Losing My Best Friend to AIDS

  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 08, 2013 8:22 AM GMT
    Thanks, that was truly touching, and it opened a million old tiny cuts in my heart too.
    Peace
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    Jan 08, 2013 11:14 AM GMT
    tuckers_kahuna saidThanks, that was truly touching, and it opened a million old tiny cuts in my heart too.
    Peace


    Well said.
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    Jan 08, 2013 11:17 AM GMT
    SilverLion said

    Wow. I was only gone for a few hours and a great post has already went bad. This exactly what Cash wants. A flame war.


    Silverlion - your twisting of what was said isnt fooling anyone. Your trolling this thread to stir up dissent wont work.

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    Jan 08, 2013 11:30 AM GMT
    CityofDreams saidI already commented on this thread, but I forgot to mention that everyone should watch "We Were Here" whenever they get a chance. I watched it last night, and cried for most of its runtime.


    Its a powerful documentary, I watched it on our ABC a couple of months ago, same, I cried most of the way through it.

    I went to the Sydney powerhouse museum while there for Mardigras in 2011 to find there was a free exhibition of the 1980s...

    It started off all light and sugar coated, showing Atari's and hypercolor, shoulder pads, TV and Music, turning a corner, I was confronted by a large section of the AIDS memorial quilt along with vision of the time of people protesting, interviews with people living with AIDS and some of the safe sex campaign messages - after I saw someone I had known's name on the quilt, I just sat and cried quietly.

    One of the curatorial staff came up to me, and thinking I was going to be asked to leave, I apologised, he placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me some kleenex and told me to take my time. It took me about 20 minutes to regain my composure.

    I thanked the staff member for his kindness and apologised again, he reassured me that not a day went by during that exhibition without something similar happening.
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    Jan 08, 2013 11:46 AM GMT
    Thanks for sharing the memories of such a beautiful friendship.

    I was a young man just coming to terms with his sexuality when the epidemic hit and the fear, the lack of information, and ridicule of people with HIV/AIDS kept me from accepting my self and kept me in the closet. It cost me dearly although it probably kept me alive. I've had a few friends succumb to the disease over the years.
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    Jan 08, 2013 11:49 AM GMT
    Scruffy: thanks for sharing your powerful & moving story. I'm very sorry that you lost a friend but am so happy that, after a long separation, you got to say goodbye.

    *Hugs*
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    Jan 08, 2013 12:26 PM GMT
    Scruff, that was a beautiful post. I lost several friends and lovers to this horrible disease, including my first serious boyfriend and several college friends. It was dreadful. And I still have friends who managed to survive those days and have been positive for thirty years now, facing the unknown of what being on the meds will do to them long term.

    SlverLion, or whoever is behind that account, your trolling on this topic is despicable. Go away. Now.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidYeah, I'll never really know for sure if he took those pills are not. But considering a family member slept in the chair with him that night, I have a feeling she packed his things up and not a nurse. Especially since the nurses had no idea he had been hoarding the medication. I'd like to think he did take his own life, as he would have known some control as well as been pain free in his last hours.

    OIC. I mistakenly assumed his suicide would have been even more distressing to you. And so I proposed an alternative explanation for the empty bottle if that would have eased your mind.

    Whatever the answer he seems to have died with love around him, and not all alone. And fortunate that his family involved you, didn't keep you away, so you could comfort him and have your own leave taking, as well. I think many of us have seen a very different scenario.
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    Jan 08, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    One of my most profound memories of Ken and dealing with AIDS happened in his kitchen. Ken and I frequently would drink from the same glass....yeah, we were that close. Although we had zero sexual interest in each other, the comfort level was that of a boyfriend. Shortly after he found out he was positive, we were in his kitchen and I asked if he had any water. He said sure, but then I went to his cabinet where the glasses were kept and sure enough....they were all dirty in the sink. Ken was a terrible house keeper! Well, back then no one had any idea how this disease was spread. All we knew was it was killing gay men in droves. And drinking after someone or even hugging someone was still rumored to be possible methods of contraction. Normally, he would have pointed to his drinking glass and told me I could have some, but this time he didn't because he knew it could be dangerous. I stood there for a few seconds, knowing I could quickly wash a glass, but knowing he would feel like a leper. In a split second, I grabbed his glass and drank from it. It felt like putting a gun to my head with only one bullet in the chamber. Chills of intense fear ran down my body as I drank from that glass, but it was something I had to do. I remember he looked me dead in my eyes as I was drinking from that glass and I could tell it meant the world to him.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:13 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 said
    Aristoshark said
    turtleneckjock saidNot only am I torn internally from reading your story, Scruff, I am even more angered at Cash for making fun of a disease that has hit home for a lot of us and claimed many of those we truly love.

