My girl friend's boyfriend is on gay hookup websites...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    showme said^ Meddlesome.



    icon_biggrin.gif PI's are known for being meddlesome
  • rnch

    Posts: 11557

    Dec 27, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]tmac said....
    As for me, I don't care how close of a friend they are. If I know they're involved with someone and then a scenario like this is present, at the very least i'd pay attention to it and talk to the guy and the girl and see if i can clear it up.


    [/quote]


    A rather meddlesome, insert-nose-where-it-doesn't-belong, butt-inski drama queen view point, IMO.



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    Dec 27, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI'd stay out of it unless there is something that clearly (as in direct evidence) that something underhanded is going. Otherwise, I'd stay out of it.


    This.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:45 PM GMT
    King_Simba saidIf it were me and my friend found this out, I would want to know but by telling her I would also be outing this guy and fucking with his life.

    What would you do?


    Umm, he's fucking with her life, possibly. I would find a way to let it be known without jumping to conclusions. Yeah, they could have an arrangement; maybe they don't. If I had an arrangement like that with someone and a friend told me they saw him on another site I would not be angry at the friend informing me; I would just clear the air about what's going on.

    However, if he is cheating on her, I don't care how "confused" or "lost" he's feeling. He's being a terrible person in that case. I like the idea someone mentioned of letting him know that someone stole his pictures. Also, he knows you're gay and would find him out on these sites so its not like you were snooping, amirite?
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    Dec 27, 2012 6:10 PM GMT
    rnch said[quote][cite]tmac said....
    As for me, I don't care how close of a friend they are. If I know they're involved with someone and then a scenario like this is present, at the very least i'd pay attention to it and talk to the guy and the girl and see if i can clear it up.





    A rather meddlesome, insert-nose-where-it-doesn't-belong, butt-inski drama queen view point, IMO.



    icon_neutral.gif[/quote]

    At the end of every scooby doo episode the bad guy always say "and I wouldve gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids"

    But on a serious note I will risk being called every dirty name in the book as a friend I'm gonna look out and be honest about what I know. Now what they do about that information is up to them. If its a misunderstanding I'm sure it'll be looked over if it was something more then they'll do w.e it is they have to do
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    Dec 27, 2012 6:13 PM GMT
    She may know he's Bi and they have an open relationship.
    Still, I'd keep out and away from the drama.
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    Dec 27, 2012 6:38 PM GMT
    An interesting phenomenon of this question is that most of the posters who say to do nothing or mind your own business are over 30. In the glory days of gay bars, there was an unwritten rule that if you saw someone you knew out in the clubs, you kept it to yourself in "real life". There was always that shroud of anonymity we used to protect each other, especially considering how many of us were in the closet back then. Could their advice be a leftover reaction to not wanting to be outed?

    I find that putting things in a personal perspective makes the decision easier. If this girlfriend were your sister, or even your single mom, what would you do? The actions you would take to protect your family should be the actions you would take with anybody. Let's face it, you're worried that he will break her heart or worse, bring something back to her that nobody wants to contract, like HIV. Remember: all that is needed for evil to prevail is for one good man to do nothing. A bit melodramatic, I agree, but the core remains true. Bad things happen when good people do nothing.

    Personally, I would talk to him. Throwing around accusations rarely yields positive results and if he's innocent, he deserves to know that pic is out there. If he's guilty, he needs to know that he's caught and hopefully he will do the right thing.
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    Dec 27, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    I believe all LGBT members should abide by this code, which is to NOT OUT ONE OF YOUR PEERS.

    I understand that she is your friend, but, truthfully speaking, it's not only safer but ultimately better to not stick your nose into something like that.

    And that's that. Don't think too much on it either. Just move on with your life, and leave it at that. Let the poor guy do the outing himself and figure out his own confusing life.
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    Dec 27, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    Tell them both, fuck'um! people come and go all the time, even one's with a long history.
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    Dec 27, 2012 7:00 PM GMT
    StevieB0402 saidAn interesting phenomenon of this question is that most of the posters who say to do nothing or mind your own business are over 30. In the glory days of gay bars, there was an unwritten rule that if you saw someone you knew out in the clubs, you kept it to yourself in "real life". There was always that shroud of anonymity we used to protect each other, especially considering how many of us were in the closet back then. Could their advice be a leftover reaction to not wanting to be outed?

    I find that putting things in a personal perspective makes the decision easier. If this girlfriend were your sister, or even your single mom, what would you do? The actions you would take to protect your family should be the actions you would take with anybody. Let's face it, you're worried that he will break her heart or worse, bring something back to her that nobody wants to contract, like HIV. Remember: all that is needed for evil to prevail is for one good man to do nothing. A bit melodramatic, I agree, but the core remains true. Bad things happen when good people do nothing.

    Personally, I would talk to him. Throwing around accusations rarely yields positive results and if he's innocent, he deserves to know that pic is out there. If he's guilty, he needs to know that he's caught and hopefully he will do the right thing.


