Losing My Best Friend to AIDS

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    Jan 08, 2013 2:15 AM GMT
    That was fucking beautiful.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:22 AM GMT
    I am 63 and have had many of my friends from the late 60-80 die of aids. Some people will never get it. When someone gets aids, many around him will suffer with them. I am negative and pray every day that I am living my life in a way to have a friend like you at my side. I hope when you need that friend at your side, you will have the comfort of a good friend at your side. You have touched my heart and I hope that soon your pain will be replaced by love and friendship. You are special and your friend was very blessed to have you at his side. That credit card debt was filled with memories and most of all a friend that will never die.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:24 AM GMT
    Beautiful poignant reflection. Sorry for your loss.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:27 AM GMT
    Thank you for sharing the memories. That was powerful.
  • toolmaker1

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    Jan 08, 2013 2:29 AM GMT
    Thank you for taking the time to share with us this personal story, it moved me greatly.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:33 AM GMT
    You just made me cry. JesusfuckingChrist
    And I'm at work.

    *hug*

    Edit: I had to read it a second time, as I barely made it to the second post. Lord. I remember those days vividly. I may have been a teenager when it was at its worst, but when my 28 yr old uncle showed up for Christmas looking like a 108 yr old cancer patient, covered in lesions and snow white hair...fuck. The feeling of missing someone taken that way, the way they died in those early years, and realizing all that was lost, all that wouldn't be.

    Scruffy, you do your friend proud by sharing your story and I hope every time you hear those songs you shake your ass like it's about to fall off!
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:37 AM GMT
    Thank you for sharing Scruff.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:49 AM GMT
    not_superman saidAll I can do is offer a virtual hug to all of you older gentlemen and hope that my generation doesn't have to endure such hardships.
    It is the transfer of this experience and wisdom between generations that really makes me love coming to Real Jock.


    And really, the only thing any of us who were "there" in the 80s need to say to younger gays: wear condoms and make sane choices.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:49 AM GMT
    Scruff and I probably have moar common groud than We ever realized.

    IN SPITE OF WHAT tnj IS CURRENTLY SAYING!!!!

    The realy cool thing about Guys is We can be friends even when We don't agree on every little thing.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    Scruffy, that story was deep. I''m glad you got to see your friend before he passed. Sorry for your loss.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    SilverLion saidThank you for sharing your story I am extremely touched. Unlike that troll Cash, seeking revenge and attention, this one actually has purpose. Very genuine, very heart felt.


    I can't believe I have to say this again. Enough. This is not about you or your dislike of any particular person. This thread is not your platform or your party. This is one name and one face and we're here to appreciate and remember it. I'm saying this so others don't have to and can show Scruffy the respect he deserves.

    Enough. This again was lower than tasteless. Don't let it happen again.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:06 AM GMT
    SilverLion saidThank you for sharing your story I am extremely touched. Unlike that troll Cash, seeking revenge and attention, this one actually has purpose. Very genuine, very heart felt.


    I started a thread against aids jokes.

    Why are you trying to trash Me?

    The Guys on here know Me.

    I don't try to hurt people.

    I stand up for Gay Rights,

    WTF????
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:11 AM GMT
    Scruff, thanks for posting this. So what if it was long........every word was heartfelt and meaningful. I'm glad you made the 3 hour trip to see your friend. I'm glad you had an amazing time with him in the early years. I'm glad you posted this so guys can see what it is like to lose a friend. I know guys who've lost a lot of friends to AIDS. I've attended over 60 funerals or memorial services in my life (friends & family members who passed on for a number of reasons).........all kinds, all denominations - I've even helped choose the music for some. I've done eulogies. Some guys I know haven't even attended 5 funerals in their whole lives. They have little idea how serious this subject is to the rest of us. Condolences to you for the loss of your friend.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    Wow. Absolutely heart-wrenching, but a story that needs to be told. I'm blessed that AIDS hasn't been a part of my life, aside from hearing stories like this and Angels in America, etc. They serve as a reminder for a that time and the change people have worked so hard to achieve...and the change we young-ins need to continue and not fuck up.

    Thank you.
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1484

    Jan 08, 2013 3:18 AM GMT
    Thank you, Scruffy, for sharing this very moving experience. I lost the man who I consider my first love about twenty years ago. I'm not quite ready to put his whole story out here yet, but what you wrote certainly brought back some fond, and some painful memories.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:20 AM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    turtleneckjock saidNot only am I torn internally from reading your story, Scruff, I am even more angered at Cash for making fun of a disease that has hit home for a lot of us and claimed many of those we truly love.

    I have never cared for Cash's attitude and he was blocked ages ago. After reading your story, I believe that those of us offended by Cash even posting such a forum, should also block him---and voice a complaint to Administration.

    If Cash were to read this, maybe he will find it in his cold and callous heart to post a retraction, provide you with a heartfelt apology, and do something about his outlook on life and how he treats others.

    I'm sorry, MacNCheeseJock, but you have gone seriously fucking over the deep end with this post.

    Cash's attitude? Seriously?
    His attitude is one of warmth and compassion towards people who through no fault of their own find themselves afflicted with a horrifying ailment.

    Not only that, he is usually on the side of the underdog, whoever the underdog du jour is.

    if you had 1/100th of the heart and guts that Cash has, maybe, just maybe, you'd have the right to comment. I mean, WOW.


    I've read all of Cash's words on this subject. At no time did he show anything but compassion and care for people with AIDS or who are HIV+.