    I have never cared for Cash's attitude and he was blocked ages ago. After reading your story, I believe that those of us offended by Cash even posting such a forum, should also block him---and voice a complaint to Administration.

    If Cash were to read this, maybe he will find it in his cold and callous heart to post a retraction, provide you with a heartfelt apology, and do something about his outlook on life and how he treats others.

    I'm sorry, MacNCheeseJock, but you have gone seriously fucking over the deep end with this post.

    Cash's attitude? Seriously?
    His attitude is one of warmth and compassion towards people who through no fault of their own find themselves afflicted with a horrifying ailment.

    Not only that, he is usually on the side of the underdog, whoever the underdog du jour is.

    if you had 1/100th of the heart and guts that Cash has, maybe, just maybe, you'd have the right to comment. I mean, WOW.


    I've read all of Cash's words on this subject. At no time did he show anything but compassion and care for people with AIDS or who are HIV+.

    Turtle - - you, on the other hand - have exhibited continuous fits and tirades - baseless allegations against some members - and just a variety of disturbing ramblings. One day you are suicidal, and the next you're meeting people in parking lots and going to marry them. Seek treatment. This is a health and fitness site. What were you hoping to accomplish by coming here?


    Maybe you, turtleneckjock, would be very wise to go to and unblock Cash long enough to read what he actually said. You couldn't be more wrong and the rest of us know it.

    I'm not going to launch into a tirade of personal attacks against you, although you certainly deserve it. Just unblock and go back and read Cash's comments and maybe you'll realize ... maybe you won't.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    And thanks for sharing Scruff. That was a beautiful painful story.
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:45 PM GMT


    That was a very powerful read and nearly overwhelming; thanks Scruffy.

    Turtleneck removed his post, so obviously gets it now, which is great.

    Cash, come back here onto RJ.

    To a couple of others: Cash made a topic about AIDS jokes and how he finds them rather appalling, and pointed out a troll using such jokes to get at people. A bit of a public shaming of a troll, but the troll deserved it I think.





  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 08, 2013 4:21 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidOne of my most profound memories of Ken and dealing with AIDS happened in his kitchen. Ken and I frequently would drink from the same glass....yeah, we were that close. Although we had zero sexual interest in each other, the comfort level was that of a boyfriend. Shortly after he found out he was positive, we were in his kitchen and I asked if he had any water. He said sure, but then I went to his cabinet where the glasses were kept and sure enough....they were all dirty in the sink. Ken was a terrible house keeper! Well, back then no one had any idea how this disease was spread. All we knew was it was killing gay men in droves. And drinking after someone or even hugging someone was still rumored to be possible methods of contraction. Normally, he would have pointed to his drinking glass and told me I could have some, but this time he didn't because he knew it could be dangerous. I stood there for a few seconds, knowing I could quickly wash a glass, but knowing he would feel like a leper. In a split second, I grabbed his glass and drank from it. It felt like putting a gun to my head with only one bullet in the chamber. Chills of intense fear ran down my body as I drank from that glass, but it was something I had to do. I remember he looked me dead in my eyes as I was drinking from that glass and I could tell it meant the world to him.


    Okay, now I'm crying again...icon_cry.gif...

