throw paper or random little objects at me, pointing and laughing with his other friends. That set off a bomb in me and I charged after him with tears rolling down my eyes and fought him as if he was trying to kill me. From an onlookers view, it probably seemed as if I was the one bullying him. Sadly (which is the most hurtful part for me) I was so enraged that I continued to beat him without realizing that he was unconscious. I stopped after I fully realized what was going on. I looked around and it was just like a movie. Everyone giving me these horrible stares as if I had just killed someone. There was no cheering for his defeat. No cheering because a gay boy fought for his respect. Nothing but silence from the students and loud yells from the administrators. I got arrested that day and they sent him to the hospital. (Our school has a no-violence policy. If you fight, you're going to a holding cell no matter what) Sitting in the little holding cell, all I could do was cry because fighting didn't make it better at all. It only hurt worse. Violence went straight out of my head after that because that day it proved that it didn't accomplish anything in that situation. And I've never laid on hand on anyone in a violent manner since. So if anything, violence is the LAST thing you should turn to. (Even though, people did stop trying to fuck with me physically for the rest of my high school year. But that came with an extra order of "he's crazy" or "he's mentally unstable."


    After a lot of thinking and many trips to clear my mind after that incident, I found that the hate doesn't stop. And it probably won't stop anytime soon. There's always going to be someone that won't like you because you're gay, black, white, whatever. The hate is going to be there. All you can do is hold your head high and keep moving forward. Present yourself with confidence and ignore the bashers.



    I understand this, it wasnt until years of being jumped that I started fighting back. I became very vicious...which people would never believe when they see me now, but when I got voted most Obnoxious in high school was kinda interesting to me. Its weird how just standing up for yourself can make you the bad guy.

    I decided kind of like you to go back to being my nice, sweet, sometimes push over self. I have always been kind to others, and I don't want to be affected like otheres to want to carry a gun and be violent. My sisters and most of my family have a "clip" or "nine" or "oozy" as they say in my hood with them.

    I just don't want others people ignorances to corrupt me to the point where I lose myself.

    People say I need a therapist, maybe so ..but I just feel sad because I don't want to be bitter, I don;t want to be angry, I am just so sad by the way things turn out for people who are different, I ask questions to try to make some sense of it all..because I never truly understand.

    This world is something else. I just want to be a good person and live a good life the best way I can, but it's a fear knowing one can just hurt me for such a lame reason.

    I don't think I could ever kill someone... I just don't think I have it in me. At least I hope I don't. Maybe I could..i just hope I am never in that situation.

    Hence..the point of this topic.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 5262

    Dec 13, 2012 10:12 PM GMT
    I lived in Alabama but wasn't openly out. Then. Now I'm in Florida but a conservative part of Florida, the panhandle which is sometimes referred to as "lower Alabama." I can tell you, compared to other conservative places, ALABAMA IS AWFUL. I knew many good people there but in general, the education is horrible, the people are ignorant, and religious crazies are all over the place. They'd shoot you in a second while thumping the bible and think they were doing the lords good work. You have no choice but to leave. At least if you want to be happy in this life. I survived only because I was rich and moved in educated circles. Outside of that, the place is a hell hole.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1352

    Dec 13, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    You dwell way too much worrying about what could happen. Yes, violence happens against gays. Millions of gays live perfectly comfortably without ever getting assaulted. Being paranoid isn't going to stop it from happening. Just ruin the days that it's not happening on.
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    Dec 14, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    deerheart saidWell this is coming from a guy a state over, haha. I live in Mississippi so I know exactly how you feel. Sadly, I can't give you some magical advice that will make your problems go away.

