So confused! Help.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    Hi guys, I’m really confused about this situation and would appreciate any input.
    I’ll give some background then cut to the chase.

    I met a guy who was moving to the area from Michigan on the online dating site POF and we hit it off instantly through texting and chatting on the phone. (This was the beginning of October)
    We eventually set up a first date the last week of October but fell through due to him having to stay late at work. He told me he would reschedule with me.

    Weeks went by and I had not heard from him. Thanksgiving week I finally heard from him. He said he was sorry he went MIA and would like to make up and take me out the next night. I agreed and we had a terrific time.
    The next couple of weeks we kept hanging out and have a great time together. December 4th he asked me to make it official. I was ecstatic because this was my first boyfriend.

    Two weeks later he went back to Michigan to spend Christmas break with family and friends. The whole time he was there he said things that made me feel like he wasn’t excited to come back to the area.
    He came back last Tuesday and I went out to see him Wednesday night. I brought flowers and we made dinner together. It was a terrific night. The next morning before he went to work I asked him what the plan for the weekend was since this was the weekend he was supposed to come out and meet my friends and family He said I could come out on Saturday to hang out and the Sunday I would bring him to my area.

    Saturday came, so I went out to his place. He took me to dinner and a movie and we had a great time. Nothing seemed off at all. I asked him about his job because that was the reason he moved to the area. He said everything is going well.

    This is where it gets confusing…. Sunday morning comes; we wake up cuddling which eventually leads to sex. After this he makes me breakfast and we watch Netflix until it is time to get ready. Ten minutes before we’re about to leave, he tells me we need to talk. My heart instantly sank. He told me that he wasn’t coming with me because he plans on trying to find work out in Michigan. He says he isn’t happy here without his friends and family and he hates his job. He tells me that it wouldn’t be fair to meet everyone if he will be gone in 3 months.
    I left upset but understood. When I got home later Sunday afternoon I asked if he could call me so we could talk. He agreed and said he would call me later. It is now Wednesday and I have not heard from him.

    I guess I’m just confused on how you can act perfectly fine and sleep with someone the day you’re going to break things off with them. I also don’t get why he bothered getting ready to just bail last minute. I thought he cared more about me than to just ignore me.
    Can anyone make sense of this situation for me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    Gay men are tremendously complicated. In general, many men feel ambivalent about getting into relationships when other areas of their lives are unfulfilled. This man sounds like he cares about you.. but he's unhappy in his current living situation, job, and misses his social circle back where he's from. Listen, don't sweat it. Be glad that the connection happened, and appreciate it for what it was. If you can stay friends with him, he may become a friend for life.

    I was in a similar situation. Dated someone who was living on the east coast, but was from Texas. By the time I wanted to make things official with him, he decided to move back to Texas for the same reasons your man chose this. Now, we're very good friends and keep in regular touch.

    Your man is probably feeling sad and conflicted right now; that's why he's not contacting you. You can't make him stay if he's unhappy about his life in general. Having a boyfriend doesn't magically resolve other life issues. People are ready for relationships when most needs in their lives are being met and in harmony. Your man isn't harmonious; that's why he's moving. Respect that. You need to decide if a friendship is worth it. If it is, then contact him and say this to him.. and leave it exactly at that. Difficult to accept. Easier said than done.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 6:04 PM GMT
    daang dude, sending all kinds of mixed signals ur way, huh?

    The whole going "MIA" every few weeks is very strange....and perhaps is an issue he needs to deal with on his own. You must feel like "when's he gonna disappear again?".... and that's no way to live. .

    For him to just say he isn't happy with his job, etc...and back out of the plans u guys had was kind of dick IMO. He could have told u that for the get-go...

    I know it's difficult to do, but perhaps accept in ur head that this may not turn out the way u want it to.... He's too all over the place and will continue to upset u with shit like that.

    I dunno..... I understand u must really like him and it's hard to just let ppl go, but maybe back off a while and next time he hits u up....ask him why he keeps going MIA...and call him out on it. He shouldn't keep doing that. Its annoying
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2013 12:40 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice! Just feel super bummed at the moment. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2013 2:55 AM GMT
    as far as I know, based on my experience....
    He may probably have some other problems...& he is afraid to tell you!

    So, to relieve you from your anxiety, I can suggest only one thing & that is....Go straight to him & ask him to tell the truth....I cannot say that you will hear a good news from him...

    Good or bad just ask him straight away...]& I wish you all the best!