    Your stories are bringing up decades of anger and pain... thinking about all the men who were lost. I still can't get my mind around it, all these years later. It was such a scary time to live in, and the fear never really went away.
    icon_cry.gif
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing, Scruffy. Personally your posts in this thread have touched me more than you can imagine.
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Scruffypup saidOne of my most profound memories of Ken and dealing with AIDS happened in his kitchen. Ken and I frequently would drink from the same glass....yeah, we were that close. Although we had zero sexual interest in each other, the comfort level was that of a boyfriend. Shortly after he found out he was positive, we were in his kitchen and I asked if he had any water. He said sure, but then I went to his cabinet where the glasses were kept and sure enough....they were all dirty in the sink. Ken was a terrible house keeper! Well, back then no one had any idea how this disease was spread. All we knew was it was killing gay men in droves. And drinking after someone or even hugging someone was still rumored to be possible methods of contraction. Normally, he would have pointed to his drinking glass and told me I could have some, but this time he didn't because he knew it could be dangerous. I stood there for a few seconds, knowing I could quickly wash a glass, but knowing he would feel like a leper. In a split second, I grabbed his glass and drank from it. It felt like putting a gun to my head with only one bullet in the chamber. Chills of intense fear ran down my body as I drank from that glass, but it was something I had to do. I remember he looked me dead in my eyes as I was drinking from that glass and I could tell it meant the world to him.


    Okay, now I'm crying again...icon_cry.gif...

    Your stories are bringing up decades of anger and pain... thinking about all the men who were lost. I still can't get my mind around it, all these years later. It was such a scary time to live in, and the fear never really went away.
    icon_cry.gif


    I missed it all, but now see it better than ever due to Scruff's post
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    Jan 08, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing, Scruffypup.

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

    I'd rather delete my profile and never come back, than have the guys leaving go. I'll do it to. I'll go, and they can stay. Something, anything... this site is better cause of the Prolific Posters.
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    Jan 08, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    I missed how this all got started: But having hung out with Cash personally and knowing a bit of HIS history and close friends in NYC - I can assure you that he has nothing but compassion for those stricken with any HIV related illnesses. I can say that with absolute assurance.

    Does he have a wry/f-cked up sense of humor? Yup. But so do I. I'm just not as ballsy about it on here - though sometimes I should be.
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    Jan 08, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    manboynyc saidI missed how this all got started: But having hung out with Cash personally and knowing a bit of HIS history and close friends in NYC - I can assure you that he has nothing but compassion for those stricken with any HIV related illnesses. I can say that with absolute assurance.

    Does he have a wry/f-cked up sense of humor? Yup. But so do I. I'm just not as ballsy about it on here - though sometimes I should be.


    ThankYOU Dude.

    You have NO idea what that means to Me.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 24, 2013 12:29 AM GMT
    Wow! I cannot tell you how deeply saddened I am to hear something like this. As someone who has HIV, this story really got to me. All I can say is that I am terribly sorry for your loss and that I want to give you my best wishes.
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    Aug 24, 2013 12:42 AM GMT
    good decision!
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    Aug 24, 2013 12:46 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidGuys, just block his ass and be done with it.

    Already done. Easy...



    I just blocked him and reported him for abuse. Hes obviously a head case!
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    Aug 24, 2013 12:49 AM GMT
    All of my friends died from aids or aids related complications. I went to more funerals and memorials than I can count. This disease is personal me. It's not over. Gay men are still getting infected with this virus. I've read that 1 out of 3 gay men are infected and 50% are unaware of their infection. Thankfully there are medicines like Truvada that prevent infection. Surprisingly most gay men are aware of Truvada. Boys, get tested every three to six months if you are sexually active. And wrap your jimmy so you don't magic in your Johnson. This shit is real and it kills.
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    Aug 24, 2013 12:52 AM GMT
    sweatwrestle said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidGuys, just block his ass and be done with it.

    Already done. Easy...

    I just blocked him and reported him for abuse. Hes obviously a head case!

    He just joined. Reading his other 370 posts in 8 days you will see the pattern.
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    Aug 24, 2013 1:06 AM GMT
    AfricanButterfly said
    Mastermind saidgood decision!


    Wrapping it up is the BEST decision. I guess they didn't have condoms back then.... icon_biggrin.gificon_cool.gificon_lol.gif


    Man... Excuses Excuses.


    if my best friend have HIV, i say to him ''thank you''!!!

    oh Romanians, oh Romanians!
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    Aug 24, 2013 1:13 AM GMT
    awesome scruff and very heartfelt. Sorry for your loss. You and CASH are decent, nice guys. RJ needs more people like you.
    icon_smile.gif