    Like you I found myself in a ton of bad situations as a kid because of my sexuality. But....sadly, my situation didn't improve because of a "right" decision. I fought my way out of it. I felt as if that was the ONLY way to get respect and to stop being called a "punk" or "faggot" or whatever. But....one thing happened my junior year which I regret to this day. An ex friend of mine (who dropped our friendship after I came out) called me a faggot during our break. Then he proceeded to throw paper or random little objects at me, pointing and laughing with his other friends. That set off a bomb in me and I charged after him with tears rolling down my eyes and fought him as if he was trying to kill me. From an onlookers view, it probably seemed as if I was the one bullying him. Sadly (which is the most hurtful part for me) I was so enraged that I continued to beat him without realizing that he was unconscious. I stopped after I fully realized what was going on. I looked around and it was just like a movie. Everyone giving me these horrible stares as if I had just killed someone. There was no cheering for his defeat. No cheering because a gay boy fought for his respect. Nothing but silence from the students and loud yells from the administrators. I got arrested that day and they sent him to the hospital. (Our school has a no-violence policy. If you fight, you're going to a holding cell no matter what) Sitting in the little holding cell, all I could do was cry because fighting didn't make it better at all. It only hurt worse. Violence went straight out of my head after that because that day it proved that it didn't accomplish anything in that situation. And I've never laid on hand on anyone in a violent manner since. So if anything, violence is the LAST thing you should turn to. (Even though, people did stop trying to fuck with me physically for the rest of my high school year. But that came with an extra order of "he's crazy" or "he's mentally unstable."


    After a lot of thinking and many trips to clear my mind after that incident, I found that the hate doesn't stop. And it probably won't stop anytime soon. There's always going to be someone that won't like you because you're gay, black, white, whatever. The hate is going to be there. All you can do is hold your head high and keep moving forward. Present yourself with confidence and ignore the bashers.

    I think you let society dictate how you should feel about that situation, and I strongly disagree with them.

    If more gays fought back like that, we'd already have respect and equal rights.

    How do you think blacks and women got their rights? It certainly wasn't from peaceful and passive actions.

    And so what if they thought you were mentally unstable? Hell, you were. Own it. They made you that way with their hate. Now they should have to deal with the consequences (by being beat to a bloody pulp).


    Well you're absolutely wrong. It wasn't society that dictated how I felt about the situation. It was my own thoughts. If society supposedly had an influence on me, then I would still be in the closet. Living a fake life as a straight man. For me, violence is the LAST thing I will resort to. And that is if someone lays on hand on me first. But other than that, the words don't mean shit anymore. Someone could call me a fag or what have you and I'll most likely laugh in there face and continue about my business.

    Another thing....I hope you were being sarcastic or something because I don't know what history you've been reading. Not ALL blacks and women went out throwing Molotovs through windows and beating the shit out of everyone to gain respect. If you were of African decent and you pulled some shit like that.....there was no "gain of respect." You would have been killed for it. ESPECIALLY living in the south. Hell, people were even killed for looking at someone the wrong way. So.....I don't know what you're talking about man.

  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1919

    Dec 14, 2012 3:22 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidALot of you know where i'm from, those who don't I live in Alabama. I am just afraid of being beat up, harrassed or ... worse for being gay.

    I have found myself in many a bad situation when I was younger, but even though I am out, I still sometimes worry if one person will take it too far.

    How do you get over this feeling. When I look in the media it seems as if someone is always getting gay bashed or whatever. I just get scared sometimes. I know how vicious people are here.

    But even if I leave AL, this happens everywhere. How do you guys deal?


    Move to a larger, gay friendly city. I live in the south, but in one of the most gay-friendly cities in the country.
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    Dec 14, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    deerheart saidWell this is coming from a guy a state over, haha. I live in Mississippi so I know exactly how you feel. Sadly, I can't give you some magical advice that will make your problems go away.