    Thank you
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    Dec 27, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    Obviously everyone is saying that you shouldn't say anything, which i also think is the correct action. You don't even know if he has made contact with any men, it could just be his own fantasy on the side, as wrong as that is in some respects, but still unless you have proof of him cheating in the physical sense i think you should just forget about it.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 27, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    turbobilly saidConfront him and blackmail him for sexual favors. icon_twisted.gif
    cfaf406a 90f2 41cb 8931 1343f45a9a28


    WIN
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    Dec 27, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    Unless you are absolutely sure it is him....

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    Dec 27, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    tmac said
    StevieB0402 saidAn interesting phenomenon of this question is that most of the posters who say to do nothing or mind your own business are over 30. In the glory days of gay bars, there was an unwritten rule that if you saw someone you knew out in the clubs, you kept it to yourself in "real life". There was always that shroud of anonymity we used to protect each other, especially considering how many of us were in the closet back then. Could their advice be a leftover reaction to not wanting to be outed?

    I find that putting things in a personal perspective makes the decision easier. If this girlfriend were your sister, or even your single mom, what would you do? The actions you would take to protect your family should be the actions you would take with anybody. Let's face it, you're worried that he will break her heart or worse, bring something back to her that nobody wants to contract, like HIV. Remember: all that is needed for evil to prevail is for one good man to do nothing. A bit melodramatic, I agree, but the core remains true. Bad things happen when good people do nothing.

    Personally, I would talk to him. Throwing around accusations rarely yields positive results and if he's innocent, he deserves to know that pic is out there. If he's guilty, he needs to know that he's caught and hopefully he will do the right thing.


    Thank you


    Yes, thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    is he hot?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 7:42 PM GMT
    mind your own business and say nothing....
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    Dec 27, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
    Gossip may be fun but everyone is entitled to explore on their own terms and without some fucking snoop telling on them! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 27, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    Sporty_g saidMIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
    Gossip may be fun but everyone is entitled to explore on their own terms and without some fucking snoop telling on them! icon_rolleyes.gif


    Sporty, if you found your son's girlfriend had a pic with face hidden and profile on a lesbian site looking for hook-ups, what would you do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the feedback. I think I am gonna sit this one out. I was catching up with my friend and they seem to be on the fritz anyway (shocker) so I am just gonna keep this card in my back pocket. As of right now, my antennas are up and my phasers are set for stun. If he gives me any reason to think that my friend is in danger I will definitely confront him about it.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Dec 27, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    Tell her for her own health and safety. Or you could confront the boyfriend and tell him that if he is in fact having sex or fooling around with other guys, it isn't safe or right for his girlfriend. If he won't break up with her then you need to tell her.
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    Dec 27, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    ART_DECO said
    Aristoshark said
    ART_DECO said
    King_Simba said
    What would you do?

    Nothing

    Concise!

    For once... icon_redface.gif
    I'm so proud of you! Baby steps. Don't overdo it!

    Well of course baby steps are often misunderstood and overrated. There are those who can immediately transition to big steps, and imposing baby steps can be harmfully restrictive.

    Now I myself like to take the biggest step possible. A failure can always be amended later. Whereas baby steps may offer little developmental impetus.

    Naturally it depends on the individual. Yet all things being equal, I tend to favor bypassing baby steps wherever feasible. Wouldn't you agree?
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    Dec 27, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    You should try to get some information out of the profile on the gay site. I would even make a fake profile to get him to talk and show a picture. I would get some more evidence before telling your friend.
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    Dec 28, 2012 12:15 AM GMT
    hanzo83 saidYou should try to get some information out of the profile on the gay site. I would even make a fake profile to get him to talk and show a picture. I would get some more evidence before telling your friend.


    Deceit for more decent. How head fucked, by another face-less, picture-less, non-complete profile. Typical.

    1. OP needs to stay out of his girlfriend's business.
    2. OP needs to stay out of his girlfriend's boyfriend's business.
    3. OP needs to mind his own business and get a fucking life.
    4. OP needs to get some fucking decency and character. If girlfriend's boyfriend is sneaking around it's not his job, business, moral obligation, etc., ad nauseam to get in the middle of it.
    5. OP needs to pick friends with decent people who are honest, and get out of the business of outing head fucked cases (if they truly are), or even worrying about it. If girlfriend's boyfriend is a dirt bag, she'll find out, on her own without the meddling of OP.
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    Dec 28, 2012 12:20 AM GMT
    I've had my pictures stolen before and put up on Grindr so it is very plausible. Do nothing until you know 100%.
  • AllAmericanJo...

    Posts: 4271

    Dec 28, 2012 12:31 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent saidIt's troubling that most guys in this thread think the OP should do nothing. A straight woman could be in danger.


    Is this worse than a gay man being in danger? I don't get why a straight woman being in danger makes it somehow worse. And in danger of what exactly? How does his picture being on a gay website make her "in danger"?

    Like the OP said, someone could have stolen his pictures. Happens all the time, and completely plausible since I don't think most closeted guys would put their FACEBOOK PICTURE on a gay sex website knowing their girlfriend has gay friends. Hmmm....

    It's troubling that some people would start hopping around on their jump to conclusions mat and do/say something stupid with no conclusive evidence besides a picture they saw online because they want to play knight in shining armor for "a straight woman" in "danger" of...who knows?