Friends vs Lovers

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2007 8:58 AM GMT
    Ok, guys, I don't get it. I've put out some feelers to make new friends, since I'm just out. I said FRIENDS, didn't I? I didn't say LOVERS or PARTNERS, I said friends. I sent emails to people around my age who live in Seattle, and I'm getting all these emails back saying "good luck, I have a partner, now."

    Since when did "friend" come to mean "I want to fuck your ass?"

    I'm very confused -- did I screw up some gay ritual or rule or something, or am I just so butt ugly that no one wants to be my friend? Maybe I'm just socially inept.

    Anyway, I'd appreciate it if someone would explain.

    Oh, if friends are supposed to "put out", you had better tell me now, because I'm going to visit a gay friend, this afternoon, and I don't want him to get the wrong idea.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2007 11:46 AM GMT
    It's not you, it's the internet. I don't think it's a great place to make friends.

    I made friends with other gay guys by doing voluntary work for a gay switchboard. And when I first came out I quickly realised that the transitory nature of the bar scene was not going to fulfil my need to make long-term friendships. So, I joined a gay group for people in the 20s.

    What I'm trying to say is you need to broaden your search so that you are meeting guys in real life rather than online. There are lots of groups: do you like sport? Or walking? Or sailing? Whatever, join some of these groups and you'll soon make friends.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 26, 2007 12:43 PM GMT
    I really suck at making gay friends....
    Str8 friends are no problem and finding guys to fool around with are easy too
    ..but finding guys that first don't wanna hop into bed never happen
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    You might do better to organize some kind of a local night out and get a bunch of guys to sign on, singles and couples. Or make dinner for 6 or 7 guys who don't know each other, put everyone on even footing. Doing a "Hi, my name is..., want to be my friend?" could be a little awkward in a one on one situation. Doing so with a group increases the chances that everyone is comfortable.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Aug 26, 2007 8:42 PM GMT
    sundown, Let me tell you, it is not you. You are not the problem.

    I have had one or two guys contact me on here, and although my profile says friends and online chat and it says I am in a relationship, they still are looking for some sort of relationship with me. It usually takes two or three mails to get the message across to them. But yes to some guys friends means something else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2007 12:33 AM GMT
    Yea I kind of have the same problem. I never really had any gay friends because I felt that either A) They wanted to sleep with me OR B) They thought I wanted to sleep with them. During my quest online to find friends, I really didn't make any. Even going out and meeting new people, I felt it was the same scenario... guys would give me "the eye" when I'm just out trying to socialize.

    I would agree with the group thing... or try to find someone that is not your type and/or already in a relationship. It's hit or miss though, I've had luck finding an awesome couple and they allow me to branch out and meet new people that way. Online is very difficult though, because most people will think you have motives behind you contacting them... you just gotta find the right people. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2007 12:57 AM GMT

    First Congratulations on Coming Out. That is a huge step, especially so late in life. Things will be tough, but they do get better.

    The internet ROCKS as a place to meet new people and to hook up.

    The Internet SUCKS as a place to build friendships.

    It is the nature of the beast.

    If you are looking for people with whom you can build friendships, and who have similar interests to yours then I suggest you seek them out in local social, athletic, and communitty groups.

    Find the local gay outdoor camping group, gay softball or swim team or league, gay cycling group, etc.

    Email me, tell me - oh say your half dozen top interests - and I will be happy to try to give you some leads near where you live.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2007 11:19 AM GMT
    Just have to endorse what has been said before... Note that on the internet most people do not bother to read (i.e. understand what is in front of them)... so "friend" read as fuck buddy, hook up etc

    Have been there with a number of people (on other websites) failing to understand that when i say friend i mean that in the dictionary definition.

    So branch out, network through other avenues and you will meet people who actually want to be friends with you...