    Like you I found myself in a ton of bad situations as a kid because of my sexuality. But....sadly, my situation didn't improve because of a "right" decision. I fought my way out of it. I felt as if that was the ONLY way to get respect and to stop being called a "punk" or "faggot" or whatever. But....one thing happened my junior year which I regret to this day. An ex friend of mine (who dropped our friendship after I came out) called me a faggot during our break. Then he proceeded to throw paper or random little objects at me, pointing and laughing with his other friends. That set off a bomb in me and I charged after him with tears rolling down my eyes and fought him as if he was trying to kill me. From an onlookers view, it probably seemed as if I was the one bullying him. Sadly (which is the most hurtful part for me) I was so enraged that I continued to beat him without realizing that he was unconscious. I stopped after I fully realized what was going on. I looked around and it was just like a movie. Everyone giving me these horrible stares as if I had just killed someone. There was no cheering for his defeat. No cheering because a gay boy fought for his respect. Nothing but silence from the students and loud yells from the administrators. I got arrested that day and they sent him to the hospital. (Our school has a no-violence policy. If you fight, you're going to a holding cell no matter what) Sitting in the little holding cell, all I could do was cry because fighting didn't make it better at all. It only hurt worse. Violence went straight out of my head after that because that day it proved that it didn't accomplish anything in that situation. And I've never laid on hand on anyone in a violent manner since. So if anything, violence is the LAST thing you should turn to. (Even though, people did stop trying to fuck with me physically for the rest of my high school year. But that came with an extra order of "he's crazy" or "he's mentally unstable."


    After a lot of thinking and many trips to clear my mind after that incident, I found that the hate doesn't stop. And it probably won't stop anytime soon. There's always going to be someone that won't like you because you're gay, black, white, whatever. The hate is going to be there. All you can do is hold your head high and keep moving forward. Present yourself with confidence and ignore the bashers.



    I understand this, it wasnt until years of being jumped that I started fighting back. I became very vicious...which people would never believe when they see me now, but when I got voted most Obnoxious in high school was kinda interesting to me. Its weird how just standing up for yourself can make you the bad guy.

    I decided kind of like you to go back to being my nice, sweet, sometimes push over self. I have always been kind to others, and I don't want to be affected like otheres to want to carry a gun and be violent. My sisters and most of my family have a "clip" or "nine" or "oozy" as they say in my hood with them.

    I just don't want others people ignorances to corrupt me to the point where I lose myself.

    People say I need a therapist, maybe so ..but I just feel sad because I don't want to be bitter, I don;t want to be angry, I am just so sad by the way things turn out for people who are different, I ask questions to try to make some sense of it all..because I never truly understand.

    This world is something else. I just want to be a good person and live a good life the best way I can, but it's a fear knowing one can just hurt me for such a lame reason.

    I don't think I could ever kill someone... I just don't think I have it in me. At least I hope I don't. Maybe I could..i just hope I am never in that situation.

    Hence..the point of this topic.


    Honestly, I think you kind of answered your own question. You want to be a good person......then start now. The point is to not let ANY of that bullshit get to you. I know that is hard, but you have to keep trying man. Or you will always feel this way. Hell ANYONE can bring you harm, whether if it's intentional or not. The sweetest old lady can accidentally kill a man with her car, haha.

    But anyway, if this helps, I visualize a strong black woman in mind saying "Ain't NO BITCH gonna fuck up my life." And then I smile and walk on, haha.
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    Dec 14, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    My experience has been pretty much the same. And I'm from the Wiregrass area of Alabama.

    On the 19th, my boyfriend and I are going to Cottonwood to do christmas with my parents and sisters. On christmas day, he and I are going to his mom's in Enterprise. She is cooking for us. All of this in southern Alabama. Times are definitely changing.

    JumpMan_Josh saidI live in Alabama and am pretty much openly gay. I've never gotten any type of physical threat yet and out of all the people I've told, all of them have been supportive. Times are changing, Jamie! Maybe you live in a rough part? I live close to Huntsville.
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    Dec 14, 2012 4:43 AM GMT
    ConfederateGhost saidMy experience has been pretty much the same. And I'm from the Wiregrass area of Alabama.

    On the 19th, my boyfriend and I are going to Cottonwood to do christmas with my parents and sisters. On christmas day, he and I are going to his mom's in Enterprise. She is cooking for us. All of this in southern Alabama. Times are definitely changing.

    JumpMan_Josh saidI live in Alabama and am pretty much openly gay. I've never gotten any type of physical threat yet and out of all the people I've told, all of them have been supportive. Times are changing, Jamie! Maybe you live in a rough part? I live close to Huntsville.


    Well see Im from the hood and I live in Mobile.