Would you end a 2 year relationship over flirting?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:16 PM GMT
    calibro saidhave you tried talking to him?


    That's for pussies. Real gay men solve their relationship problems through wild speculation, paranoia and preemptive revenge.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3462

    Jan 13, 2013 7:18 PM GMT
    You don't have a very solid foundation for your relationship if you are always snooping on to his phone and checking other personal items. If you don't trust him and that can't be fixed, then is your relationship worth it?
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:23 PM GMT
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:33 PM GMT
    Narciso said
    calibro saidhave you tried talking to him?


    That's for pussies. Real gay men solve their relationship problems through wild speculation, paranoia and preemptive revenge.


    And by taking bad advice from random strangers on a gay web site.
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:35 PM GMT
    credo said
    Narciso said
    calibro saidhave you tried talking to him?


    That's for pussies. Real gay men solve their relationship problems through wild speculation, paranoia and preemptive revenge.


    And by taking bad advice from random strangers on a gay web site.


    Worse still is when they don't realize someone is being facetious. So many pitfalls to avoid =o
  • AllAmericanJo...

    Posts: 4271

    Jan 13, 2013 7:36 PM GMT
    turbobilly said


    You lost me with that old gem tb.
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:45 PM GMT
    Trust.

    I just submitted another post starting this exact same way.

    Honestly, that's what it's about. He's betrayed your trust once, but you forgave him. It's not fair to forgive a mistake, but then bring it up any time something is askew in the relationship. That means you probably haven't truly forgiven him for that past mistake... which I think you realize because you say "it really hurt my trust in him."

    My question is "what do you have without trust"? It's clear you love him, but you always will. That does not mean you and he should stay in a relationship though. Try hard as hell to save it, but realize you may have to part ways. I cannot/will not say if he is flirting or cheating. If you are worried he could be cheating, then you clearly do not trust him and that is just as harmful to the relationship.

    TALK TO HIM. Tell him the infidelity from a year ago still haunts you. Tell him it has made you nervous. He should want to help you work through the trust issues if he cares for you... even more so if he truly has nothing to hide. It isn't about him proving himself to you, it's about you both being 100% comfortable in the relationship. He should want you as happy with the relationship as he is and vice versa.

    Good luck to ya!
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:50 PM GMT
    double_A saidThanks for all your input so far.
    I feel like some people assume he's cheating, and some dont, so it's good to hear both sides.
    My bottom line question is, if he is only flirting for attention, no intention of cheating, is that worth throwing away something good?

    I worry that he could cheat, but that may be my own flaw. Could I be overreacting to flirting purely for attention?


    None of us here can tell you if he is flirting only for attention - only he can. Don't ask us; ask him. But if he is a cheater don't expect an honest answer from him.
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:53 PM GMT
    turbobilly said


    But it's his party and he'll cry if he wants to. You would cry to if it happened to you.
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:54 PM GMT
    Go with your instinct. You will NEVER fully trust this guy again. You know it...we all know it from what we've read.
    You've been more than generous thus far.

    Save yourself the anguish of a long drawn out break up now.
    It's a new year. Walk to the curb and scrape the shit off your shoe.
    (Personally I don't believe in second chances in either personal or business relationships. But that's just me.)

    Good luck to you. i know this won't be an easy decision. Even though it should be. icon_sad.gif

    Tristan
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:13 PM GMT
    double_A saidIt's hard for me to tell if this flirting is for attention or for something more. First, let me explain why my trust is so fractured. A year ago my bf cheated on me with some girl that took advantage of how drunk he was. While I'm mad he didn't push her off, I also understand this girl has 3 kids with 3 fathers and she was looking for a way to trap my bf into a relationship. I forgave him for this, but it really hurt my trust in him. A few months later, I stupidly looked at his phone and found some texts flirting with a guy. I know this was for attention because my bf is shallow and the guy was really ugly - I know nothing would happen.