    Turtle - - you, on the other hand - have exhibited continuous fits and tirades - baseless allegations against some members - and just a variety of disturbing ramblings. One day you are suicidal, and the next you're meeting people in parking lots and going to marry them. Seek treatment. This is a health and fitness site. What were you hoping to accomplish by coming here?
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:23 AM GMT
    A couple of things:

    • I can't believe anyone actually read all that!

    • Thanks for all the condolences. Ken has been dead for quite some time, but writing this uncovered fresh wounds. It was hard to write, but I think it did me good to finally write this down.

    • I almost left the part out about Ken's sexual addiction, but at the last moment I decided to leave it, in the chance that it might help someone else. I in no way meant it in a judging or negative way. It's just the facts.

    • This thread was not meant to condemn Cash's thread. At most, I might have questioned the effectiveness of his thread, but never his intentions.

    • And lastly, I hope this thread doesn't upset those who are currently HIV positive. They've come a long way with medical treatments since Ken was diagnosed, so I would hate to know this thread would cause someone to worry about their health more.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    Great story. Great memories. Tragic times. Glad you're here!

    Now I feel compelled to post this one, too:
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    Scruffypup, that's probably the most moving thing I've read here on RJ. I'm sitting here tearful.

    Damn I wish I could hug you right now, you're very brave to share such personal and painful memories with us.

    I too lost friends to AIDS in the 80s and 90s, back when the antivirals weren't as good as they are today. Visiting a dying friend in a hospice seemed to be something we did on a far too regular basis, funerals as well.

    The fundraising, the rallies and the politicking of the day showed that we were fighting for our lives, and for the lives of those we loved.

    As a community we organised care and meals, volunteers to help wherever it was needed, the sense of compassion in our community was strong too.

    I'm sad that many gay men today don't understand what it was like 20 years ago, although in a way, I'm also glad their generation has largely been spared from the horrors of the 80s and 90s.

    RJ as a community still has some men of integrity who aren't afraid to stand up and call people out for being asshats.

    You and CASH are both awesome guys, wish more of us were like you.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    Thank you for this. It makes my problems so .. Luxury and trite.
    I have never known anyone with HIV or AIDS personally so it is a disease that I have no relation with other than the social stigma of being a gay man. I hear stories though from older friends in San Francisco who lived through the 80s and many of them say that their entire group of friends was wiped out within a few weeks, i can't even imagine the sheer horror of that. That sounds like a curse, not for the deceased, but for the living who lost everything so young!! And, because of attitudes back then, the dying were treated like garbage, funerals protested, god's cure, etc. at least those dying of cancer are able to die in peace and consolation.
    I can't even fathom...
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:34 AM GMT
    Can we keep the arguments out of this one thread please? turtleneckjock has the topic blocked so he just heard of it in the first sentence of this thread and misunderstood. He knows now. Let's move on.

    Scruffy, thanks for sharing your story and opening up at this site where that isn't easy to do.

    @Art - he was saving them up. When I read that part, I anticipated the reason as a dying friend did the exact same thing. As would I. To understand what's inside the head of someone in a situation where death is preferable is something most won't be able to do. That bottle is a precious saviour. I pose the possibility that his plans for the future were to make those present think he wasn't planning on using them, just to protect his ability to make his exit at the time of his choosing. Could be wrong, but that's the way I would be strongly feeling.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:35 AM GMT
    timshel saidAnd, because of attitudes back then, the dying were treated like garbage, funerals protested, god's cure, etc. at least those dying of cancer are able to die in peace and consolation.
    I can't even fathom...


    My cousin also died of AIDS. The pastor who preached his funeral, told the congregation "the man lying in this casket is burning in hell at this very moment. If you don't want to join him, I urge you to accept Jesus Christ as your savior". The family had no idea he was going to say this, and some of the family attacked him physically, but it was too late....he had disrupted the funeral and caused even more pain to everyone in attendance.
  • Whipmagic

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    Jan 08, 2013 3:39 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    My cousin also died of AIDS. The pastor who preached his funeral, told the congregation "the man lying in this casket is burning in hell at this very moment. If you don't want to join him, I urge you to accept Jesus Christ as your savior". The family had no idea he was going to say this, and some of the family attacked him physically, but it was too late....he had disrupted the funeral and caused even more pain to everyone in attendance.


    This is spiritual malpractice at its worst. I have never experienced it to that extreme; it's just very sad those who are supposed to comfort hate so much that they must inflict pain.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:40 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    timshel saidAnd, because of attitudes back then, the dying were treated like garbage, funerals protested, god's cure, etc. at least those dying of cancer are able to die in peace and consolation.
    I can't even fathom...


    My cousin also died of AIDS. The pastor who preached his funeral, told the congregation "the man lying in this casket is burning in hell at this very moment. If you don't want to join him, I urge you to accept Jesus Christ as your savior". The family had no idea he was going to say this, and some of the family attacked him physically, but it was too late....he had disrupted the funeral and caused even more pain to everyone in attendance.


    Good God. Why the hell did the pastor accept the funeral at all? To make a "statement?" GR! Awful!

    Very touching thread.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:40 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    timshel saidAnd, because of attitudes back then, the dying were treated like garbage, funerals protested, god's cure, etc. at least those dying of cancer are able to die in peace and consolation.
    I can't even fathom...


    My cousin also died of AIDS. The pastor who preached his funeral, told the congregation "the man lying in this casket is burning in hell at this very moment. If you don't want to join him, I urge you to accept Jesus Christ as your savior". The family had no idea he was going to say this, and some of the family attacked him physically, but it was too late....he had disrupted the funeral and caused even more pain to everyone in attendance.


    Devil in disguise.