    Recently, I saw a text from a new guy. Someone I hadn't heard of, so I didn't snoop his phone but instead looked on Facebook to see who the guy was. It's a gay guy, 9 years younger than my bf, who lives somewhat close. He's 20 so I can't imagine they'd know eachother from school or bars or anything... I'm not sure what to do. I did catch a glimpse of some flirty words, but I don't know if its purely for attention or something more.


    Jealousy can be consuming. If your relationship is important to you, it's probably wise to not be so snoopy and non-trusting, having more faith and trust in yourself (your ability to retain your boyfriend).

    Step back. Watch for a while, and see where it trends. Could be your boyfriend is a bit bored, and it's o.k...normal...to talk to other folks.

    Don't let your insecurity and jealousy destroy your relationship.

    On the other hand if you know that your boyfriend is "shallow" and all that, and don't like it, and don't like it...cut your losses...and start over with someone else.

    We all have our character traits.
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:15 PM GMT
    credo said
    Narciso said
    calibro saidhave you tried talking to him?


    That's for pussies. Real gay men solve their relationship problems through wild speculation, paranoia and preemptive revenge.


    And by taking bad advice from random strangers on a gay web site.


    ROFL.

    Ain't that the truth. So insecure. Snooping. Speculation. Jealousy. Etc., ad nauseam.

    There's a self-centeredness that some of these folks have that if the other guy so much as looks at another they're like..."Remove the app." Those guys are...at the core..deeply insecure about themselves, and those around them.
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:15 PM GMT
    Hello mate,

    A lot of this advice is spot on. If he has already done it once, my thing is this... Why would he put himself in the situation of possibly being a cheater again? If he loves you, he would definitely consider how his actions are affecting you. But then again, many people are just self centred these days.

    I had a similar situation a few weeks back that I came here to post and get everyone's tuppence on. My boyfriend (now ex) of about 5 months had Grindr on his phone. Here's a guy whom can't commit, this is his first relationship, and la la, every excuse in the book. I sat him down and explained that being that he had Grindr bothered me, since my ex before him cheated by starting the same way. Since it was his first relationship with me, it's like, focus mate! He went ahead and gave me a million and one reasons why it should stay on his phone. "He doesn't remove apps..." "I should trust him..." "He doesn't even have a profile." Whatever, get rid of it...

    When he demonstrated reluctance, I gave him the good for the gander speech... I told him that my gym is an upper class gym with a lot of cute, professional males on my level, some gay and some straight. I think I'm going to pack 3 condoms in my gym bag... I'm not going to use them, but they would be there just so that I am protected. Of course when I said that, the app came off.

    Long story short, he ended up being immature and very selfish, and my relationship with him just began to get worse. For New Years, I dumped him. I told him that it was time to get rid of last year's rubbish, since there is no way that I'm going through another year with the same BS. Best decision I've made.

    I went off on that tangent to say this... By you putting up with all of this, you are tying your hands in meeting the real man of your dreams. No one should have to put up with this emotional BS. Good luch and keep us posted.

    Cheers,

    Sean
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:16 PM GMT
    Narciso said
    calibro saidhave you tried talking to him?


    That's for pussies. Real gay men solve their relationship problems through wild speculation, paranoia and preemptive revenge.


    Many young folks, especially young gay guys, completely lack decent communications skills.
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:28 PM GMT
    TALK TO HIM about how you feel, work it out with him. If you want trust, then you have to put yourself out there and build it with him. If you want this relationship to work, then communicate. If you don't, well, move on (but you'd still have to work on your skill of communication next time, or that relationship won't work either).
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    oh god op just break up with that loser before he passed u std,or u wanna continue to stay with him,try this,

    male-chastity-belt2_48.jpg

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcToEWY6hTfDdTn4M01F1Xi
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidIf you're going to draw a line in the sand that says monogamy or bust, then you have to find a partner who is on the right side of the line. You can't drag someone over it just because you want to. Snooping and accusing will only push him to cheat again, if he hasn't done so already.

    Nicely put. If monogamy is important to you (as it is to me), then find a partner who will be monogamous. Flirting is usually not an indicator of monogamous intentions.